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Results tagged “Parenting Resolutions” from Dr. Michele Borba's Parenting Solutions
It's that time again for making New Year's Resolutions. The most common resolutions are about dieting, health and financial planning. But don't forget that parenting resolutions are every bit as important as dieting and money management. Setting the right resolution for your children can make big differences on their behavior, academics, social development, character or even family health.
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Resolving to be a better parent can seem like an overwhelming task. While research does find that most people break their resolutions, there are a few simple proven steps that increase your chances for success in 2009. Here is the better approach to take:
1. Identify your "one thing." Start identifying your hot-button parenting issue of last year. Like your child's quick temper; constantly misplacing homework, fear of speaking in front of a group, or test anxiety. Prioritize so you choose ones that are manageable so you have a real chance of being accomplished. Use "Think big, but start small" as your motto.
2. Create a specific plan for change. You are ten times more likely to succeed in your resolution if you develop a specific plan for change and then write it down. In fact, one in five goals fail because the person failed to have a game plan. Also identify any potential challenges so you make the plan fail proof.
3. Announce your resolution. Tell your plan to your family and why it is important. Studies find that women who announce their plans are more successful in keeping resolutions by ten percent. So find a mom to be an ongoing email buddy, ask your sister to be your daily "nag" partner or appoint a kid as your personal goal reminder.
4. Track your progress. Research finds the more feedback you get, the more likely you will succeed. So monitor your efforts on a calendar, blackberry or in a journal. It will also help you note any challenges that come up along the way. You should expect a few setbacks, stalls and stumbles, which are normal.
5. Just do it! Surveys find the top reason people don't achieve their resolutions are due to procrastinating. So don't put off implementing your plan. Starting your plan within 24 hours increases your likelihood of success. Learning new behaviors take a minimum of 21 days to even begin to see change. So hang in there!
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
Resolving to be a better parent can seem like an overwhelming task. While research does find that most people break their resolutions, there are a few simple proven steps that increase your chances for success in 2009. Here is the better approach to take:
1. Identify your "one thing." Start identifying your hot-button parenting issue of last year. Like your child's quick temper; constantly misplacing homework, fear of speaking in front of a group, or test anxiety. Prioritize so you choose ones that are manageable so you have a real chance of being accomplished. Use "Think big, but start small" as your motto.
2. Create a specific plan for change. You are ten times more likely to succeed in your resolution if you develop a specific plan for change and then write it down. In fact, one in five goals fail because the person failed to have a game plan. Also identify any potential challenges so you make the plan fail proof.
3. Announce your resolution. Tell your plan to your family and why it is important. Studies find that women who announce their plans are more successful in keeping resolutions by ten percent. So find a mom to be an ongoing email buddy, ask your sister to be your daily "nag" partner or appoint a kid as your personal goal reminder.
4. Track your progress. Research finds the more feedback you get, the more likely you will succeed. So monitor your efforts on a calendar, blackberry or in a journal. It will also help you note any challenges that come up along the way. You should expect a few setbacks, stalls and stumbles, which are normal.
5. Just do it! Surveys find the top reason people don't achieve their resolutions are due to procrastinating. So don't put off implementing your plan. Starting your plan within 24 hours increases your likelihood of success. Learning new behaviors take a minimum of 21 days to even begin to see change. So hang in there!
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
The Problem: Slipping Grades
While every child can't be the valedictorian, almost every kid can learn to be a good student. Research also shows on one of the highest correlations to a child's school success is having parents who are involved (constructively, that is) in their children's education. A key is to de-emphasize your focus on the grade, emphasize a love of learning and work ethic and teach your child good study skills so your child can succeed.
The Resolution:
Create a plan with the teacher to remedy the problem, and then find a way to stay in touch and monitor progress. If a tutor is recommended, then consider hiring a high school student. Set clear expectations for doing homework each night.
Above all, emphasize effort--not the grade--and celebrate your child's success. Research finds that when parents put undue emphasis on grades, learning suffers.
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
While every child can't be the valedictorian, almost every kid can learn to be a good student. Research also shows on one of the highest correlations to a child's school success is having parents who are involved (constructively, that is) in their children's education. A key is to de-emphasize your focus on the grade, emphasize a love of learning and work ethic and teach your child good study skills so your child can succeed.
The Resolution:
"I resolve to help my child learn his studies so he improves his grades and understands the importance of academic achievement."
Begin by setting up a meeting with the teacher and discover what's really causing those grades to slip. Is it poor study skills? A learning disability? Not doing the work, or inappropriate class? Create a plan with the teacher to remedy the problem, and then find a way to stay in touch and monitor progress. If a tutor is recommended, then consider hiring a high school student. Set clear expectations for doing homework each night.
Above all, emphasize effort--not the grade--and celebrate your child's success. Research finds that when parents put undue emphasis on grades, learning suffers.
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
The Problem: Clingy-ness and Separation Anxiety
Your preschooler is clingy and has a tough time letting you out of her sight. Clingy kids are by nature a bit more timid and anxious. So while you can't change your child's personality and turn her into a little extrovert or social butterfly (nor should you), you can help your son or daughter feel more comfortable and secure without your presence. After all, those school years are approaching and one of the highest correlations to school success is getting along with others and doing so without you.
The Resolution:
Then establish goodbye routines like a special goodbye kiss, a little token (such as a pebble or rabbit's foot) to touch that tells her "you're thinking of her," or even rehearsing goodbyes.
When ready, make goodbyes be matter of fact--not drawn out--and always return exactly when you say. Try giving your child a watch--even if she can't tell time--and mark the return time with a watercolor pen. Point out that you returned at the stated time.
To maximize success try to implement this resolution into your daily routine. Gradually lengthen "time without you" as your child's security grows.
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
Your preschooler is clingy and has a tough time letting you out of her sight. Clingy kids are by nature a bit more timid and anxious. So while you can't change your child's personality and turn her into a little extrovert or social butterfly (nor should you), you can help your son or daughter feel more comfortable and secure without your presence. After all, those school years are approaching and one of the highest correlations to school success is getting along with others and doing so without you.
The Resolution:
"I resolve to help my child feel secure without me around."
Begin by finding a babysitter, relative or friend who your child feels secure with. Ideally the "extended caregiver" should spend time with you and your child so she knows your child's personality and routine. Then establish goodbye routines like a special goodbye kiss, a little token (such as a pebble or rabbit's foot) to touch that tells her "you're thinking of her," or even rehearsing goodbyes.
When ready, make goodbyes be matter of fact--not drawn out--and always return exactly when you say. Try giving your child a watch--even if she can't tell time--and mark the return time with a watercolor pen. Point out that you returned at the stated time.
To maximize success try to implement this resolution into your daily routine. Gradually lengthen "time without you" as your child's security grows.
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
The Problem: Back-talk and Disrespect
Your tween is talking back in a flippant, disrespectful manner. While tween back-talk and sass are on the rise, allowing it is a huge mistake. This behavior laced with "attitude" that can destroy your child's character and respect as well as your relationship. Beware: it can also spread to other siblings and ruin family harmony. Back-talk is learned and kids will keep using it when they know it works.
The Resolution:
Kids are more likely to stop talking back if they see it's ineffective in getting our attention. If back-talk continues, set a consequence such as removing his cell phone privilege for the day. Consider letting your kid participate in creating her own consequence--they are often much harsher than ones you set.
Any time your child acts respectfully, express your pleasure. It is one of the simplest ways to increase the frequency of any behavior. Most importantly, be sure your own behavior is the example you want your child to copy.
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
Your tween is talking back in a flippant, disrespectful manner. While tween back-talk and sass are on the rise, allowing it is a huge mistake. This behavior laced with "attitude" that can destroy your child's character and respect as well as your relationship. Beware: it can also spread to other siblings and ruin family harmony. Back-talk is learned and kids will keep using it when they know it works.
The Resolution:
"I resolve to curb my child's back-talk, establish the importance of respect in all family activities, and be sure to be an example of respect to my children."
From this moment on, call out any back-talk on the spot so he is clear what you expect. Then refuse to engage until your child speaks respectfully. Kids are more likely to stop talking back if they see it's ineffective in getting our attention. If back-talk continues, set a consequence such as removing his cell phone privilege for the day. Consider letting your kid participate in creating her own consequence--they are often much harsher than ones you set.
Any time your child acts respectfully, express your pleasure. It is one of the simplest ways to increase the frequency of any behavior. Most importantly, be sure your own behavior is the example you want your child to copy.
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
The Problem: Your teen is hanging with the wrong crowd.
While it's okay for your teen to have friends who are different from her, the trick is to figure out whether the values and lifestyle of the "questionable" pal are really worrisome--or whether you're just jumping to conclusions. Studies show that "bad pals" can be a bad influence particularly if your child has a weaker relationship with a parent or a flimsy identity. While you can't keep a tab on your child at all times, research shows that "hands-on parenting" reduces risky teen behaviors and negative peer pressure by four times.
The Resolution:
While it's okay for your teen to have friends who are different from her, the trick is to figure out whether the values and lifestyle of the "questionable" pal are really worrisome--or whether you're just jumping to conclusions. Studies show that "bad pals" can be a bad influence particularly if your child has a weaker relationship with a parent or a flimsy identity. While you can't keep a tab on your child at all times, research shows that "hands-on parenting" reduces risky teen behaviors and negative peer pressure by four times.
The Resolution:
"I resolve to be a "hands on parent" by monitor my teen's social activities closer and get to know his friends better without interfering with my child's social life."
Become a hands-on parent by make your home more kid-friendly so and get to know your children's friends.
Introduce yourself and contact the parents of your kid's friends to confirm their plans. Set clearer rules and expectations for curfew and particular activities. Monitor your teen's comings and goings especially between 3pm and 6pm when kids are most likely to get in trouble.
Nurture your relationship with your teen with high levels of involvement and low conflict.
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
Introduce yourself and contact the parents of your kid's friends to confirm their plans. Set clearer rules and expectations for curfew and particular activities. Monitor your teen's comings and goings especially between 3pm and 6pm when kids are most likely to get in trouble.
Nurture your relationship with your teen with high levels of involvement and low conflict.
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
The Problem: Your children and spouse rarely eat together as a family.
Getting your whole family to eat together may be a challenge, but countless studies show the benefits to your children are enormous. Here are three reasons for family meals:
• Family meals are found more important to language development than having parents read or play with them.
• Family meals reduce the risk of eating disorders or depression.
• Family meals improve grades and academic achievement.
The Resolution:
Write in permanent ink those family meal days on a calendar posted on the refrigerator so there are no excuses. Cut corners to make this doable, like bringing in take-out once a week, using 30 minute meal recipes, freezing casseroles and getting your kids involved in meal making.
The key to success is setting regular family meals so stick to that routine.
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.
Getting your whole family to eat together may be a challenge, but countless studies show the benefits to your children are enormous. Here are three reasons for family meals:
• Family meals are found more important to language development than having parents read or play with them.
• Family meals reduce the risk of eating disorders or depression.
• Family meals improve grades and academic achievement.
The Resolution:
"I resolve to have my family eat dinner together at least three times a week."
Review schedules and identify days and the time when all family members are available--even if it's two or three days. Cut or rearrange any "nonessential" activities during the dinner hour. Write in permanent ink those family meal days on a calendar posted on the refrigerator so there are no excuses. Cut corners to make this doable, like bringing in take-out once a week, using 30 minute meal recipes, freezing casseroles and getting your kids involved in meal making.
The key to success is setting regular family meals so stick to that routine.
Michele Borba's Parenting Resolutions for 2009:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.