Ramirez and Ortiz Join the Steroid-User Club

REALITY CHECK: Think steroids are for teens? Well, think again. A recent survey found that kids as young as ten (fifth graders!) are taking illegal steroids to do better in sports. And it isn't just boys who are partaking: use among middle-school girls is almost as prevalent as it is among boys (2.8 percent of boys and 2.6 percent of girls). One CNN report found that up to 7 percent of middle school girls-some as young as nine years of age-admit to using anabolic steroids as a way to lose weight. Health professionals and educators alike are alarmed, but so too should parents.

If you haven't heard, Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz just joined the Baseball Hall of Shame for testing positive for using performance-enhancing drugs. They are among the 100 players that tested positive for steroids in 2003. And sports announcers caution that this issue will not go away-more announcements are yet to come.

Steroids can harm the liver, stunt growth and cause a host of other long-term ailments, but these young bodies particularly vulnerable. That's exactly why we should start talking to our kids about the dangers of steroids at a much younger age. And there is no time better than now. It's hard to read a news story these days that doesn't list yet another a pro baseball players, wrestlers, swimmers, runners, bikers found guilt of abusing performance enhancing drugs.

Do know these tainted-athletes do impact our children's beliefs and behavior. One teen survey found that 57 percent admitted that professional athletes influenced their decision to use the drugs and 63 percent of kids said pro athletes influenced their friends' decisions to use them. Recognize that your kid's sport hero may be influence his decisions.

What parent doesn't hope their kids achieve and do well in life? But how do you know when you're pushing your kids too much? How do you tell when your expectations are unrealistic or just plain not right for your children? A big secret of good parenting is to know how to set expectations that gently stretch your children's abilities without snapping their spirits. To make sure your expectations are ones that stretch your children's potential without unintentionally zapping their self-worth ask yourself these four questions:

Are my expectations:

1. Developmentally Appropriate. Is my child developmentally ready for the tasks I'm requiring or am I pushing him beyond his internal timetable? Learn what's appropriate for your child's age, but still keep in mind that developmental guidelines are not etched in stone. It's always best to start from where your child is.

2. Realistic. Is my expectation fair and reasonable, or am I expecting too much? Realistic expectations stretch kids to aim higher, without pushing them beyond their capabilities. Be careful of setting too high of standards. Putting your child in situations that are too difficult, puts him in the risk of failing and lowering his feelings of competence.

3. Child Oriented. Is what I'm expecting something my child wants, or is it something I want more for myself? We all want our kids to be successful, but we have to constantly be wary of setting goals for our kids that are our dreams, and not those of our kids.

4. Success Oriented. Am I sending the kind of expectations that tell my child I believe he's responsible, reliable, and worthy? Effective expectations encourage kids to be their best, so that they can develop a solid belief in themselves. Is that accelerated class too hard? Is the soccer coach too demanding? Are you too critical of his grades? Is that clique you've encouraged your kid to join too upscale? Talk to your spouse, the teacher, or your best friend to help you score yourself.

Many parents say that explaining death to children is one of the toughest topics. So if you haven't had that talk, are you ready this afternoon? Chances are highly likely that your child will ask you about death -- if not today, then sometime soon. After all, the passing of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett is not only front page news, but also the hot playground topic.

When kids are the ones delivering the news, chances are also high that the facts about death will be wrong. Now is the time to open up the discussion, explain death to your child in terms he understands, and answer any questions. Children's understanding of death differs vastly from adults, so here are a few points to review before you have that conversation.

Describe death in physical terms. Clarify that death means that life stops, the deceased cannot return, and the body is buried: "Farrah Fawcett stopped breathing, eating, walking and so she is no longer feeling pain, worrying or hungry." "Michael Jackson died because his heart stopped beating." Anything less simple and explicit can cause confusion and be misinterpreted by the child.

Be honest, open, and direct. Clear up any misunderstandings about death your child may have. Give the details your child needs to know. Withhold those facts that are not in your child's best interests. If you don't have an answer just admit you don't know.

Be prepared for tough questions. The American Academy of Pediatrics says kids are most likely to ask these five questions: "What is death?" "What made the person die?" "Where is the person now?" "Can it happen to me?" "Who will take care of me?"

Avoid euphemisms. Keep in mind that your child may not grasp the concept of death and take your comments literally. So refrain from statements like: "He is in a deep sleep." "She was laid to rest." "He slipped away." "She is resting peacefully." "She was very sick and the illness made her die." "God took her away." Such comments are often confusing and can cause children worry that the same thing may happen to them as well: ("If I'm sick I may die, too." "If I go to sleep, I will go to heaven.")

Be prepared for tough questions. Michael Jackson was 50 and a father of younger children. Your child may ask: "Will you die?" It's fine for you to answer, "Not for a long time. I'm taking care of myself and I'm just fine."

Your child may ask the same question over and over. That's just how children process information. Encourage those questions and tell your child to come to you anytime. You want this information to come from you so your child gets the right facts about death as well as any other topic.  A child's understanding of death varies by different ages and stages.

If your child is bullied it means that peers are intentionally causing her pain. If this is happening to your child, please know that your son or daughter is not alone. By some estimates, one in seven American schoolchildren is either a bully or a victim. Reports confirm that bullying is starting at younger ages and is far more frequent and aggressive than ever before.

While you can't always be there to step in and protect your child there are ways to help your son or daughter be less likely to be victimized in the first place. I reviewed hundreds of articles on bullying to find tips to pass onto parents. I also wrote a proposal to end school bullying and violence that became SB1667 and passed into law.

Here are some of those solutions to help your child navigate a vicious social jungle and deal with bullies:

Start the talk now! Children who are embarrassed or humiliated about being bullied are unlikely to discuss it with their parents or teachers and generally suffer in silence, withdraw and try to stay away from school. So start talking to your child about bullying before it ever happens. Tell your child you are always available and recognize it is a growing problem.

Stop rescuing. Children need practice to speak up and be assertive so when the moment comes that they do need to stand up to a bully, they can. Always rescuing can create the conditions under which a child can become a victim.

Avoid areas where bullies prey. Bullying usually happens in unsupervised adult areas such as hallways, stairwells, playgrounds (under trees and equipment, in far corners), lockers, parks and bathrooms in places such as malls, schools, parks and even libraries. Teach your child "hot spots" (places most likely to be frequently by bullies), and then tell him to avoid those areas.

Are you aware of that kids can lose an upward of three month's worth of reading progress during this summer break? The famous "summer reading slide" is well documented and shows that learning declines in all kids during these lazy, crazy days, but especially in reading. Kent State education professor, Timothy Rasinski , points out that this can mean a loss of one-and-a-half years of reading achievement through the sixth grade!

But don't despair. The reverse is also possible. Reading just a few books before school starts can save kids from the summer reading loss. Studies also show that parents play a crucial role particularly on their older kids' reading attitudes and behaviors, as well as helping to find the right book to capture their interest.

Watch the segment from TODAY

Here are nine parenting solutions to get kids reading, beat that dreaded summer reading slump, and hopefully even rekindle that great love of the printed page.

1. Let them pick. A study by Scholastic found that 89% of kids say their favorite books are the ones they pick. Kids also say a big reason they don't read is that they don't like what we selected for them. So get your child involved in the selection. If he has difficulties finding the right book, talk to a children's librarian, check into a resource on great books kids like to read, or ask other kids for ideas. Or check out iVillage's best series reads for tweens.

2. Find the right level. The big trick is finding reading material appropriate to your child's reading level--not too high or not too low. Check your child's last report card or reading achievement scores, which may give you a clue as to what is appropriate for your kid.

3. Think outside the book. Don't be too picky as to what your kid reads: Cereal boxes, cartoons, the sports page, baseball cards, those new graphic comic book novels are fine. Find what piques your kid's interest. What are his hobbies? What are other kids reading? Remember, the literary merit is trivial--getting your kid to feel comfortable with reading is what matters.

4. Set aside time to read. Kids say the biggest reason they don't read for fun is there isn't just enough time, so carve out a few minutes a day. Hint: Eliminating just one TV show or activity will free up 30 minutes a week to read. Set aside a time where everyone reads and make it a family routine. Encourage your older kid to read to a younger sibling.

A Response to the Tragic Holocaust Museum Shooting

I'm sure you read the news about how a man opened fire with a rifle inside the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum packed with children killing a security guard. Law enforcement officers identified the suspect as James Wenneker von Brunn, an 88 year-old white supremacist and author of the book, "Kill the Best Gentiles." According to FBI statistics, 7,624 hate crime incidents were reported in 2007. The Southern Poverty Law Center reports that those stats are "severely flawed" and much higher. But here' the real cause for alarm...

Did you know that today's American youth are displaying intolerant actions at alarming rates-and at younger and younger ages? The FBI tells us most hate crimes are committed by youth younger than nineteen.

Remember: Kids aren't born hateful and prejudices are learned. Hatred and intolerance can be learned, but so too can sensitivity, understanding, empathy and tolerance. If today's children are to have any chance of living harmoniously in this multi-ethnic world, it is critical that parents nurture it. Here are seven parenting solutions you can use that help curtail bigotry while at the same time influence your kids to treat others with respect and understanding.

1. Confront your own prejudices. The first step to nurturing tolerance is to examine your own prejudices and reflect on how you might be projecting those ideas to your child. Chances are that you are communicating those attitudes to your child. Make a conscious attempt to temper them so that they don't become your child's prejudices.

2. Commit to raising a tolerant child. Parents who think through how they want their kids to turn out usually succeed simply because they planned their parenting efforts. So if you really want your child to respect diversity, you must adopt a conviction early on to raise him to do so. Once your child knows your expectations, he will be more likely to embrace your principles.

3. Refuse to allow discriminatory comments. When you hear prejudicial comments, verbalize your displeasure. How you respond sends a clear message to your child about your values: "That's disrespectful and I won't allow such things to be said in my house," or "That's a biased comment, and I don't want to hear it." Your child needs to hear your discomfort so that she knows you really walk your talk. It also models a response she should imitate if prejudicial comments are made in her presence.

Let's face it, most parents are traumatized by the idea of dating and teens. That's why I love Sarah O'Leary Burningham's great new book, Boyology.

Watch the segment from TODAY

Though written as a crash course for girls about dating, it's a great source to help parents understand that dating can be unsettling for teens, too. The book is filled with stories from real teen stories across the country, and gives parents an insider's look at what their teens are experiencing and thinking.

It also will help parents get back in to the teen frame of mind, so they can remember how they felt about their first crush or getting dumped, and better relate to what their kids are going through.

Here a few take aways from Boyology:

Don't encourage pairing up too soon. A safer approach is to ease your teen into the dating scene by first sticking with groups (which is "in" these days - yes!). So open your home so teens have safe turf. You'll get to know your daughter's friends and boyfriends, and keep an eye on things. It's ok to check every once in a while but there's a fine line between being there and actually hanging out with the kids.

Insist on a meet and greet. Once your teen is dating do insist on personally meeting each first date and ideally in your home. Though most parents-especially dads-would like to curtail dating until around 35 the average age is 15 or 16 though many start dating as young as 13 or 14. The actual age isn't the issue: a teen's maturity level and self-esteem (especially a girls) matter more.

Talk R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Discuss appropriate dating behavior and how dates should treat each other.

Set a curfew that must be followed. A brief one-liner in front of the date is sufficient. You should talk about curfew BEFORE he comes to get her and then all you have to do is tell him "Kelly's planning to be home at 11." And if it's a special date or the prom, consider extending the curfew (trustworthy teens need a few perks!)

Stress that No means NO! Most important do stress in your daughter that NO means NO! Then review when and where they are going with the date. This is the one time to let your kid borrow a cell phone for "just in case" scenarios.

Be her excuse. A lot of the teenagers I interviewed used their parents as excuses to get out of uncomfortable situations, from just wanting to go home to having a weird feeling.

Be there when she gets home. Your teenager counts on you. She might not act like it all the time, but she does.

Know your influence. Don't underestimate how much your opinion about sex matters. Studies show that daughters whose moms talk with them about sex and express disapproval over their teen's having sex are much less likely to have sex than peers. So TALK! (and talk and talk).

You can click here to buy Sarah O'Leary Burningham's book Boyology today.


Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

Did you know that almost one third of American kids and teens are considered either overweight or obese? We've read all the warnings that the long-term consequences of obesity are very serious. Not only does that child have much higher likelihood of having a hypertension, stroke, heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, asthma, and sleep apnea, but he also faces higher rates of peer rejection, low self-esteem, and depression.

Of course we know that we need to help that child lose weight and eat healthier, but what is a parent to do if only one child in the family is overweight? Do you single out just the overweight child or put everyone on a diet? How do you handle the inevitable sibling resentment ("Why does she get to have a soda and I can't"?) Do you serve the overweight kid carrots while the other gets Twinkies? Those are the questions I was asked by a mother of two tween-aged daughters: One thin and the other overweight. The "overweight issue" was causing family life to no longer feel like Home Sweet Home.

Here are the parenting solutions I shared to help this family not only one member shed weight but bring them closer together:

1. Start teaching healthier habits now. Young girls are more likely to become overweight in the ages of 9 to 12 than in their teens so the best time to focus on healthy eating habits is sooner than later. These are also the years to help children develop more sensible eating habits, becoming involved in learning how to choose food wisely, get adequate exercise so they learn lifelong habits. Don't wait!

2. Boost self-esteem. Your role is not only to help an overweight child control her weight and learn healthier eating habits, but also help her feel accepted and loved for who she is and not for the size you hope she becomes. Don't overlook the possibility that there may be an emotional trigger to your child's overeating--a distressing issue or a need for attention.

3. Don't nag about weight! Studies show that for both genders, being encouraged to diet by a parent roughly triples the likelihood of the child still overweight five years later. So switch your focus from calories, diet, or dress size to food choices, eating habits and exercise.

4. Don't compare. A key parenting commandment is: "Thou shall not compare." Doing so only increases sibling resentment especially when it comes to dress size and weight.

5. Find each child's unique strength. Any family with more than one kid is bound to have one who excels over the other be it in sports, school, music, the friendship arena, etc. The trick is to find a legitimate and unique strength for each sibling so each has a chance to shine.

6. Hide that scale. Constant emphasis on weight only boosts sibling rivalry and will backfire. A study of more than 2000 teens, who weighed themselves frequently, found that instead of losing weight, they gained nearly twice as much as those kids who didn't weigh in.

7. Aim for more relaxed family meals. Halting the talk about food actually helps kids eat more vegetables and develop more positive attitudes about food. And it makes for happier family memories. So focus on family members around the dining table and not on food.

8. Change your entire family's eating habits. Change is more likely if the whole family eats the same healthy foods. So switch your emphasis from "calories" to a "healthier life style." Start by trashing the junk food and stocking the fridge with healthier foods. Limit fast-food intake as a family. Involve your kids in meal planning.

9. Get active as a family! One study found that overweight kids who lost weight were successful because they participated in vigorous physical activity. So find an active hobby you can do together as a family. A mother-daughter exercise club, buy pedometers for family walks, or try an exer-gaming system. Research finds that activity-oriented video games that require kids to walk on a treadmill while dancing, kicking and dodging triples the energy expenditure of mildly obese kids.

10. Limit TV time. One study found that the single most influential factor that helps kids lose weight is reduced TV viewing time.

The Key Parenting Solution: Research finds that the most effective weight loss problems involve the whole family in diet change, developing an exercise plan and setting more realistic goals. The trick is to learn the new habits together instead of singling out the overweight member. The result: less sibling resentment, better family memories and a great likelihood of adopting healthy eating habits that will last a lifetime. Not only will it help your kid grow to be healthier, but also happier, emotionally healthier and even do better in school. So what are you waiting for?


Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

I'm sure your reaction to the death of former heavyweight world champion Mike Tyson's four-year old daughter was the same as mine: just profound sadness. But for her seven-year-old brother to find his little sister with an exercise cord from the treadmill wrapped around her neck is absolutely horrific! We know that the death of a loved one is one of the most stressful events that a youngster can ever face, and even more so when it's a violent death.

Late-breaking research reveals that certain parenting techniques will help youngsters deal with profound loss as well as regain hope for their future. How parents respond can have a powerful impact on the child's emotional health and life outlook. Here are some suggestions for the Tyson family, with points every parent should consider if someone especially close to your child dies.

Give permission to grieve. Let your child know that his emotions are normal. Accept his regressions or emotional outbursts. Agree that losing a loved one is not fair. Affirm that crying and sadness or any other emotion are all part of grieving and that it may take some time for him to feel happy or like his old self again.

Don't hide your feelings. It's okay to show sadness, shock, and anger and express how you feel. Shed your tears but remember that your child is also looking to you to help guide him through the process. You might also share your memories with pictures[i] and stories about the loved one. Research shows that doing this can help reduce your child's sense of isolation.

Be supportive. Don't assume your child can deal with grief without help and support. Be lavish with your hugs and your love. This is a tough time for both of you. Let your child know that you're available for anything he needs.

Encourage expressive experiences. Many kids have trouble verbalizing their feelings about death and loss. Think about providing an outlet for your child that helps her express her grief. Younger children might draw or paint their intense feelings; older children may wish to write their feelings in a diary, journal or notebook or even compose a letter to the deceased expressing things she never got to say.

Suggest positive outlets for the grief. Some families help their child start a memorial fund or activity to honor their loved one. Others find some kind of healthy physical activity that your child can do to work off tension and sadness: bike ride, jog, do yoga, shoot baskets, visit a friend or have a friend over to play.

Keep to normal routines whenever possible. Routines and rituals, especially during times of trauma, create security for children. Whenever possible keep some semblance of the child's normal schedule intact (bedtime, evening meals, etc.).

Pass on your religious or cultural customs. Whether your custom is to light a candle, say a rosary, sit on a hard stool to receive mourning visitors' condolences, offer special prayers, or go to a religious service, teach them to your child and do them together. Doing this can be comforting - and a way to help your child learn a lifelong coping strategy.

Monitor your child closely. Watch her to ensure that there is a gradual diminishment of grief. An absence of grief after only a short time probably isn't authentic or healthy. And if some form of the grief continues to affect her daily life or if the child has trouble eating, concentrating, sleeping, or appears depressed, please seek the help of a mental health professional. Also note that some symptoms of grief can continue or re-emerge after many weeks and even months.

Take care of yourself. Your child needs you or some other adult to help guide him through the process. If the deceased was close to you -- your spouse, child or parent -- you may wish to consider seeking counseling for yourself. You don't want your child to worry about you as well.

My thoughts and prayers go to the Tyson family.


Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

If you weren't among the millions watching this week's must-see TV event let me be the one to break it to you: Arkansas student Kris Allen was officially crowned as the eight American idol. A record high of nearly 100 million votes were cast in the finale and thousands of kids tuned into the season finale. I'm also betting that all too many debating the same hot topic: How much money and notoriety Allen will reap from his victory.

The fact is scores of studies have found that this generation fantasizes A LOT about becoming rich and famous. A recent survey found that 31 percent of American high school students say they expect to become famous someday. (As many rich as poor kids share the same aspiration). Many are willing to settle for even "near-fame": 43 percent of middle school girls say their life goal is become a celebrity personal assistant. And it doesn't help that every entertainment show this week features a segment on how much money past idol winners have made.

So what's a parent to do? Well here's one simple solution: Switch the emphasis from $$$ and fame to positive qualities in the American Idol competition like sportsmanship, perseverance, grace under pressure, accepting criticism, handling defeat and cultivating talent. Here are five lessons to bring up over these next few days every child should learn.

Talent is cultivated. Kids see the performances and moment of fame but miss the contestants' long and hard work (And the lessons, the practice, the recitals). Emphasize that success never happens overnight but through sweat and tears.

Losers lose graciously. There always are losers in competitions and the best of the best lose with grace. No falling apart. No blaming the judge. No excuses. Point out that Adam Lambert's immediate response upon losing was to embrace the Idol winner.

Winners win graciously. Kris Allen won the crown and did so with memorable class. "It feels good" Allen admitted, "but Adam deserves this." Stress that display of humility to your kiddos.

Don't count your chickens before they hatch. Stress that there is no sure win. In fact, everyone--including Simon Cowell--expected Lambert to win.

Wash your hands and comb your hair. It appears that image matters! Manners. Presence. Social skills. Audiences voted for Allen's clean cut, boy next door appeal. (Yes!)

My congratulations to the two final Idol contestants for displaying talent as well as sportsmanship. I just hope the kids watching picked up on those worthy lessons.


Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

That old term "perfectionism" has popped up in the news lately. Here are just a brief review of the troubling headlines every parent should know and why we should be concerned...

In a study of 1,300 women, 50 percent of those with eating disorders described themselves as having been "obsessive perfectionists" as early as age eight." (Inskeep & Neighmond, 2004).

A recent Harvard Mental Health letter warned that perfectionism is linked with anxiety, depression, eating disorders and obsessive-compulsive disorders.

A recent survey cited that girls as young as five years old aspired to be thinner (Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters, 2007)

Well, FINALLY a children's book that tackles head-on the growing problem of perfectionism in kids who feel that their best is never good enough. It's called, Too Perfect and it's written by one of my favorite children's author, Trudy Ludwig. She also wrote My Secret Bully, Just Kidding, Sorry!, and Trouble Talk®. Too Perfect shows girls that perfectionism has its price and tackles head-on the growing problem in kids who feel that their best is never good enough.

Trudy sheds light on the unhealthy pressure kids (and grownups!) put on themselves to look and act perfect. Best yet, she offers practical solutions to help young readers be more accepting of themselves and others. I can't recommend it enough!

I hope you have a chance to pass this wonderful book along to your daughter. What a tremendous relief it will be when our kids finally realize they don't have to be their best; they just have to try their best.

Too Perfect has just the right message to help you have those important talks with your child. It's a message today's girls can't hear enough!


Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

Without Scaring the Pants Off of Them

Every time I read the news I come away with a different account of the swine flu and whether or not all of humanity is doomed. Last week I was ready to duct-tape my house from incoming germs and buy cases of protective masks. Then NBC's Brian Williams announced that we could take those initial doom-and-gloom reports down a notch or two. The flu strain isn't nearly as fatal or severe as those first late-breaking news reports warned. Schools are reopening and those kids (at least in my area) who were affected are recovering. We can breathe a bit easier, but there's still concerning news: though milder, this flu strain is clearly spreading rapidly and is now tagged as the "disease of young people."

Meanwhile our kids' worry radars are up -- and rightly so. Hearing about a "pandemic of far-reaching proportions that could potentially impact all humanity" is alarming enough to a kid, but when they hear those reports on the playground without a reassuring adult perspective, it can be downright terrifying. Then they turn on the news just in time to see fancy maps with color-coded states indicating that the "strain is rapidly moving at an epidemic level." When reports come in about "invisible germs mutating from animal to human" -- well, there's the making of a Stephen King novel and a kid's worse nightmare.

This is why we need to talk to our kids about the swine flu - not only to reassure them, but also to be sure they hear the right facts. But there's another plus: we can use our talks to teach our kids habits that will keep them healthier now, and for a lifetime.

5 Key Discussion Points to Help Parents

Sandra Cantu's kidnapping and brutal murder is all the news these days. Our hearts go out to this family. This tragedy is particularly troubling to parents. After all, we tell our kids to be weary of strangers, but in this case it appears that this precious 8-year-old knew her alleged killer--and a Sunday school teacher at that.

The majority of parent blog posts advise families to keep their kids inside and watch them like a hawk. Kidnappings have always been a parent's worst nightmare. And while we certainly should be cautious, it's also crucial that we keep things in perspective. There is a sad lesson here about "stranger danger" and it is this: Only one in 500,000 children are abducted by a stranger. Most kidnappers are someone the child personally knows. In fact, research shows that 85 percent of kids found alive after being abducted did not consider their kidnapper to be a stranger. All the more reason to review those critical safety tips with your children. A parent's primary goal, of course, is to keep a child from harm's way. But we also need to boost our children's "Safety Smarts" so they will know what to do to possibly prevent a tragedy.

Here are 5 important points to address with your child as well as discussion starters to use in your talks.

1. Provide accurate information. News is a 24-hour cycle these days and Sandra's kidnapping and murder will be played and replayed. Unless your child is very young, chances are he will hear about this tragedy (peers do talk) and more often than not those facts won't be accurate. That's why you need to clarify those facts and make sure the information about this or any tough topic come from you. Always tailor the facts to your child's understanding and give only those details that he really needs to know.

Discussion starters: "What have you heard?" or "What are your friends saying?" or "Let's talk about what you just saw on the news."

2. Review safety precautions. Use the news as a teachable moment to review age-appropriate safety measures. Pose "what if" scenarios about potentially dangerous situations with your child, then talk through possible solutions.

Discussion starters:  "Let's talk about things you can do to stay safe. What if... you notice a car following you? ...a stranger asks you for help? ...a stranger tells you Mom or Dad has been in an accident and wants you to go with him to the hospital?"

Right now most of you are taking out those Easter baskets, busily boiling and dying eggs and buying chocolate bunnies. My kids loved Easter and couldn't wait to find the eggs that the Easter Bunny hid around our yard. I have to admit--I loved perpetuating the whole myth. The day my boys figured out the Easter Bunny wasn't real took a bit of the magic out of the season.

It's always around this time of year that parents ask me whether they should tell their kids about the Bunny. Relax. Research finds no harm in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. They are part of great folk lore tradition such as George Washington and the cherry tree and Paul Bunyan and his blue ox, Babe. For that matter just about any Disney animated movie or fairy tale fits the category. Young kids love those tales. Their imaginations are so wonderfully active and they eat them up. There is only one trick: Knowing when to admit the Easter Bunny is really just a tale. The second trick is knowing when your child is ready to end the magic.

For any of you struggling with the "should I tell up?" issue, here are a few tips:

Watch for "the signs." If your kid starts asking more specific questions about Mr. Easter Bunny ("Where does he live?" "How does he find our house?" "How does he store all those eggs?") know that he is starting to put two and two together. Just be a bit more alert as to his queries. Know that the time for that "Is the bunny real?" may be approaching.

Clarify your child's question before answering. We often barrel ahead giving too much or the wrong facts without first checking to verify what our kids are really asking for. So just clarify: "What do you mean?" "I'm not sure I understand your question. Tell me more."

Explain at your child's level of understanding. If your child flat out asks, "Is the bunny real?" you might save yourself a huge explanation. First ask, "What do you think?" Or "What do your friends say?" When kids know that the bunny isn't real they often just need affirmation.

Tell the truth when your kid is on to the "tale." Once your child does know that the Easter Bunny is just a fun tale don't try stretching the myth to last longer. Usually all that is needed is a simple, "Yes, you're right. The bunny is just a make-believe story but wasn't it fun to pretend?" The vast majority of kids will agree wholeheartedly. The mistake is trying to perpetuate the tale to a school-aged child once he knows. There's nothing worse than for peers to tell him he's wrong and then it's your sweet munchkin having to defend YOU to the other kids.

Happy Easter! Enjoy the magic of make believe with your kids as long as you can. The glorious stage of magic goes by all too quickly.


Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .

Federal panel urges depression screening for American tweens and teens

Always moody. Easily agitated. Sleeps in. Says, "Nobody cares." Sounds like a typical teen. Not always. Did you know that depression now strikes one out of 20 teens? What's more, the rates of childhood depression are not only increasing but are also impacting younger kids. A kid today is ten times more likely to be seriously depressed compared to a child born in the first third of this century.

Those troubling stats are exactly why this week an influential government-appointed medical panel is urging doctors to routinely screen all American teens for depression. The task force's recommendations appear in April's prestigious journal, Pediatrics. Clinical depression is not a phase or a normal stage of development, nor something kids can shrug off. It is a serious and sometimes life-threatening disease, and the long-term consequences are just too severe to ignore. Depressed youngsters are almost four times more likely to have drug or alcohol problems by their mid-20s. Nearly one in ten kids who develop major depression prior to their puberty commit suicide; and suicide rates for kids and teens have tripled in three decades.

The best news is when diagnosed early and properly treated , kids almost always can be helped and feel better. Evidence also shows detailed but simple questionnaires can accurately diagnose depression. They are available in a primary-care setting such as a pediatrician's office.

The bottom line here is that every kid feels sad and moody from time to time, but this kind of behavior should have a time limit. If you even have an ounce of concern, pick up the phone and get an appointment for your child. Please don't wait.

8 characteristics of depression that should not be overlooked:

1. An increase in physical ailments. Headaches, stomachaches, nausea, sweaty palms, sleeplessness or always sleeping that don't lessen with over-the-counter medication and rest.


2. A marked, sudden, or intense change. Something is radically different about your child's personality, temperament, or normal behavior that just is not right.


3. It doesn't go away. This lasts longer than two weeks, becomes more intense, or just comes and goes, and nothing is easing your child's pain.


4. Your child is preoccupied with death or feelings of hopelessness. He is drawing, writing or asking about death, giving away personal belongings, or saying "What's the use?"


5. The sadness interferes with her daily life. Her social, academic or family life are affected.


6. Folks who know your child well share their concerns. Don't dismiss their remarks.


7. Your child tells you something is wrong and wants help. Trust him.


8. Your instinct says something is not right. Trust your instinct. Chances are you're right.

If the problem seems to accelerate out of control and your child is saying scary things, or you any thought that your child is suicidal, DO NOT WAIT. Call the USA National Suicide hotline: 800-784-2433 or 800-273-8255 and take him to the nearest emergency room immediately.

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .

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My, my, It appears another infamous and very well-paid athlete admits to cheating. All-star third baseman (and highest-paid player---a $252 million ten-year contract!!!), Alex Rodriguez, has confessed to using steroids.

The list of Hall of Shame athletes confessing to taking banned substances just gets longer and longer. But steroid use is also rampant among the tween and teen set and that's exactly why I hope you're going to cut this article out of today's paper and use it for another teachable moment.

Here are some pointers for opening up dialogue with your children:

Open up the steroid dialogue. Don't wait for your kid to come to you. "Hey Mom, can we talk about steroids?" probably isn't going to be the reality. Open up that conversation with your child by the time he or she reaches fourth grade. Remember, fifth graders are now indulging, so get a year start. Just tailor your talk to their level. Remember, one talk isn't going to do it. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Use real-world events. Cut out an article and use it as your conversation opener: "Do you think he should make the Hall of Fame if they find out he took steroids?" "Do you think he knows what the long-term damage could be on his body?" "What are you friends saying?"

Do your homework. If you want to talk steroids you better be one step ahead of your kid. Read up on the dangers so you can talk facts and knowledge. If you aren't getting through, enlist the help of your doctor or child's coach. Useful sites include:

• www.steroidabuse.org
• www.usantidoping.org
• www.hormone.org/learn/abuse.html.

Discuss the health dangers. There are clear health risks that your child needs to know. Here are just a few: severe acne, loss of hair, liver abnormalities (including peliosis hepatitis or blood-filled cysts), increase in the harmful kind of cholesterol, rage, angry outbursts or uncontrolled aggressive behavior, increase in blood clots, and high blood pressure. The results really aren't back yet on real long-term effects of steroid use--especially on young bodies.

Share your views. Many kids actually feel their parents are accepting of steroids. Why? Well, it seems one of the biggest reasons kids take steroids is to please their parents. If you've been stressing over that college scholarship or focused on winning at any cost or constantly talking about how proud you are that she's such an athlete ("The Olympics are right around the corner, darling"), then bite your tongue. Your child needs to know (and pronto) why you think steroids are wrong (think this one through carefully so you do create a strong, powerful case), and what your family values are (push the fact that this is also cheating, lying and deception).

Just as parents are the best antidotes for drugs, they are also the best hope for stopping the deadly and fast-rising trend towards steroid use. Let the media frenzy around fallen heroes serve as your opportunity to start the steroid talk.

Related Content:

• The Fall of Michael Phelps: Talking to Your Kids
  
• Should parents worry about tarnished teen heroes?
  
• TODAY on iVillage
  

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .

Research on romantic feelings in younger children is scant, however, studies have shown that it's normal for children in even the middle school years, around grade six, to develop very strong feelings for the opposite sex. Though we may not consider these feelings as "love" your child does.

Tips for parents on handling the first real love:

1. Stay connected Don't dismiss your child's "I'm in love" comments as nonsense. New research confirms that teen feelings are just as strong--and more--as adults.


2. Hold the "big talk" again. Don't you think it's better that your child gets this information from you than from his friends or the media?


3. Bedrooms off limits. Set a rule that your kid may not entertain in his bedroom.


4. Communicate your family's values about sexuality so your child hears your view about intimacy, commitment and love. It doesn't mean that your child is going to necessarily adopt your values, but he needs to hear what you stand for to help guide his own behaviors.


5. Stress that promiscuity does not make you popular. Reputations stay long afterward.

More Young Love "Firsts"

• First Puppy Love
• First Crush
• First Steady
• First Breakup
• First Date
• First Real Love
• First Time

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.

I'm sure you've read those dismal reports about job insecurities: The U.S. unemployment rate is now at the highest level since 1993. In fact, more jobs were lost in 2008 than in any year since the end of World War II. We are stressed and worried and rightly so, but so too are our kids.

I've received a number of email queries lately from parents asking for guidance. Today's tough financial times are forcing many parents to answer very tough questions from their children.

"Why did you lose your job? Will we be able to eat out? What will I tell my friends? Will we still be able stay in our house? How can I go to college if you don't have a job?"

Parents tell me they are trying to avoid those heart-wrenching questions. They just can't face telling their kids they lost their job, may have to give up their house or can't go to college.

But keeping kids in the dark about something so serious as a job layoff is a huge mistake. First, children come equipped with built-in radar and notice those hushed conversations and pick up on your tension. They may even feel they somehow caused your stress. And hearing such an immensely personal family problem from anyone other than you is plain unfair and could well break down the trust between you and your child. Believe me, your children are far better off hearing this news straight from your mouth. Regardless of how difficult this is, the truth must be told.

If your child has experienced a serious trauma don't overlook the possibility of PTSD

You may have read about the recent Toys R Us shooting in my hometown of Palm Springs. The 911 tapes on the tragedy were released this week. Horror. Sheer horror! Our community is reeling, but now we worry about the children who witnessed absolute terror. Can you imagine? Here's a recap:

It was Black Friday and parents--many with kids in tow--waited long hours for those great toy sales. A mid-morning an argument broke out at our local Toys"R" Us between two young women. Suddenly one women's male companions drew weapons and opened fire in the middle of the store aisles. Within minutes the men lay dead in the aisle. Words can't describe the shock of such an event. A gun battle in the middle of a toy store during the Christmas holidays filled with kids and their parents. But concern is now turning to those terrified children who watched this debacle as they clung to their parents and feared for their lives.

I've spent the last days doing media interviews about how to help children deal with the aftermath of such a trauma. I discovered that many parents assumed that, because their children didn't say anything about shooting or appeared to be handling things "well", there was no need to worry. That perception has me greatly concerned. While I don't want to fuel any anxiety, I do want to alert you: Any child experiencing such trauma is at risk for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder has been in the news a lot these days because of our military returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, but PTSD isn't just for adults. Each year over 3 million children are diagnosed with PTSD. Children or adolescents who have experienced a very stressful event could be at risk. The stressful event is one in which someone's life has been threatened or a serious injury has occurred.

Dr. Michele Borba and Dr. Melvin Oatis talk about why kids today are so stressed out, and tips for understanding on how you can help them unwind.

Watch the segment from TODAY


What do you think about this hot-button issue? Leave a comment!

Related Content:

• What really makes teens happy?
• More from Michele Borba about stress
• More from Michele Borba about school
• TODAY on iVillage

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.