“So Mom, when did you lose your virginity?”
“What kind of drugs did you do, Dad?”
“How many times did you do it?”

Kids have always said the darnedest things, but these days they’re also asking embarrassing and frank questions about their parents’ past lives: “How old were you when you took your first drink?” “Did you and dad hook up before you were married?” “What do you mean you didn’t inhale?”

Their questions shouldn’t come as any big shock. After all, this is the Facebook Generation where kids routinely post each and every vivid detail of their personal lives and have been exposed to sordid R-rated indiscretions and national scandals of celebrities and politicians from such young ages. So it really shouldn’t come as any surprise when your kid asks about your past dalliances with drugs, drinking, and sex. Which poses the real question: “Have you thought about how you’ll answer your teen?”

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Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!

For the last several years my son has been hanging out with a boy in the neighborhood that is 2 years older than he is. They have always just played basketball, ridden 4 wheelers and participated in sports together. My son is now 14 and is in the 7th grade and the boy he hangs out with is 16 and in the 10th grade. His friend just got his driver's license and my son wants to ride in the car with him. Although they are only 2 years apart in age, they are 3 years apart in grade. He can't understand why his Dad and I won't let him ride in the car with his friend and why we don't think it is appropriate for him to be in 10th grade social activities. They are both good kids who do not get into any trouble which makes it more difficult to explain to him why he can't do this. Any suggestions?
--Elizabeth

I can see your dilemma and understand your concern about your son driving in a car with an inexperienced driver. I can also see why your son is having a tough time buying into your decision. The problem is he’s a good kid and he’s been friends with this boy for while, and they’re never in trouble. (Everyone should have such problems eh?) The boys have shared a lot of memories and interests together. So telling your son he can’t hang around with this kid now—after all this time together—is going to be a hard sale. Their “two year” age difference isn’t going to fly with your kid.

But you still have big time grounds as to why you should not let your son drive in the car with his friend who just got his driver’s license. Here’s your argument, Mom:

This year the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia revealed disturbing study results after analyzing hundreds of data on kids and driving:

• Car crashes are the leading cause of death for tweens and teens.
• Nearly 10,000 youths have died as passengers in car crashes. Of those crashes, 54% were riding with a teen driver.
• The most dangerous driving circumstances for youth are driving with inexperienced, than-a-year-male drivers on high-speed roads.
• Most crashes happen from 6am to 10pm.

“Safety” (and your child’s life) is the reason you Do NOT let your son drive with his friend—or any other kid who has less than a year’s driving experience. Make that your basic house rule regardless of who the other driver is and stick to the safety rule.

I predict the three-year grade spread difference is going to pull these two kids apart over the next year. But meanwhile use the summer as an opportunity to look for avenues that will help your son find other friends. A camp? Another sport? Inviting other kids over?

One hint: Teens find friends based on the “similarity principle” (the other kid shares the same interests and values, which is probably why your son is so attracted to his older friend). The trick is to figure out your son’s natural passions and interests and find kids (or activities) who are similar.

Meanwhile, stick to your guns. Don’t let your son get in the car with a new driver. California (where I live) passed a law that a new licensed driver may not have a passenger who is not related to him for several months.

I’ll add a personal note to this: Over the past years I’ve had five friends living in different parts of the country lose their incredible, loving, good and glorious sons to driving accidents. No parent should have to endure such a loss.

Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.

Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!

I have two children, one with my current boyfriend who is a 2-year-old girl and my 10-year-old from my previous marriage.  We pretty much all get along but I feel as though my boyfriend doesnt have that same love for my son as he does for our daughter. He is very strict with him, complains about any little thing that bothers him about my son...  Especially when my son forgets his homework in school, which is frequent he punishes him for a week at least and my son is not allowed to do anything entertaining but to sit in his bed all day reading a book. Cannot color, cannot read magazines, anything that he thinks maybe be entertaining for him. And if he were to catch Jeremy glaring at the tv he says that he will hit him if he finds out he was disobeying... My son is a good kid, he doesnt misbehave, doesnt have fights in school, he doesnt talk back or yell. He's very shy and timid and an emotional kid who gets speech, occupational, and physical therapy in school. My son is just very forgetful, doesnt focus on the things that are important and can be very lazy. My question to you is; Am I overreacting?  To me it seems the punishment at times is too harsh, and I feel we need to let my son breathe alittle and not crucify him for forgetting his work in school.
--Jessica Diaz

I read your note and am very concerned. Please heed my advice. The discipline your boyfriend is giving your son is far too harsh. It is also unfair, unreasonable, and unfounded. I also consider what he is doing to your child is severly damaging to his self-esteem... severely damaging.

Your boyfriend is threatening to your child ("I will hit you.") The discipline is clearly way too strict and unfair (Not being allowed to do anything for over a week - and sit on a bed for hours at a time for not bringing his homework! Jessica, that's abusive!)

Discipline should always be administered only in a calm and loving way. After all, the only reason for discipline is to help your child learn from his mistakes. Discipline even comes from the word, "disciple" - it's a TEACHING tool. A child can only learn when the instruction (discipline) is presented in a non-threatening way. And as soon as the discipline is over, it's "Forgive and Forget." The parent and child relationship remains entact. The child knows he was wrong, but also understands that he is still loved unconditionally by the parent. What's more, while discipline does have a consequence (if you don't do your homework, you can't watch television for the afternoon) that is fair and reasonable.

PLEASE get help, Jessica. This situation cannot continue. It will do irreparable damage on your child's emotional health and well-being.  I am also concerned about you. Are you safe? Are you being threatened? Do not show this note to your boyfriend if you feel at all threatened. Probably best not to anyway.  Get help. If you need to know what to do next, please write me again and I'll direct you further.  I cannot stress the long-term affect how your child is being treated will have on his life.

Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.