First crushes are an inevitable and normal rite of passage in childhood. They open doors to talking about healthy relationships before kids become teens. The average age of a first big crush is between nine to twelve when a new awareness about gender emerges and puberty kicks in. Girls are usually more vocal and direct about their crush and tend to have more intensive but shorter term crushes. Boys keep the fantasy alive longer though generally feel a little awkward and won't talk to their friends about it (unless the crush turns physical). Don't panic immediately. A WholeFamily survey asked teens to indicate how often they act on a crush, and the answers indicated that it "wasn't very often."

Celebrity crushes over movie stars and band members (Miley Cyrus, Daniel Radclifffe, Zac Efron, Hilary Duff and the Jonas Brothers) are common around 10 or 11. Many kids choose the celebrity crush because it is safer (i.e. unattainable) and as a way to fit in with peers. The crush is relatively harmless unless it becomes obsessive. Hobbies are a good way to help your tween wean away from the celebrity craze and balance her time.

Tips for parents on handling the first crush:

1. Use it as an opportunity to talk about "respect." It's rude to overlook other kids, the difference between "smothering" and "caring," not chasing "the crush", acting too goofy or loud to get attention or giving him 'blank calls' and so on.


2. Discourage love notes and constant phone calls.


3. Don't try talking your kid out of her feelings (as long as the crush is moderate and the "crush" behavior not too intense). Those emotions are real.


4. Step in if the crush gets so obsessive excluding other friends and interests.


5. Be cautious of any crush with an adult. If the crush seems to be getting serious or is reciprocated in any way, intervene ASAP.

More Young Love "Firsts"

• First Puppy Love
• First Crush
• First Steady
• First Breakup
• First Date
• First Real Love
• First Time

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.