Parenting Secrets with Dr. Michele Borba : Blogs at iVillage.com
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Q&A: Getting Your Daycare On Board
Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here
on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a
comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!
How do I get my child's daycare to comply with my requests? They changed her schedule, now she gets really crabby at home.
--Rachel
AHHH! I’m frustrated just reading your note. “Ideally” the daycare and home should always work together for your child’s sake. Here are my suggestions to see if you can get your child’s daycare to comply with your requests.
Your best bet is to first “respectfully” ask for a conference with the director ASAP and, if possible, your child’s lead teacher. That’s a hint. Go into that conference thinking and acting positively. Listen first. Be open. You’ll get better results.
Next, lay out your case. “Have you noticed a change in her behavior lately? I’m so concerned that she is so much crabbier at home after her schedule was changed. I’m hoping we can figure out a way to get her back on that schedule because..." Then describe what you want to happen. Your goal is to describe the exact change you see in your child after the schedule switch.
Ask if there is anything else that could be causing the behavior change at school (an aggressive new playmate, an earache, a new daycare worker). Get their input so you don’t overlook anything.
Bring a monthly calendar with you. If you can jot down a note or two on each day (“Mon: Crabby”; Tues: Cried when she came home; Wed. Didn’t want to play) noting your behavior observations it helps. Pull out the calendar pinpoint when you first noticed the crabbiness and the days after. Emphasize that there are no changes happening at home that could be causing this (right???)
Keep in mind that kids act differently at school. The teacher may not be seeing those behaviors so that’s why a logged record helps. Hopefully the daycare will offer some kind of at least compromise to accommodate your child. Keep tracking your child’s behavior even after the conference. If not (and that behavior continues) you may need to change programs.
The main point to keep in mind is that those together times with your child to be relaxed and fun. If she continues to be irritable this will hinder your relationship with your daughter as well. Hope this helps!
Best to you!
Michele Borba
Have a parenting question for Michele Borba? Leave a comment below and your question may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them.
How do I get my child's daycare to comply with my requests? They changed her schedule, now she gets really crabby at home.--Rachel
AHHH! I’m frustrated just reading your note. “Ideally” the daycare and home should always work together for your child’s sake. Here are my suggestions to see if you can get your child’s daycare to comply with your requests.Your best bet is to first “respectfully” ask for a conference with the director ASAP and, if possible, your child’s lead teacher. That’s a hint. Go into that conference thinking and acting positively. Listen first. Be open. You’ll get better results.
Next, lay out your case. “Have you noticed a change in her behavior lately? I’m so concerned that she is so much crabbier at home after her schedule was changed. I’m hoping we can figure out a way to get her back on that schedule because..." Then describe what you want to happen. Your goal is to describe the exact change you see in your child after the schedule switch.
Ask if there is anything else that could be causing the behavior change at school (an aggressive new playmate, an earache, a new daycare worker). Get their input so you don’t overlook anything.
Bring a monthly calendar with you. If you can jot down a note or two on each day (“Mon: Crabby”; Tues: Cried when she came home; Wed. Didn’t want to play) noting your behavior observations it helps. Pull out the calendar pinpoint when you first noticed the crabbiness and the days after. Emphasize that there are no changes happening at home that could be causing this (right???)
Keep in mind that kids act differently at school. The teacher may not be seeing those behaviors so that’s why a logged record helps. Hopefully the daycare will offer some kind of at least compromise to accommodate your child. Keep tracking your child’s behavior even after the conference. If not (and that behavior continues) you may need to change programs.
The main point to keep in mind is that those together times with your child to be relaxed and fun. If she continues to be irritable this will hinder your relationship with your daughter as well. Hope this helps!
Best to you!
Michele Borba
Have a parenting question for Michele Borba? Leave a comment below and your question may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them.
My son is 21 months old and has started potty training. I recently started back to work and now he is in daycare. The problem is they dont help with potty training until he is in the 2 year old class. But he wont be in the 2 year old class for another 3 months or so and I dont want him to go backwards. I dont want to remove him from this daycare but I dont want him to stop potty training either. Help!!!
To Carlisha-
Speak to your center director. If you can prove that your child is ready to start potty training (usually a center requires that the child is able to communicate that they need to use the toilet) the center is required by the NAEYC to comply.
To whoever asked the original question-
A daycare center has to have a general schedule that works for the entire classroom and not just your individual child, no matter her age. I work with 6week to 1 year olds and though we are required to let the child sleep or eat on demand, each child falls into a schedule that coincides with the other children and the routines of the caregivers. If it really is such a big difference in the way she is acting, then not only is the center not doing their job when it comes to working with families, but there might be something else missing as well.