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The Biggest Parenting Mistakes: #1
Every day this week, I’ll be posting a different big "parenting mistake", so make sure to check back tomorrow!
Of course parents want to do the right thing so their kids grow to be happy, confident and successful. But over fifty years of child development research shows we may be making a few minor parenting mistakes that could have major impact in how our kids turn out. Here are five of the biggest parenting mistakes, their impact, and simple corrections to turn them. Research shows that using these simples parenting techniques--the right way--can help our children become more resilient and confident, as well as better behaved.
Watch the segment from TODAY
MISTAKE #1. Failing to Teach “Replacer” Behaviors
Instead: Show your child what you expect him to do to “replace” the wrong behavior.
“Calm down!” “Stop whining!” “Be more respectful!” A big parenting mistake is assuming our kids know what to do instead. Don't assume! Instead, teach a new behavior or skill to replace the inappropriate one. The result: the child is less likely to be a “repeat offender.”
Michele Borba's 5 Biggest Parenting Mistakes:
Come back tomorrow for the next "biggest parenting mistake"!
Get more info from Today on iVillage.
Of course parents want to do the right thing so their kids grow to be happy, confident and successful. But over fifty years of child development research shows we may be making a few minor parenting mistakes that could have major impact in how our kids turn out. Here are five of the biggest parenting mistakes, their impact, and simple corrections to turn them. Research shows that using these simples parenting techniques--the right way--can help our children become more resilient and confident, as well as better behaved.
Instead: Show your child what you expect him to do to “replace” the wrong behavior.
“Calm down!” “Stop whining!” “Be more respectful!” A big parenting mistake is assuming our kids know what to do instead. Don't assume! Instead, teach a new behavior or skill to replace the inappropriate one. The result: the child is less likely to be a “repeat offender.”
- Show don't tell. Your toddler is pulling the dog's fur. Call the behavior: “Don't pull the doggies fur. It hurts.” Then show the replacer behavior. “Watch Mommy. My hand pets the doggie's fur gently. See how his tail wags?”
- Redo the right way. Your child whines. “That is a whiney tone. Listen to my nice tone. Now you try.” Or "You can't grab, but you can use your words to tell your brother you want a turn. Let's practice a few times then you can use it with your brother.”
- Teach a new skill. For a younger kid, say: "When you start to feel yourself getting mad take big Dragon Breaths.” For an older kid, say: “Take a deep slow breath, and count slowly to ten.”
Michele Borba's 5 Biggest Parenting Mistakes:
- Failing to Teach “Replacer” Behaviors
- Not Using the Right Words the Right Way
- Setting Unrealistic Expectations
- Not Using the Rule of 21
- Not Letting Kids Experience Failure
Come back tomorrow for the next "biggest parenting mistake"!
Get more info from Today on iVillage.
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I totally agree with these suggestions. Discipline can be an opportunity for growth for a child. It can teach her that you understand her frustration and are trying to teach the appropriate way to handle it.
Recently, my 16 month old has been showing little tantrums to tell me that she wants to do things herself...she gets so mad when she can't put her shoes on, etc. There is so much conflicting information/literature out there about how to handle these situations. So far, I think that ignoring your child should only be reserved for rare episodes.
I think it's best to use these times to teach kids how to adjust to the world around them.
The very informative information about parenting was good. However when I went to review it, the # 2 is also the # 5. Duplicated by mistake Im sure. Just to let you know. j
There is an error in your parenting article, The Biggest Parenting Mistakes. The link for step #2 takes you to the same info as the link for step #4. Great article, however. As a grandma, the author does a great job of reinforcing for me the good discipline practices that I tried to master as a parent. I think grandmas can help their adult kids by modeling good parenting techniques, so I appreciate the refresher course and the new ideas very much!
I wish I'd had this info 13 years ago. Daughters are 16 & 20. Can still use some with the 16 year old.
I want to send this link to my niece, but I'll wait until the #2 mistake is fixed currently that link brings up mistake #4.
It is difficult to internalize these ideas and remember them when it actually crops up.
I will say we've always worked hard at praising their effort and the process.
Stacey
The link is now fixed for Parenting Mistake #2!
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