All teens can be irritable, want to be secretive, and appear and even act alien- like. But when should a parent worry--really worry about their child? Did you know that one in 12 teens suffered at least one episode of major depression in the last year? Of those, a full 60 percent are not getting treatment.

That question has caused many a sleepless night for moms and dads. The more you understand typical adolescent behavior and the signs of depression, the better you'll be at tailoring your parenting to this "new tenant" of yours and getting your teen the help he or she may need.

I'm concerned that many parents are missing those crucial warning signs and too many of our teens are suffering needlessly from depression. Depression is a serious disease that affects approximately 2 million adolescents in the United States. Depression is treatable. I'm so concerned that I've partnered with Forest Laboratories to help educate parents about teen depression.

A recent survey of parents of adolescents (aged 13-17) found that parents are missing the symptoms of depression. Of parents who said they were at least somewhat knowledgeable about the symptoms of depression, 89 percent claimed they would be able to tell if their son or daughter was exhibiting symptoms. However, when asked to identify the symptoms, only 44 percent of parents were able to correctly identify the majority of them (5 out of 9).

Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a comment on this post and you may have yours answered.

I'm starting back to work a couple days a week and I'm in a panic. My toddler clings and cries so hard when I leave just to go to the grocery store that breaks my heart. Is there anyway to help my daughter feel more secure now? Thank you!  --Susan M., from Reno Nevada


Leaving our children when we know they feel insecure is heartbreaking. But there are solutions you can do now to help ease the pain and help your toddler feel more secure in your absence. The key is to slowly start implementing these tips way several weeks before you have to finally go back to work. The first tip is to make sure your child has a security object of some type.

Here are a few tips to help you help your toddler feel more secure in your absence:

Step 1. PREPARE YOUR TODDLER FOR SHORT GOODBYES

Provide a "lovey." Give a security blanket, cuddly stuffed animal or some kind of "security substitute" for your baby to use in your absence. It is a way for your toddler to soothe herself when you're not there.

Create secure transitions. Start several weeks before you leave by practicing good-byes with your toddler. Start with just saying goodbye when it's just the two of you. Then just leave a bit to go to the next room and pop back in with a big hello. Your baby will begin to realize "Mommy does return."

So Jon and Kate finally made the big announcement last night and will be going their separate ways. Tweets overloaded, bloggers went into high gear and every talk show host asked the same questions: "Will the show go on?" "How will Kate manage alone?" "Will Jon marry his girlfriend?" "How will they handle the finances?"

But in the next few days and weeks the real focus needs to be on these eight children and helping them cope. After all, one of the most stressful events in a child's life is the news that mom and dad are divorcing--only the death of a parent is ranked higher. And the truth is there is no telling how a family breakup affects a child. Factors involved include: age and gender (adolescents and boys seem to suffer the most), if there are other disruptions such as changes in home or school, the degree they were brought into the conflict, the quality of the relationship they had with each parent, the child's temperament, and the degree of parental conflict before and after the divorce. In this unique situation the media frenzy and hype can only increase anxiety.

There is no predicting how a child will respond to a family breakup, but here are common symptoms to watch for in their children: Five-year-olds often have difficult time expressing concerns about parental conflict divorce so they may be confused and anxious. They sometimes feel responsible and may believe that if they are really good (or stop "misbehaving") their parents will stop fighting. Nightmares, behavioral regressions, anger or defiance are common. Slightly older children may respond with sorrow, embarrassment, resentment, regression or anger and may act out, display regression, clinginess, insecurity or seek a lot of attention.

Federal panel urges depression screening for American tweens and teens

Always moody. Easily agitated. Sleeps in. Says, "Nobody cares." Sounds like a typical teen. Not always. Did you know that depression now strikes one out of 20 teens? What's more, the rates of childhood depression are not only increasing but are also impacting younger kids. A kid today is ten times more likely to be seriously depressed compared to a child born in the first third of this century.

Those troubling stats are exactly why this week an influential government-appointed medical panel is urging doctors to routinely screen all American teens for depression. The task force's recommendations appear in April's prestigious journal, Pediatrics. Clinical depression is not a phase or a normal stage of development, nor something kids can shrug off. It is a serious and sometimes life-threatening disease, and the long-term consequences are just too severe to ignore. Depressed youngsters are almost four times more likely to have drug or alcohol problems by their mid-20s. Nearly one in ten kids who develop major depression prior to their puberty commit suicide; and suicide rates for kids and teens have tripled in three decades.

The best news is when diagnosed early and properly treated , kids almost always can be helped and feel better. Evidence also shows detailed but simple questionnaires can accurately diagnose depression. They are available in a primary-care setting such as a pediatrician's office.

The bottom line here is that every kid feels sad and moody from time to time, but this kind of behavior should have a time limit. If you even have an ounce of concern, pick up the phone and get an appointment for your child. Please don't wait.

8 characteristics of depression that should not be overlooked:

1. An increase in physical ailments. Headaches, stomachaches, nausea, sweaty palms, sleeplessness or always sleeping that don't lessen with over-the-counter medication and rest.


2. A marked, sudden, or intense change. Something is radically different about your child's personality, temperament, or normal behavior that just is not right.


3. It doesn't go away. This lasts longer than two weeks, becomes more intense, or just comes and goes, and nothing is easing your child's pain.


4. Your child is preoccupied with death or feelings of hopelessness. He is drawing, writing or asking about death, giving away personal belongings, or saying "What's the use?"


5. The sadness interferes with her daily life. Her social, academic or family life are affected.


6. Folks who know your child well share their concerns. Don't dismiss their remarks.


7. Your child tells you something is wrong and wants help. Trust him.


8. Your instinct says something is not right. Trust your instinct. Chances are you're right.

If the problem seems to accelerate out of control and your child is saying scary things, or you any thought that your child is suicidal, DO NOT WAIT. Call the USA National Suicide hotline: 800-784-2433 or 800-273-8255 and take him to the nearest emergency room immediately.

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .

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Excessive clinginess is a common phase in a child's early years. It usually starts around 8 or 9 months, peaks at 18 months, and then usually becomes less and less intense, ending around 2 years of age. It is also common around preschool age (the first separation from home) but sometimes is even present in young adolescents in certain anxiety-provoking situations. Though common, it still can be quite unsettling for a parent.

Watch the segment from TODAY

Each child handles stress differently, so the causes of clinginess will be different for each child. A parent's job is to play detective and figure out what's causing clinginess. Typical causes include:

• Unsettling or traumatic experience: Bullying, hospitalization, fear of failure, death or illness of a parent, divorce, natural disaster, attachment gone awry


• Sudden transition: Moving, arrival of a new sibling


• A distressing separation: Long separations from a parent, threats of abandonment ("I will leave you if you don't come along.")


• Temperament: Some kids are more like tumbleweeds and roll with the punches; others are like orchids, more sensitive, less adaptable and more tightly strung. Twenty percent of 4-month-olds have a biological "nudge" in the direction of increased fearfulness and are a slower-to-warm child.

Typically a younger child will cling more towards their primary caregiver, which is normally mom, and can be quite unsettling for the other parent - usually dad. It's why it is helpful to understand child development and know that such behavior is normal and will pass.

Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!

We have an almost 10 year old girl who is our only child.  I'm 54 and my wife is 52.  She's a wonderful child but is having a hard time stopping herself from "hitting, kicking, and/or biting" her mother, and sometimes me.  We let her get away with it when she was small by not punishing her enough.  Now that behavior is still with her, though it has improved considerably.  Our daughter is a rather impulsive child, too.  We're at our wits end and I don't want to hit her back to make her stop the hitting.  But fear is a good teaching tool at times even though I seldom use it.  I want to protect her self-esteem and tell her she's a good girl even though she sometimes does bad things.  She knows we love her and she herself wants to stop the behavior but is having a hard time.  -Anonymous


Let's go straight to curbing your daughter's anger outbursts. Allowing a ten year old to continue biting and hitting is disastrous to your family's harmony and her self-esteem. This appears to be a habit since you're saying this started at a young age.

Just make sure there isn't anything else fueling the anger (stress, overscheduling, illness, ADHD). Once those are ruled out there are the seven steps to change inappropriate anger displays. This takes consistent commitment on your part and it is doable. but just know the change will happen gradually. She has been using this behavior so long it's now going to take a lot of "erasing" and re-framing. So here ya go...

1. Commit to change. You MUST (both of you) decide to stop this ASAP. You must stay on the same page and be consistent. If not, you can actually increase the hitting. But with this kind of behavior you must respond every time the same way.


2. Respond calmly. Do not hit her. Please. It is not effective in reducing anger (or any other behavior). It will only enforce the message that this is acceptable. Instead say calmly, "You are angry but you may not hit."


3. Apply a consequence every single time she hits. You've allowed it in the past and she's learned she can get away with it. So no more! "That's hitting. Please go to time out." (Notice I said, "please.") Say it firmly, then do not argue with her. You need to set up a place for her to go. Her bedroom is too distracting with things to do so try sitting at the kitchen table or a place there is no TV or cell phones etc. Think about ten minutes max. She is impulsive and this will be hard. If she sits do not talk to her. Ignore her. Don't plead or threaten. The time (set a timer) starts when she calms down. (A timer is great because it will reduce a power struggle. You need to control the timer). If she doesn't go to time out don't pull her or force it Just say firmly, "You need to go to time out." If she still doesn't comply (she gets two tries) it's an automatic loss of a privilege (something she really cares about. Toys, TV, etc)."You didn't go to time out like I asked so there is no TV this evening." Walk away and enforce the privilege removal. If you find taking away a privilege is more effective than time out than do that instead. The trick is to let her know you're not tolerating the behavior.


4. Reinforce using control. The fastest way to shape behavior is to acknowledge when a child is uses the right behavior. So whenever she is making an effort to display self control reinforce it. Try to aim for 5 positives to every 1 negative. It may take a while, but that's the goal. Only praise when deserved. If a reward system works- try it. I just don't want you doing too many things and overwhelming yourself, but once you get time out down then you can add a reward approach. A certain specified number of good displays of self control per day--say five--earns her a privilege. Add them up each week and it's a bigger prize. Keep track on a chart on the refrigerator. It must be clearly spelled out ahead.


5. Teach a replacer behavior. This one is critical. You want her to stop hitting and biting, so what do you want her to do instead? You must teach a substitute behavior or she will only continue the inappropriate behavior. Teach her to name her feelings. Teach her to walk away (take her own time out). Teach her 1 + 3 + 10 (First say "I'm mad." Then take 3 slow deep breaths. Then count slowly to 10. There are a number of good anger management techniques (my book Parents Do Make a Difference lists a few and the 1 + 3 + 10) just teach only one and nor more than two.


6. Rehearse the replacer. Change comes through practice. So practice, practice, practice the new replacer behavior when she is calm. It's the only way the replacer will kick in when she's angry.


7. Rebuild your relationship. You are all stressed and frustrated. That can increase the anger. Find fun ways to reconnect. No cost ways. A walk. A movie rental. Baking cookies- whatever, but rebuild connection and if you don't see change in two weeks it's time to seek the help of a trained mental health professional.

Hang in there. New behaviors generally take a minimum of 21 days of repetition to kick in. You must be consistent so track your own responses on a calendar. Above all stay calm with her and don't give up! I would only take on the anger challenge now. Forget other issues. This is where to put your energy.

Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of No More Misbehavin': 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them .

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If your child has experienced a serious trauma don't overlook the possibility of PTSD

You may have read about the recent Toys R Us shooting in my hometown of Palm Springs. The 911 tapes on the tragedy were released this week. Horror. Sheer horror! Our community is reeling, but now we worry about the children who witnessed absolute terror. Can you imagine? Here's a recap:

It was Black Friday and parents--many with kids in tow--waited long hours for those great toy sales. A mid-morning an argument broke out at our local Toys"R" Us between two young women. Suddenly one women's male companions drew weapons and opened fire in the middle of the store aisles. Within minutes the men lay dead in the aisle. Words can't describe the shock of such an event. A gun battle in the middle of a toy store during the Christmas holidays filled with kids and their parents. But concern is now turning to those terrified children who watched this debacle as they clung to their parents and feared for their lives.

I've spent the last days doing media interviews about how to help children deal with the aftermath of such a trauma. I discovered that many parents assumed that, because their children didn't say anything about shooting or appeared to be handling things "well", there was no need to worry. That perception has me greatly concerned. While I don't want to fuel any anxiety, I do want to alert you: Any child experiencing such trauma is at risk for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder has been in the news a lot these days because of our military returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, but PTSD isn't just for adults. Each year over 3 million children are diagnosed with PTSD. Children or adolescents who have experienced a very stressful event could be at risk. The stressful event is one in which someone's life has been threatened or a serious injury has occurred.

Halloween always has been at the top of kids' "fun holidays." And why not? Playing dress up, asking for candy and getting it, staying out a bit late and carving pumpkins--it's all the stuff kids love. But there's also the scarier side of October 31 that can take the fun out of that big night and provoke anxiety, especially for little ones.

Watch the segment from TODAY Fears are a normal part of child development, but some kids are a lot more fearful and anxious than others. Halloween sure can bring out the "fear factor" in younger children because of their stage of cognitive development. Younger kids can't yet distinguish between make-believe and reality, so their active imaginations help fuel fears. Everything about Halloween--from eerie eyeballs, sticky hanging cobwebs, to ghosts, goblins and things that go bump into the night--play right into their imaginations. It isn't until around the beginning of school-age when kids start realizing they can handle their fears by working through them, or by using coping strategies Mom and Dad may have taught them.

Fears are a certainly a normal part of childhood, but there are a few mistakes parents can make that can exacerbate the fear. Here are four things to avoid while trick-or-treating (or any other time your child shows a bit of anxiety).

Mistake 1: Trying to use logic to talk the child out of the fear. As trivial or unfounded as a child's worry may seem, the fear feels real to your child and it's causing him or her to feel anxious and afraid. Lecturing, ignoring or trying to use logic with your child will not help.

Mistake 2: Belittling the fear. Telling your child "Don't be silly! There are no ghosts under your bed!" won't make the fear go away. Be clear that you, too, accept even an unrealistic fear producer as real, but you do not believe it will really hurt you.

Mistake 3: Pushing the fear too fast. Pushing the child into the fear (insisting he go into that haunted house or putting his hand into that jar with the eerie eyeballs) can increase the fear factor as well as breakdown your child's trust with you. If you know that Mr. Jones is going to jump out of the bushes and scare the bejeepers out of the kids, then best to avoid that house altogether.

Mistake 4: Overprotecting. Studies find that kids whose parents try to shield them from stressful events wind up more fearful. Protecting too much in childhood produces adults with unusually high portions of panic attacks.[i] So don't be so quick to protect your child from scary Halloween. You may do more harm than good.

Talking with a tween can be like walking through a minefield. Any moment you could be asking what you thought was a simple, sincere question only to find it triggering an explosive response.

In all fairness, these middle school years are like an emotional roller-coaster brought on by peer pressure, bullying, stress, school, raging hormones, and just trying to fit in. So how do you survive those minefields and still stay connected? The first step is to avoid these seven big tween "turn offs."

Watch Michele's segment from TODAY

...or What Parents Can Do During the Holiday Break To Tune in to Their Teen’s Emotional Needs and Prevent a Tragedy

Your teen spent months studying for those SATs, filling out college applications and agonizing. Then came the acceptance letter! So he moves into the dorm, you hug goodbye and drive away assuming that the stress is over and his new life has begun. Right?

(More students are leaving during the second semester of their first year. Parenting expert Michele Borba tells parents how they can help. Watch the video.)

Not according to the latest statistics from university counseling centers. Stress and pressure in teens has reached epidemic levels. In fact, the freshman year dropout rate has reached an all-time high at more than 26 percent (that’s one out of every four students). Plus, four out of ten students report feeling depressed to the point that it was difficult to function.

Depression, stress, and drop-outs peak during the second half of the first year. College counselors are aware of these troubling stats and are making changes on campuses to try to better meet kids’ emotional needs. Meanwhile, thousands of college students are home for the holidays, back to family and friends. And it’s over this holiday break when parents play a critical role in making sure that second semester goes smoother and safer.

Here are seven things you can do: