February 2008 Archives

Let’s be perfectly honest: nearly all kids--from tots to teens--stretch the truth and for all sorts of reasons:
  • avoid punishment
  • make themselves look or feel better
  • get out of a task, keep their friend out of trouble
The latest research shows that 98% of teens who believe that honesty is the best policy still lie. A U.S. News & World Report poll found that one out of four college students said they would lie on a job application; 84% believe they need to use deception to get ahead in the world today. Another national survey found 80% of high-achieving high school students admitting to cheating and half believe deception is not wrong.

Rather disturbing trends about the state of our children’s honesty quotient wouldn’t you say? But here’s the real irony: the most accepted theory how kids develop the lying habit is from copying us. There’s one bit of good news: It seems parents still play the most significant role in whether their kids turn out honest (that is, as long as you stick to a few premises that research shows are crucial in raising honest kids).

Here are four of the key parenting secrets to raising honest kids:
Just mention two words -- "online predator” -- to a parent and be prepared for a full-blown panic attack. Few things are more terrifying than envisioning our kids being recruited for sexual relationships -- and to top it off by some force we cannot even see. Though we can't ever fully protect our kids, this week a study was released that gives parents the critical information that just may help us stop the unthinkable.

The study was conducted by the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire. The researchers extensively interviewed 3,000 kids 10 to 17 years old who are Internet users as well as 612 federal, state and local law enforcement officials. The data was analyzed uncovering surprising data that every parent needs to know.

Biggest surprise: These sexual offenders shatter the online-predator mold. For the most part they are not molesters who use deception to assault our kids but instead they target children who are more vulnerable. (Reread that last line carefully. It provides insightful information). Though no child is one hundred percent safe, some children are far more at risk—and ones we need to keep a closer eye on.

Here are some of the highlights from the study and a few recommendations to take a more preventative approach to stopping this horrific crime:

The most vulnerable youth to online predators are those with lower-self esteem. Those predators specifically prey on kids who lack strong identity or have a weaker social network of their own. Those youth most at risk:

  • Have past histories of sexual or physical abuse
  • Engage in patterns of risky off- or online behavior
  • Frequent chatrooms:
    -- talk online about sex
    -- diverge personal information online
  • Do not have strong, healthy relationships with their parents
  • Are boys who are gay or questioning their sexual orientations

The predator looks for kids already vulnerable and then entices them by offering a romantic relationship. At the beginning stage the child sees this online stranger as someone reaching out as a friend and a person the child wants to get to know. The child views the overture as someone offering an adventure (exactly what risk-takers relish) or love (the very thing the child may be missing in his or her own life).

Using those social networks like Facebook or MySpace does not make kids more susceptible to online predators. What does increase a child’s danger: Frequenting chatrooms, giving out personal information and talking online to unknown people about sex.

Amy Winehouse, Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney Spears, Owen Wilson, Barry Bonds, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan... All are celebs who win accolades and prizes, but also seem to keep making those scandalous headlines. The kids may idolize them, but parents associate those names with far more than “rich and famous.” Try: “Crack, teen pregnancy, mental breakdown, suicide attempts, steroids, and substance abuse." Is it any wonder that a 77% of Americans believe they have far too much influence on our kids?

But should we be worried over who our kids' worship? Could they be negative influences? The answer is a resounding, “Maybe.”
Michele Borba

About Me

Author of books like No More Misbehavin' and Don't Give Me That Attitude!, parenting expert, educational psychologist, Today show contributor and mom Michele Borba is here to help you.

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