What should you do when your child doesn't like his teacher? Should you call the principal or sit in on the class? Or should you brush it off as a normal childhood grievance and move on? Here are the steps to take to help you navigate this tricky teacher trouble:

 

According to a survey by Public Agenda almost half of all parents of school-age students said they have arguments involving tears or yelling with their kids about homework. And one third of parents admit those school assignments cause repeated kid meltdowns. There's been some controversy lately about homework that some say isn't necessary, assigned by an administrative policy that's trying to make the parents feel the school is serious about education, or being sure their attendees pass standardized tests. Research says that the right kind of homework assignments enhances children's learning as well as helping them acquire the essential skills for success in school and life (such as organization, self-pacing, problem solving, internal motivation, concentration, memory, goal setting, good old "stick-to-it-ness") and don't forget, they might learn something!

So here are a few tips to help parents weigh the battle versus the learning. The key is a bit of organization from the start.

Make homework mandatory, not a choice. From the beginning maintain a firm, serious attitude about homework. Your kid needs to know that homework is not an option. Enforce the "work before play" rule.

Your role is guider, not doer. While you need to make sure they understand the concepts and are capable of the assignments, once they do, step back! Use the mantra: "Never do for your child, what your child can do for himself." It may take a bit of adjustment, but hang tight until you reach the desired change: independent, self-motivated learners.

Know the teacher's expectations. Be clear as to expectations and homework policy so you are all on the same page. If your child is in middle school she probably has a number of teachers, so you will have to do the same query per teacher. Many teachers prefer an email query- find out how the teacher prefers to be contacted. Most important: Find out on an average, how long should the homework take per night? That answer will help your determine if your child has too much work, is a procrastinator, has a learning disability or lacks study skills. Talk with your child so he knows you are not only aware of those expectations but support them

If your child is bullied it means that peers are intentionally causing her pain. If this is happening to your child, please know that your son or daughter is not alone. By some estimates, one in seven American schoolchildren is either a bully or a victim. Reports confirm that bullying is starting at younger ages and is far more frequent and aggressive than ever before.

While you can't always be there to step in and protect your child there are ways to help your son or daughter be less likely to be victimized in the first place. I reviewed hundreds of articles on bullying to find tips to pass onto parents. I also wrote a proposal to end school bullying and violence that became SB1667 and passed into law.

Here are some of those solutions to help your child navigate a vicious social jungle and deal with bullies:

Start the talk now! Children who are embarrassed or humiliated about being bullied are unlikely to discuss it with their parents or teachers and generally suffer in silence, withdraw and try to stay away from school. So start talking to your child about bullying before it ever happens. Tell your child you are always available and recognize it is a growing problem.

Stop rescuing. Children need practice to speak up and be assertive so when the moment comes that they do need to stand up to a bully, they can. Always rescuing can create the conditions under which a child can become a victim.

Avoid areas where bullies prey. Bullying usually happens in unsupervised adult areas such as hallways, stairwells, playgrounds (under trees and equipment, in far corners), lockers, parks and bathrooms in places such as malls, schools, parks and even libraries. Teach your child "hot spots" (places most likely to be frequently by bullies), and then tell him to avoid those areas.

After all the test-taking, application filling, essay editing, campus touring and acceptance-waiting, the big event is almost here.  Your child will soon be leaving for college.  But is your teen really ready to handle life away from home sweet home?

If you've suddenly realized that your same high school grad who passed those SATs with flying colors can't change a light bulb or balance a checkbook, believe me you're not alone. Many parents are dealing with those same anxiety pangs. The good news is there are still a few weeks left before those final goodbyes.

Here are four steps you can use to help your college bound teen really be ready to handle life solo style. Just keep in mind that the move in date is quickly approaching so best to start this one ASAP.

STEP 1: IDENTIFY "AWAY FROM HOME" NEEDS
Over the next days/weeks tune into your teen and determine which life skills he can and can't do without your help. Then create a list of what your teen needs to learn like changing a tire, making a doctor's appointment, using a microwave, paying a bill, using a fire extinguisher, writing down appointments, balancing a savings account or doing laundry. Keep adding to that list of what life skills you think your teen needs for the environment he'll be living in.

STEP 2: MAKE A REALISTIC PLAN
Look over that list and prioritize what your teen really needs to learn and what is realistic to teach in the time you have left. Get your teen involved by asking what she feels she lacks in the "handling life" department. Then use a calendar to create your teaching plan. Write a different life lesson you plan to review before your teen leaves home for each week.

STEP 3: TEACH SKILLS FOR INDEPENDENCE
Zero in on one area each week before those college doors open. The goal is to ensure mastery so your teen can do the task without you. First teach by going through the task together and explaining each step so that she knows what to do. Only use real life examples. For instance, if you're teaching her to write a check, go to the bank and set up a real checking account, then require her to use that checkbook from now until school starts. Finally supervise to ensure that she can handle the job solo.

STEP 4: START BACKING OFF
Once your teen knows how to do the task alone, then back off. No more rescuing. Instead, begin to teach another skills. Your new parenting mantra to follow is: Never do for your child what he can do for himself. This is also the time to slowly start expanding that curfew and his responsibilities.

Of course, the real secret is not waiting until that move out day to teach these critical life lessons. So roll up your sleeves and start in. There's a wonderful Navaho proverb that says, "We raise our kids to leave us." Turn these next weeks in parenting to achieve that goal.

So what are you waiting for? The clock is ticking and the big count down is on. GO!


Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming Big Book of Parenting Solutions.

Dr. Michele Borba and Dr. Melvin Oatis talk about why kids today are so stressed out, and tips for understanding on how you can help them unwind.

Watch the segment from TODAY


What do you think about this hot-button issue? Leave a comment!

Related Content:

• What really makes teens happy?
• More from Michele Borba about stress
• More from Michele Borba about school
• TODAY on iVillage

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.

The report card on our children's character is just in, and it appears many are flunking. The Josephson Institute of Ethics just released survey results of over 30,000 high school students involving over 100 high schools--both private and public--show dismal results: Cheating is rampant in schools, and is only getting worse. 64 percent of students admit to cheating on a test in the past year, and 38 percent did so two or more times. (That's up 60% and 35% from the 2006 survey). 36 percent say they used the Internet to plagiarize an assignment (that's up 33 percent since 2004). Another survey found that 95 percent of kids say they're never been caught.

But there is another troubling trend as well: Stealing is increasing (30 percent of all students surveyed admitted they stole at least once from a store) and their student attitudes about their deceptions are even more disturbing. Over 93 percent of students say they are satisfied with their personal ethics. We need to turn this trend around and ASAP.

Watch the segment from TODAY


There is no one reason kids cheat, but here are the usual causes:

1. Laziness: Cutting corners so you don't have to study. It's the shortcut to success.


2. Pressure: Competitiveness in a very high-stakes testing environment


3. Fear of failure: Fear of letting down a parent or not getting that scholarship


4. Truncated "honesty" quotient: The expectation for honesty isn't emphasized


5. Ease & efficiency: The Internet makes it so much easier just to cut and paste.  Over 3000 YouTube videos are up right now teaching kids how to cheat!


6. Time Famine: Over-scheduled kids with no time to study


7. Peer Pressure: Tough to stand alone if everybody else is cheating
   


8. Modeled behavior:  Coaches who push "score" at any cost, teachers who look the other way, helicopter parents who want the "grade" at any cost. It goes all the way up to Wall Street, NFL players, Senators, etc.

Though there are a number of reasons kids cheat, the key to stopping it is to determine why your child is resorting to using this behavior. Here are a few of the main reasons:

• Weak conscience or honest quotient: Character is taking a backseat


• Stress: The push and pressure to excel is huge


• No time: The child so over-scheduled that there is no time for homework


• Low skill level: Academic expectations are too high or the child is incapable of work


• Peer pressure: Your child is in with a group that eggs him or her on, or the other kids cheat


• Laziness: Allowed to get away with it.

I'm a big believer in the idea that it's never too early to be alarmed. Cheating and deception are learned early and become entrenched as a habit of "acceptability." It begins in earnest around the ages of 10 to 14, which is when we need to tune in a lot closer. Make no mistake, every time your child is allowed to get away with cheating, the child's conscience takes a ding. Though every kid will try it, the key is to nip it before it becomes "acceptable."

So how do you stop cheating before it becomes rampant?  Read my post on How to Stop the Cheating Epidemic for tips.

Related Content:

• How to Stop the Cheating Epidemic
  
• TODAY on iVillage

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of No More Misbehavin': 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them.

In an earlier post--Help! My Kid is a Cheater!--I explained the warning signs to tell if your child is cheating, and some of the reasons why cheating has become such an epidemic.  Now that you've assessed the situation here some steps you can take to curb those cheating behaviors:

Watch the segment from TODAY

1. Breathe: Know that these days most kids admit they do cheat. How you respond will make a difference if he or she continues or not. Often the highest achieving kids are the students under the greatest pressure to cut corners.


2. Find out what's really going on: Why is your child resorting to using this behavior? Are the expectations too high? Is he over-scheduled? Is he not capable of the work? Does he lack good study habits? Is everyone else in the class cheating or peer pressure is too high?


3. Work out a solution: The key is for your child to know that you understand he's under pressure but cheating is not the way. So together figure out how to remedy the problem so cheating isn't your child's solution. (i.e. There's no time to do homework so he copies - then cut one of those darn activities. If he is lazy and doesn't want to do the work, then no more TV time, but create a solution so the problem doesn't solve escalate (which it will).

If you need to approach your child's teacher, do so cautiously. If your child is not cheating and you point out your concerns, the teacher will now be suspicious of your child's behavior. It's better to first approach your child to get the facts. After you hear her out you talk to the teacher if the situation warrants. A lot will depend on the seriousness of the issue, and if this is a one-time happening or a long time occurrence. If you suspect your child is cheating, you'll also want to know if this is just your child doing this or the whole class.

If you talk do to the teacher, remember you want her as an ally. Is your child turning in assignments? When are the test days? Are the tests cooperative or is each child expected to do their own work (seriously). Is your child capable of the work? Ask the teacher to clarify her expectations to your child so she is clear as to what constitutes cheating.

If cheating becomes a pattern for your child. then you must break it. Every time a child gets away with it, a little more of that honesty fiber is chipped away, which is why you must nip this behavior in the bud. Cheating is learned and so is honesty. Which means the reverse is possible. So aim for the reverse: An honest kid. Remember, cheating is a learned behavior, so it can be unlearned.

Related Content:

• Help! My Kid is a Cheater!
  
• TODAY on iVillage

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of No More Misbehavin': 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them.

Let's face it. It's a tougher time to be growing up, and the data confirms it. Bullying is fiercer. Peer pressure is tougher. Kids are also more aggressive at younger ages. Girls are meaner. Of course we can't always be there to pick up the pieces or help our kids stand up for themselves, nor should we. After all, the more our children see us as their rescuers, the more they learn to rely on us to solve their problems. The secret is help our kids learn how to be more assertive and speak up for themselves.

Here are seven ways to help your child learn to be respectfully assertive.

1. Model assertiveness. Be the model you want your child to copy. Don't be meek. Stand up for your views even if they may not be unpopular. Let your kids know that even though you might feel uncomfortable, you always feel it's best to stand up for your rights or the rights of others.
   


2. Be a democratic household. Hold debates. Use family meetings. Listen to each child (it doesn't mean you agree with them). When kids know their opinions count they are more likely to speak out and feel comfortable doing it.


3. Acknowledge your child's assertiveness. Let your child know you value people who speak their mind. Reinforce your child's assertiveness. "I like how you spoke up!" Reinforce those behaviors in your child and let her know you honor her opinions.


4. Find less domineering friends. If your child is a bit more timid and always hangs around a bossy playmate, provide him the opportunity to find a less domineering pal so he will be more likely to speak up and gain confidence.


5. Provide early leadership opportunities. New research from the Girl Scouts of America says kids say their confidence in speaking up and leading others dwindles by the fifth grade. Kids also tell us they gain that confidence is by entering into activities, clubs, team building, etc. and the earlier the better. So provide opportunities for your child to be a member of a team, take charge of a project or lead others. You might enroll your child in public speaking or theatre to build confidence in speaking in front of others.


6. Teach your child C.A.L.M. assertion. There are four steps that help kids stand up and speak up for themselves or others. Here are the four steps to C.A.L.M.
   

C - Stay Cool. If you get upset, ticked off, cry, pout you don't appear as confident.
A - Assert yourself. Teach your child a few comeback lines to say in different situations.
L - Look the person in the eye. The best way to appear more confident is by using eye contact.
M - Mean it. Teach your child the difference between how a wimpy and a strong voice sound. Then encourage your child to assert himself using a strong and firm tone--but not yelling tone--to get his point across.

7. Role-play assertive posture, assertive phrases and a firm-sounding tone until your child has the confidence to hold his own without you. And when he does, congratulate yourself. You will have taught your child a critical skill that he will need to use in every arena of his life but now and forever.

Do you have thoughts or questions on helping your child become more assertive?  Leave a comment below!

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• 5 Tips for Helping Shy Kids
  
• TODAY on iVillage

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .

What exactly makes a “gifted” child? The definition of gifted continues to be hotly debated. To date, there is no single agreed-upon definition. What is agreed is that high intelligence exists and it may be expressed in many different ways. Gifted children include persons from all ethnic groups and lifestyles and not merely “privileged environments.”

Watch the segment from TODAY Parents are usually the first to recognize a child’s giftedness quite early. Truly gifted kids are different. Their driving force is their brain—and it is fundamental to everything about them.

Typically, to be identified as “gifted” by a school district, the child must be given an individual IQ test by a certified psychologist. The child may be gifted in only certain areas (language or verbal abilities or music), or exceptional in math but not in language.

IQ tests generally have the following criteria:

1. An IQ test measures potential broadly and some ability areas specifically
2. An achievement test that measures what the child expresses he has learned so far
3. An IQ score of 130 is usually used as a cut-off score for gifted. A gifted child typically has mental abilities in the upper 2.5 to 3 percent of the population

One principle is true for all kids regardless of IQ: Children thrive best in educational environments that are tailored to their needs. Gifted kids are gifted for life, so they will have similar academic needs throughout their schooling. It seems to makes no difference if the school is private or public as long as it has these key elements suggested by Carol Bainbridge:

• Gifted philosophy. The staff understands gifted children and their needs, is regularly trained in gifted education and has a clear plan to help each child reach his potential.


• Acceleration & enrichment. A challenging curriculum that stretches the child’s mind (and is still based on realistic expectations).


• Multiple options & flexibility. The curriculum should be flexible to fit the child’s academic needs and provide the opportunity for the child to study a topic in depth.


• Sound identification process. How does the school identify gifted children? Ideally the process should not be based on just one test score but also take into consideration teacher recommendations and clearly talented and exceptional children.


• Matches your child’s needs. Can you see your child in this setting? Would he be comfortable and get along with the other kids and this teacher? Is there a guidance component to help your child “fit” in or handle his perfectionist tendencies and highly sensitive traits?

Well, school has started and about now the “Honeymoon” is over. Assignments start to pile up and those homework battles may be starting up, too. “Homework time” can be very stressful and tension-filled for both child and parent, but research clearly says that doing homework enhances not only a child's learning but also teaches essential skills they will need to succeed in school and in life. A few of those skills include learning organization, problem solving, attention span, memory, goal-setting, responsibility and “stick-to-it-ness” as well as academic skills.

Here are just a few secrets to make homework time more successful for your child and you. The real parenting secret is to find what works best for your kid and then stick to it!

1. Recognize your role as "helper" not "doer."  Sometimes in our quest to help our kids succeed, we may get carried away providing too much help. Make sure he's doing the work- not you! One of the best self-esteem enhancers is recognizing a job we can be proud of. Offering too much help robs your child of those powerful, “I did it!” moments, and he just may be saying to himself instead, “Mom did it for me.”

2. Praise efforts and not just the “end product.” Kids needs to learn the importance of hard work and effort and homework provides a great opportunity for you to reinforce his perseverance. You might start a family motto such as “Never Give Up!” or “Don't quit until you succeed” or “In this family, we finish what we start,” Perhaps the most important trait doing homework instills in our children is perseverance. The only way they'll learn to value effort is by our steady emphasis of “it's not good enough just to start; you have to finish.”

3. Insist homework be her responsibility not yours. Resist the temptation of always sitting next to her and offer your help only when it's really needed. If your child is having difficulties, help her understand the work by making up similar problems and showing her step by step how to do it. Then watch her try to do one on her own. That way you won't be doing all the work for her. Asking her to show you her completed work at the end of each row or section is another way to ensure she's following the directions correctly but not relying on you for every detail.

4. Section the assignment in smaller chunks.  Grouping assignments into smaller chunks is often helpful for kids who have difficulty sticking to a task, have shorter attention spans, or are overly concerned with making sure “everything's right.” Then tell your child to do “one chunk at a time” You can even take a short break after completing each chunk. Gradually you can increase the size of the “work chunks” as your child's confidence increases.

5. Consider a getting a tutor. If you do find homework battles increasing, you are doing most of your child's work or your child is having a difficult time mastering the subject despite your help, consider hiring a tutor. Ask your teacher or other parents for recommendations including even a high school student. The goal of homework should always be to enhance your child's learning abilities and confidence while at the same time preserving the relationship with your child.  For more tips you can read my blog entry on hiring the best tutor.

6. Agree upon specific times for doing homework ahead of time and then stick to it. You may want to even post your agreement in a visible place and then sign it. Many kids need a break after school, while others like to delve right in while things are fresh in their mind. Find your child's best work time and consistently reinforce it. Drawing a clock face that shows the set homework time is helpful for younger children.

Do you have any questions or tips of your own?  Leave a comment below.

Get more info from TODAY on iVillage.

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .

Going back to school can be challenging in many ways.  From staying organized to getting back on schedule, there are many obstacles to overcome.  One of the most touchy subjects can be your child's relationship with his or her teacher.  What do you do when your child does not get along with the teacher?  Or vice versa? 

Watch the segment from TODAY Here are some tips to help you gauge your child's complaints about his teacher and manage the parent-teacher relationship.

If your child says he is being mistreated by a teacher:

Don't jump to conclusions and assume it’s the teacher’s problem. Instead, stay calm and gather facts. Play Columbo and investigate your kid’s accusations to see if they are legit. Put on your detective hat and step back from the protective parent role. Just try, try, try to be objective.

Gather specific facts. Use the 5 Ws to find out the specifics from your child:

1. What happened exactly? (Would the teacher say the same thing?)
2. Where did it happen (classroom, playground, bus)?
3. Who was involved (teacher, substitute, aide, other kids, just you)?
4. When (time, exact class, subject or period) did the incident(s) happen? Is this the first time this has happened? If not, how many times?
5. Why? (What was your kid’s role in this?)

How credible is your kid? Be honest. How high is the “believable quotient”? Is your child a complainer, a blamer or a multiple offender? If so, be cautious.

What do his friends say? Eavesdrop! Do other parents say the same thing or have the same problem?

Bottom line: How you respond depends on the severity and frequency of the problem. Is this a recurring situation that is worth pursuing because it could hinder your child’s education or character?

The teacher in me always kicks in before the start of a new school year. Though it should be exciting, I often hear moms describe frantic mornings, hectic evenings, and plain bad memories: homework wars, lost library books, last-minute assignments, missed buses, forgotten lunches, late starts, etc.

Back-to-school doesn’t have to be that way—nor should it be. There are simple and practical solutions to those common hot-button back-to-school parenting hassles. Not only will they make the upcoming school year more positive and less stressful for the whole family, but they’ll teach kids to be more responsible (which just happens to be an essential trait of a successful student).

Here are the six "mommy hassles" that happen around back-to-school time and simple solutions to save your sanity!

Watch the segment from TODAY
HASSLE #1: Late Starts & Sleepyheads

Sanity Savers:

• Have children lay out clothes the night before
• Teach your child to set his or her own alarm clock and stick to it.
  

Products to try:

Clocky ($50 at stores like Wal-Mart)
If you've ever had a child have trouble waking up with a regular alarm clock, it's time to meet Clocky: a mobile alarm clock that is guaranteed to get your kids on their feet. It gives you one chance to get up, but if you snooze, Clocky will jump off of your nightstand and wheel around your room looking for a place to hide.

GrooveToons Clock ($50 at Cygnett.com)
Sound the alarm for Cygnett's GrooveToons clock. It works with any generation iPod nano. The speakers pack a punch for the price and will help get a dawdler out of bed.

HASSLE #2: Missing & Lost School Supplies

Sanity Savers:

• Use a closet organizer as a place for school supplies, teacher notes, school notices, or conference schedules.
  
• Place a basket near the door where children can put their notices and school paperwork to be signed.
• Have children pack backpacks before they go to bed and place them near the front door for the morning.
  

Product to try:

Closet Clothing Organizers ($25 at TheOrganizedParent.com)
Hang it near a back door so that each child puts his or her school supplies in one section.

Back to school this year is especially tough because many budgets may be feeling squeezed. But we still want to get our kids what they need and the fun, fashionable supplies they want. As an educator and a mom of three, I think back-to-school shopping is a great time to teach your child how to be a smart spender. Here are 10 ways to do that last-minute school shopping so that everyone ends up in a win-win situation.

1. Make a shopping list. Involve your kids in developing their own shopping lists. Start by having your kid list his or her teacher’s required school supplies. (If you haven’t received “the list,” check the school’s website.)

2. Create a realistic budget. Set a budget that works for your family and share that with your child. Establish wants versus needs. Give your young child a few index cards. He or she can cut a few desired items from ads, and glue them onto the cards. Now, each kid takes his or her list when you head to the store.

3. Do one-store shopping. Choose only one store to shop. It’s not so overwhelming for you going store to store, you’ll use less gas in the process, and you'll cut back on kid bickering. I’m partial to Office Depot because things are affordable and it has everything needed for the little kids who need backpacks, crayons and glue, as well as the teens who need technology.