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Q&A: Stay Civil For the Sake Of Your Kids
Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!
My husband of 26 years and father of four (girl, 3 boys) has moved out (one year now) and filed for divorce. Our kids spend the typical visitation time with him and since this new arrangement has been in place, I've noticed (when the opportunity arises) he addresses the boys with, "Hi buddy, how's it going?" Or uses the term "Buddy" one way or another in addressing them. This seems totally inappropriate to me. It used to be only on occasion he said that to our oldest son, but now it's all the time. I don't feel it matters what our sons' ages are (20,17,14); unless they are grown adults, this seems inappropriate.
Am I way off base here?
My husband of 26 years and father of four (girl, 3 boys) has moved out (one year now) and filed for divorce. Our kids spend the typical visitation time with him and since this new arrangement has been in place, I've noticed (when the opportunity arises) he addresses the boys with, "Hi buddy, how's it going?" Or uses the term "Buddy" one way or another in addressing them. This seems totally inappropriate to me. It used to be only on occasion he said that to our oldest son, but now it's all the time. I don't feel it matters what our sons' ages are (20,17,14); unless they are grown adults, this seems inappropriate.
Am I way off base here?
There’s
no doubt about it, the breakup of a family is tough. It is ranked as
one of the most stressful events in our kids' lives (only the death of
a parent ranks higher). But new research that analyzed hundreds of kids
of divorce show that how parents respond before, during and after a
divorce has a large bearing on how well their kids cope. Two big
parenting factors count: - Reducing conflict between parents so your kids aren’t exposed to those fights. Stay civil!
- Having both parents involved in their kids lives – regardless of the distance or time. It’s the quality that matters.
Do remember to take care of yourself.
Michele Borba
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of No More Misbehavin': 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them .
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Ithink their is nothing wrong with calling your son's buddy I have three son's ages 20-18-14 does the doc think it's wrong?
What is the big deal with calling boys "buddy?" Like the Doctor said, how about worrying about more important things in the kids' lives like schools, finances, etc.
I really thought this question was a joke. You are really upset about your sons being called "buddy?" I really want to say what my husband said, but it would be considered mean.
I can see the problem with calling the boys buddy. What he is doing - in a very passive aggressive way - is making himself a friend to children, rather than a parent. Ultimately, Mom will be the disciplinarian and overall 'meanie' while Dad gets to be the fun one - the "Disneyland parent." He is heading down a harmful path with his sons. Those boys don't need another friend, they need a Dad.
So Carmen when I call my son sweetie does that mean he will forever be a momma's boy? We all have terms of endearment we can call our children and I think a man calling his son buddy is just that - a term of endearment. I love the fact that this man enjoys time with his kids.