My child's teacher has suggested that I enter my daughter into the gifted program at school, but I am hesitant to do this. I think it may do more harm that good. I don't want her to be seen as "different" from her classmates. How should I pursue this?

-Patricia

My son has been nominated to participate in the gifted program the last two years, but his lack of self confidence holds him back from being accepted. Is there a way to boost his self confidence?

Both my husband and I were in gifted programs in school and our 2 year old is already showing signs of being gifted as well. She can spell her first name, count to 10, identify colors and shapes and sort by multiple criteria such as "Show me the three yellow stars" or "8 red circles". We don't push her but we don't want her to waste this gift either. How do we know when to back off and when to proceed?

I have a 2 1/2 year old who knew the alphabet at 18 months. Colors and shapes followed soon after. He's obsessed with letters and numbers. He knows all the sounds letters make, counts to 20 and has many books memorized. His memory baffles me. I'm concerned when he starts kindergarten. We have many options for schools to choose from. What should I look for in school/kindergarten for him? My mom (an educator and childhood development textbook author) says kindergarten will benefit him mostly in a social aspect. I'm still concerned and want him to be challenged and to continue learning. What should I look for?

As an elementary school teacher, I was often frustrated with not having the resources and suppport to reach the needs of all students. It seemed that teachers of children at the extremes - gifted and/or resource - had access to special resources and training. While the remaining majority of students and their teachers were offered a one-size-fits-all education. I felt that this segregated education - gifted in their own special class - had the potential to retard or hamper social development that is just as important as academic progress. More than once I witnessed children labelled gifted who were socially failing. (I am a certified Gifted and Talented Education - G.A.T.E. - teacher.)
My dilemna: My is five years old, academically ahead of her peers in many areas and exhibits many of the behaviors of a gifted child. However, she is an only child and I am concerned with her social skills. I am torn between wanting my child to be challenged intellectually and wanting her to develop the skills to successfully interact with others. Now that the shoe is on the other foot and I am in the parent role, I am not so sure about what to do. What else can I do as a parent to help my child get the F.A.P.E. (Free Appropriate Public Education) she has the right to and to further her social skills? What might I expect and request from our schools in both of these areas?

The gifted children in the class are braggers and boasters. I dont want my kid to be like this even if he is gifted.

My child attends a montessori school (3yrs old)and I know that she is gifted. They just started a primary school and asked that I keep her in the program instead of going to public school and I am wondering which do you think would help her. Socially she is doing great, but she is a little sensitive. I just want her to be in the best place to encourage her to learn. Also, are there any benefits of testing, I am not sold on what it will add to her besides a label.

My child was placed in the gifted class this year. She is in first grade. I've always known that she was ahead of her peers. She seems to be excelling and I am thankful for that. Her kindergarten year she seemed to be a little mischievous which I think was from boredom. I have never explained to her that she is in a gifted program. She thinks everyone that is in first grade is doing the same work. Should I explain to her that she is in a gifted program or not? I don't want to make her feel that the gifted program is something that will segregate her from her peers.

I have a fifth grader who, in Spring of second grade, tested into GT in all four subjects for which testing allowed: Math, science, social studies, and language arts. She is a bright, confident, mature over-achiever. My frustration is now that she has been identified, the school does almost nothing to challenge her academically. It is as if they wanted her to be identified so that they could get the spcial funding that follows a GT student. I feel like her school (public) bends over backwards for the economically disadvantaged, the physically challenged, and the academically behind students. But, because my daughter is pretty, smart, and outgoing, they think she doesn't need anything more. How about a spelling list with words she actually has to TRY to spell? Or a math problem that she couldn't already do two years ago? In our school district, getting the GT designation doesn't mean a darn thing and the kids who get all of the attention are the "at risk" kids. I understand they need the help too! But, can't we do both? America, once again, demonstrating it's love for mediocrity.

James- Not always the case- depends on how the children are raised and directed.
Personally I believe it depends on what each gifted program has to offer and how it factors in to every-day school life. For my husband and I, that mostly meant some after-school projects and programs that extended beyond the classroom as the extra challenge, rather than excluding us from our classmates. Our son now attends a private early pre-school program, and also shows signs of being gifted, so we intend to keep him in a private school as long as we possibly can- intelligence is not the only factor for us, by the way. For example, he is in a class that is usually reserved for children 6 months older than him and he loves it and does great. I don't think its wrong to have your child in programs that do challenge them mentally as long as it includes the social aspect as well- and our parenting has as much to do with this as anything. We can't rely on the school system to raise our children- we build the foundation for them.
But my real question is this- what if one of your children is gifted, and the other isn't? How fair is this, and how do you explain it to them that the one isn't better, or the other stupid? I know siblings can be pretty rough on each other. We're expecting our second son in another couple of months, and I don't want to assume anything about who he may or may not be.

Most public schools determine the cut-off dates for pre-kindergarten and kindergarten programs based on your child's age by Sept 1st. What if your child's birthday is shortly after the cut-off date and/or your child is gifted too? How do schools accomodate children that are further advanced from their peers when it appears the enrollment is determined merely by birth date?

Michelle,

My son has been in the gifted program at his school for two years now. He is excelling both in his daily classroom and in his "Challenge" classroom once a week.

I can't shake the feeling, though, that my husband and I should be doing some things at home to encourage him further. We don't make him do research or anything like that, but if he wanted to do it, we would not tell him no.

I read one article about a father who took his gifted son on a cross country trip to learn more about his "passion". This is not something that my husband and I are even remotely likely to do (even if we COULD afford it), but should we be encouraging our son to research his interests in depth at home? I've even read about summer camps that are geared toward "gifted" children. Is it really necessary to go so far for a gifted child?

We treat our son like a "normal" child, because that is exactly what he is. He loves computers, cartoons, Pokemon, etc. He doesn't have a chemistry set or any stereotypical "toys" or "gadgets" in his room... he is just a normal 8 year old boy.

Should we be trying to encourage him to explore his interest more at home, or send him to programs geared toward gifted children, and if so, where can we find reliable resources for these types of things?

Thank you,
Nikki

Hi everyone,

I was in the full time gifted program through grades 5-8 and a partially intergrated program in highschool. This was only a couple years ago actually since I am in university now. I really believe it was a great decision between my parents and myself to enroll into the gifted/enrichment program after being tested and through teacher recommendations. I learned a lot more than I would have in a normal classroom situation, and the type of projects and tasks I did in my program were much more stimulating than other main stream class programs. The full time program prepared me greatly for highschool and I was ahead of a lot of students, and it also helped me get into a great university further along. I would encourage any parent that has the opportunity to enroll their children in the gifted program, if the child is interested. It will help them so much in the future and it is way more stimulating for the students.

Shannon

What tests are administered and by whom to determine whether a child is gifted?

Congrats everyone with gifted children! :)

I have read what everyone has said, and some of the people are correct, others I don't know where they are getting their information from...
My child is 9 years old and has been in the gifted program since 1st grade. Some of the children are bragges as it is stated, some less social, some even a little mean. However, it is mostly in your hands, as a parent, how your child will react to the program.
Mine is well adjusted socially, enjoys being with gifted or not gifted children, never brags about intelligence and has an IQ way over the margin. I believe is how the parents react to it, we encourage the gifted ideals, but ensure our kids know regardless of their intelligence, emotional values are first and all people must be respected and valued. Gifted children tend to be more sensitive and some people just cannot understand this and judge them. How fair is to judge someone else, when you dislike to be judged yourself?

I am an educator specializing in language arts and early childhood education. I have also worked as a nanny, and children's dance and drama teacher/director. I have been surrounded by children my whole life in many contexts and have seen talented, gifted, beautiful, bratty, and horrid, etc., etc. I was in the gifted program, myself, from kindergarten. I have to say it always makes me relieved that I do not have my own kids whenever I hear parents going on about theirs. There are very few little geniuses, beauty queens, and prodigies running around in Baby Gap wear. Most kids, however bright, cute, funny, etc., are NORMAL. Parents just LOVE to think their kid is "special". Reality check time!
ERIKA: I have worked with kids YOUNGER (20months)who did all these things in 2 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES and neither I nor their mother thought they were "gifted". Smart, yes, but not Baby Einstein. I also worked with a family whose three kids, aged 2, 4, and 10, were all TRI-LINGUAL and (except for the 2-year-old) played violin and piano. Very bright? Sure! Talented? Certainly! Geniuses? NO. I recently met a 3-year-old who is fluent in 2 languages and fully comprehends a third. She also still wears diapers at night, drinks from a bottle and sucks a pacifier. Huh. The girl is VERY bright, but not once did her mother try to claim she was "gifted" or "special". You see, mostly, it is a matter of these kids being trained or at least exposed to these things. The younger they are, the faster they learn. I call it learning by "osmosis"--they just absorb like little sponges. It is truly amazing, but does not make them geniuses.
STACY: If your kid misbehaves, she is being bratty, not "gifted". Sure, kids act up when they are bored, but not because they are "gifted", and it is hardly a single teacher's job--or capability--to make sure each of his/her 20+ students are fully entertained. I have seen MANY intellectually superior kids, and you know what I have noticed? They DON'T misbehave because of it. If anything, they are better-behaved because they are always finding something to do, THEMSELVES, and keeping themselves entertained. For instance, many truly gifted kids will ENGAGE THEMSELVES in reading or drawing, or other self-contained activities. They are NOT the ones running around the classroom causing mayhem. How many times have I heard parents (wishfully) muse, "I think he acts that way because he's just bored (being so advanced and all)." NO, he acts "that way" because he is BRATTY. You haven't trained him at home well-enough. The Simpsons has a classic episode of this myth that gifted kids cause trouble because they're bored: BART gets sent to a gifted school! Yes, because his being so intolerably awful at school must SURELY be the result of his intellectual superiority! HAHA. Every parent should watch this episode and laugh--at themselves.
REBECCA: Yes, your daughter is pretty--whose isn't? Everybody's kids are cute--or else nobody claims the ugly ones. Maybe your daughter IS pretty, but remember, it's all in the eye of the beholder. Having worked in the acting/modeling industry and travelling around the world, I have seen some amazingly beautiful kids (and adults), but MOST people are, BY DEFINITION, average. Even nice-looking kids are never as "beautiful" as their parents imagine them to be. Come on--you're the MOTHER. OF COURSE you think your daughter is pretty! And who DOESN'T have a "beautiful" baby? (Well, LOTS of you don't, but we're not allowed to say that.)
So, if your child is walking at 3 months, potty-trained at 6 months, has memorized the Bible and 2 dictionaries by 1 year old, and is fluent in Arabic, Finnish, and Japanese by 2 years old, plus plays Chopin on her little plastic piano, THEN you can tell me how gifted she is. Otherwise, please get some perspective.
Julie

I loved every minute of being in the gifted program, I was entered in Kindergarten and I stayed until college. When I entered university I decided the adjustment to university life and living away from home was big enough that I wanted to avoid the honors program, though I ended up making the deans list and being invited to an honors society anyway.

Personally I'd have to say if your child has the opportunity, let them take it. It gives them an opportunity to work at least part-time in a class at their level that stimulates their minds. My gifted program gave us opportunites for field trips to museums and special education seminars on topics we were interested in, and really kept us interested in learning. With how boring school can be with recess and PE getting cut out in many schools and more and more classes being made "easier to follow" letting your child at least experience the gifted program is a way for them to see what they can do and to talk to kids at their level.

i am a child, four. i believe i am gifted because i am able to realize your conversation. then i wonder, perhaps i am not gifted at all. this is my confidence issue. being ahead of the curve is natural. i am part of a 'gifted' group. now i am isolated for my over-development. now i realize, being intelligent to educational standards is not what makes me special, it is my ability to percieve and my curiosity to investigate for truth.

My daughter is almost three and has an incredible ear for music. She sings beautifully and recognizes songs after hearing them just once. She can also identify the same singer of different songs when she listens to the radio. We try to expose her to all kinds of music, and it makes sense to try to get as many instruments into our home, so we're working on that too. My questions: how best to develop this gift? And how to utilize her love of music to enhance her life in other ways too? She is also very advanced in her verbal skills(as is our first daughter.)

My child attended a montessori school for two years before we switched him over to another private school (due mainly to financial reasons.) He knows all of the material the teacher is currently covering and yet singles my child out as a disruption. I feel he needs to be challenged more - since he already knows the material he is often bored and restless in the class thus I have talked with her to offer him more material. But she refuses. Now he is truly acting out by not completing the assignments in class. Yet once he is home he gladly complets the work correctly. Help - is he gifted - should he be challenged more - or should we just sit by and shut up. thank you tt ( the school I feel now sees me as a terrible person for questioning the teacher so much...please help me) thank you!!

Julie,

THANK YOU!! You made some very valid points. And yes, I have 2 children in the gifted program...BUT, my son wasn't potty trained until he was 3 and didn't speak more than a few words until he was almost 4. He isn't special just because he can do math better than the other kids in his class. I despise the term "Gifted" - I look at the GT program as the same as a Title 1 or similar program - the standard classroom isn't meeting the needs of a particular individual. It doesn't matter which "direction" you go - a child who needs extra help with reading or math, or a child who is above the average in those subjects. I went to school with a girl who could read the newspaper before she went to kindergarten, and you what? She was dumber than dirt as she got older, nearly failing out of high school. Monkeys can be trained to pick out the 3 yellow stars.
Parents, enjoy your children for who they are and don't think that you need society to put a label on them to reinforce that you are a good parent. And DON'T tell your kids that they are better than others... they may be smart, but they aren't a better person than the slow kid in class.

My daughter's first word at 7 months old was "diaper" with all three syllables intact. By 12 months she had a 1,500 word vocabulary and was using 3 - 5 word sentences. She's a normal kid - plays with friends writing skateboards down the hill - it's just that she explains the theory of "drag" to them when they talk about tying things together.

However, since our school classifies all kids you achieve 90% or better on standardized tests as "gifted" there is no real difference in what the kids learn in school. My daughter has been asking me to homeschool - for financial and social-emotional needs I cannot do so. How do I get the public school system to help meet my daughter's needs.

okay, she does not write skateboards down the hill, she rides them.

The whole, "gifted," thing is such nonsense. EVERY homeschooler is gifted. Ask one, they'll tell you. Now public school kids have latched on to the fad? Look, people, your kids are NOT gifted. They are average. The schools are merely THAT bad. That is the sole reason I homeschool, because the public schools are a joke. How much of a joke? Not only do average kids appear gifted, my 12-year-old is taking high school class via virtual school and completing them in a month. No! He's NOT gifted! Mozart was gifted. He grew up to be just as amazing as he was when he was a child. Oddly, today's, "gifted," kids all grow up to become average citizens, and there's your proof. People, we need to fix the school system and not tolerate this silliness anymore!

I have 2 girls ages 3 and 5yrs. I have tried to prepare them for school by teaching the basics at home. They both grasped it like little sponges. My 3 yr old is a whiz at astronomy and geography. My 5yr old who loves math just started school and comes home saying that the teacher in not teaching them anything they are just playing. She says she wants to learn. My concern is what should I do, should I talk to the teacher, have her tested for placement in an advanced class? Is this a sign of gifted kids? What can I do to prepare my 3 yr old for school and advanced learning above her piers? Would the gifted program be right for my girls?

My child's teacher has indicated to me that the new trend in education is towards helping the disadvantaged children instead of the gifted children. By disadvantaged, I mean those with learning disabilities and language barriers. I have a gifted child and I am frustrated because her opportunities are limited in public school. What do you think of this trend? I can't afford private school!

I thought my son was a genius when he could do some of the amazing things some of your kids can do...knowing numbers, shapes, colors, etc. by age 2 and having a very expansive vocabulary at the same age. Here's the kicker...they call that hyperlexia, because he has a form of autism called Asperger's syndrome. The school named it when he was 9 (now 12) and what once seemed like Nobel Prize winning intelligence is fraught with a myriad of challenges. I still maintain he's a genius, just terribly misunderstood b/c he communicates in alternative ways.
I hope you all understand that "gifted" children are also included under the catagory of special education. Just because the symptoms are positive doesn't mean it fits the mold of "normal", and even a gifted child can be considered in need of special help. Celebrate diversity and don't emphasize the "I want my child to feel like everybody else" bull. They're ALL different and none of them need to be alike.

One in 150 children has an autism spectrum disorder and one is mine. Educate, advocate, be understanding.

Everyone - just read Julie's comments. She is absolutly correct on every point she makes!

Why is it that parents are always so proud of their children's accomplishments in sports and will push them to, or even past, their limits, but so many parents are embarrassed about having kids who are smart?

What are some ideas for small rural schools trying to accomodate the High Ability children? How do I get the administration to be more of a resource for the teachers?

I have gifted children (all tested well-above the gifted level). My issues arise because they are good at everything and coaches and teachers all want them to commit to their program exclusively. My kids want to participate in multiple programs, which at the high school level has left one child with a Catch-22 - a good grade in band, or participating in dance, which is his passion. I never see this expectation that children be committed to one thing alone addressed anywhere. Whatever happened to the three-sport athlete who plays piano and is an Academic all-American? I knew a ton of them growing up and they have gone on to great careers and still do their "activities." Why do kids today have to constantly "choose?"