Ramirez and Ortiz Join the Steroid-User Club

REALITY CHECK: Think steroids are for teens? Well, think again. A recent survey found that kids as young as ten (fifth graders!) are taking illegal steroids to do better in sports. And it isn't just boys who are partaking: use among middle-school girls is almost as prevalent as it is among boys (2.8 percent of boys and 2.6 percent of girls). One CNN report found that up to 7 percent of middle school girls-some as young as nine years of age-admit to using anabolic steroids as a way to lose weight. Health professionals and educators alike are alarmed, but so too should parents.

If you haven't heard, Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz just joined the Baseball Hall of Shame for testing positive for using performance-enhancing drugs. They are among the 100 players that tested positive for steroids in 2003. And sports announcers caution that this issue will not go away-more announcements are yet to come.

Steroids can harm the liver, stunt growth and cause a host of other long-term ailments, but these young bodies particularly vulnerable. That's exactly why we should start talking to our kids about the dangers of steroids at a much younger age. And there is no time better than now. It's hard to read a news story these days that doesn't list yet another a pro baseball players, wrestlers, swimmers, runners, bikers found guilt of abusing performance enhancing drugs.

Do know these tainted-athletes do impact our children's beliefs and behavior. One teen survey found that 57 percent admitted that professional athletes influenced their decision to use the drugs and 63 percent of kids said pro athletes influenced their friends' decisions to use them. Recognize that your kid's sport hero may be influence his decisions.

Mom and Dad, wake up: If you assume your child is using that fancy home computer to stimulate his brain, think again. The hottest new trend has kids using those keyboards to send vile, hateful and highly slanderous messages about their peers through the Internet. Once confined to playgrounds, bullying has hit cyberspace, cell phones and pagers, and it's both serious and sophisticated. So how do you protect your child from cyberbullying?

The first step is for parents to be aware of just how prevalent cyberbullying is these days. Where we once thought we just had to protect children from adult predators using the Internet, we now need to shield kids from one another.

Cyberbullying is most common around the middle school years, but is making its way into the younger set. Kids now a days are electronically savvy, but make no mistake: the behavior is all about intentionally causing another pain (bullying), and parents must be far more vigilante. The two biggest mistakes adults make is not taking children's complaints seriously, and allowing bullying in the first place.

There are some specific ways to protect kids from bullying both in cyberspace and on the playground. Parents today need a closer "electronic leash" on their kids and need to be more tuned into the cyberspace trend. This isn't about being controlling-this is good parenting. And the good news is that a recent study found that teaching children about unsafe online behavior and cyberbullying can actually reduce the impact.

Parents do make a difference! So here are solutions to start educating both you and your child about cyberbullying or if your child is cyberbullied.

So Jon and Kate finally made the big announcement last night and will be going their separate ways. Tweets overloaded, bloggers went into high gear and every talk show host asked the same questions: "Will the show go on?" "How will Kate manage alone?" "Will Jon marry his girlfriend?" "How will they handle the finances?"

But in the next few days and weeks the real focus needs to be on these eight children and helping them cope. After all, one of the most stressful events in a child's life is the news that mom and dad are divorcing--only the death of a parent is ranked higher. And the truth is there is no telling how a family breakup affects a child. Factors involved include: age and gender (adolescents and boys seem to suffer the most), if there are other disruptions such as changes in home or school, the degree they were brought into the conflict, the quality of the relationship they had with each parent, the child's temperament, and the degree of parental conflict before and after the divorce. In this unique situation the media frenzy and hype can only increase anxiety.

There is no predicting how a child will respond to a family breakup, but here are common symptoms to watch for in their children: Five-year-olds often have difficult time expressing concerns about parental conflict divorce so they may be confused and anxious. They sometimes feel responsible and may believe that if they are really good (or stop "misbehaving") their parents will stop fighting. Nightmares, behavioral regressions, anger or defiance are common. Slightly older children may respond with sorrow, embarrassment, resentment, regression or anger and may act out, display regression, clinginess, insecurity or seek a lot of attention.

If you weren't among the millions watching this week's must-see TV event let me be the one to break it to you: Arkansas student Kris Allen was officially crowned as the eight American idol. A record high of nearly 100 million votes were cast in the finale and thousands of kids tuned into the season finale. I'm also betting that all too many debating the same hot topic: How much money and notoriety Allen will reap from his victory.

The fact is scores of studies have found that this generation fantasizes A LOT about becoming rich and famous. A recent survey found that 31 percent of American high school students say they expect to become famous someday. (As many rich as poor kids share the same aspiration). Many are willing to settle for even "near-fame": 43 percent of middle school girls say their life goal is become a celebrity personal assistant. And it doesn't help that every entertainment show this week features a segment on how much money past idol winners have made.

So what's a parent to do? Well here's one simple solution: Switch the emphasis from $$$ and fame to positive qualities in the American Idol competition like sportsmanship, perseverance, grace under pressure, accepting criticism, handling defeat and cultivating talent. Here are five lessons to bring up over these next few days every child should learn.

Talent is cultivated. Kids see the performances and moment of fame but miss the contestants' long and hard work (And the lessons, the practice, the recitals). Emphasize that success never happens overnight but through sweat and tears.

Losers lose graciously. There always are losers in competitions and the best of the best lose with grace. No falling apart. No blaming the judge. No excuses. Point out that Adam Lambert's immediate response upon losing was to embrace the Idol winner.

Winners win graciously. Kris Allen won the crown and did so with memorable class. "It feels good" Allen admitted, "but Adam deserves this." Stress that display of humility to your kiddos.

Don't count your chickens before they hatch. Stress that there is no sure win. In fact, everyone--including Simon Cowell--expected Lambert to win.

Wash your hands and comb your hair. It appears that image matters! Manners. Presence. Social skills. Audiences voted for Allen's clean cut, boy next door appeal. (Yes!)

My congratulations to the two final Idol contestants for displaying talent as well as sportsmanship. I just hope the kids watching picked up on those worthy lessons.


Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming Big Book of Parenting Solutions.