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Results tagged “violence” from Dr. Michele Borba's Parenting Solutions
If your child is bullied it means that peers are intentionally causing her pain. If this is happening to your child, please know that your son or daughter is not alone. By some estimates, one in seven American schoolchildren is either a bully or a victim. Reports confirm that bullying is starting at younger ages and is far more frequent and aggressive than ever before.
While you can't always be there to step in and protect your child there are ways to help your son or daughter be less likely to be victimized in the first place. I reviewed hundreds of articles on bullying to find tips to pass onto parents. I also wrote a proposal to end school bullying and violence that became SB1667 and passed into law.
Here are some of those solutions to help your child navigate a vicious social jungle and deal with bullies:
Start the talk now! Children who are embarrassed or humiliated about being bullied are unlikely to discuss it with their parents or teachers and generally suffer in silence, withdraw and try to stay away from school. So start talking to your child about bullying before it ever happens. Tell your child you are always available and recognize it is a growing problem.
Stop rescuing. Children need practice to speak up and be assertive so when the moment comes that they do need to stand up to a bully, they can. Always rescuing can create the conditions under which a child can become a victim.
Avoid areas where bullies prey. Bullying usually happens in unsupervised adult areas such as hallways, stairwells, playgrounds (under trees and equipment, in far corners), lockers, parks and bathrooms in places such as malls, schools, parks and even libraries. Teach your child "hot spots" (places most likely to be frequently by bullies), and then tell him to avoid those areas.
While you can't always be there to step in and protect your child there are ways to help your son or daughter be less likely to be victimized in the first place. I reviewed hundreds of articles on bullying to find tips to pass onto parents. I also wrote a proposal to end school bullying and violence that became SB1667 and passed into law.
Here are some of those solutions to help your child navigate a vicious social jungle and deal with bullies:
Start the talk now! Children who are embarrassed or humiliated about being bullied are unlikely to discuss it with their parents or teachers and generally suffer in silence, withdraw and try to stay away from school. So start talking to your child about bullying before it ever happens. Tell your child you are always available and recognize it is a growing problem.
Stop rescuing. Children need practice to speak up and be assertive so when the moment comes that they do need to stand up to a bully, they can. Always rescuing can create the conditions under which a child can become a victim.
Avoid areas where bullies prey. Bullying usually happens in unsupervised adult areas such as hallways, stairwells, playgrounds (under trees and equipment, in far corners), lockers, parks and bathrooms in places such as malls, schools, parks and even libraries. Teach your child "hot spots" (places most likely to be frequently by bullies), and then tell him to avoid those areas.
Continue reading 10 Ways to Bully-Proof Your Child.
Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here
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comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!
My son's mother has had him in karate classes now for about 6 months. He started when he turned 4. I do not feel this is an appropriate age for many reasons. When I have him at visitation, on his karate class nights, I allow him to decide if he wants to go. Usually he says "no", so we do not go. This class also has competitions and "tests". If he does not win, he starts calling himself a "loser" and gets upset. Any suggestions? -Tim
It's always hard to know whether a class or activity is really appropriate for your child. And with the cost of some of these classes and gas prices to transport the child, along with the time involved, it's good to take stock every once in a while to find the "worth it" factor.
Here are five tests to help you decide:
1. Enjoyment. Does the child look forward to the activity? If you're pulling and bribing, think again.
2. Confidence building. Is the activity one that wold boost your child's natural talent, interest or confidence? Is this a positive experience for your child?
3. Developmentally appropriate. Is the activity set to the child's actual developmental (not necessarily chronological) age? For instance, the American Academy of Pediatrics cautions parents that most kids aren't ready for organized activities or sports until at least age six. Can your child listen, follow directions, do what the instructor asks and work on a team? If not, wait. Or give individual lessons for a while until he is ready.
4. Financially doable. Is this too much of a strain financially?
5. Improvement. Are you seeing progress? Is the child benefiting from the experience? Are there gains?
If you can't say YES to at least three out of five (ideally four in five) then pull out and wait. My philosophy is there is always next year. Of course the best test is the simplest: Use your instinct. No one knows your child better than you!
By the way, I add up very few positives for the karate and your four-year-old based on what you say. Maybe you can point these out to your son's mother? (Or mail them anonymously????)
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
Get more info from TODAY on iVillage.
My son's mother has had him in karate classes now for about 6 months. He started when he turned 4. I do not feel this is an appropriate age for many reasons. When I have him at visitation, on his karate class nights, I allow him to decide if he wants to go. Usually he says "no", so we do not go. This class also has competitions and "tests". If he does not win, he starts calling himself a "loser" and gets upset. Any suggestions? -TimIt's always hard to know whether a class or activity is really appropriate for your child. And with the cost of some of these classes and gas prices to transport the child, along with the time involved, it's good to take stock every once in a while to find the "worth it" factor. Here are five tests to help you decide:
1. Enjoyment. Does the child look forward to the activity? If you're pulling and bribing, think again.
2. Confidence building. Is the activity one that wold boost your child's natural talent, interest or confidence? Is this a positive experience for your child?
3. Developmentally appropriate. Is the activity set to the child's actual developmental (not necessarily chronological) age? For instance, the American Academy of Pediatrics cautions parents that most kids aren't ready for organized activities or sports until at least age six. Can your child listen, follow directions, do what the instructor asks and work on a team? If not, wait. Or give individual lessons for a while until he is ready.
4. Financially doable. Is this too much of a strain financially?
5. Improvement. Are you seeing progress? Is the child benefiting from the experience? Are there gains?
If you can't say YES to at least three out of five (ideally four in five) then pull out and wait. My philosophy is there is always next year. Of course the best test is the simplest: Use your instinct. No one knows your child better than you!
By the way, I add up very few positives for the karate and your four-year-old based on what you say. Maybe you can point these out to your son's mother? (Or mail them anonymously????)
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
Get more info from TODAY on iVillage.
Watch out for the new trend of physically aggressive girls
A disturbing video of a violent physical attack on a teen girl hit the wires this week. Her assaulters were six teenage girls—cheerleaders at the local high school—and their actions were calculated and animalistic. In case you missed what happened in Lakeland, Florida here’s the recap:
Troubling statistics reveal that our new American girl is becoming as prone to violent behavior as boys. Want proof? Read on:
Aggressive behavior is unconscionable. There is no excuse. But also remember that the first step to change is awareness. Please beware of this trend. Violence is learned. Our kids deserve better lessons, folks.
Are you seeing this trend? What do you think is causing it?
Please feel free to leave comments or questions below.
More from Michele Borba:
A disturbing video of a violent physical attack on a teen girl hit the wires this week. Her assaulters were six teenage girls—cheerleaders at the local high school—and their actions were calculated and animalistic. In case you missed what happened in Lakeland, Florida here’s the recap:
On March 30 six teenage girls lured a 16-year-old former friend to a home with a phone call. She was met at the door by one girl while five others hid in another room. As she walked into the trap two teens began viciously attacking her, slamming her head against the wall, punching her in the face, and basically beating her body to a pulp. When the ambushed girl regained consciousness six of the girls took turns pounding her body, all the while laughing, cheering one another on and videoing the thirty-minute attack. One voice is heard yelling: “There is only 17 seconds left, make it good.” Two boys waited outside as lookouts. All eight teens have been arrested for assault. Their motive was apparently pure revenge. The victim apparently posted something against one of the girls on MySpace. According to her attackers the girl deserved the treatment and showed no remorse for their deeds.While the public response has been shock (and rightly so), it’s also time for a reality check. This disturbing incident is not an isolated affair. Physical aggression amongst girls is a quickly growing trend that knows no boundaries. Rural or urban, rich or poor, the fact is “Sugar and spice and no longer nice” is no more.
Troubling statistics reveal that our new American girl is becoming as prone to violent behavior as boys. Want proof? Read on:
- Twenty years ago roughly ten boys were arrested for assault for every one girl. That ratio is now four to one.
- Girls in gangs are just as likely to participate in beatings as boys.
- U.S. Department of Justice shows that in 1990 one in 50 juvenile arrests for all crimes is a girl. In 2003 one in three juvenile arrests for violent crimes is a girl.
- More than one in every four teens aged 13 to 15 who are arrested for aggravated assault is a girl.
Aggressive behavior is unconscionable. There is no excuse. But also remember that the first step to change is awareness. Please beware of this trend. Violence is learned. Our kids deserve better lessons, folks.
Are you seeing this trend? What do you think is causing it?
Please feel free to leave comments or questions below.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
More from Michele Borba:
