Hi Michele- I love your blog. I have a question. My 4 year old son has uncontrollable tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. It's especially embarrassing in places like restaurants or the grocery store. Do you have any tips on how I can calm his outbreaks without giving into him?
THank you.

I have a set of Twin Grand Daughter's who are 20 months
old they don't take very good naps never have. I am lucky
if they sleep for 45 min. in a day.They get up around 7am.
and they go down for the night around 8:30.

One is content to lay in her bed and play with her blanket
she doesn't cry when you put her down for a nap and when
she wakes up she doesn't cry to get out of bed you have to
check to see if she is awake.

Now the problem is with Twin A she screams and cries when
you put her in the bed and when she wakes up she screams
and cries as soon as her eyes are open.She always wakes up
her sister.She never sleeps long enough to get her nap out.
Most of the time if you bring her out in the livingroom and
lay her on the couch,floor,or hold her she will go back to
sleep and maybe sleep another hour.

I have been thinking about putting her down in another room
at the other end of the house so she doesn't wake up her
sister. But that would mean no crib and as long as she is
in the crib I don't have to worry about her falling out or
get up and me not know it.I try to do a little house work
and laundry while they sleep.

Do you have any advise I could maybe try.

Thank You,
Debbie

My son Jacob is very active and in my opinion very healthy except he's always had cold symptoms:no fever but does have a constant runny nose and minor cough, but he's always had them. They're not better or worse just really snotty. The doctor he goes to refused to administer the 8month vaccines and told me to bring him when he is better. He'll be 9mo. soon and he is still the same. It's the first time they refuse to give him his shots. I'm not treating him, but Should I be concerned about his cold?

I have a 20 month old boy and a 6 year old dachshund. He will not leave her alone. I have tried everything from redirection to timeout, but he continuously tries to hit, poke, and throw things at her. No matter how many times he's corrected, he goes right back to it. I'm at a loss for how to keep peace between my boy and my dog. Some suggetions would be great.

My daughter & I were very close; I divorced her mother when she was 7, but called her 2-3 x weekly, & she came to my house alternate weekends & holidays. When she was 13 (she is now 25)she wrote me a letter telling me she did not want a relationship with me and did not want to come visit. I shared that letter with my wife & two very close friends and they all saw it the way I did: the letter was my daughters but the words were her mothers. In the years since I have regularly written letters, sent cards, and left messages on her phone which she has never responded to. Should I give up? or should I just appear on her front porch one day?
I am one of those hurting fathers that few people acknowledge.

For the last several years my son has been hanging out with a boy in the neighborhood that is 2 years older than he is. They have always just played basketball, ridden 4 wheelers and participated in water sports together. My son is now 14 and is in the 7th grade (he should be in 8th, but we held him back early on) and the boy he hangs out with is 16 and in the 10th grade. His friend just got his driver's license and my son wants to ride in the car with him. Although they are only 2 years apart in age, they are 3 years apart in grade. He can't understand why his Dad and I won't let him ride in the car with his friend and why we don't think it is appropriate for him to be in 10th grade social activities. They are both good kids who do not get into any trouble which makes it more difficult to explain to him why he can't do this. Any suggestions?

Hi - I have a 4 year old who is very shy in new situations. He is great at home or where he knows - but around new kids, people, situations, etc he shuts down for quite a while. We try to encourage him and tell him we know it can be a little intimidating, and that may or may not help... What can I do to help him? Thank you!

Thanks for taking our questions. I feel like I am all alone out there, when I use sources, such as Dove.org, to find out EXACTLY what our teens will see when they go to a movie. It is so useful, but not knowing of any other parents knowing what sorts of unnacceptable images and ideas their movie dollars are supporting, really sometimes makes me feel like giving up. The kids sometimes protest. I KNOW though, that it is the right thing to do. "Garbage in, Garbage out" makes sense. I want quality input going into our kids VERY influential teenage brains. And I should know; I was a child of the sixties! I bought the "sex and drugs and rock-n-roll" mindset, hook-line-and-sinker. How can I let as many parents as possible, all at one time, find out that they can use Dove.org, instead of the VERY unpredictable PG13 rating? They have REALLY helped me. I wish I could thank them with donations, but so far I haven't. (PG13 can go on many movies that are terrible, and should not be feeding our kids' brains.)

My son is 8 years old and he still has problems with potty training. If he is engaged in an activity, he will go in his pants rather than stop playing. Even if he is at home, watching tv or playing video games, he will, if he chooses, go in his pants rather than go to the restroom. He has been punished for it in various ways over the last 2 years and I have taken him to see a therapist, who said he is bright and healthy, just lazy. Could that be all there is to it? Last week I had a very serious talk with him (after he'd been grounded for a week) and he said he jus doesn't like to go in the bathroom. What should I do next?

My son is three but huge for his age. He's as big as a 6 and 7 year old. He tries to play like the other kids but doesn't understand he is much bigger then them. He is in daycare but often gets in trouble for hurting the other kids.

I also feel like everyone treats him different because he is so big. I feel like people often forget he is only three.

How can I get him to understand that he is bigger and much more likely to hurt the other kids if he plays like they do?
And how do I get people to understand that he is only three no matter how big he is?

I have two children one with my current boyfriend who is a 2 yr old girl and my ten yr old from my previous marriage.
We pretty much all get along but I feel as though my boyfriend doesnt have that same love for my son as he does for our daughter. He is very strict with him, complains about any little thing that bothers him about my son; such as Jeremy pick up your spoon right, Jeremy talk normal, Jeremy walk normal, etc. And especially when my son forgets his homework in school which is frequent he punishes him for a week at least and my son is not allowed to do anything entertaining but to sit in his bed all day reading a book. Cannot color, cannot read magazines, anything that he thinks maybe be entertaining for him. And if he were to catch Jeremy glaring at the tv he says that he will hit him if he finds out he was disobeying. And yesterday we went to my aunt's house and of course my son was not allowed to play with his cousins but to sit in the livingroom on the sofa and witin an hour and a half of the visit my son began to cry because he wasnt able to do anything. I felt so sorry for him I wanted to cry, I guess he felt lonely. I quickly went ove and hugged him. My aunt who was there also felt sorry for him. And my son is a good kid, he doesnt misbehave, doesnt have fights in school, he doesnt talk back or yell. He's very shy and timid and an emotional kid who gets speech, occupational, and physical therapy in school. My son is just very forgetful, doesnt focus on the things that are important and can be very lazy. My question to you is; Am I overreacting, to me it seems the punishment at times is too harsh? And I feel we need to let my son breath alittle and not crucify him for forgetting his work in school.

My daughter is 18, a senior in high school. She is smoking cigarettes and having multiple sex partners. She has moved in with my Mother who is just down the street. I have always been pretty strict on her and my Mother is also. I am lost. Please help me.
Sherry Storey

Can you give me some tips for my 4 year old daughter. She was born 5 weeks premature. Though she is learning things well, she is still behind about 1 year in her social emotional behavior. She is seeing a speech therapist and her speech has been improving since she started at 3 years. Now that it is time for her begin Kindergarten in August, 2008, I am concerned with her attention span and keeping her behavior under control. Alot of it comes from the community pre-k that she attends. Most of the childrens parents are young 13-20 years old and kids are used to them yelling at them, using profanity, and calling them names. Along with encouraging nasty dancing, etc. I am a 40+ parent and these types of things do not happen at home but my daughter will yell at us when she doesn't get her way yet she is very clingy to me. Can you offer some suggestions?

I have two granddaughters, sisters, two and a half and one and a half years old. The older one doesn't like to go on the potty and she doesn't tell you when she needs her diaper changed. The younger one will say she needs a clean diaper, but doesn't like to sit on a potty for more that a second. My children were potty trained by the age of one to one and a half, but I cannot figure out how to approach these girls. My daughter asked her pediatrician, but he suggested they are fine until the age of four. Both girls are very smart for their age, articulate and overall well adjusted. Any suggestions?
Thank you very much for your time.

I have a 10 year old son that has been claiming all sorts of medical problems. One minute he has a headache, then the next he can't breathe, then the next his heart is beating too fast, then too slow. It's obvious that he's not actually having these issues because he will also be playing and running around at the same time. When he's distracted it doesn't bother him. He seems to worry far too much about being sick. He also has taken to reading the warning labels on everything and asking if it's OK to eat some foods (is the expiration date OK, etc). One day he even asked me if it was OK to eat his sandwich because the hand soap he just used said "do not ingest" on it. What can I do to make him understand that he doesn't need to worry about such things? Or is this just a phase he's going through?

Hello Ms Borba, I am the rare new generation of single
father parenthood since my daughter's age 13mos.I am
happy to say I have made it to her recent age 16th birthday
with few deep wounds.She's been an honor student,2x President Academic Award for secondary & Middle school grades! I bet you know where I am going with this. yes! You would be correct, now she's the student from Satan's dormitory! What happened? Why now, suddenly? Was it me, or is this a natural transition?? No! She has not flunked out by any means, she still averages a 3.63, but its a major war at home doing homework, laziness with studies for tests, TV and MP3 are major distractions to where, if I were not constantly reminding her, she would fail!I have removed the distractions, only to feel guilty later, then allowing after certain goals reached or attained. BUT, Now I feel I somehow got trapped into this co-dependent parenting position and can't seem to find my way out! I would like for her to assume her own responsibility to her GPA for college, which she wants to do with passion, but without obviously taking serious her need to keep her own studies up for her grades! She's gone from Dr., to Lawyer, now to owning a boutique shop as her top aspiration! She's proficient in dance, ballerina 13 yrs, but not enough to go pro or pay the rent, it appears. Where did I go wrong? now, in absence of the female viewpoint, what should I do to correct my co-dependent, GPA worried self? Thx Mr MOM 08'

I have a grandson that is 3yrs old. I need to know what your
out look might be on my sitiation with him. He doesnt want to go to his other grandmothers house and his parents both stay at my house And when I am home he only wants me to do everything for him. Both my son and his girlfriend get very
upset at him because he throws a fit if they try to do anything for him if I am home. How can I try to better this so i dont feel like he (my grandson)is getting into trouble
because he wants me to do everything for him.Or so I dont make any waves with his mother. I try walking away. I have left the house. They say comments like you only act this way when your nana's here.. What do you think I should do?

Concerned Nana

Help! My daughters 6 almost 7 in August and wont sleep in her own bed. Weve done everything.

Do you believe in "sensory processing disorder?" My 6 year old is a happy and cooperative kid at home and at school but when he's at violin lessons, he becomes very hyper and uncooperative. I was told he needs occupational therapy because he's "sensory seeking." The OT tested him and agreed. Isn't he just acting up because he doesn't want to be there after a long day at school? This sensory disorder business sounds like a load of hooey to me.

I HAVE A TWO YEAR THAT IS NOT POTTY TRAINED. SHOULD I WAIT FOR HIM TO TELL ME IT'S TIME OR SHOULD I MAKE HIM GO? I WORK 12 HOURS ON NIGHTS AND IT IS HARD TO TRAIN HIM PROPERLY. WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE GOING TO THE POTTY INTERESTING?

Hi. My grandaughter is now 6 yrs old and bright. She does somthing that i asked her many times not to do and thats lye. Shes always making up stories. When i ask her somthing important she makes up stories. What do i do. Her parents are the same way.

I am sitting here floored dealing with my autistic 9yr old son and the relentless bullying that has been going on all year at his school. His original and only prior teacher took this yr off to have a baby. The district threw my child into the mainstream classroom and refused to provide special education for him. Then of course with the autism he suffers with echolalia. Hateful comments from his teacher directed at HIM, remarks made about him LYING or "OH WELL get over it" I wonder now if the teacher isnt a bully as well. She began the year telling my boy "i have a monitor and they are WATCHING YOU" and with him not being able to function in that normal classroom setting grade 3 for the duration of the day he has been in not only trouble with UNAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR (echolalia and autism) but his grades went from straight A's on every subject to F's. I have sent emails to the principle, the man never got back to me. I have spoken with him but nothing is done and it just goes on and on. This teacher of my child if i call her at home (thats school policy in hillbilly HAILto call the teacher at home) she wont call me back. Homework sent home MAYBE, and i am SHELL SHOCKED with the behavior once he gets home at times. He is depressed, anxiety, health related complaints (nothing ever found), NO self esteem, no child that was at least a HAPPY BOY before this bullying started in September. Sleep pattern disruptions, begs to stay home, "Are you monitoring me mommy?" suspicious, every tendency i have read the last few days on this bullying he now displays and i am not just MAD i am afraid for my son. One class bully i recall my boy telling me at xmas break his friend "T" had the sheriffs come, remove him from the class, he had to go to a hearing in juvenile court and sent of course to an alternative school for over a month. I dont remember the childs last name and my son is being very deviant in not wanting to admit this IS the bully expelled. NOW this boy is calling my son at home. Lets face it doc...with autism the little friends havent been in his life but he has always had his mother. This bully calls repeatedly, i hear my son upset by him and the calls go well after midnight most nites. I AM not going to allow this friendship to bloom shall we say and i hope i am doing the right thing as i just contacted the boys & girls club here in my town to get my son around new little ones and new activities. I am afraid this "T" will just cause even MORE damage and my son reported to me that "T" was bullying and mocking his autism that same first day he called. Not one school teacher or even principle has offered up any after school activities and my boy has mild CP from a premature birth at 28 weeks. He isnt a sporty boy but i do hope i am doing right. My mama instincts are SCREAMING OUT DONT LET THAT CHILD AROUND MINE!!! Its so sad seeing children bullied. I was the victim of bullys in secondary schools so i KNOW how it feels but my GOD! what is WRONG with these parents of the bullys knowing their child is bullying a peer with disabilities? The weakest one. The teacher has been just as aggressive with the remarks and his disciplinary actions at school. This week i have really studied up on this subject and i just learned i can demand a personal aid for the duration of the day due to my childs autism at the IEP meeting in May and i am going to demand this because i dont EVER want him having to be BULLYED TO THIS EXTENT AGAIN!! I am disabled and on a social security retirement income. I wish i could afford private schools but dream a little dream. I just wish these schools would put a stop to all this VIOLENCE and the bullys indeed are never held accountable. I hope i am making the right decisions and hope you can help with this BULLYING ISSUE question/questions? I dont have a normal child who can process the basics doc and i am soooo scared for him and nothing is being done to stop it. Thats a real shame and to me a crime.

I am having a lot of trouble with my 13 yr. old daughter. Her father and I divorced when she was 4. She took the divorce very badly. I then went to live with my mom, and helped her for 3 years until she went into a nursing home with Alzheimers. I then bought a house and we have lived there since along with my significant other. My daughter growing up always had bad tantrums and my partner would get very upset. recently she has decided to go Gothic and dye her hair green and purple and dress in weird clothes.
She swears at me shuts her bedroom door in my face, and keeps her bedroom a mess, clothes are all over the floor, old dirty dishes and cups, she has destroyed her bedroom set. She is doing poorly in school, has numerous cell phone charges and almost got suspended from school because some girl was after her.

I am so upset with the fighting with her and my partner every morning and nite that I want to sell my house, leave him and send her to live with her father. I cannot tolerate the behavior. I speak nicely to her until she tells me to shut my mouth and mind my business. I need help soon. She is also in family counseling, which we end up fighting there also. I hope you have some suggestions. I love her so much, but my health is being affected, because of the stress.

Hi. I have two nephews on my husbands side. They have there good moments, but also some nasty ones. I recently have been witnessing such terrible behavior from the middle child who is 7. His brother is 8 and he has a little brother who is 11 months. The middle child treats his mother so disrespectfully it makes me cringe. He won't do it in front of his father though. I have had to stand up for his mother twice now because it makes me so mad and upset to see. I've been close to wanting to give him vinegar in his mouth because he is so bad. Even my own child has talked back to this mother because he sees his cousins do it to her. But when i find out that my own child does it, my child is disciplined and talked to about why its wrong. The mother just lets him almost verbally abuse her. He refuses to listen and cooperate to the point of being belligerent without swearing. But if he knew swear words I'm sure he'd use them. She always makes excuses for her kids when they refuse to listen to any adult i.e they will completely ignore you and continue their naughty behavior or walk away or won't do what is asked. She says, "they're tired today." "Well, its just a vicious cycle I suppose if I yell at them they will yell at me." "His grandfather has no right to discipline my children. He hasn't earned that right." So I try not to fault the child for this learned behavior, but at what point do you as a family member say enough? If I'm watching them and they don't listen, to me they become a liability. And I've been scoulded before my their mother because the kids decided to lie to me and do something else instead of what they told me. I just don't even want to be near them sometimes. Help please. Their parents think they listen and are good kids. I see lying, cheating, and disrespectful behavior. When do you just say enough or let it go? i don't want to hurt the parents feelings, but it's getting out of hand when I see it. Thank you for any help you can provide.

Most questions are asked about babies up to school age children. My son is 14. For the most part he is a good kid. More recently he started with some mouthy teenage talk but hes very careful not to cross the line of being disrespectful. My bigger problem with him is school. He is extremley bright and talented. He can draw a picture of you looking at you and he can sing. He just did two shows at Amatuer Night at The Apollo. He hates school and homework. I recently found out hes been lying about his homework and not doing it at all. Hes grades are slipping. I send him to extra help, he doesnt go. I sit with him to try and help him one on one, he lies about what he has. Ive spoken to guidance counselors, teachers and have had team meetings. We have put him on weekly progress reports, he forges them. His father and I are married and both work and both give him alot of quality time together and individually. I dont know what else to do, any thoughts?
Thanks

I have two little ones, four and three and stay at home, plus full time graduate school courses and working part time. We have our ups and downs and can relate to so many of these stories above!!!! I just completed the book The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child: No pills No Therapy No contest of wills by Alan Kazdin.
http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0618773673 Before we [both parents] read the book our son was basically asked to not go to the 'better than best' preschool because he was just not behaved and we thought he might need medication. We have two completely different children NOW because of the book. Question is - are there any other books out there as good as this one!! As this is the best childrens rearing book we have ever read [out of 800.00 worth of books]!

Hi, I'm new at this website, please forget my grammar I'm latina woman and I will try to write the best I can..I have a 10 year old boy, his dad and I still married but separated since he was 11 months old. Since he was 5 is when I kind forced his father to be part of his life, therefore my son is back and forth from one household to another, (his dad lives with his mother) and I do by myself. My problem is that about 1 year ago I have received complaints from the after school program and from the camp sessions that he attends during he's out from school. The official's complaints are from the fact that they said that my son does not respect the program's policies, does not cooperate with the activities, gets bored and talks back to them, does not wants to do homework during the time sets to do it...that he sais a lot the word Gay to others to insults them and lately is getting agressive to others ending sometimes to fight with other kids....I can't believe all these comments about my son from others....his dad and I had spoken about all this and we can't believe it. His dad and I are not on a "good terms", his dad had chossen to have it that way, but from time to time we talk about our son ( when the dad feels like it), ( I wish it will be different but that is the way is it. Anyway I need advise on the fact that my son when he's either with me or his dad or his dad's family acts and behieves normal, respectful, caring and for the most part obedient...and kind impossible to believe that our son acts so different when he's away from our households..Please let me know what I can do. I need an advise.

C/Guzman, California

HI! Nice to have something like this to ask questions to. My suggestion is, let the public add insights to the problem too so more ideas the better. More heads are better than one.
I have a teen ager. How do you make them help clean up the house without the use of bribery? She does it if she wants something, and I would make her work for what she wanted by cleaning up the house. I need a consistent method aside from this. Another thing, how do you motivate a teen ager to study harder? Meaning, I want her to start doing things on her own without me having to remind her.

I also have another question. Time and time again, I encounter parents with adult children that are "uncontrollable". They are in their 40s or 50s and they still live with mom and dad, doing whatever they want and asking money from mom and dad. I do not want this to happen to my daughter. I told her that as soon as she finishes college, she has to be on her own. But my friends tell me about their grown up kids and they have no jobs, or single moms who refuse to go for education so they get better paying jobs, alcoholics that have the nerve to destroy the furniture, etc of mom and dad's house. When asked to leave, one tried to commit suicide (?) I think... he got hit by a train but managed to survive with serious injuries.
If you were this parent, how would you handle such situations?

Hi Michele,

My 8 year old daughter is CONSTANTLY whining. If I tell her to do the smallest task she begins whining and doesn't stop. Even after 3 times of asking and she finally does do the task she's whining about doing it. I have tried to explain to her that if she would just stop the whining and do what I ask the first time she would have been done again, but she just doesn't get it. Most of the time if she begins to whine and she is with someone else, they just give in rather then listen to it. We have tried telling her not to speak until she can say what it is she wants to say without whining and that doesn't seem to work either. My husband travels for work so he is gone a few days a week, that does make it easier for him to correct the behavior because she will respond quicker for him but if I try to something as simple as go to the grocery store without her she will flip with whining and crying.

Help!!!

Cathi

Hello,
I am wondering what your opinion is on young children attending funerals. Their Grandmother is passing away and my X-Wife wants them to attend but I feel that they should not. They are 12 and 14 and have only seen them 1 to 2 times a year for the past 5 years. And they are already dealing with many life issues etc... Thanks Alot.

Dave

How far are you willing to go to protect your children?

Of course, I would guess you would run as fast as you could if they are heading towards the road and I am guessing you look behind your car to make sure no kids are around before backing up. But how far are you willing to go for something major? If your kid was killed because their head got caught in a vehicle power window would you work day and night to get the auto makers to put pressure switches in the window units to ensure that it did not happen to another child or would you simply work on trying to live a normal life again while the whole time complaining about the product. Of course, there is the ever popular Law Suit. That's right, make get some money to help ease your grief and forget about the next victim.

My daughter Sage got a standard sized outlet plug lodged into her throat and suffocated on it. I saved her life and got her breathing again. I could have sued, but I didn't. I could have simply said, she lived, I am so happy (which of course I am) and gone back to our life ever forgetting about the next possible death from standard sized outlet plugs. Instead, I did what any good father would do, I spent every penny I have and every free minute to eliminate the problem so that another parent, or grand parent or care giver did not have to stand over a child and be forced to watch them suffocate.
I got my self on UL 2255 standard for outlet closures and I am trying to change the voluntary standards. I got 44 of the largest childrens hospitals in the US to write to the CPSC and demand a change to regulate these devices to comply with pacifier regulations. That right Pacifier regulations.

I created SafetyCaps, the World only oversized, ventilated electrical outlet safety plug design to eliminate the risk of suffocation. My safety caps not only comply with the recommendations of these hospitals but they also comply with pacifier anti choking regulations. Visit www.safetycaps.com for more information.

Have I gone Too Far or Not Far Enough?

How far would you go or have you gone?

I have a 15-year-old boy who is currently living with his father. He has only been living there since May 2006. I did not see him throughout the whole summer but as soon as football season started I went to every game I could. Finally by November, he came over to my house. He said that he asked his dad if he could come and see me but his dad never let him. There was an exchange of custody going on at this time. By December, my son wanted to come back and live with me. My son told his dad this. So his dad figured out somehow to make him stay there, bribing him with whatever he could. My son will not tell me, he says it is between him and his father. Since X-mas, I have not seen my son. He always has an excuse not to come. Either his dad has something for him to do or he doesn't know what is going on for the weekend so he can't make a committment to me. His dad is an over the road trucker. He is out all week and sometimes does not come home until the next weekend. His father has such a hold on him that being able to see my son has been impossible. I am afraid that if I don't keep trying he will think that I don't love him but in the mean time, I am getting very frustrated and depressed that I am loosing out on our relationship. Just talking to him on the phone depresses me. I am in the process of taking my ex to court over this whole deal and possibly getting my son back but my lawyer seems to be dragging his feet alot. He does not want to go to court and he does not show me very much respect towards my wanting my son and loving him. He just tells me that if he does not want to come, hell with him. Not in those words either, much worse. I don't feel like I am getting very good representation but I feel that I have already been with this lawyer this long, it does not make sense to change. I want my son back in the worst way. I feel that my son should be with his biological mother or father and not spending more time with his step-mom. He has a younger brother that lives with me that I know misses him. They played football and video games together all the time.
Need lots of advice about what to do with either getting my son back or at least getting to see him and advice about my dead-beat lawyer.

How do i stop my 2 year old tantrums? She likes to scream, get on the floor, the whole works. In the public it is hard to deal with. What do I do to train her not do deal with her frustrations in this way?

How does my daughter get her 9 1/2 year old son to stop throwing temper tantrums. (i.e. He refuses to do as he is told, crys and runs through the house screaming at the top of his lungs when he is verbally disciplined and then falls down in the floor when he is told to go to his room). The other day, she had to "physically" drag him down the steps from upstairs when she told him to do something that he refused to do. He doesn't do this at school, only at home. Any suggestions? This is her middle child. She has a 14 year old boy and a 6 year old girl who don't act this way.

I have a 8yr old son that still sleeps with me. I started it when he was 2 yrs old. He had a exema and was up about every 2 hrs and I had to go to work the next day. it was easier to roll over and put the cream on and go back to sleep then to get out and go to his bed and do it. I have tried everything to get him in his bed. Bought him a new bed and redone his room twice. It is up staris from my room. He has a night light and can spend all day up there playing video games and watching cartoons. Even into the evening. But when bed time comes in in bed with mom. My husband sleeps on the couch since the bed is not big enough for the 3 of us. HELP!!!!!!

Hello..
I have a very lovely and obedient daughter.she is 30 months old.She listens to instructions and loves to play with her toys and her baby sister. what really worries me is when she doesn't eat. she is a real picky eater, i have tried alsorts of foods ranging from fruit salad to western food to chinese chicken rice. all she does is to spit out the food. she rather have her usualy bottle of milk as often as possible. what is most alarming now is that nowadays she doesn't even finish her milk! what should i do?

Please advise.

Dear, Michele
I have a wonderful grand-daughter. When she turned 1 year old her mother took her formula and now my grand-daughter refuses to drink regular milk. She is 15 months old now and still will not drink milk. I am afraid that her bones and teeth will not grow normal and healthy. I have told my son and his wife to give her some kind of supplement, but they have not. And she seems to be sick a lot. I took parent classes when I had my son and I wished that they would do the same. What would you do if you were me?

Dear Michele-
I see all kinds of articles about how to raise children, but rarely do I ever see the issue addressed regarding mom's or dads for that matter, who realize they really do not like being parents, that it is not a joy but a huge burden, that they can't stand the constant interruptions, chaos and confusion kids cause. They parent out of duty and obligation but not out of love in their hearts. I am 62 now, raised 3 children, 1 grand child, and admit that I didn't like being a parent, and now don't really enjoy having my grand children around much. I try my best to be loving and nurturing and supportive, but it is not and never has been a joy, but feels like a ball and chain burden.
I never hear much about people who admit not liking the role or responsibility of parenting but stick with it because they feel responsible to be parents.

I have a question for you, Dr. Borba. How do I get my eight year old daughter to keep her room neat and tidy? My husband and I expect her to put away her belongings and maintain organization in the bedroom she shares with her 10 year old sister. Within a couple days the room goes from showroom to garbage dump! She leaves clothes (both clean and dirty), books, papers, food wrappers and toys everywhere. She also shoves things under her bed and in the corners of her closet so it appears tidy. We expect that a member of our family helps maintain the family home. It is expected of her... P-E-R-I-O-D!
We have also tried many ways to encourage her including positive rewards, punishments, taking away the items she has left on the floor, and yes, YELLING! We have even helped her clean her things so she did not feel overwhelmed so she could "start over." She just does not seem to care! Some background info: My daughter has an older sister and a younger brother; She lives with both her parents; she is VERY bright, kind, caring, and loving. She is an avid reader, loves to write songs and play her guitar, and loves to dance ballet. Sounds like a great kid, BUT her messes are driving us CRAZY! I feel bad when she has to miss out on shopping trips or friend play dates, etc. because she has not kept her room neat. Yet, she obviously does not seem to care! When we ask her why she makes such horrendous messes, she says that she does not know! Even though she shares a room, she has lots of space in the closet and dressers for her things. I have organized the area so it is easy to put things away - labeled plastic containers for various toys and items, bookcases with topic categories, "library card" markers to put books away, underbed boxes for more easy storage, coloured laundry bins, garbage basket, etc. Aside from getting rid of everything she owns, I am at a loss!
Please advise. I hate to think of what will happen when she is a teenager! Thank you in advance.

My 6 year old daughter has some annoying habits. The one that drives us the most nuts is she says the name of the person she is talking to at the beginning of every sentence. for example a conversation might go something like this.
"Mommy we played kickball in gym and mommy I got a hoe run. Mommy I really like kickball"
Her brother's name is Sebastian and I must hear him say his name 100 times a day. It's driving everyone nuts including him. Her other issue is that if things aren't going her way she gets the worst attitude. One that sometimes includes refusing to do things and having temper tantrums.What do I do about these issues?

Hello,
I have two year old twin boys and I am a stay at home Mom. One of my sons has started waking up screaming like he is being hurt badly and when I go into his room, he is fine but wants to go into my room and watch TV. He does this at nap time and very early in the moring. I know I have not handled it properly. Both boys are used to going into my room at some point during the day. I would like some advise on how to handle this situation.

Thank you,
Kim

Hi, i've 18months baby girl she's great but she gives me a hard time in 3 things
First: in breakfast she doesn't eat well &she doesn't like eggs or any kind of cheese so i don't know what to give her for breakfast.
Second: she drinks alot of water or any juice durning eating. is this bad for her?
Third: this is the most thing i need a clear and effective advice in she has the habit of sucking her thumb when she sleeps or when she's hungry and i tried many ways to make her stop it or hate it but she keeps on. how can i stop it i also heard that it affects the upper front teeth to be pushed outwards looking like rabbit teeth is that true??? plz help me.
Waiting for ur answer Thanks
Haidy

I HAVE A DAUGHTER WHO JUST RECENTLY TURNED 15 AND WANTS TO DATE A BOY WHO IS 18 YRS. OLD, GOING TO COLLEGE AND HAS A CAR? MY SISTER, WHO IS A POLICE OFFICER SAYS I SHOULD'NT LET THEM DATE,BUT I DON'T SEEM TO THINK IT'S SUCH A BAD THING NOT TO LET HER DATE A COLLEGE BOY. HE COMES FROM A VERY GOOD FAMILY AND WEALTHY TOO. SHOULD I LET HER GO OUT WITH THE BOY OR NOT? PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO, BECAUSE ALL MY FAMILY HAS MADE SUCH A BIG ISSUE OVER IT AND KNOW MY SISTER IS BARELY TALKING TO US.

My daughter's father and I broke up when she was about 2yrs old. She is now 10. He does not support her financially, he hardly calls or comes to see her. She would take up the phone and ask him to do so. One time he left her stranded at school because he said he would have taken her for a few days. Sometimes when she returns after being with him she comes back hungry. If he does come for her he brings her back very late at night sometimes about 10pm even on school nights. At that time he would refuse to answer his phone.

Having said all that, he is the apple of my daughter's eye. Sometimes she is so hurt when she does not hear from him and it hurts me to see her going through that. I have spoken to her before letting her know that you cannot make people do things. When she insists that she wants to go to his house I remind her of some of the things that has happened. She does not care all she wants is to see her father. Right now she says that I am trying to keep her away from him.

I would be grateful for your views.

Hi Michele , I have a four year old cousin who is very disobedient towards his elders including his parents who find it very hard to control him.He is destructive,blantantly rude and throws tantrums when he does not get what he wants.He even tries to make passes at us older females.On several occasions I have seen him put his hand under my sister's skirt. Recently his older brother did in an accident so I am thiking he is retalliating more since then.I don't know what is happening at his home but it is affecting him mentally.What is right for one person may not be right for another

I have a 7yr old daughter that I get many comments on for being so shy and very polite, and quiet, and so on, her teacher loves her, parents adore having her over, I love her "to the moon and back" but when we are home, she's like a switch, she is nasty to me, anythig could make her fly off the handle, she yells and screams, and has temper tantrums like she's going to explode, tries to order me around, hits her sister, I don't tolerate it, she gets sent to her room, quite often. I feel awful because I always feel like I'm yelling at her or sending her to her room, and sometimes she pushes my buttons enough where I feel like I'm going to lose it, but I don't, I just put her in her room. Advice would be appreciated.

Read the article on materialistic childern. My daughter is 14. Her father and I are divorced. I am a single mom, that hasn't got alot of money to do things with her. We cook out, invite people over and we play cards, board games, watch movies, etc. The problem is that her dad gets her about anything she wants, if she agrues with him about it. She will yell and scream at him, and tell him how she never gets to do anything or gets anything and he will get whatever she wants just to get her to be quiet. Then he calls and complains to me about the way she acts and the things she ask for. We agree on grounding her for her grades and he doesn't hold up, she does the same thing. So when she is with me 2 or 3 days out of the week, its hard for me to stick with her being grounded because her dad doesn't. I am just looking for something to help out. Have tried talking to her dad but doesn't work.

Thanks

Dear Michele,
I have a four year old grandson that throws uncontrollable tantrums when out in public my daughter is at her wits end on how to deal with this. Do you have any suggestions, I've gone over the situations with her to see if we can figure out what happened to cause them but there is often no reason for an occurence he just does it. your input would be greatly appreciated.

ps. he seems to be okay when his dad goes places with them its just when she goes out alone that he does this, she is at the point where she doesn't want to go out alone with him.

Hi Michelle,
This is my 1st time asking for advice, simply because I am overwhelmed. I have an 11 yr. old daughter, she is a pleasant child but at times can give attitude and once I chastise her, becomes increasingly angry and throws terrible temper tantrums. In detail, she screams, yells, cries and kicks, it is getting to the point where I'm afraid she might hurt herself or the police might be called because she is so loud. I noticed that other parents are talking about younger children, but I need help with this tween who's approaching adolescence. I've tried to be silent, I've tried to ignore her, but it is frustrating and I have a 5 yr. old son who observes this every time. I know that her hormones are working overtime, and I try to show understanding. She's also doing your typical tween things like lying and not taking responsibility for what she does or doesn't do. What can I do to help her learn to control her emotions and take a better approach in expressing her anger? And how can I encourage her to make better choices without compromising the rules that she must abide by?
P.S. Her dad and I are going through a seperation and have been for some time. I am trying to maintain a stable home environment while helping them adjust, but her tantrums have been going on for a couple of years now, but never occured when her dad was home.

Dear Noni,

Tell your daughter to set up a time to go out with your grandson when she really doesn't "have" to. But with the attitude that "as soon as he CHOOSES to have the tantrum, she will pick him up (if needed) and take him home. This brings resolve to the conflict. When this occurs, she is not to speak to him or make eye contact. Sounds like the child knows that his mother won't do anything. A tantrum works when it has an audience.

"No" should mean "no". Encourage your daughter to be consistent with this. Her son will respect her and her words, if she means what she says. It is a principle that has worked for our family. I'm a mom of six.

One more thing... if your daughter is concerned about this embarrassing her, then find a place where she won't know anyone (i.e. another city or another part of town).

Blessings to you Noni and your family,
Cindy (Mommaof6)

Hello Michelle.
I am a teacher who has attended your in-service presentations in recent years. Yes, we teachers have issues with our own children as well as other parents!

My son is 20 years old and is floundering. He has floudered, in some ways, since fifth grade. He's very smart but is not motivated to work very hard in his college classes. He recently transferred from a large university to the community college in our hometown. While these classes are easier for him, he's still undermotivated. He has only held two part time jobs since high school and is currently only working 12 hours per week. He's a younger, less mature child who still probably needs parenting although we have talked about giving him a date for moving out. We are reluctant to pull out the home support system because we've seen too many boys end up in bad places. However, he's got to learn some independence and has got to learn how to support himself.

How can we do this without going through the process of physically throwing him out of our house?

Cindy, (Mommaof6)
Thank you for your suggestion. My daughter is expecting and i read your response to her and she wanted to know if you think it might have anything to do with her being pregnant.
she is 6 months pregnant and it has always been just the two of them her husband is in the military and is getting ready to deploy again he is very close to his dad (step-dad)they have a very tight bond. She includes him in everything he loves to hear the baby's heart beat and to see her on the monitor at the ultrasounds, its just his behavior lately. could it be he senses his dad's upcoming deployment.

We have a five-year-old girl who has a hearty appetite. However when it comes to sitting down at the table to eat a meal, she can't sit still and we have adopted the habit of nagging her to eat! We have tried setting the timer (20 minutes), she messes around until the timer is about to go off then she starts to eat. After the timer goes off, we take her food away, doesn't bother her. We have tried several things including bribing her with dessert, no snack if you don't eat, nothing. It can take longer than an hour for her to finish eating! I get to the point where I can't stand to sit at the table to eat! We have talked calmly to her about this (I know she's only five), but nothing...if you would just eat you would have more time to play. It is very hard at breakfast...she has gone to school (half day kindergarten with a snack) without eating! Not the way you want to start the day!!

Her energy is good! She is 25 percentile in weight (at one point she was 10 percentile!)and 90-95 percentile in height. She's a happy kid. HELP!

I have a 3-year-old who is generally a well-behaved, polite child, very loving and affectionate, with a lively personality and great sense of humor. We're so proud of her.

But screams and kicks whenever we try to get her dressed for school or for bed. In the mornings, we've allowed her to pick her own clothes, no matter if they match or not, but have drawn the line at her Disney princess formal wear (obviously). But most mornings she dawdles until we have to physically dress her (some mornings she jumps right into the routine), and then she fights us. She screams, cries, kicks, hits, and more. Once we're on our way to school, she calms down, and although she can be clingy, she's getting better about the transition.

At night, we've established a routine and a comfortable place for her to relax. We have a magnetic responsibility chart, several sets of pjs with her favorite characters, we have story time and a family hug. We play soothing music. We put her back in bed without engaging her. But she will lay in bed and cry for an hour, or get back out of bed and play quietly in the dark.

It seems that these two times are our most challenging. Are there tools or resources to which you can point us? My "Supernanny" viewership is doing little to assist.

Best Regards, and thanks.

I have a sweet little six year old boy who is having some now major problems with aggression. We recently took in a woman and her three boys from a battered womens shelter and I can't seem to reach my son to explain that the anger and sometimes violent behavior her boys show are not acceptable or allowed in my home. I know that my guests are extremely sensitive right now, however, her boys aggression is 'rubbing off' on my own family. How do I draw the line?

I am facing a couple of very difficult decisions and a critical time in my children's lives and really need some direction. I went through a terrible divorce when my twin boys were 18 mths old. My former husband and a man that I had been with for 10 years, met a student, and left our marriage in a way that imposed some incredible hardship on me and my children. I suppose in order to justify his actions, his actions at that time were really intended to drive more difficulty into my life. Non payment of bills, missed dates with the boys, refusal to comply with court orders that lead to a number of contempt charges. I moved 4 hours away from him and was awarded primary custody by the court. I bought a house in a lovely area, have been working hard at my career and built a successful co. over that time that has provided me the ability to be more available to my children. One of my sons has ADD, and has a bond that is becoming more evident with his father. He seems to need that relationship. I guess the circumstances are now such that regardless of my former husbands behavior in our divorce, I am wondering if not having him be an active part of their day to day life will bring unneccessary hardship to them. Given the fact that I have been so focused on my children it hasn't been possible for me to establish myself in a relationship with another man over the last 6+ years. My former husband is still with the woman he as with when he left our marriage, and she is a teacher, he is a social worker. Moving back to the area that he lives in isn't feasible for me really. It would require a major move, selling my home, and I have only now started to feel settled personally and in a routine.
If I look at their life and "the family" environment they could provide it outweighs what I can do for my children. In addition it might help to address the issue with my children regarding spending time with a man and any adverse affects that could be caused by boys being raised by a single mother. What should I do? The person that would lose everything as a result of this is me....but is that something that should even factor into the equation when considering what is in the best interests of your children?

Julia

I have a 18 month old granddaughter. It seems that lately everything in her hands goes straight to her vagina. We have been potty training her somewhat, but not pushing it. I'm thinking that when she's been shownn how to wipe herself has something to do with it. Even in the bath toys,washcloth,fingers she touches herself. I'm very sure no one has touched her or anything. she stays with us or her other grandparents. I just want to know if this is normal. I have raised 2 children,1 daughter,1 son. And this is new to me. If she went to daycare I would be very concerned,but like I wrote earlier, she is with us or other grandperents.

Hi,
I wonder how I should have handled this situation. I took my 2 1/2 year old and 4 year old girls to their first dentist visit. I had the 2 year old go first b/c she is not afraid of new situations. She was a champ. My 4 year old was cheering her on and telling her what a great job she was doing.

Then it was my 4 year old's turn. She had a tantrum that started with saying "no" in the hallway, escalated to me chasing her (while she was laughing) around the lobby, to me carrying her to the dentist chair (then telling her I would say 'no tv' if she didn't have her check up), to her now crying loudly while the dentist tried to check her teeth and brush them, etc.

Mid-way thru the visit she said that she didn't want to "get sprayed" by one of the tools. By the end of the visit she was completely fine, in control, smiles and saying thank you.

What else could I have done to avoid this kind of tantrum and make it such a game (that is also very disruptive to everyone there)??

Yes, I did talk with her about the visit beforehand, yes the dentist showed and explained the tools very gently when they arrived, and yes we asked her what was wrong at some point. But how did it go from "no" to screams and tears to calmness? Oy! (And this is common for her in new situations so any overall advice would be very helpful)
TIA!
jen

Question for Dr Borba,
I am a high school psychology teacher and coach. Friday we will begin a new weekly Friday Forum in my class. It will be a open discussion of a predetermined subject/issue. Our topic Friday is set to be 'Is it better for parents to provide an environment where their children can drink, smoke, or drug at home as opposed to willy-nilly'? The subject is chosen by the students and approved by the teacher and/or the department chair. This is an exciting opportunity to reach kids on their level with a chance to make a difference in their lives. My conservative background tells me professional suggestions could also make a huge difference in the directon and destination of this discussion and the many others to come. Your comments and expertise would very much be appreciated.
Sincerely,
JT

Hi I have 3 kids,12 yr old boy 5 yr old girl and 20 month old girl. My 5 yr old lies steals. I hve taken things away, grounded her,talked to her, everything that I could thing of other then sending her to Siberia.(joking)My son has never done that.I am pretty strick and dont tolerate misbehaving. I will not spank my daughter when angry or just for the littlest thing.Now before everyone gets up in arms. There is a big difference in discipline and abuse.I spanked my son, I know longer have to and he gets straight As,My 5yr old only a few times and doesnt seem to work with her and I use diversion with my baby. Which by the way should never be spanked in my opinon. Please give me something to try to get rid of this behavior in my 5 yr old.

Thank you so much
wiccanmom123

My daughter is 27mths old and a only child. She starts to cry uncontrollably when we are in public and my husband or I split up. For example, if we're grocery shopping and my husband goes to another aisle to pick up something, she starts wailing. She has no problems at the daycare or grandma's house when we leave. We have tried time out, consoling, spankings, and cool down periods and nothing works. I feel that I'm getting no where and I don't know how to get her to change this behavior. My own parents would have beat me senseless but I know there's a better way to get her to stop crying. Help please!

I was just wondering which parenting style you think is the most effective and why?

My five year old son loves girl things. He plays with barbie and polly pockets. He wants to play with make-up but I draw the line on that. Is this normal or what can I do? The children at his school are teasing him. I try to be supportive but my husband feels I am encouraging him to like "girl" things.

My 2 1/2 year old son has always been a very good sleeper. We transitioned him to his own bed 3 months ago, with no problems. We have always had the same bedtime routine (bath, books, hugs and kisses, good night), and he would go to bed and sleep through the night. We just came back from a short 3 day family vacation together (staying in a hotel where my son slept in our bed with us). I expected a day or two for him to get back to his routine, but it has been a week and he is like a different person now at bedtime. He stalls, he starts to cry a pitch a fit when it comes time to lay down. He then gets out of bed with his pillow and lays down by his door and falls asleep there. We put him back in his bed. And then every morning at 2:30am the same thing happens, wake up cry hysterically after failed attempts to get him back to bed (milk, turn music on, nightlight is on), he'll go lay down by his door and cry himself to sleep. I feel like I'm failing! I'm out of ideas, please help me!

I have a twenty two month years old sweet girl. she play properly, trying to talk with us clearly. but i m worried about her health. she is very thin. her weight is only 10kg. she is not interest in any food. she only want chocolet or cheips etc, what can i do, i don't find any idea to create interest about her eating. I give her brest milk every day 3/4 times. what should I do for a healthy body?

So for Michelle I love and agree with just about all of Your child raising advice. It is refreshing to me to here someone tell it like it is.. One quick question what is your take on corporal punishment .. So you will know where i stand i believe in it.. Not beatings but to me a spanking never harmed a child... I believe the Bible also.. Proverbs speaks much on this subject... I know also in some cases with some children you may have to take a different aproach..Just wanted to here what You had to say...

James M

Michelle - I have a sixteen month old daughter. She has recently started throwing temper tantrums all of the time. She will throw toys, bite me and my husband, bang her head on the nearest object or surface and scream. These tantrums are usually in response for her not getting her way, i.e. she wants to play with my husbands blackberry or the home phone and we won't let her, or we don't get to something quick enough. I try to redirect and give her something else, that doesn't work, I try to tell her no when she bites and throws the fits but I don't even think she understands that word to well. I don't know what to do to ease her frustration (and mine). We have a baby on the way in three months, and I would like to get a good start on helping her out before life gets a little more crowded around here for her. Thanks.

My husband of 26 years and father of four (girl, 3 boys) has moved out (one year now) and filed for divorce. Our kids spend the typical visitation time with him and since this new arrangement has been in place, I've noticed (when the opportunity arises) he addresses the boys with "Hi buddy, how's it going?" Or uses the term "Buddy" one way or another in addressing them. This seems totally inappropriate to me. It used to be only on occasion he said that to our oldest son, but now it's all the time. I don't feel it matters what our son's ages are (20,17,14) unless they are grown adults, this seems inappropriate.
Am I way off base here?