Parenting Secrets with Dr. Michele Borba : Blogs at iVillage.com
- Pregnancy & Parenting
- Parenting Secrets
7 Secrets to Nurturing Tolerance in Our Kids
A Response to the Tragic Holocaust Museum Shooting
I'm sure you read the news about how a man opened fire with a rifle inside the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum packed with children killing a security guard. Law enforcement officers identified the suspect as James Wenneker von Brunn, an 88 year-old white supremacist and author of the book, "Kill the Best Gentiles." According to FBI statistics, 7,624 hate crime incidents were reported in 2007. The Southern Poverty Law Center reports that those stats are "severely flawed" and much higher. But here' the real cause for alarm...
Did you know that today's American youth are displaying intolerant actions at alarming rates-and at younger and younger ages? The FBI tells us most hate crimes are committed by youth younger than nineteen.
Remember: Kids aren't born hateful and prejudices are learned. Hatred and intolerance can be learned, but so too can sensitivity, understanding, empathy and tolerance. If today's children are to have any chance of living harmoniously in this multi-ethnic world, it is critical that parents nurture it. Here are seven parenting solutions you can use that help curtail bigotry while at the same time influence your kids to treat others with respect and understanding.
1. Confront your own prejudices. The first step to nurturing tolerance is to examine your own prejudices and reflect on how you might be projecting those ideas to your child. Chances are that you are communicating those attitudes to your child. Make a conscious attempt to temper them so that they don't become your child's prejudices.
2. Commit to raising a tolerant child. Parents who think through how they want their kids to turn out usually succeed simply because they planned their parenting efforts. So if you really want your child to respect diversity, you must adopt a conviction early on to raise him to do so. Once your child knows your expectations, he will be more likely to embrace your principles.
3. Refuse to allow discriminatory comments. When you hear prejudicial comments, verbalize your displeasure. How you respond sends a clear message to your child about your values: "That's disrespectful and I won't allow such things to be said in my house," or "That's a biased comment, and I don't want to hear it." Your child needs to hear your discomfort so that she knows you really walk your talk. It also models a response she should imitate if prejudicial comments are made in her presence.
I'm sure you read the news about how a man opened fire with a rifle inside the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum packed with children killing a security guard. Law enforcement officers identified the suspect as James Wenneker von Brunn, an 88 year-old white supremacist and author of the book, "Kill the Best Gentiles." According to FBI statistics, 7,624 hate crime incidents were reported in 2007. The Southern Poverty Law Center reports that those stats are "severely flawed" and much higher. But here' the real cause for alarm...
Did you know that today's American youth are displaying intolerant actions at alarming rates-and at younger and younger ages? The FBI tells us most hate crimes are committed by youth younger than nineteen.
Remember: Kids aren't born hateful and prejudices are learned. Hatred and intolerance can be learned, but so too can sensitivity, understanding, empathy and tolerance. If today's children are to have any chance of living harmoniously in this multi-ethnic world, it is critical that parents nurture it. Here are seven parenting solutions you can use that help curtail bigotry while at the same time influence your kids to treat others with respect and understanding.
1. Confront your own prejudices. The first step to nurturing tolerance is to examine your own prejudices and reflect on how you might be projecting those ideas to your child. Chances are that you are communicating those attitudes to your child. Make a conscious attempt to temper them so that they don't become your child's prejudices.
2. Commit to raising a tolerant child. Parents who think through how they want their kids to turn out usually succeed simply because they planned their parenting efforts. So if you really want your child to respect diversity, you must adopt a conviction early on to raise him to do so. Once your child knows your expectations, he will be more likely to embrace your principles.
3. Refuse to allow discriminatory comments. When you hear prejudicial comments, verbalize your displeasure. How you respond sends a clear message to your child about your values: "That's disrespectful and I won't allow such things to be said in my house," or "That's a biased comment, and I don't want to hear it." Your child needs to hear your discomfort so that she knows you really walk your talk. It also models a response she should imitate if prejudicial comments are made in her presence.
4. Embrace diversity. From a young age, expose your child to
positive images-including toys, music, literature, videos, public role
models and examples from TV or newspaper reports-that represent a
variety of ethnic groups. Encourage your child, no matter how young, to
have contact with individuals of different races, religions, cultures,
genders, abilities and beliefs. The more your child sees how you
embrace diversity, the more prone he'll be to follow your standards.
5. Emphasize similarities. Encourage your child to look for what he has in common with others instead of how he is different. Any time your child points out how she is different from someone, you might say. "There are lots of ways you are different from other people. Now let's try to think of ways you are the same." Help him see how similarities outweigh differences.
6. Counter discriminatory beliefs. When you hear a child make a prejudicial comment, listen to find out why he feels the way he does. Then gently challenge his views and point out why they are incorrect. For example if your child says, "Homeless people should get jobs and sleep in their own houses." You might counter: "There are many reasons homeless people don't work or have houses. They may be ill or can't find jobs. Houses cost money, and not everyone can pay for one."
7. Live your life as an example of tolerance. The best way for your child to learn tolerance is for him to watch and listen to your daily example. So ask yourself each day one critical question: "If my child had only my behavior to copy, would he be witnessing an example of what I want him to emulate?" Make sure you are walking your talk.
Hatred, bigotry, prejudice, and intolerance can be learned, but so too can sensitivity, understanding, empathy, and tolerance. Although it's certainly never too late to begin, the sooner we start nurturing tolerance in our children, the better the chance we have of preventing insidious, intolerant attitudes from taking hold. There has never been a time when it is most important to do so than now.
Parenting Solution: The best secret to teaching our children tolerance is not through out lectures but through our example. So be a living textbook of tolerance for your child to copy. It's also the best way we have to create a peaceful world for our children.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming Big Book of Parenting Solutions.
5. Emphasize similarities. Encourage your child to look for what he has in common with others instead of how he is different. Any time your child points out how she is different from someone, you might say. "There are lots of ways you are different from other people. Now let's try to think of ways you are the same." Help him see how similarities outweigh differences.
6. Counter discriminatory beliefs. When you hear a child make a prejudicial comment, listen to find out why he feels the way he does. Then gently challenge his views and point out why they are incorrect. For example if your child says, "Homeless people should get jobs and sleep in their own houses." You might counter: "There are many reasons homeless people don't work or have houses. They may be ill or can't find jobs. Houses cost money, and not everyone can pay for one."
7. Live your life as an example of tolerance. The best way for your child to learn tolerance is for him to watch and listen to your daily example. So ask yourself each day one critical question: "If my child had only my behavior to copy, would he be witnessing an example of what I want him to emulate?" Make sure you are walking your talk.
Hatred, bigotry, prejudice, and intolerance can be learned, but so too can sensitivity, understanding, empathy, and tolerance. Although it's certainly never too late to begin, the sooner we start nurturing tolerance in our children, the better the chance we have of preventing insidious, intolerant attitudes from taking hold. There has never been a time when it is most important to do so than now.
Parenting Solution: The best secret to teaching our children tolerance is not through out lectures but through our example. So be a living textbook of tolerance for your child to copy. It's also the best way we have to create a peaceful world for our children.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming Big Book of Parenting Solutions.
0 TrackBacks
Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry: 7 Secrets to Nurturing Tolerance in Our Kids.
TrackBack URL for this entry: http://micheleborba.ivillage.com/system/mt-tb.cgi/48694
2 Comments
Leave a comment
* - mandatory fields.
** - We do not collect Emails but for verification purposes valid email must be provided
We must remember to tolerate those with different and opposing views. I think guns are horrible but we must respect the rights of those who own guns for the reasons described in the 2nd amendment to the constitution. We must also tolerate those with prejudices against others, since we wouldn't want our own rights intruded upon, and who are we to judge?
Amazing... a hate filled psycho shoots someone to death in a building full of children and Chris Cudnoski thinks it's a good example of the right to bear arms. Tell that to the family of the man who was killed.