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Q&A: Letting 15-Year-Old Daughter Date 18-Year-Old?
Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!
I have a daughter who just recently turned 15 and wants to date a boy who is 18 years old, going to college, and has a car. My sister, who is a police officer, says I shouldn't let them date, but I don't seem to think it's such a bad thing to let her date a college boy. He comes from a very good family and wealthy, too. Should I let her go out with the boy or not? Please tell me what to do, because all my family has made such a big issue over it and now my sister is barely talking to us.
-- Mom
Letting your 15-year-old daughter date an 18-year-old college student just spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Here's why I say no.
Think this one through very carefully. This is one of those parenting choices where there's no turning back.
I hate to butt into a family conflict, but I have to side with your sister on this one. NO!
Best!
Michele Borba
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
I have a daughter who just recently turned 15 and wants to date a boy who is 18 years old, going to college, and has a car. My sister, who is a police officer, says I shouldn't let them date, but I don't seem to think it's such a bad thing to let her date a college boy. He comes from a very good family and wealthy, too. Should I let her go out with the boy or not? Please tell me what to do, because all my family has made such a big issue over it and now my sister is barely talking to us. -- Mom
Letting your 15-year-old daughter date an 18-year-old college student just spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Here's why I say no.
- A three year age spead is way too broad at this point of your child's life . Your daughter is still a kid. An 18-year-old college student is now a man. High school is history. He's already done the light-weight dating scene stuff. Your daughter is just starting. Let's take a reality check: Most guys have their first sexual encounter at 16 or 17 (if not before). Are you reading between the lines, Mom? This will instantly fast-forward your daughter. Enough on that one. There is a huge (huge) consequence here.
- She will miss the high school experience. He's done that. What 18-year-old is going to want to hang around with her friends? I'd be concerned if he did. These years can never be redone. Games. Dances. Hanging out with other kids. Learning about life . You'll be pushing her three years ahead to a very different scene -- college. Do you want that? If so, why?
- The car. That should say it all. 15-year-olds don't drive (in most states). They hang out. Their parents drive them. Once that car scene enters the picture your control is over. Seriously.
- Your rationale. Okay, even if you disagree with the top three reasons, please reread your letter to me. The reason you say you should allow the dating basically comes down to "He's wealthy." Not a good enough reason, Mom. So what? Not once did you mention he's a good kid, or that he has goals, he's responsible, he has character.
Think this one through very carefully. This is one of those parenting choices where there's no turning back.
I hate to butt into a family conflict, but I have to side with your sister on this one. NO!
Best!
Michele Borba
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
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The only thing an 18 year old and 15 year old should have in common are the school colors and the local radio station.
I agree with the advice given. A 15 year old is not mature enough to date an adult. This comes from experience, when I was 16 my mother (and in turn my father) allowed me to date a 19 year old from our town (good family and wealthy). I wish now at the age of 26 that they had not allowed this to happen. It ruined my high school expierence and I missed out on so much. We are not together today but we did date for four years. I lost a lot of freedom at such a young age being involved with someone so much older than myself. PLEASE do not allow this! She may be mad but in the long run she will thank you.
I'd just like to say that I'm an 18 year old girl. When i was 15, I dated an 18 year old boy. It went fine. My parents were skeptical at first, but they met him and liked him. We stayed together for over a year.
I don't see anything wrong with it. He did not negatively impact my life, nor did he "fast forward me" into the college scene. I had my friends, he had his. Sometimes we'd hang out with my friends, sometimes we'd hang out with his. It really isn't a big deal. I'm about to graduate high school, and I would definitely say that my high school experience was not hindered because I dated an older boy. I don't regret it and I don't think that it negatively impacted me in any way.
There are a lot of factors that come into play that aren't mentioned here. Maturity is a question that should be raised in both cases. I have always been mature for my age. My boyfriend at the time was quite immature for his age.
As far as the sexuality goes, yes, we did have sex. He was my first as far as any of that goes. He did not push me into it, and it's gotta happen sometime, right? As long as you talk to your daughter about making the right decisions, staying true to herself and her morals, and staying safe, I don't think that's an issue either.
im pretty sure you should let her date him.if she really likes him for who he is then why not?
its not like hes a bad kid right?
i think you should talk to her about the realinship just to see how things are going every once in a while.
just give him a chance
A 15 year old girl and an 18 year old guy, be thankful it's not alot worse. However, the 18 year old should find a nice girl around his own age. My 17 year old sister was dating a 26 year old crackhead, she now has had two children with him.
life sucks for poor people :(
I lol'd
My daughter is still dating an 18 year old, I don't approve of him and told her she is not allowed to see him or talk to him. I want her to date kids in school, hang out with friends. Only she lies just to be with him, uses people to get what she wants. She says it's fun being with him. Yet, he doesn't have to work, has no responsibilties. All she knows is that she's having fun and she can't do that with her friends. I need some advice, because I want to send her away.
Im an eighteen yearold. im going into my senior year. um im enlisted in the Marine Corps and will be in the
Infantry.they problem is me and my gf are just starting out. and idk how her parent would react. but with this information would u let me date ur daughter?
Hi, this is an awkward thing to say so im just going to come straight forward with it.
Boys mature three years before girls do (and that is if they mature) its statistics, look it up.
when i was 13 i dated an 18 year old, he was exactly 4 years 8 months and 24 days older, and i would never regret my relationship with him. He knew i was young, and never took advantage of me, we had sex, but it was my choice, and it was going to happen eventually. He did not pressure me at all, we had talked about it and he said we would only have sex if i agreed to it.
My parents met him, and slowly began to trust him.
He was an amazing guy, and was very responssible.
I did not miss out on my highsschool experience, and he did not "fast forward" me.
When it comes down to it, what you as a parent should do before you base your descision is meet with him, have him over at the house with your supervision a few times, slowly trust him. If you do not gain trust with him then decide you do not want your daughter to date him.
I hope this helped.
I am no longer with my 4 years difference of age boyfriend, but we are still rally good friends, and i love him and trust him so much, he is a part of me i could not live with out, and our relationship as friends is amazing.
Not all 18 year olds are pricks who just want one thing.
i need help.please help me what should i do.my life seemed so great but now its not so wonderful at all,my boyfriend is about to turn 18.and we love eachother alot weve been dating for 6 1/2 months.im 15.and he means alot to me.we have so much fun together.but when my parents come in they hate him because he makes me happy.please email me on my myspace.please i need advice on what to do.hes afraid when he turns 18 to go to jail.please all i need is help.weve cried together hugging eachother thinking about lives without eachother.if anyone can help please do.he has no choice and i cant do anything about.please i beg of you.i need help.please?