What should you do when your child doesn't like his teacher? Should you call the principal or sit in on the class? Or should you brush it off as a normal childhood grievance and move on? Here are the steps to take to help you navigate this tricky teacher trouble:

 

According to a survey by Public Agenda almost half of all parents of school-age students said they have arguments involving tears or yelling with their kids about homework. And one third of parents admit those school assignments cause repeated kid meltdowns. There's been some controversy lately about homework that some say isn't necessary, assigned by an administrative policy that's trying to make the parents feel the school is serious about education, or being sure their attendees pass standardized tests. Research says that the right kind of homework assignments enhances children's learning as well as helping them acquire the essential skills for success in school and life (such as organization, self-pacing, problem solving, internal motivation, concentration, memory, goal setting, good old "stick-to-it-ness") and don't forget, they might learn something!

So here are a few tips to help parents weigh the battle versus the learning. The key is a bit of organization from the start.

Make homework mandatory, not a choice. From the beginning maintain a firm, serious attitude about homework. Your kid needs to know that homework is not an option. Enforce the "work before play" rule.

Your role is guider, not doer. While you need to make sure they understand the concepts and are capable of the assignments, once they do, step back! Use the mantra: "Never do for your child, what your child can do for himself." It may take a bit of adjustment, but hang tight until you reach the desired change: independent, self-motivated learners.

Know the teacher's expectations. Be clear as to expectations and homework policy so you are all on the same page. If your child is in middle school she probably has a number of teachers, so you will have to do the same query per teacher. Many teachers prefer an email query- find out how the teacher prefers to be contacted. Most important: Find out on an average, how long should the homework take per night? That answer will help your determine if your child has too much work, is a procrastinator, has a learning disability or lacks study skills. Talk with your child so he knows you are not only aware of those expectations but support them

Any new social scene can be really tough. Having all new classmates, joining a brand-new group of kids on a soccer team, transferring to a new school, going away to camp alone and most of all moving isn't easy. And oh how kids can pour on the guilt to remind us they're not happy campers: "You're ruining my life!" "Why do I have to go to this new school?" "Why can't we move back to our old neighborhood? Do you have any idea how unhappy you made me?"

Knowing that our kids are lonely, feel left out, and desperately miss their old group is tough. As much as we'd love to, we can't instantly wipe away our their pain because their best friends are left behind and they can't fit in with the new crowd. But we can ease their discomfort by making the transition a bit smoother. We can help them find ways to make new friends. And we even can teach them new friendship making skills that actually may be ones they can use in other social arenas. So think positively, and stay focused on what you can do to boost your child's friendship quotient and get him through this tough time. Here are a few parenting solutions to help your child get started fitting into any new social scene.

Acknowledge feelings. If your child doesn't share her feelings, you can help her recognize how she feels: "You must be feeling lonely and miss your old group." "I can you're worried." It's tough to join a new team when you don't any of the kids. Let her know such feelings are normal.

Be reassuring. "It may take time to meet new kids and make new friends. Many of these kids have been friends with one another for quite a while, and may not be too receptive to a new person joining in." "Remember way back when you didn't know anybody--even Kevin, and then you became great friends. It will take time, but you'll make new friends just like you did at our other home."

Become acquainted with other parents. Be a room parent, offer to carpool, sign up to coach, be the team mom, meet other camper parents, and attend PTA meetings and other school functions. Getting to know parents of your child's potential friends is often a great way to invite the families over, giving your child the opportunity to have a new playmate. Also, introduce yourself to the neighbors: sometimes our kid's best friends can be literally next door. Find out who amongst your work colleagues has children: it's a way to learn not only about available kid activities, but also to arrange play dates for younger children (or find a babysitter!).

If your child is bullied it means that peers are intentionally causing her pain. If this is happening to your child, please know that your son or daughter is not alone. By some estimates, one in seven American schoolchildren is either a bully or a victim. Reports confirm that bullying is starting at younger ages and is far more frequent and aggressive than ever before.

While you can't always be there to step in and protect your child there are ways to help your son or daughter be less likely to be victimized in the first place. I reviewed hundreds of articles on bullying to find tips to pass onto parents. I also wrote a proposal to end school bullying and violence that became SB1667 and passed into law.

Here are some of those solutions to help your child navigate a vicious social jungle and deal with bullies:

Start the talk now! Children who are embarrassed or humiliated about being bullied are unlikely to discuss it with their parents or teachers and generally suffer in silence, withdraw and try to stay away from school. So start talking to your child about bullying before it ever happens. Tell your child you are always available and recognize it is a growing problem.

Stop rescuing. Children need practice to speak up and be assertive so when the moment comes that they do need to stand up to a bully, they can. Always rescuing can create the conditions under which a child can become a victim.

Avoid areas where bullies prey. Bullying usually happens in unsupervised adult areas such as hallways, stairwells, playgrounds (under trees and equipment, in far corners), lockers, parks and bathrooms in places such as malls, schools, parks and even libraries. Teach your child "hot spots" (places most likely to be frequently by bullies), and then tell him to avoid those areas.

Thinking of having your kid fly alone to visit someone this summer? After this week's news you just may want to rethink your plans.

It seems yet another unaccompanied minor flying to visit Grandma and Grandpa was someone "misplaced" by an airline and landed in not only in the wrong city, but the wrong state! I'm well aware that airlines frequently misplace luggage (why I've learned long ago to never ever check a bag), but I'm still baffled as to how it is that airplane employees can misplace a ten-year-old child.

In this case Dad did all the "right" things to ensure that his ten-year-old daughter was delivered safely to her grandparents. Dad filled out the required airline paperwork for Continental Airlines, walked his daughter to the gate at Logan International Airport with an airline employee, and even watched his child board the plane while his parents waited patiently at the Cleveland gate for her arrival. Despite all those efforts, the daughter landed in Newark, NJ leaving two grandparents and her dad frantically trying to track her whereabouts for 45 minutes. (Can you imagine the terror?) All because the flight crew of the connecting flight failed to check the young girl's paperwork (which was hanging prominently around her neck) and escorted her to the wrong aircraft.

The good news is that the ten-year-old is safe and sound and with her grandparents. Meanwhile I'm sure most parents hearing this are in full panic mode about letting their kids fly solo anytime in the near future - if ever.

So what 's a parent to do? In divorced families there isn't always an option when it comes to kids visiting their other parent. And spending a summer with grandparents is many a kid's fondest memory. My advice:  Don't be too quick to cancel your child's flight reservation --just yet anyway.

I know from personal experience that there are hundreds of kids who fly alone and really do land in the right city. I've also watched dozens of responsible airline employees help kids board planes, review their paperwork, give out individual safety instructions, and firmly let those minors know they are "not to move" until they are personally escorted to the next plane by a designated employee. Still there are always stories like this one that remind us that the unaccompanied minor system is not fail-proof. The parenting solution for this dilemma involves five quick tests to help assess whether your kid is really ready to fly alone in the friendly skies.

First crushes are an inevitable and normal rite of passage in childhood. They open doors to talking about healthy relationships before kids become teens. The average age of a first big crush is between nine to twelve when a new awareness about gender emerges and puberty kicks in. Girls are usually more vocal and direct about their crush and tend to have more intensive but shorter term crushes. Boys keep the fantasy alive longer though generally feel a little awkward and won't talk to their friends about it (unless the crush turns physical). Don't panic immediately. A WholeFamily survey asked teens to indicate how often they act on a crush, and the answers indicated that it "wasn't very often."

Celebrity crushes over movie stars and band members (Miley Cyrus, Daniel Radclifffe, Zac Efron, Hilary Duff and the Jonas Brothers) are common around 10 or 11. Many kids choose the celebrity crush because it is safer (i.e. unattainable) and as a way to fit in with peers. The crush is relatively harmless unless it becomes obsessive. Hobbies are a good way to help your tween wean away from the celebrity craze and balance her time.

Tips for parents on handling the first crush:

1. Use it as an opportunity to talk about "respect." It's rude to overlook other kids, the difference between "smothering" and "caring," not chasing "the crush", acting too goofy or loud to get attention or giving him 'blank calls' and so on.


2. Discourage love notes and constant phone calls.


3. Don't try talking your kid out of her feelings (as long as the crush is moderate and the "crush" behavior not too intense). Those emotions are real.


4. Step in if the crush gets so obsessive excluding other friends and interests.


5. Be cautious of any crush with an adult. If the crush seems to be getting serious or is reciprocated in any way, intervene ASAP.

More Young Love "Firsts"

• First Puppy Love
• First Crush
• First Steady
• First Breakup
• First Date
• First Real Love
• First Time

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.

Crushes are a common experience for kids and these days the average age cupid's arrow is hitting a lot sooner than parents may think--or be prepared for. These feelings are normal and even important developmental milestones for children. Crushes and first loves prepare our kids for the real world of intimacy and commitment as well as the pain of rejection.

Puppy love can start even in preschool with a playmate attraction but it is more typical around five to eight during those early grade school years. Though such "attractions" are generally short lived--sometimes lasting no more than even a day--the child does care about the pal but usually bounces back quickly and moves on.

Giggling, giving affectionate little hugs (or even a kiss), and even announcing he's my "girlfriend or boyfriend" are typical. Slightly older grade schoolers may blush, be embarrassed. These early "love" memories endure and can leave a lasting impact--though harmless--on our psyche. Most everyone can recall his or her first early love.

Tips for parents on handling first puppy love:

1. Don't be too concerned. This too shall pass.


2. Do show an interest in your child's feelings and beliefs.


3. Take a reality check that you're not "encouraging" this "cute" behavior and your kid isn't acting "too sexualized" due to media influence or modeling an older sibling or you

More Young Love "Firsts"

• First Puppy Love
• First Crush
• First Steady
• First Breakup
• First Date
• First Real Love
• First Time

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .

The report card on our children's character is just in, and it appears many are flunking. The Josephson Institute of Ethics just released survey results of over 30,000 high school students involving over 100 high schools--both private and public--show dismal results: Cheating is rampant in schools, and is only getting worse. 64 percent of students admit to cheating on a test in the past year, and 38 percent did so two or more times. (That's up 60% and 35% from the 2006 survey). 36 percent say they used the Internet to plagiarize an assignment (that's up 33 percent since 2004). Another survey found that 95 percent of kids say they're never been caught.

But there is another troubling trend as well: Stealing is increasing (30 percent of all students surveyed admitted they stole at least once from a store) and their student attitudes about their deceptions are even more disturbing. Over 93 percent of students say they are satisfied with their personal ethics. We need to turn this trend around and ASAP.

Watch the segment from TODAY


There is no one reason kids cheat, but here are the usual causes:

1. Laziness: Cutting corners so you don't have to study. It's the shortcut to success.


2. Pressure: Competitiveness in a very high-stakes testing environment


3. Fear of failure: Fear of letting down a parent or not getting that scholarship


4. Truncated "honesty" quotient: The expectation for honesty isn't emphasized


5. Ease & efficiency: The Internet makes it so much easier just to cut and paste.  Over 3000 YouTube videos are up right now teaching kids how to cheat!


6. Time Famine: Over-scheduled kids with no time to study


7. Peer Pressure: Tough to stand alone if everybody else is cheating
   


8. Modeled behavior:  Coaches who push "score" at any cost, teachers who look the other way, helicopter parents who want the "grade" at any cost. It goes all the way up to Wall Street, NFL players, Senators, etc.

Though there are a number of reasons kids cheat, the key to stopping it is to determine why your child is resorting to using this behavior. Here are a few of the main reasons:

• Weak conscience or honest quotient: Character is taking a backseat


• Stress: The push and pressure to excel is huge


• No time: The child so over-scheduled that there is no time for homework


• Low skill level: Academic expectations are too high or the child is incapable of work


• Peer pressure: Your child is in with a group that eggs him or her on, or the other kids cheat


• Laziness: Allowed to get away with it.

I'm a big believer in the idea that it's never too early to be alarmed. Cheating and deception are learned early and become entrenched as a habit of "acceptability." It begins in earnest around the ages of 10 to 14, which is when we need to tune in a lot closer. Make no mistake, every time your child is allowed to get away with cheating, the child's conscience takes a ding. Though every kid will try it, the key is to nip it before it becomes "acceptable."

So how do you stop cheating before it becomes rampant?  Read my post on How to Stop the Cheating Epidemic for tips.

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• How to Stop the Cheating Epidemic
  
• TODAY on iVillage

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of No More Misbehavin': 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them.

In an earlier post--Help! My Kid is a Cheater!--I explained the warning signs to tell if your child is cheating, and some of the reasons why cheating has become such an epidemic.  Now that you've assessed the situation here some steps you can take to curb those cheating behaviors:

Watch the segment from TODAY

1. Breathe: Know that these days most kids admit they do cheat. How you respond will make a difference if he or she continues or not. Often the highest achieving kids are the students under the greatest pressure to cut corners.


2. Find out what's really going on: Why is your child resorting to using this behavior? Are the expectations too high? Is he over-scheduled? Is he not capable of the work? Does he lack good study habits? Is everyone else in the class cheating or peer pressure is too high?


3. Work out a solution: The key is for your child to know that you understand he's under pressure but cheating is not the way. So together figure out how to remedy the problem so cheating isn't your child's solution. (i.e. There's no time to do homework so he copies - then cut one of those darn activities. If he is lazy and doesn't want to do the work, then no more TV time, but create a solution so the problem doesn't solve escalate (which it will).

If you need to approach your child's teacher, do so cautiously. If your child is not cheating and you point out your concerns, the teacher will now be suspicious of your child's behavior. It's better to first approach your child to get the facts. After you hear her out you talk to the teacher if the situation warrants. A lot will depend on the seriousness of the issue, and if this is a one-time happening or a long time occurrence. If you suspect your child is cheating, you'll also want to know if this is just your child doing this or the whole class.

If you talk do to the teacher, remember you want her as an ally. Is your child turning in assignments? When are the test days? Are the tests cooperative or is each child expected to do their own work (seriously). Is your child capable of the work? Ask the teacher to clarify her expectations to your child so she is clear as to what constitutes cheating.

If cheating becomes a pattern for your child. then you must break it. Every time a child gets away with it, a little more of that honesty fiber is chipped away, which is why you must nip this behavior in the bud. Cheating is learned and so is honesty. Which means the reverse is possible. So aim for the reverse: An honest kid. Remember, cheating is a learned behavior, so it can be unlearned.

Related Content:

• Help! My Kid is a Cheater!
  
• TODAY on iVillage

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of No More Misbehavin': 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them.

Let's face it. It's a tougher time to be growing up, and the data confirms it. Bullying is fiercer. Peer pressure is tougher. Kids are also more aggressive at younger ages. Girls are meaner. Of course we can't always be there to pick up the pieces or help our kids stand up for themselves, nor should we. After all, the more our children see us as their rescuers, the more they learn to rely on us to solve their problems. The secret is help our kids learn how to be more assertive and speak up for themselves.

Here are seven ways to help your child learn to be respectfully assertive.

1. Model assertiveness. Be the model you want your child to copy. Don't be meek. Stand up for your views even if they may not be unpopular. Let your kids know that even though you might feel uncomfortable, you always feel it's best to stand up for your rights or the rights of others.
   


2. Be a democratic household. Hold debates. Use family meetings. Listen to each child (it doesn't mean you agree with them). When kids know their opinions count they are more likely to speak out and feel comfortable doing it.


3. Acknowledge your child's assertiveness. Let your child know you value people who speak their mind. Reinforce your child's assertiveness. "I like how you spoke up!" Reinforce those behaviors in your child and let her know you honor her opinions.


4. Find less domineering friends. If your child is a bit more timid and always hangs around a bossy playmate, provide him the opportunity to find a less domineering pal so he will be more likely to speak up and gain confidence.


5. Provide early leadership opportunities. New research from the Girl Scouts of America says kids say their confidence in speaking up and leading others dwindles by the fifth grade. Kids also tell us they gain that confidence is by entering into activities, clubs, team building, etc. and the earlier the better. So provide opportunities for your child to be a member of a team, take charge of a project or lead others. You might enroll your child in public speaking or theatre to build confidence in speaking in front of others.


6. Teach your child C.A.L.M. assertion. There are four steps that help kids stand up and speak up for themselves or others. Here are the four steps to C.A.L.M.
   

C - Stay Cool. If you get upset, ticked off, cry, pout you don't appear as confident.
A - Assert yourself. Teach your child a few comeback lines to say in different situations.
L - Look the person in the eye. The best way to appear more confident is by using eye contact.
M - Mean it. Teach your child the difference between how a wimpy and a strong voice sound. Then encourage your child to assert himself using a strong and firm tone--but not yelling tone--to get his point across.

7. Role-play assertive posture, assertive phrases and a firm-sounding tone until your child has the confidence to hold his own without you. And when he does, congratulate yourself. You will have taught your child a critical skill that he will need to use in every arena of his life but now and forever.

Do you have thoughts or questions on helping your child become more assertive?  Leave a comment below!

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• 5 Tips for Helping Shy Kids
  
• TODAY on iVillage

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .

Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!

My son has a best friend (they are 8 years old) that comes over for sleep overs during the weekend, and he goes over to his friend's Dad's house and sleep over there too. Is it wrong to let the two boys sleep in the same bed with each other? -Michelle Johnson


Thanks for the question, Michelle. You're talking about two second grade aged buddies sleeping in the same bed. I am reading here that you're concerned maybe of homosexuality. Is that true? If so, the medical research shows that sexuality is biologically determined, so there is no need for concern on that topic. But there are two potential red flags.

First, boys that age do "experiment". By hosting the boys you are also responsible for anything that happens in your house.

This is also the age when teasing and bullying starts escalating. Other kids hearing about these boys sleeping together could fuel a lot of taunting. Gone are the days of innocence, eh? Sad, but you asked and I wanted you to think things through.

Why not purchase two inexpensive sleeping bags and a couple of flashlights? This is the perfect age when boys love to "camp out" (even inside) or drape sheets over beds and card tables to make forts. You might just start a whole new trend.


Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .

Get more info from TODAY on iVillage.

November 4 is Election Day, the moment that defines who we are as a democracy. It's easy to overlook how significant voting is--especially when the Election-Day coverage has been going nonstop for what seems like over two years. But this is it, folks. November 4 is also the day to teach your child about citizenship, democracy and the importance of voting. 

The percentage of youth who vote has been dismal. This is the first in a long time that kids are even showing an interest in the democratic process. For shame! Kids learn attitudes and behaviors early in life and they learn them best from parents. So here are ways to turn Election Day into not just a learning process, but also a fun family tradition.

1. Take your child to the polls. If you haven't voted early, bring your kids to the polls. Show the booth and ballot. My girlfriend's kids said their mom always did this, stressing it was her obligation as an American citizen to vote. Her adult kids have never missed voting in an election since.

2. Tune up red, white and blue. Hang up an American flag. Younger kids can make a construction paper flag replica. Explain what those 13 stripes and 50 stars mean. Make cupcakes dazzled with a red or blue sprinkles or frosting.

3. Choose your candidate and make campaign posters. Little ones can cut out pictures of their candidate from newspapers. School-age kids can make campaign posters for their candidate. Tweens and teens can analyze their candidate's views online. Some families make a ballot box (a shoe box with a slit on the top) and have each member vote on a paper slip then add up them up.

4. Hold family political debates and learn to fight F.A.I.R. The primaries were interesting in the Borba household, because every one of our five family members supported a different candidate. The fun part was listening to one another's views and some of those state measures make for fascinating discussions. The trick is making heated discussions calm. Here are four fighting F.A.I.R. rules to get your opinions across:

FREEZE if anyone gets a bit hot under the collar
ASSERT yourself by stating your position
"I" MESSAGES cut down on the blaming that can heat a discussion
RESPECTFULLY listen to each other's views

5. Watch the election-night coverage. Even if it's only for a few minutes, watch the TV coverage. Explain how the commentators are reporting who will be the next president. When I was growing up, this was a big-time family event.

6. Throw in political lessons. Hang up a map of the U.S. or print one from online. Do a quick lesson on the two-party system: Obama is the Democrat and McCain is the Republican. School-age kids can color in red or blue states on the map. An older kid can add up those electoral votes on a calculator and make the democratic process come to life.

7. Save the next day's newspaper. Make sure you put the next morning's headlines announcing the new president of the United States front and center in your household. Regardless of who wins, let your child know this elected man is the leader of the free world for the next four years.

Whether or not your candidate comes out the winner, please convey to your children that there are many countries in the world that do not have the privilege of choosing a candidate. Don't ever let your children take their democracy for granted.

And, make sure you vote!

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .

Yelling is contagious, so if you, or another family member, have been screaming, your child may have caught the “screaming bug.” It’s time for a temper makeover. Reducing temper tantrums will take commitment, but it is doable. Helping your kids learn to handle stress in a healthy way is critical any time, but especially now. Here are seven steps to reduce the yelling, control those tempers and become a calmer and healthier family.

Watch the segment from TODAY Step 1: Take the Calmer Family Challenge. Begin by gathering the troops and convey your new “no yelling” expectations to all family members. Explain that while it's okay to be angry, they may not use a yelling voice to express their feelings. If a family member needs to take a time-out to calm down, he may do so. Everyone must know you mean business, so take a vow and sign a pledge as a family, posting it on the fridge as a concrete reminder.

Step 2: Learn your stress warning signs. Kids mirror our emotions. When you raise your voice, they raise theirs. The best way to stop yelling is to identify your own stress signs that warn you that you’re getting angry. Next, help your child recognize what specific warning signs he or she may have that signal a start to getting upset. For example: “Looks like you’re tense. Your hands are in a fist. Do you feel yourself starting to get angry?” (Some signs of an oncoming temper tantrum are flushed checks; a pounding heart; a louder voice; clenched hands; grinding teeth; and rapid breathing.) Anger escalates very quickly. If a child waits until he is in "meltdown" mode to get in control, it’s too late.

Step 3: Identify temper triggers. Figure out when and where arguments are most likely to transpire and what they’re over. Yelling matches typically happen at the same time (such as when you get home from work, at homework time or during morning mania) so recognize that and help your family identify the temper triggers.

Earlier, I wrote about the troubling epidemic of stressed-out kids and urged us all to look closer at our children. Since each child displays stress a bit differently, the secret is to look for change in your child's normal coping pattern and watch your child carefully to identify his unique stress signs. Here are a few places to start:

(Special Note to Parents: It’s Time to Step Up to the Plate!)

Picture a high school gym where dozens of students lay on foam mats taking deep relaxing breaths to the cadence of their teacher’s voice. The class is Yoga 101 and it is the hot subject being taught from preschool to high school.

Educators are becoming increasingly concerned about how high stress levels affect students' emotional health and their ability to concentrate. They say students today are the most achievement-oriented batch yet. "Generation Stress" (as they’ve been nicknamed) is full of students that strive to be perfect, internalize everything, and don't know how to reduce their stress loads. To address these concerns, educators are offering stress reducers, such as yoga class, to help their students learn coping strategies.

But why are schools taking on the responsibility of teaching stress-reducers? Isn’t that the parents' job? Educators heartily concur, but are also quick to add a sad truth: Too many parents fail to recognize how just overwhelmed their children are.

Find out if your child is stressed.

“What do I get if I do it?”

“How much will you give me?”

Heard these words lately from your darling offspring? If so, chances are your kid is suffering from a widespread kid epidemic called: “Hooked on Rewards.” (Translation: they expect the gold stars, stickers, or monetary prizes for a job well done).

Here's the danger: instead of developing internal motivation, these kids end up with a highly developed external dependence system that relies on someone else to acknowledge their actions. If you've noticed your child is expecting something for acting right, here are a few tips to help kids become responsible for reinforcing their own behavior -- without expecting something in return:

“Spoiled! Not my kid!” Right?

Or would you admit that your child is just a tad bit spoiled? All the polls say that most Americans feel kids today are more spoiled than ever. A TIME/CNN poll found that two out of three parents feel their kids are spoiled.
A poll by the New American Dream showed 70 percent of parents believe kids are too focused on buying things.

I have to say I agree with the polls.

(Parenting expert Michele Borba tells TODAY's Natalie Morales what parents can do to end those temper tantrums. Watch the video.)

Of course we love our kids and want the best for them. We don't want to see them unhappy for a single second. But indulging their every little whim doesn't do our kids any favors. In fact, there are a few dangers to overindulging kids:

They won't win popularity contests. Forget the birthday party invitations. Spoiled kids are not pleasant to be around. Other children don't like them because they're too bossy and selfish. Adults don't like them because they're often rude and demanding.

They have reduced perseverance. Because everything comes a bit easier, a spoiled child has a tougher time handling the downsides of life. They're used to getting their way ASAP so they not only may have reduced perseverance when it comes to schoolwork, but also a tougher time handling adversity.

They have lower self-esteem. New research shows that always getting what you want leads to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, more psychosomatic complaints, and worse relationships with parents.You're in danger of getting an always-unsatisfied kid who always wants more.

They may lack character. Watch out. Spoiled kids often measure their worth based on what they have instead of who they are.

The truth is there is no gene for spoiled. We have ourselves to blame for this one -- it's clearly a learned behavior. But how do you know if your kid is spoiled? Here is my four-word test...

Let's face it -- there are times when it's just plain easier to tell your kid a little fib.

A little truth bending can ward off that tantrum (“I know you want to watch it, but I just can't find the DVD, dear.”). Most of us are guilty of this. Of course, we do it to protect our kids from worry or distressing facts -- or to protect our family's reputation in the public restaurant (“I'm sorry, honey. The cookies are all gone.”)

While I don't think it's ever right to deceive your child on those bigger life issues, you should feel free to creatively alter the facts every once in a while for those teenier situations. After all, your child may not be developmentally ready to handle the whole truth, and there are a few times when the whole truth will do more harm than good. In fact, I think there are times when not telling the whole truth is not only okay, but even advisable. Here are five ways to tell kids half-truths -- or just plain fudge things a bit for your child's own good:

1. Take the Fifth. You don't have to respond to every question, especially those involving your privacy and past life (i.e., substance abuse, sex life, law infractions). Unless you really feel it would benefit your child to hear it all, you can just take the fifth. “I'm sorry, but that's part of my private life.” Enough.

2. Ask a Question. You can avoid lying by asking a question: “Do you think Santa is real?” Or answer only what your child asks. Then wait and dig a little deeper. “What have you heard?” is always a great way to start a conversation.

3. Withhold Facts. You don't have to give all the facts, but you can still tell the truth. If your ex didn't pick up your child as promised, you don't have to say, “Your father didn't want to see you today.” You can alter the sentiment, and still be honest: “I'm not sure why Daddy isn't here. When we see him, you can ask.”

4. Water Down the Facts. Whether it's a national or world tragedy (i.e., war, tsunami, terrorism) or an event close to home (i.e., a kidnapping, a cancer diagnosis, a car accident), chances are your child will hear about it and needs to get his information from you. Be honest, but just water down the facts to his level in a reassuring way.

5. Plead Ignorance. In some instances, it's just fine to tell your child, “I don't know” -- followed by reassurances. “Will Daddy die?” “I don't know. But we're doing everything we can to help him.” Or: “Will we lose the house?” “I don't know. But whatever happens, we'll be okay because we're together.”

Use these techniques when you have to, but don't make it a habit of lying to your child. A famous experiment conducted at the University of California at Santa Barbara found that when people were asked to recall the worst lie they were ever told, they usually cited an instance when their parent lied to them. They never got over the feeling of being deceived by Mom or Dad, and they've resented it ever since. But when their parent was asked about the lie, they thought that lying to their child was not only the right thing to do, but also an act of love.

Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them.

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