Parenting Secrets with Dr. Michele Borba : Blogs at iVillage.com
- Pregnancy & Parenting
- Parenting Secrets
Results tagged “holidays” from Dr. Michele Borba's Parenting Solutions
Thinking of having your kid fly alone to visit someone this summer? After this week's news you just may want to rethink your plans. It seems yet another unaccompanied minor flying to visit Grandma and Grandpa was someone "misplaced" by an airline and landed in not only in the wrong city, but the wrong state! I'm well aware that airlines frequently misplace luggage (why I've learned long ago to never ever check a bag), but I'm still baffled as to how it is that airplane employees can misplace a ten-year-old child.
In this case Dad did all the "right" things to ensure that his ten-year-old daughter was delivered safely to her grandparents. Dad filled out the required airline paperwork for Continental Airlines, walked his daughter to the gate at Logan International Airport with an airline employee, and even watched his child board the plane while his parents waited patiently at the Cleveland gate for her arrival. Despite all those efforts, the daughter landed in Newark, NJ leaving two grandparents and her dad frantically trying to track her whereabouts for 45 minutes. (Can you imagine the terror?) All because the flight crew of the connecting flight failed to check the young girl's paperwork (which was hanging prominently around her neck) and escorted her to the wrong aircraft.
The good news is that the ten-year-old is safe and sound and with her grandparents. Meanwhile I'm sure most parents hearing this are in full panic mode about letting their kids fly solo anytime in the near future - if ever.
So what 's a parent to do? In divorced families there isn't always an option when it comes to kids visiting their other parent. And spending a summer with grandparents is many a kid's fondest memory. My advice: Don't be too quick to cancel your child's flight reservation --just yet anyway.
I know from personal experience that there are hundreds of kids who fly alone and really do land in the right city. I've also watched dozens of responsible airline employees help kids board planes, review their paperwork, give out individual safety instructions, and firmly let those minors know they are "not to move" until they are personally escorted to the next plane by a designated employee. Still there are always stories like this one that remind us that the unaccompanied minor system is not fail-proof. The parenting solution for this dilemma involves five quick tests to help assess whether your kid is really ready to fly alone in the friendly skies.
Continue reading Is Your Kid Really Ready to Fly Alone?.
Right now most of you are taking out those Easter baskets, busily boiling and dying eggs and buying chocolate bunnies. My kids loved Easter and couldn't wait to find the eggs that the Easter Bunny hid around our yard. I have to admit--I loved perpetuating the whole myth. The day my boys figured out the Easter Bunny wasn't real took a bit of the magic out of the season. It's always around this time of year that parents ask me whether they should tell their kids about the Bunny. Relax. Research finds no harm in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. They are part of great folk lore tradition such as George Washington and the cherry tree and Paul Bunyan and his blue ox, Babe. For that matter just about any Disney animated movie or fairy tale fits the category. Young kids love those tales. Their imaginations are so wonderfully active and they eat them up. There is only one trick: Knowing when to admit the Easter Bunny is really just a tale. The second trick is knowing when your child is ready to end the magic.
For any of you struggling with the "should I tell up?" issue, here are a few tips:
Watch for "the signs." If your kid starts asking more specific questions about Mr. Easter Bunny ("Where does he live?" "How does he find our house?" "How does he store all those eggs?") know that he is starting to put two and two together. Just be a bit more alert as to his queries. Know that the time for that "Is the bunny real?" may be approaching.
Clarify your child's question before answering. We often barrel ahead giving too much or the wrong facts without first checking to verify what our kids are really asking for. So just clarify: "What do you mean?" "I'm not sure I understand your question. Tell me more."
Explain at your child's level of understanding. If your child flat out asks, "Is the bunny real?" you might save yourself a huge explanation. First ask, "What do you think?" Or "What do your friends say?" When kids know that the bunny isn't real they often just need affirmation.
Tell the truth when your kid is on to the "tale." Once your child does know that the Easter Bunny is just a fun tale don't try stretching the myth to last longer. Usually all that is needed is a simple, "Yes, you're right. The bunny is just a make-believe story but wasn't it fun to pretend?" The vast majority of kids will agree wholeheartedly. The mistake is trying to perpetuate the tale to a school-aged child once he knows. There's nothing worse than for peers to tell him he's wrong and then it's your sweet munchkin having to defend YOU to the other kids.
Happy Easter! Enjoy the magic of make believe with your kids as long as you can. The glorious stage of magic goes by all too quickly.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
Did you know that writing a "thank you" note is a simple, proven way to boost a child's gratitude? That's what researchers from the University of California at Davis and Southern Methodist University have found. But they also discovered that being thankful might be the key to raising your child's happiness and well-being. While most of us agree that writing "thank you" cards is a habit of gratitude we should encourage, getting many kids to write them without the whines and complaints is often the problem. So here are a few fun (and sneaky) tricks to getting your kids to write "thank you" for those holidays presents...
Set expectations for gratitude. Be clear and upfront this year. Any present--regardless of the price or size--deserves a "thank you" card. If your kids hear those expectations now, they'll be less likely to put up a battle later.
Enforce the "write then play" rule. Implement one simple family rule: "You must write the thank you note first, and then you may use the gift." Believe me, that mandate speeds up the writing process.
Set age appropriate guidelines. A young child can dictate his comments and only needs to sign his name. School age kids should use this rule from The Etiquette and Leadership Institute at Athens, Georgia: "The total number of sentences in a thank you note should be half the child's age." So a ten-year-old should be expected to write a minimum of five complete sentences.
Turn on kids' creative juices. Another way to get kids more involved in the "thank you" writing process is to ask them to come up with their own unique way of thanking Grandma. A few creative "thank you" card ideas for kids might include:
Happy holidays
Related Content:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
Set expectations for gratitude. Be clear and upfront this year. Any present--regardless of the price or size--deserves a "thank you" card. If your kids hear those expectations now, they'll be less likely to put up a battle later.
Enforce the "write then play" rule. Implement one simple family rule: "You must write the thank you note first, and then you may use the gift." Believe me, that mandate speeds up the writing process.
Set age appropriate guidelines. A young child can dictate his comments and only needs to sign his name. School age kids should use this rule from The Etiquette and Leadership Institute at Athens, Georgia: "The total number of sentences in a thank you note should be half the child's age." So a ten-year-old should be expected to write a minimum of five complete sentences.
Turn on kids' creative juices. Another way to get kids more involved in the "thank you" writing process is to ask them to come up with their own unique way of thanking Grandma. A few creative "thank you" card ideas for kids might include:
- Make a video just for that person that expresses appreciation.
- Take a photo of the child wearing or using the gift. The developed four-by-six inch print makes an instant postcard; the child just writes a brief note on the back and addresses and mails it.
- Write the thank you on a piece of card stock and then cut it into a few pieces like a jigsaw puzzle.
- Spell out the thank you use M&M's or alphabet cereal glued on a piece of cardboard.
Happy holidays
Related Content:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
You know the moment: Grandma hands your child a beautifully wrapped present and then waits with anticipation for the kid's response. Ah, the excitement! Your child is sure it contains an iPod that they've hinted about for the past weeks, but when your kid rips open the box, she finds a scarf. Pretty. Pink. Cashmere. But not an iPod. Now you could have one awkward moment on you hands. How would your child handle the disappointment?
Let's face it, the holidays are the time of year when we see behaviors in our kids that aren't always so becoming. Here is one Mom's recent question:
I have a three year-old son. He's an only child and I'm a single mom. Here's my dilemma, there are at least 3 birthday parties we'll be attending in the coming weeks and from his behavior last year, it makes me sort of dread attending. When the birthday child opened a gift, my son, started to cry because he wanted one too. How do I handle an encore of this performance?
It's easy for kids to look grateful about receiving gifts they like, but it's much harder for kids to learn to accept an unappealing gift with grace... especially with a younger child. So here's the answer to your dilemma: Teach your child how to accept gifts graciously by rehearsing polite comebacks prior to the event. In fact, the best way to learn any new behavior is by rehearsing it over and over until it kicks in. And the more your child practices ahead of time the more likely he will be able to open up that gift and tactfully say "thank you" despite the disappointment.
With a younger child, play the scene out by giving him a present and rehearsing opening up the present and then practicing the lines. A few gracious responses might be, "Thank you for this. I really appreciate it" or "Thanks. That was nice of you."
Sometimes, "Thank you so much!" might be best. It may help to actually practice what your face looks like when it is happy vs. disappointed. Make sure you discuss the effort that went into buying the gift. Stress that your child doesn't have to like a gift but he must show his appreciation for the effort that went behind the thought.
Christmas morning is fast approaching, so start practicing!
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
Get more info from TODAY on iVillage.
Let's face it, the holidays are the time of year when we see behaviors in our kids that aren't always so becoming. Here is one Mom's recent question:
I have a three year-old son. He's an only child and I'm a single mom. Here's my dilemma, there are at least 3 birthday parties we'll be attending in the coming weeks and from his behavior last year, it makes me sort of dread attending. When the birthday child opened a gift, my son, started to cry because he wanted one too. How do I handle an encore of this performance? It's easy for kids to look grateful about receiving gifts they like, but it's much harder for kids to learn to accept an unappealing gift with grace... especially with a younger child. So here's the answer to your dilemma: Teach your child how to accept gifts graciously by rehearsing polite comebacks prior to the event. In fact, the best way to learn any new behavior is by rehearsing it over and over until it kicks in. And the more your child practices ahead of time the more likely he will be able to open up that gift and tactfully say "thank you" despite the disappointment. With a younger child, play the scene out by giving him a present and rehearsing opening up the present and then practicing the lines. A few gracious responses might be, "Thank you for this. I really appreciate it" or "Thanks. That was nice of you."
Sometimes, "Thank you so much!" might be best. It may help to actually practice what your face looks like when it is happy vs. disappointed. Make sure you discuss the effort that went into buying the gift. Stress that your child doesn't have to like a gift but he must show his appreciation for the effort that went behind the thought.
Christmas morning is fast approaching, so start practicing!
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
Get more info from TODAY on iVillage.
It's Thanksgiving Day and your family and guests are at your festive table, ready for the meal to begin, but you first want folks to share their Thanksgiving blessings. Be honest: Which scenario would best depict your reaction when it's your children's turn to count their blessings with the group?
Would you...
If your kids need reminders to say "thank you," show appreciation, or take thoughtful gestures for granted, then it may be time for a gratitude makeover. Studies prove that the happiest kids feel an appreciation for life, and that's regardless of their wealth or personal circumstances. They are also more joyful, determined, optimistic, resilient, less stressed and even healthier. So if you're a tad concerned that your kids' attitude of gratitude needs a little boost, the good news is that science also proves there are simple strategies to do it. One of the easiest ways is by establishing family rituals where kids count their everyday blessings. Here are a few to get you started:
Thank You ABCs. This one is great for younger kids to do at the dinner table. You and your kids say the alphabet together but for each letter include something you are grateful for: A, Aunt Helen; B, my brother; C, my cat, and so on. Take it up a notch by explaining why they are grateful. Families with small kids rarely get beyond H, but the point is you're having fun together and your kids are also learning to be appreciative.
Thanksgiving blessings. Say a prayer of thanks together before meals. Some families take turns so that each night a different member leads the prayer. Or, do bedtime blessings when each child exchanges messages of appreciation for one another followed by a goodnight hug and kiss.
Gratitude letters. Your child writes a letter to someone who has made a positive difference in his life, but has probably not thanked properly in the past (such as his teacher, coach, scout master or grandparent). To maximize the impact, research says that your child should read the letter to the person face-to-face.
Gratitude journals. Another proven way to boost gratitude is by having your kids write something they feel grateful for, ideally four times a week, and continue for at least three weeks. Younger kids can draw or dictate things they are most grateful for; older kids can write in a diary or on a computer. Why not do so as a family?
Thank your kids. Don't overlook your kids' daily thoughtful deeds. Just be sure to tell them what they did that you appreciate so they are more likely to copy your example and send their own "appreciation messages" to others.
Set limits. Having too much of anything squelches appreciation. So fight the tendency to overindulge your child with too many things. Giving kids what they want all of the time does not help them learn to be grateful and appreciative of what they have.
Expose your kids to the less fortunate. Face-to-face experiences can go a long way in helping kids appreciate their blessings. So find ways for you and your child to do charitable work (playing with kids in a homeless shelter, reading to the blind, building a low-cost home or delivering meals for the bed-ridden).
Remember, change is a process; not a one-time activity. Stick to your commitment and find simple ways to help your child practice gratitude. Reinforce any efforts and don't give up until you get the desired change.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
Get more info from TODAY on iVillage.
Would you...
A: Beam with pride as they describe their gratitude for their life blessings?
B: Gently remind them of things they could share?
C: Want to die from embarrassment since your kids can't think of anything to say?
If your kids need reminders to say "thank you," show appreciation, or take thoughtful gestures for granted, then it may be time for a gratitude makeover. Studies prove that the happiest kids feel an appreciation for life, and that's regardless of their wealth or personal circumstances. They are also more joyful, determined, optimistic, resilient, less stressed and even healthier. So if you're a tad concerned that your kids' attitude of gratitude needs a little boost, the good news is that science also proves there are simple strategies to do it. One of the easiest ways is by establishing family rituals where kids count their everyday blessings. Here are a few to get you started:
Thank You ABCs. This one is great for younger kids to do at the dinner table. You and your kids say the alphabet together but for each letter include something you are grateful for: A, Aunt Helen; B, my brother; C, my cat, and so on. Take it up a notch by explaining why they are grateful. Families with small kids rarely get beyond H, but the point is you're having fun together and your kids are also learning to be appreciative.
Thanksgiving blessings. Say a prayer of thanks together before meals. Some families take turns so that each night a different member leads the prayer. Or, do bedtime blessings when each child exchanges messages of appreciation for one another followed by a goodnight hug and kiss.
Gratitude letters. Your child writes a letter to someone who has made a positive difference in his life, but has probably not thanked properly in the past (such as his teacher, coach, scout master or grandparent). To maximize the impact, research says that your child should read the letter to the person face-to-face.
Gratitude journals. Another proven way to boost gratitude is by having your kids write something they feel grateful for, ideally four times a week, and continue for at least three weeks. Younger kids can draw or dictate things they are most grateful for; older kids can write in a diary or on a computer. Why not do so as a family?
Thank your kids. Don't overlook your kids' daily thoughtful deeds. Just be sure to tell them what they did that you appreciate so they are more likely to copy your example and send their own "appreciation messages" to others.
Set limits. Having too much of anything squelches appreciation. So fight the tendency to overindulge your child with too many things. Giving kids what they want all of the time does not help them learn to be grateful and appreciative of what they have.
Expose your kids to the less fortunate. Face-to-face experiences can go a long way in helping kids appreciate their blessings. So find ways for you and your child to do charitable work (playing with kids in a homeless shelter, reading to the blind, building a low-cost home or delivering meals for the bed-ridden).
Remember, change is a process; not a one-time activity. Stick to your commitment and find simple ways to help your child practice gratitude. Reinforce any efforts and don't give up until you get the desired change.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
Get more info from TODAY on iVillage.
Are some Halloween costumes for young girls too sexy? Michele Borba and CNBC's Donny Deutsch weigh in on the issue with TODAY's Matt Lauer.
Watch the segment from TODAY
What do you think of these controversial costumes? Leave a comment.
Related Content:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
What do you think of these controversial costumes? Leave a comment.
Related Content:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
Halloween always has been at the top of kids' "fun holidays." And why not? Playing dress up, asking for candy and getting it, staying out a bit late and carving pumpkins--it's all the stuff kids love. But there's also the scarier side of October 31 that can take the fun out of that big night and provoke anxiety, especially for little ones.
Watch the segment from TODAY
Fears are a normal part of child development, but some kids are a lot more fearful and anxious than others. Halloween sure can bring out the "fear factor" in younger children because of their stage of cognitive development. Younger kids can't yet distinguish between make-believe and reality, so their active imaginations help fuel fears. Everything about Halloween--from eerie eyeballs, sticky hanging cobwebs, to ghosts, goblins and things that go bump into the night--play right into their imaginations. It isn't until around the beginning of school-age when kids start realizing they can handle their fears by working through them, or by using coping strategies Mom and Dad may have taught them.
Fears are a certainly a normal part of childhood, but there are a few mistakes parents can make that can exacerbate the fear. Here are four things to avoid while trick-or-treating (or any other time your child shows a bit of anxiety).
Fears are a certainly a normal part of childhood, but there are a few mistakes parents can make that can exacerbate the fear. Here are four things to avoid while trick-or-treating (or any other time your child shows a bit of anxiety).
Mistake 1: Trying to use logic to talk the child out of the fear. As trivial or unfounded as a child's worry may seem, the fear feels real to your child and it's causing him or her to feel anxious and afraid. Lecturing, ignoring or trying to use logic with your child will not help.
Mistake 2: Belittling the fear. Telling your child "Don't be silly! There are no ghosts under your bed!" won't make the fear go away. Be clear that you, too, accept even an unrealistic fear producer as real, but you do not believe it will really hurt you.
Mistake 3: Pushing the fear too fast. Pushing the child into the fear (insisting he go into that haunted house or putting his hand into that jar with the eerie eyeballs) can increase the fear factor as well as breakdown your child's trust with you. If you know that Mr. Jones is going to jump out of the bushes and scare the bejeepers out of the kids, then best to avoid that house altogether.
Mistake 4: Overprotecting. Studies find that kids whose parents try to shield them from stressful events wind up more fearful. Protecting too much in childhood produces adults with unusually high portions of panic attacks.[i] So don't be so quick to protect your child from scary Halloween. You may do more harm than good.
Continue reading Take the Fear Out of Halloween.
If you ever had even the slightest bit of guilt about saying “No" to your kids materialistic whims, you can kiss those feelings away. A University of Minnesota study out just last week confirmed what every parent has instinctively known deep down: we're not doing our kids any favors by giving in to their every whim and spending urge.
Deborah Roedder John and Lan Nguyen Chaplin, the lead authors of the study, found that materialistic kids are less happy, more anxious, feel less secure, have lower self-esteem, are less able to handle adversity, and are less generous and charitable. Wow! And if that doesn't convince you to hide that ATM card, the study also found that materialistic kids have lower opinions of their parents and argue with them more.
Get a plan now to halt the gimmes in your home -- and stick to it! Think of it: you'll be saving money, be less stressed, save hours now that you don't have to shop, and boost your kid's self-esteem! Sounds almost too good to be true. And what better time to start than during the holidays.
Continue reading Try a "less is more" Christmas.
