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The Real Parenting Secrets From Gloucester High School
Seven Tips to Help Lower Those Teen Pregnancy Stats
Well, well. It now appears that there may not have been a pregnancy pact after all among the teens at Gloucester High School. In case you missed the news 17 young teens at the small Massachusetts high school allegedly made a pact to get pregnant and then help raise each other’s babies. But don’t feel too relieved just yet. Pact or not, there’s a point we can’t overlook. Those 17 unwed pregnant girls are not alone.
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reveals that for the first time in 15 years teen pregnancy is back on the rise for girls 15 to 17. 1 Each day more than 2000 of our American daughters become pregnant. And one in four girls aged 15 to19 has a sexually transmitted infection.
Whether you are raising your children in Portland, Manhattan, Sacramento, Iowa, or Gloucester, the statistics about kids are the same. That’s why it’s crucial that we learn from this story. Two thirds of our kids have had sex before they graduate from high school.
Here are seven parenting secrets that research shows will help reduce those odds:
1CDC 3 percent in 2006 for girls ages 15 to17. N. Gibbs, “Give the Gloucester Girls a Break, Time, Jun 25, 2008.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
Well, well. It now appears that there may not have been a pregnancy pact after all among the teens at Gloucester High School. In case you missed the news 17 young teens at the small Massachusetts high school allegedly made a pact to get pregnant and then help raise each other’s babies. But don’t feel too relieved just yet. Pact or not, there’s a point we can’t overlook. Those 17 unwed pregnant girls are not alone.
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reveals that for the first time in 15 years teen pregnancy is back on the rise for girls 15 to 17. 1 Each day more than 2000 of our American daughters become pregnant. And one in four girls aged 15 to19 has a sexually transmitted infection.
Whether you are raising your children in Portland, Manhattan, Sacramento, Iowa, or Gloucester, the statistics about kids are the same. That’s why it’s crucial that we learn from this story. Two thirds of our kids have had sex before they graduate from high school.
Here are seven parenting secrets that research shows will help reduce those odds:
- Start the sex talk early. And I do mean EARLY—like by the age of two or three. Relax, I’m not suggesting you talk about the birds and the bees, but just use correct names for body parts such as “penis” and “vagina.” Here’s why: Many parents say they don’t feel comfortable having the big crucial sex talk with their older kids, and you must have that talk. So, get comfortable by using those terms with your toddler now and those tougher topics will be far easier later. (Besides, why call a penis a cute little term like “pee-pee” when we don’t say “toe-toe” or “elbowy"?)
- Stress your values! Most kids these days understand the dynamics of sex just fine, thank you. (Ask them---they’ll give you a few pointers!) What our kids are missing are the lessons about values and strong sexual feelings. So talk, talk and talk again about your family values so your child has something to believe in. Give your son or daughter the reason to wait and why it’s okay to say, "no". Stress the aspect of R.E.S.P.E.C.T. in relationships and that sex comes with big responsibilities.
- Be a “hands-on” parent. Research conclusively shows the best way to reduce risky teen behavior is by staying involved and being a “hands-on” parent. Monitor their coming and goings. Set curfews. Know their friends and befriend their pals. Stress your expectations on what media they consume. And do not be afraid to say no!
- Monitor your home. A little word to the wise: Teens are most likely to have their first sexual encounter in your home. Be there when your teen has friends over, and most especially so if your teen brings home her dating partner. Get to know her boyfriend. And make that bedroom off limits to entertaining!
- Counter the Hollywood glamorization of pregnancy. From Nickelodeon star Jamie Lynn Spears to magazines covered with picture perfect young celebrity moms touting babes to the blockbuster movies Juno and Knocked Up. This is the year Hollywood glamorized teen pregnancy. What kids miss is the exhaustion, croup, sleepless nights, and financial hardships of parenting. They also never see that those celebs have at their disposal an entourage of nannies, cooks, personal managers and endless bank accounts. Point out those mixed Hollywood messages and add in the missing pieces of responsibility and sacrifice that comes with parenthood.
- Keep talking. One talk isn’t going to do it. So continue talking and listening and talking. Find ways to bring up conversations about sex. Throw in $100 a month for diapers. $125 for baby formula. $175 a month for new baby clothes. Or the $197,700 it costs to raise a kid these days. And if that doesn’t do it—ask a mother to lend her baby to your child to watch for a weekend. Instant birth control!
- Give your child a sense of future. Get your child involved in his school. Tell him to study! From an early age, talk to your child about growing up, leaving home and working. Stress your expectations for their education. The truth is the more involved a child is in school the less likely they are to engage in risky behaviors.
1CDC 3 percent in 2006 for girls ages 15 to17. N. Gibbs, “Give the Gloucester Girls a Break, Time, Jun 25, 2008.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
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While I certainly don't condone teen pregnancy, I don't know that I steadfastly disapprove of teens in their later highschool years having protected, emotionally healthy sex. I don't find it unreasonable. Come on now, I know I wasn't a virgin into my twenties; why would I expect my children to be? I think the emphasis should be and remain on protection, protection, protection - both from pregnancy and STDS as well as the emotional pain that can come from having sex.
My son is 14 and we have talked about sex. He also knows that we feel teens have no business having sex and that having a sexual relationship is meant to be with his spouse..call us old fashion but my husband and I both waited until marriage. We have talked about AIDS and STDs and IF you have sex with someone you are essentially being with every other person that person has been with. I think the problem lies alot with the girls here..honestly- The answer should be NO. There are 13 pregnant teens at the school my son will be attending in the Fall as a freshman. WTF?!
this article is basically saying 'keep your teen from having sex all together'. i believe like sara before me, that healthy and protected sex does not hurt anybody. it is part of growing up nowadays to experience your first time, often times when you're still a teenager.
i do belive that it is the parents responsibility to teach the child about protection and values, however. besides, eventually our teen kids will be old enough, and depending on our job of parenting, to make their own decisions.
besides, teen pregnancies are no different from unwanted adult pregnancies it just takes a visit to the local hospital, worst case.
Cindy, it is unfortunate that you are placing the blame on the teenage girls at your school for being pregnant. It take two people to have sex as we all know.
I also agree that the emphasis need not be on abstinance (sp?), but rather safer sex. The fact is teenagers are going to have sex, however, we should be teaching our children about safe sex for if/when they engage in sex.