When to Worry and Seek Help For Your Child

Of course we love our kids and worry about them. But when should we worry—really worry—enough to seek professional help? It’s a question that haunts parents. To any of you ever wondering “if your child's behavior is just a phase” here are my four rules for when to pick up the phone. (And by the way, any one rule can be enough to seek advice of a professional.)

When to pick up the phone and seek help for your child:

1. Not normal. The behavior is not typical or appropriate for your child’s developmental age.
2. Paternal instinct. You just know deep down that something is not right—despite what anyone else may say. No one –absolutely no one—knows your child better than you. If you think something is wrong, act on that instinct. Chances are you are correct even though the therapist, pediatrician, teacher, psychologist, and Dr. Spock himself said otherwise.
3. Daily life affected. The behavior is impacting your child’s school, social or home life. If this issue continues it stands to damage your child’s reputation, character, emotional health as well as your family life.
4. Your child is struggling. I deeply believe that the majority of kids don’t mean to act out or misbehave. They want to please us. So when you see a child repeatedly engaged in a destructive behavior or behavior that is not typical, something else is amiss. Meanwhile, your child is hurting. And if not helped, his self-esteem and relationship with his friends and family will suffer.

If the problem has been going on too long with no relief, and everything you’ve tried isn’t working, then it’s time. PICK UP THE PHONE. Whenever you’re in doubt, get help. Why wait? And if don’t get the right advice (you're not satisfied and it's not helping your child), then keep going and going and going until you do.

This week questions came from two different mothers about what I call “The Big Worry Factor.” Though the issues these mothers bring up are as different as night as day (from potty training at age eight to excessive worrying about illness) both have a stark commonality: A mom who is deeply concerned whether her child’s behavior is “normal” or something more. Check back tomorrow when I will answer both questions! And please: if you have a parenting question, don't hesitate to ask!

All the best!

Michele Borba

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• Signs of stress: How to tell if your child has help
• Is your kid "quirky" -- or is it something more?
• Got a parenting question for Dr. Michele Borba?

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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of No More Misbehavin': 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them .