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Results tagged “young love” from Dr. Michele Borba's Parenting Solutions
Just in time for Valentine's Day... Dr. Michele Borba talks with TODAY's Hoda Kotb about helping kids handle heartache.
Watch the segment from TODAY
These days, cupid's arrow is hitting a lot sooner than parents may think--or are even prepared for. Here's a quick guide to living through--and surviving--your child's first romantic encounters.
Learn to survive your child's:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
These days, cupid's arrow is hitting a lot sooner than parents may think--or are even prepared for. Here's a quick guide to living through--and surviving--your child's first romantic encounters.
Learn to survive your child's:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
How our teens view sex is far more casual these days. Teens are also less likely to have close, personal, high-quality relationships with sex partners. "Hooking up" is the trend. And they are also engaging in sex acts at far younger ages. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that more than half of teens are having oral sex and nearly a third believe that oral sex is abstinent behavior. Research published by the American Academy of Pediatrics discovered that today's adolescents believe oral sex to be safer and less risky than intercourse.
- Get savvy about today's too sexy, too soon world so you are "in the know"
- Monitor! First sexual experiences happen at home when parents are not present.
- Talk health. Provide up-to-date facts about HIV, sexually transmitted diseases, and birth control. Love isn't just about romance; it's about staying safe.
- Lock your liquor supply. Studies show that drinking alcohol is a precursor to early sexual activity. Of the nearly half the 12 and 13-year old boys who tried alcohol and 37 percent of girls, 17 percent of the boys and 22 percent of the girls reported having had sexual intercourse by age 14 or 15.
- Stay connected. The best deterrent to early sexual activity appears to be the state of your relationship with your child. About 20 percent of both boys and girls whose parents reported a poor relationship with them during those preteen years had sex by 15, almost double the number of kids who had good parental relationships
More Young Love "Firsts"
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
Research on romantic feelings in younger children is scant, however, studies have shown that it's normal for children in even the middle school years, around grade six, to develop very strong feelings for the opposite sex. Though we may not consider these feelings as "love" your child does.Tips for parents on handling the first real love:
- Stay connected Don't dismiss your child's "I'm in love" comments as nonsense. New research confirms that teen feelings are just as strong--and more--as adults.
- Hold the "big talk" again. Don't you think it's better that your child gets this information from you than from his friends or the media?
- Bedrooms off limits. Set a rule that your kid may not entertain in his bedroom.
- Communicate your family's values about sexuality so your child hears your view about intimacy, commitment and love. It doesn't mean that your child is going to necessarily adopt your values, but he needs to hear what you stand for to help guide his own behaviors.
- Stress that promiscuity does not make you popular. Reputations stay long afterward.
More Young Love "Firsts"
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
A first date is going out "one on one." Though most parents (especially fathers of daughters) would like to hold this rite of passage until around 35, polls say a first date is around fifteen. Before the age of about 15 or 16 most dating is done in groups--boys and girls go together to a movie, a sports game or a mall--and all get to know each other. Getting those car keys puts a whole different spin on the dating scene. Dating rules are different for each family which could range from disallowing it completely or allowing it only after your child reaches a certain age.
Tips for parents for handling the first date:
- Set clear dating age rules.
- Set a curfew and review them with the date. Know where they are going.
- Personally meet. Insist on personally meeting each date ideally in your home.
- Beware of "too big of age differences" in dating.
- Don't push too early. Studies show that early dating leads to early sexual activity. Waiting to pair off until age 16 or older tends to slow down the rush to sex.
- Encourage involvement in groups that are adult supervised.
More Young Love "Firsts"
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
Middle school and even into high school is generally where those first heartbreaks in head over heels relationship end. Regardless of age, first love and then first rejection can be traumatic and a big blow to self-esteem. We know life will go on and there will be others, but a kid doesn't have that perspective. The parent's job is to find ways to support your child and help her cope through that first big heartbreak.
Tips for parents on handling the first breakup
- Listen and acknowledge. Be an attentive, sympathetic ear or shoulder.
- Share your experiences to help normalize it. Give some perspective that's he's not alone: "I remember when I was 13 there was this guy I really liked..."
- Fill her social calendar and boost her self-worth. Self-esteem may take a nose-dive.
- Don't dismiss the pain by saying things like,"Don't worry, there will be other boys." Even though there will be, no rejected kid wants "others" at the moment.
- Watch for red flags. Your kid is grieving so it's normal for her to cry, mope and withdraw. You should see a gradual return to her old self. If not, get help.
- Caution against retaliation and baring her feelings online for the entire world to read.
More Young Love "Firsts"
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
Around the eighth grade or early adolescence many kids have their first steady relationship, "hanging out" with one another almost exclusively. Clues that they are an "item" include seeing a certain name being doodled over and over on school papers or folders or finding hearts drawn on bedroom mirrors or under pillows. The key difference between a "steady" and a "crush" is the "quality of the attraction." Intense feelings are now "sexualized" and a parent's worst fears begin.
Tips for parents on handling first crush:
- Insist your kid strike a balance between the "boyfriend" and other friends
- Watch out for a sudden grade drop, overly secretive (such as closing the computer or turning off a cell phone) or an obsessive-type relationship (calling 12 times a day, writing multiple messages or insists your child be exclusive to him)
- Set limits on using phone, Internet or IM'ing with this kid.
- Monitor internet and voice messages. Tell him you will peruse messages.
- Caution your kid not to send self photos in various stages of undress to the steady
More Young Love "Firsts"
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
First crushes are an inevitable and normal rite of passage in childhood. They open doors to talking about healthy relationships before kids become teens. The average age of a first big crush is between nine to twelve when a new awareness about gender emerges and puberty kicks in. Girls are usually more vocal and direct about their crush and tend to have more intensive but shorter term crushes. Boys keep the fantasy alive longer though generally feel a little awkward and won't talk to their friends about it (unless the crush turns physical). Don't panic immediately. A WholeFamily survey asked teens to indicate how often they act on a crush, and the answers indicated that it "wasn't very often." Celebrity crushes over movie stars and band members (Miley Cyrus, Daniel Radclifffe, Zac Efron, Hilary Duff and the Jonas Brothers) are common around 10 or 11. Many kids choose the celebrity crush because it is safer (i.e. unattainable) and as a way to fit in with peers. The crush is relatively harmless unless it becomes obsessive. Hobbies are a good way to help your tween wean away from the celebrity craze and balance her time.
Tips for parents on handling the first crush:
- Use it as an opportunity to talk about "respect." It's rude to overlook other kids, the difference between "smothering" and "caring," not chasing "the crush", acting too goofy or loud to get attention or giving him 'blank calls' and so on.
- Discourage love notes and constant phone calls.
- Don't try talking your kid out of her feelings (as long as the crush is moderate and the "crush" behavior not too intense). Those emotions are real.
- Step in if the crush gets so obsessive excluding other friends and interests.
- Be cautious of any crush with an adult. If the crush seems to be getting serious or is reciprocated in any way, intervene ASAP.
More Young Love "Firsts"
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
Crushes are a common experience for kids and these days the average age cupid's arrow is hitting a lot sooner than parents may think--or be prepared for. These feelings are normal and even important developmental milestones for children. Crushes and first loves prepare our kids for the real world of intimacy and commitment as well as the pain of rejection. Puppy love can start even in preschool with a playmate attraction but it is more typical around five to eight during those early grade school years. Though such "attractions" are generally short lived--sometimes lasting no more than even a day--the child does care about the pal but usually bounces back quickly and moves on.
Giggling, giving affectionate little hugs (or even a kiss), and even announcing he's my "girlfriend or boyfriend" are typical. Slightly older grade schoolers may blush, be embarrassed. These early "love" memories endure and can leave a lasting impact--though harmless--on our psyche. Most everyone can recall his or her first early love.
Tips for parents on handling first puppy love:
- Don't be too concerned. This too shall pass.
- Do show an interest in your child's feelings and beliefs.
- Take a reality check that you're not "encouraging" this "cute" behavior and your kid isn't acting "too sexualized" due to media influence or modeling an older sibling or you
More Young Love "Firsts"
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
