A high school "Slut List of 2010" is causing nationwide concern amongst educators and parents. The list, featuring almost two dozen names of 13 and 14-year-old freshman girls, was widely circulated amongst students at Millburn High School in New Jersey.

Among the sexually explicit details and highly derogatory comments (supplied by Millburn-Short Hills Patch) are:

"My friends practice giving head on me because I'm a man."
" I'm so desperate and hairy that I'll give you [drugs] for free if you get with me."
"I want it so bad I'll beg you to stick it in."
"I (censored) like I blow the candles out on the menorah."
"Keeping up with the family tradition, [blank] me.... and knock me up."

Any new social scene can be really tough. Having all new classmates, joining a brand-new group of kids on a soccer team, transferring to a new school, going away to camp alone and most of all moving isn't easy. And oh how kids can pour on the guilt to remind us they're not happy campers: "You're ruining my life!" "Why do I have to go to this new school?" "Why can't we move back to our old neighborhood? Do you have any idea how unhappy you made me?"

Knowing that our kids are lonely, feel left out, and desperately miss their old group is tough. As much as we'd love to, we can't instantly wipe away our their pain because their best friends are left behind and they can't fit in with the new crowd. But we can ease their discomfort by making the transition a bit smoother. We can help them find ways to make new friends. And we even can teach them new friendship making skills that actually may be ones they can use in other social arenas. So think positively, and stay focused on what you can do to boost your child's friendship quotient and get him through this tough time. Here are a few parenting solutions to help your child get started fitting into any new social scene.

Acknowledge feelings. If your child doesn't share her feelings, you can help her recognize how she feels: "You must be feeling lonely and miss your old group." "I can you're worried." It's tough to join a new team when you don't any of the kids. Let her know such feelings are normal.

Be reassuring. "It may take time to meet new kids and make new friends. Many of these kids have been friends with one another for quite a while, and may not be too receptive to a new person joining in." "Remember way back when you didn't know anybody--even Kevin, and then you became great friends. It will take time, but you'll make new friends just like you did at our other home."

Become acquainted with other parents. Be a room parent, offer to carpool, sign up to coach, be the team mom, meet other camper parents, and attend PTA meetings and other school functions. Getting to know parents of your child's potential friends is often a great way to invite the families over, giving your child the opportunity to have a new playmate. Also, introduce yourself to the neighbors: sometimes our kid's best friends can be literally next door. Find out who amongst your work colleagues has children: it's a way to learn not only about available kid activities, but also to arrange play dates for younger children (or find a babysitter!).

Middle school and even into high school is generally where those first heartbreaks in head over heels relationship end. Regardless of age, first love and then first rejection can be traumatic and a big blow to self-esteem.

We know life will go on and there will be others, but a kid doesn't have that perspective. The parent's job is to find ways to support your child and help her cope through that first big heartbreak.

Tips for parents on handling the first breakup

1. Listen and acknowledge. Be an attentive, sympathetic ear or shoulder.


2. Share your experiences to help normalize it. Give some perspective that's he's not alone: "I remember when I was 13 there was this guy I really liked..."


3. Fill her social calendar and boost her self-worth. Self-esteem may take a nose-dive.


4. Don't dismiss the pain by saying things like,"Don't worry, there will be other boys." Even though there will be, no rejected kid wants "others" at the moment.


5. Watch for red flags. Your kid is grieving so it's normal for her to cry, mope and withdraw. You should see a gradual return to her old self. If not, get help.


6. Caution against retaliation and baring her feelings online for the entire world to read.

More Young Love "Firsts"

• First Puppy Love
• First Crush
• First Steady
• First Breakup
• First Date
• First Real Love
• First Time

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.

Around the eighth grade or early adolescence many kids have their first steady relationship, "hanging out" with one another almost exclusively. Clues that they are an "item" include seeing a certain name being doodled over and over on school papers or folders or finding hearts drawn on bedroom mirrors or under pillows.

The key difference between a "steady" and a "crush" is the "quality of the attraction." Intense feelings are now "sexualized" and a parent's worst fears begin.

Tips for parents on handling first crush:

1. Insist your kid strike a balance between the "boyfriend" and other friends


2. Watch out for a sudden grade drop, overly secretive (such as closing the computer or turning off a cell phone) or an obsessive-type relationship (calling 12 times a day, writing multiple messages or insists your child be exclusive to him)


3. Set limits on using phone, Internet or IM'ing with this kid.


4. Monitor internet and voice messages. Tell him you will peruse messages.


5. Caution your kid not to send self photos in various stages of undress to the steady

More Young Love "Firsts"

• First Puppy Love
• First Crush
• First Steady
• First Breakup
• First Date
• First Real Love
• First Time

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.

First crushes are an inevitable and normal rite of passage in childhood. They open doors to talking about healthy relationships before kids become teens. The average age of a first big crush is between nine to twelve when a new awareness about gender emerges and puberty kicks in. Girls are usually more vocal and direct about their crush and tend to have more intensive but shorter term crushes. Boys keep the fantasy alive longer though generally feel a little awkward and won't talk to their friends about it (unless the crush turns physical). Don't panic immediately. A WholeFamily survey asked teens to indicate how often they act on a crush, and the answers indicated that it "wasn't very often."

Celebrity crushes over movie stars and band members (Miley Cyrus, Daniel Radclifffe, Zac Efron, Hilary Duff and the Jonas Brothers) are common around 10 or 11. Many kids choose the celebrity crush because it is safer (i.e. unattainable) and as a way to fit in with peers. The crush is relatively harmless unless it becomes obsessive. Hobbies are a good way to help your tween wean away from the celebrity craze and balance her time.

Tips for parents on handling the first crush:

1. Use it as an opportunity to talk about "respect." It's rude to overlook other kids, the difference between "smothering" and "caring," not chasing "the crush", acting too goofy or loud to get attention or giving him 'blank calls' and so on.


2. Discourage love notes and constant phone calls.


3. Don't try talking your kid out of her feelings (as long as the crush is moderate and the "crush" behavior not too intense). Those emotions are real.


4. Step in if the crush gets so obsessive excluding other friends and interests.


5. Be cautious of any crush with an adult. If the crush seems to be getting serious or is reciprocated in any way, intervene ASAP.

More Young Love "Firsts"

• First Puppy Love
• First Crush
• First Steady
• First Breakup
• First Date
• First Real Love
• First Time

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.

November 4 is Election Day, the moment that defines who we are as a democracy. It's easy to overlook how significant voting is--especially when the Election-Day coverage has been going nonstop for what seems like over two years. But this is it, folks. November 4 is also the day to teach your child about citizenship, democracy and the importance of voting. 

The percentage of youth who vote has been dismal. This is the first in a long time that kids are even showing an interest in the democratic process. For shame! Kids learn attitudes and behaviors early in life and they learn them best from parents. So here are ways to turn Election Day into not just a learning process, but also a fun family tradition.

1. Take your child to the polls. If you haven't voted early, bring your kids to the polls. Show the booth and ballot. My girlfriend's kids said their mom always did this, stressing it was her obligation as an American citizen to vote. Her adult kids have never missed voting in an election since.

2. Tune up red, white and blue. Hang up an American flag. Younger kids can make a construction paper flag replica. Explain what those 13 stripes and 50 stars mean. Make cupcakes dazzled with a red or blue sprinkles or frosting.

3. Choose your candidate and make campaign posters. Little ones can cut out pictures of their candidate from newspapers. School-age kids can make campaign posters for their candidate. Tweens and teens can analyze their candidate's views online. Some families make a ballot box (a shoe box with a slit on the top) and have each member vote on a paper slip then add up them up.

4. Hold family political debates and learn to fight F.A.I.R. The primaries were interesting in the Borba household, because every one of our five family members supported a different candidate. The fun part was listening to one another's views and some of those state measures make for fascinating discussions. The trick is making heated discussions calm. Here are four fighting F.A.I.R. rules to get your opinions across:

FREEZE if anyone gets a bit hot under the collar
ASSERT yourself by stating your position
"I" MESSAGES cut down on the blaming that can heat a discussion
RESPECTFULLY listen to each other's views

5. Watch the election-night coverage. Even if it's only for a few minutes, watch the TV coverage. Explain how the commentators are reporting who will be the next president. When I was growing up, this was a big-time family event.

6. Throw in political lessons. Hang up a map of the U.S. or print one from online. Do a quick lesson on the two-party system: Obama is the Democrat and McCain is the Republican. School-age kids can color in red or blue states on the map. An older kid can add up those electoral votes on a calculator and make the democratic process come to life.

7. Save the next day's newspaper. Make sure you put the next morning's headlines announcing the new president of the United States front and center in your household. Regardless of who wins, let your child know this elected man is the leader of the free world for the next four years.

Whether or not your candidate comes out the winner, please convey to your children that there are many countries in the world that do not have the privilege of choosing a candidate. Don't ever let your children take their democracy for granted.

And, make sure you vote!

Related Content:

• Teachable moments from the election
  
• TODAY on iVillage

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .

Most of us who have had a second child have heard something like this bouncing of the walls at home:

"What did I do to make you want another baby?"
"Will you still have time for me?"
"Do I have to give up my stuff?"
"My friends won't come over when there's a stinking baby in the house!"

While mommy and daddy may be thrilled about a new baby, the sibling-to-be isn't always so excited. After all, they realize they are no longer exclusively yours and their world is suddenly turned upside down. So jealousy, anger, and a bit of resentment are to be expected. Each sibling will respond differently to the change. The most trying times for a new sibling are generally two weeks prior and after the birth of a new sibling and is usually the toughest on kids between 18 months and 3 + years. But have faith, there are things you can do both before and after the birth that help reduce later sibling rivalry and jealousy and help make this transition smoother so your child realizes there's always enough love.

Watch the segment from TODAY Don't just make the big news about the baby.

Make it about the big brother or big sister, too. Your older child will now have a new role in the family. Celebrate that and reference your own family. Do you have an older sister? What did she mean to you? Are you the older sibling? How did you like taking care of your younger sibling?

Be aware of common behavioral changes in the older child, like:

Regression. Acting out, attention getting, bed wetting, baby talk. Don't overreact, punish, or admonish the regression. Instead, validate the child's feelings and help him figure out ways to express them. The behavior typically fades with your reassurance, and is typically caused by too much attention about the baby. Set big changes such as potty training or having the older kid turn over his crib or bedroom, several weeks before the new baby arrives so he won't associate those events with the baby's arrival.

Clinginess. Your child suddenly becomes excessively clingy or won't let you out of sight. Recognize these are signs of insecurity and assure your child of your love.  Make sure the clinginess isn't a fear about the mother's health caused by too much talk about the "hospital" and "doctors" or uncertainty. Discuss this is a "different" kind of hospital that takes care of little babies. Let him know the length of time you'll be there and that he'll be able to visit.

Embarrassment. For some tweens and teens. There's nothing you can do, so don't worry. This is most common for tweens when they figure out "Eww, you and dad did that???" and know their friends are clued in as well. Use it as a life lesson.

Aggression. Too much attention to a new baby can escalate aggression. Most of the time those pokes and throwing a toy on a baby are just ways a younger child hopes the baby will respond. Show him how to be gentle. Explain how helpless the baby is and that he feels pain, too. Encourage your child to tell you when he feels left out or upset. A more impulsive child should be watched carefully with a new baby and never left alone.

Let’s face it, raising teens can sometimes feel like you’re walking through a loaded minefield. Moody. Irritable. Quick-tempered. But let’s get into their shoes. At no other time in their lives will they go through so many physical, emotional and cognitive changes. It’s also exactly why communicating with teens can be so darn touchy.

Research also shows kids today are hitting puberty earlier and dealing with much tougher grown-up issues at far younger ages. Even acne – once thought to be a “teen problem” – is now common for school-age kids. And the skin condition can really pack an emotional punch on our kids, rousing those feelings of anger and frustration as well as significantly impacting their self-esteem. One survey found almost half of adolescents were too embarrassed to go to school because of their acne; one third admitted they were afraid to make friends.

Kids are stressed out enough these days, but when I discovered just how much acne added to kids’ concerns I partnered with Galderma, the maker of Differin acne products, to launch www.mychildsacne.com. Our goal was to provide parents with tips on how to talk about emotionally-charged subjects like acne. Once you open up that conversation, bridging to some of those harder topics – like drinking, sex and drugs – should be a whole lot easier. The Talking Acne with Your Teen E-Guide (which you can download from the site) includes tips to help you bridge communication gaps and stay connected with your teen, and ways to boost his or her self-esteem. It also gives mom the 411 on acne and advice on how to help teens keep their skin healthy for the long term.

Talking with a tween can be like walking through a minefield. Any moment you could be asking what you thought was a simple, sincere question only to find it triggering an explosive response.

In all fairness, these middle school years are like an emotional roller-coaster brought on by peer pressure, bullying, stress, school, raging hormones, and just trying to fit in. So how do you survive those minefields and still stay connected? The first step is to avoid these seven big tween "turn offs."

Watch Michele's segment from TODAY