Number 2 here, re bullies makes my teeth grind!!!!
Take it from one with years of experience being the target of bullies. This advice WILL NOT WORK! It wasn't until the last fight I was in, came home bloody and the COPS asked me why I didn't defend myself that it ever came up I should. From that day on I DID! Next time some bully started with me I was up in their faces. And that was the last time.

When it started with my own kid, I told him that story. It took pounding some bully twice his size right in the lunch room, right in front of teachers and the principal, and it stopped. Further, the principal took me aside and said "I cannot officially say this, but that kid got what he deserved. No action will be taken against your son." And he smiled!

THIS works. Yea, try and avoid a bully. What planet is SHE on?

Many good suggestions here though. But this one is just wrong!

I don't think she said anything about avoiding the bully or ignoring him. She simply said not to take it lightly and tell your kid to ask the bully to leave him alone. Instead you should get the details out of your kid and stick up for him... I guess that's what was meant.

By the way I agree with what you said. That's the best way to deal with a bully. I, as a kid, was bullied about a little guy, who probably found me weaker than himself. At home, I'd grown up with the view that it's 'bad' to hit someone. I never defended myself until one day my mom (after trying everything else) asked me to hit him back. That day when the kid approached me, I just grabbed his little head (bald) and smacked it against the wall... ouch! He never bothered me after that.
I must have been around 5 or 6 then.. :)

My oldest child is 18. A target of being picked on all of his life. We tried all of the avoidance and "peaceful" ways to get the bullying to stop. Does not work. The real world is to stand your ground but don't ever take the first swing.

they're horrible advice, if my mom said that to me, i'd think she was going dr. phil on me.

when I was in high school I was targeted by a bully for months. Teachers, parents no one did anything to help me. My mother wanted to know what I did to attract this kind of attention and said that I should just stay away from the bully. Then one day the bully came up to me and started trouble AGAIN and I finally let this person have it and I nailed them to the ground. That was the LAST day they, or anyone else at school, ever bothered me. A doctor/therapist will never stand up and say "sometimes you just have to take a swing". Unfortunate, but true. They are scared of their own liability.

I agree with the comment above.I say beat the s@*$ out of the bully cos he deserves whats coming to him.I've told my kid the same thing.I know violence isnt the answer but come on why should innocent kids have to go through something like that.

But I like your other suggestions.

I agree with jenny. Teacher's hands are tied when it comes to these things. When our son was 3, he was being bullied by a 5 year old down the block. We told him never to start trouble, but to defend himself. One time of pushing back and hitting back, and he never had a problem again. Sometimes with some people "using your words" doesn't cut it.

Gotta agree with Jenny! Even though I've never been bullied, my DD has, & the only way some kids will stop is to give them a taste of their own medicine. My DD knows that she will never get into trouble for defending herself against an attack--if she starts something, however, then she knows she's in trouble!

Bottom line: You *can* be assertive without becoming a bully & kids need to know this!

Oh, yeah I forgot about number 7! Some things kids will NOT just "get over"! To me, that sounds so callous & dismissive, as if the child's feelings don't count for anything. While the person saying this may mean well, s/he may end up doing more to hurt than to heal.

As the kids, say "This advice slid whack!" It's overly concerned with getting kids to talk to you. Its starts with the parents. Be honest. Be sensitive. Chill out! It will help your kids feel comfortable and secure with talking to you. If you lie, prod, they won't trust talking to you about everything. Make your child feel comfortable. Be comfortable talking to your child.

I think her advice about bulling are wrong. My son was threatened,almost stabed on woodshop and en kicked in the head. The school did NOTHING the R.C.M.P. did NOTHING. I had to take him out and home school him. He misses his freinds, and nothing happened to the other boy.I was even insulted by the school guidence councilor The day I came in and picked up my son he said I gave my son the words to say, that was impossible because I had just got there. In my opinion there is way to mu bulling and some teachers laugh it off.Someonhas to startcaring somewhere. But WHEN!!!!!!!

I agree with Jenny above there is no safe plan. My daughter had a problem with another girl at school and tried looking the other way. That only made it worse. After running to my car at the end of they day terrified she would be beaten up by a bully we did talk the whole thing through. My husband & I both told her there is no high road to take when a bully zones in on you. The next day she went to school with her hair pulled up and no earrings on ready to stand her ground. When she showed the bully she was not going to run and went nose to nose fortunately the bully brushed her off. My daughter said looking her in the eye gave the other kids at school as well as the bully herself a whole new respect for her. They are not friends but the bully smiles and says hi when no one else is around. Now if we could resolve some of the friend drama..... any suggestions there??????????

I didn't see anything that says avoid bullies. She noted "Tweens need strategies to deal with bullies". Good thing that bully didn't retaliate on your kid... if he did, then what will you do? Dont get me wrong but its your kids' safety's on the line here, not yours.. Creating a safety plan doesn't necessarily means avoid the situation but, think of a better solution than violence (if it can be avoided).

I totally agree with you Jenny. I too was a bully's favorite target and trying to resolve bullying in a mature way just doesn't work with tweens and teens. Logic just falls on deaf ears. The only way to truly stop a bully is to beat them at their game. Yeah, 2 wrongs don't make a right but I would much rather my kid get suspended for a few days for defending themselves then being the the hospital mush longer than that.

Okay - the only thing I've got to say is that this whole article is nothing but politically correct psychobabble. Treating children like they are porcelain dolls is the reason that our society is going downhill.

I'm not saying that we should be mean or nasty to our children, but what I am saying is make them own up to their emotions, and not just petty things. Our children need to understand that peer issues are things that need to be faced head on - not fallen to.

Also, our children need to understand that yes, their feelings are important, but they need to own them, understand them, and then understand that certain things are not worth crying over or "my life is over" issues with them either. As parents, we've all been through it - and guess what - we lived - so will they.

We should not coddle our children, that is what will make this country weak. We need to build a generation of strong children, leaders - not followers, and future adults that can take charge of thier lives.

Some of those "nevers" are appropriate given circumstances. But I do agree that parents should avoid saying those thing first.

Not so sure about the not working part of the bully advice. My older boy was not only tall and thin in school, he was *gay* which made him target to *all* the bullies. As the author states, we figured out the Where/When/How/Why part of the equation and then we started working out how to deal with him. Author doesn't say *avoid and be a victim*...she says make a safety plan. We did. We taught our kid how to fight, and how to fight dirty (the point of fighting in the real world is to *win*). We also taught him how to have a sense of humor and fast, witty come backs that just *scald*. If one didn't work to diffuse the situation, the other did. We also taught him his rights under the school and state policies. In all his schooling he only had to fight once--and won--and brought one kid before educational committee for harassment and had him, and the school, held responsible for it. Now, he works with kids who are coming out about being gay, teaching them the techniques. So...thinking ahead, planning, does work.

What I think Dr. Michele is trying to say is that bullying is a serious problem and needs to be acknowledged and not just tell your kid to say this or that and leave them to deal with the problem alone. Even when the kid may have to end up fighting back, it's good for parents to acknowledge what the kids are telling them.

no parent is that polite and etiquite.

you are so right, I tell my kids to tell the bully to leave them alone, but thats all they get, if that doesn't work ( and it doesn't)then you have to fight back or they will bully you all the time, I have three kids 14, 15, and 16 and they stick together so if one is being bulled the bully has two others to deal with. so I think you should always give a worrning but then you will have to stick up for your self.

I too am a survivour of bullying in school. I agree with don't start it, but do defend yourself against someone in your face. The clarity is not so clear when it is four or five girls behaving hatefully, with the intent to hurt, and treating a thirteen or fourteen year old young man with malice. How does a mother,who is aware of how prominent spousal abuse is around the world, tell her son to get back in the girls face if the girls start it. I voted for distance learning.
Perhaps my son will go back to school in grade ten, when the ladies and gentlemen are more mature. It is sad and unfair that my son has to miss out on the middle school years.

My daughter had a few problems with a bully both on the school bus and school itself. It was so bad my daugher did not want to go on the bus or school.. I told her to go to the principal in which they got the boy in the office, talked to him and asked him if what he said was the truth, after awhile he admitted to it and had him call his parents and tell him what he said to her and the school counselor had him write me and my daugher a letter of apology, then they kept the both of them in during recess to talk to each other and after that they became good friends.

create a SAFETY PLAN?! what a fucking joke. lol. teachers dont and cant really do anything about bullying. it happens in change rooms, behind schools etc. most of the time, its not serious enough to make any authority figure do anything about it. and parents "stepping in" will only make it worse because no real punishment will be given to the bullies, and then they'll hate the kid more. kids just have to learn to deal with it themselves, in their own way. but you ppl who fought back against bullies and werent bothered again, well, i guess you werent up against several kids, all twice as big as you. its usually not so easy to just retaliate. now its all about having lots of friends to support you. i think dr.michele doesnt know a god damn thing about bullying. i heard all that stupid crap from councillors and teachers about not retaliating but getting help from a teacher or other authority figure all through elementary school. adults dont remember what its like in school, and even if they did, school's changing all the time. I'm in highschool and I dont even remember much about my problems in elementary school or how i dealt with them. but i know ive never sed a word to my parents about any bullying or other social problems. i just deal with it myself.

everything dr. michele said was "so-o-o predictable".

Wow. I don't know who this lady claims to be, but she obviously never has had to deal with any real bullying that was racism driven in her life, eh? I went to a damn rural CHRISTIAN school out in the sticks where I lived, and I had a knife pulled on me twice, and a PARENT threw me up against the wall and said, "Listen, N******, if you ever talk to my daughter again, I'll kill you!" And the teachers did nothing about it. It didn't stop until I hit college, then I was around people who were racially diverse enough to accept me for who I was.

Don't miss the point of this... LISTEN to your kids. Try to find out what is going on in their minds and why they feel that way. Let them know you care about their feelings and their happiness and that you love them (you do, don't you?).
There is no universal cure all - but love helps.

I live in a well to do neighborhood where the kids are pampered and most adults are active in their caretaking. I observed the following; Kids that are pampered too much and restricted from normal activity often end up meek and susceptible to bullying. Some parent won’t let their children walk 2 houses down to their friends by themselves. Other parents restrict video games, won’t let their 10 year old watch anything except G rated movies, and constantly micro-manage their Childs life. This is all well and good for safety purposes but the downside is a child that will have a tough time growing up. I truly feel sorry to children who have physical issues like obesity and hygiene because bullies target these kids without mercy.

Yeah, the bullying thing is a major problem for many kids and it does affect their personal growth and self asteem so it has to be addressed in a clear and forthright manner. My little guy is five and attending a pre-school program for speech therapy. He spends halfday in K and half day with specialists who are helping him with his issues. He loves school and the social aspects and any time away from his 'old school' dad is time well spent. I've taught him to approach every person he meets as an opportunity to make a new friend and to always try to understand the other persons perspective. It's a lot for a five yr old but now is the best time to start building character and value systems that will withstand what life has to offer. As far as bullying goes I've instructed him to take a zero tolerance approach and if he is pushed, then he is mandated, by me, to push back...harder. We moved alot when I was a kid and I caught mucho grief when we moved north because I had a southern accent and displayed manners that most thought were a sign of weakness. I endured alot of garbage until one day in gym one of the badboy greasers decided to put his hands on me. Needless to say, said greaser got dropped real fast and real hard. Funny thing happened...I never heard another word about how different I was, and said greaser and I shared a long and fruitful friendship. I hope my son is never forced to get physical with another human being...but if he is I will stand behind his course of action 100%.

Wow...my son was bullied all through his 6th grade year and the beginning of his 7th grade year. That is, until he finally had enough. He grabbed on of the kids (twice his size!), put him in a headlock and took him down with one of his wrestling moves right in front of the other kids and teachers in the lunchroom. After being hauled into the office and he was able to explain what had happened, plus a phone call to me and my immediate concern about what instigated it, he wasn't the one with the 3 day suspension..it was the other kid! FINALLY! I did tell him that while I didn't condone fighting, this time was an exception. He has not had one problem since! It's too bad that it takes violence to earn respect and be an equal. He had been to the office multiple times last year with complaints to the principal and vice principal about being teased and made fun of and he was totally unheard. Being called 'gay' and punched on is apparently ok in todays society. When I threatened a lawsuit, I was threatened with my son being moved to another middle school where the problems are even worse.

Wasn't it retaliation for bullying that triggered the Columbine massacre? Where were those parents? What kind of advice were they giving those kids who were victims of bullying and teasing?

#2 gets me...My son (now 9) was bullied severely in 1st grade. He did what he was supposed to do, and told the teacher on recess duty. He was told "Go play somewhere else." It went on until he was actually hurt and then came to his father and I. Turns out the kid told my son that if he told, he would bring a gun to school and kill him. Well, that got our attention. We met with the teacher and the principal and NOTHING was done. The child never even got a detention. We were assured that he was spoken, but it started again the next year. This time however, we told our son that if he hurt you, hurt him back. That's all it took. He hit the kid back once and was left alone. The peaceful "let's work it out together" sounds fine on paper, but doesn't always work in real life.

"lets find ways to help you de-stress?"

Oh please, if one of my parents had said that to me when I was a kid, the eye roll might have blinded me.

I just talk to my kids like they're people/ adults. Always have. You don't need any code, just talk plainly. They respond just fine to that.

Adrianne, read number 7 again. She said DO NOT say get over it. Instead say you must be hurt.
As for the bullying, violence is not the answer because sometimes the bully comes back with even more violence.

What kind of wimpy kids do you have if girls are bullying boys? WOW!

These are all pretty good comments. The bullying comments are so true. their does come a time when one must protect themselves..... I have 5 kids ranging from toddlerhood to a senior in highschool. After reading all of this I did some thinking and thought I should go home and try these with my children and see what the responses are. OH MY the reactions were not what the writer said would happen. They laughed so hard when I used the number 6 suggestion. And with the "tell me about your day" they simply said "it sucked" yeah that really opened up the way for a conversation. :). and the "you seem really upset" brought the remark "no, really!?" I don't know what kind of children she is referring to but I know my kids and the majority of my friends' children would not respond well to these suggestions. they would as one writer wrote "roll their eyes at you".

Ruffell: You said "Some parent won’t let their children walk 2 houses down to their friends by themselves.
(This is a response to the very real threat of predators)
Other parents restrict video games (yeah, so you think video games are an appropriate and constructive way to spend a child's formative years?), won’t let their 10 year old watch anything except G rated movies (so, you think it is appropriate to expose a 10-year-old to foul language, sex, and criminal violence? This is what constitutes more than a G rating), and constantly micro-manage their Childs life (this is called being an involved parent -- it's a parent's job to "micromanage a child's life" -- a parent needs to be aware of and involved in everything the child does until the child becomes a responsible adult).
This is all well and good for safety purposes but the downside is a child that will have a tough time growing up.(Really? Something in your brain let you make that logic-leap? Wow, I didn't know that the key to easing my child's development was unsupervised activity, dirty movies, and video games -- you're a genius!!!)
I truly feel sorry to children who have physical issues like obesity (as a result of unrestricted video games, among other bad parenting choices) and hygiene (what??!! Parents must TEACH good hygeine [part of that "micro-managing" thing]) along with everything else because bullies target these kids without mercy." (So, Ruffell, you feel sorry for physical issues that are within the control of the individual?)

Lord help the children with parents like this.

Ruffell: You said "Some parent won’t let their children walk 2 houses down to their friends by themselves.
(This is a response to the very real threat of predators)
Other parents restrict video games (yeah, so you think video games are an appropriate and constructive way to spend a child's formative years?), won’t let their 10 year old watch anything except G rated movies (so, you think it is appropriate to expose a 10-year-old to foul language, sex, and criminal violence? This is what constitutes more than a G rating), and constantly micro-manage their Childs life (this is called being an involved parent -- it's a parent's job to "micromanage a child's life" -- a parent needs to be aware of and involved in everything the child does until the child becomes a responsible adult).
This is all well and good for safety purposes but the downside is a child that will have a tough time growing up.(Really? Something in your brain let you make that logic-leap? Wow, I didn't know that the key to easing my child's development was unsupervised activity, dirty movies, and video games -- you're a genius!!!)
I truly feel sorry to children who have physical issues like obesity (as a result of unrestricted video games, among other bad parenting choices) and hygiene (what??!! Parents must TEACH good hygeine [part of that "micro-managing" thing]) along with everything else because bullies target these kids without mercy." (So, Ruffell, you feel sorry for physical issues that are within the control of the individual?)

Lord help the children with parents like this.

Fear not, for Xenu will purge the bad seeds from this land.

Geez if everyone is going to continue to bash this article then why don't you write your own super words of wisdom. Calm down, it was just simple words of wisdom, suggestions to be exact. Depending on the parent/child relationship determines how the child will react,its best not to jump to conclusions.
Anywho, as a teen being picked on is just the worst thing to go through, and sometimes turning your back is one way to get over it, but thats the whimmpy way. It always takes a push to the face to shut someone up. But in my case years ago a boy was picking on me and he was just a straight up lard ass, you really cant expect a girl to do much can you?
Sometimes the bully isn't exactly a 100 pound chick that you can break in half with one punch. As a parent what would you expect a girl to do when being picked on by a boy?
Although I never kicked that kids butt, I sure did get the next, and the next, and the next, and now I dont suggest that anyone touch me with out giving me a warning. Sometimes it does take a little violence to solve something. Just don't swing first! ^_^

Most of the suggestions are sound.
Others are book-smart, psycho-babble.
Regarding the bully issue, actions to deal with a bully should get progressively more severe if the current response is ineffective.
Ask once, tell once, warn once, report once, break his face once. The weak do not survive.

The don'ts are sound, the does also, as long as you adapt them to personal circumstances.
With regard to Jean Wills comments: 1.If there is a risk of predators, make sure your children know how to act. My daughter was able to deal with an exhibitionist at the age of five. 2. If you set very strict limits to videogames/films your kids will try to get to them on the sly.Check what your kids are doing and talk WITH each other ( not TO them) about the in's and out's.That's how I tackled horror-films (which I hate ) and soft-porno ( which my kids thought hilarious).I've raised four as a divorced mother and I never micromanaged. I trusted them to be responsible and they were.
I agree that bullies will only stop when someone stronger stops them, that might be a teacher/parent or the bullied child itself.Bullied children need help, so does the bully!

I am open to communicating in meaningful ways. Any type of inquiry that is not a snooze works. Bullies are afraid. That is what I taught my kids. They saw me stand up to an older teen who was threatening them when they were little. They knew I meant business, still do. I bully exists because their are people who feel small. Not my problem. Not what I taught my sons. They both are very big men. If they ever bullied, it was behind my back. I wouldn't tolerate it. At home, or anywhere else. By standing up for myself, they saw they must always do the same.

The don'ts were excellent. The dos gave me a laugh until I realized they were serious. Why try to make parents feel bad about themselves with such advice that will only make their children even more upset with their parents.

My silly/sage advice to whoever wrote the article; I understand you are hurt and I am sure you meant well. (lol)

Jean Will: I am truly glad that you were not MY parent. Lord help those whose parent you are, because you sound like a vindictive, mean old shrew.

This women is a joke! Avoid a bully? What year are when in, 1950? Teach your children to stand up for themselves, never walk away. Teach them not to be the bully ever, but never walk away from one. It will only make it worst for your child. Once the bully knows he can't bully anyone it will stop.
Even if your child has to get some kind of punishment for standing his ground, its worth it in the end.

Interesting reading everyone's stories about their bullying experiences. I had an opposite experience. I was ignored, made to feel invisible in school. My son,however, was targeted by another child when he was in second grade. This kid shoved him in the hallways when nobody was looking and forcibly budged in line whenever possible. My son would not tell me what was happening. I noticed a change in him at home. It was after an outburst over a seemingly non-important incident at home that I was finally able to get him to open up. He told me he'd tried the tactic of pushing back and standing up to the kid. It just made the kid angrier. We talked it all over. My suggestion? Invite the kid to his birthday party at the roller rink. My son was horrified, but it worked. It turns out the kid was new to the school, didn't have any friends, and didn't know how to make them. He'd assumed that my son and his friends (who are a close-knit group) wouldn't accept him. He's part of the group now and no longer is a bully. Sometimes it just takes understanding underlying issues to resolve conflicts.

I'm 18 and I think most of this advice is ridiculous. At least in my experience, kids are just people. You don't need a special way to communicate with them. Plus, I think sometimes parents do need to tell their kids to get over it. I remember from my own experience that kids really overreact to stupid little things and they'll be distraught for weeks over nothing. Like many other people, I think the bullying advice is bad. I was a worthless little pariah at my school and just about everyone mistreated me. To be honest, the teachers either didn't know or didn't know how to respond to the situation or just didn't care (most likely). The thing is, I'm a shy, wimpy little girl. I couldn't physically defeat the entire school, nor could I avoid them. I just dealt with it. Hopefully that made me more mature and resilient. Personally, I'm a big advocate of home-schooling. I think that's the best way to protect kids from bullying and all the social dramas that go on.

I was bullied as a freshman girl in high school back in the 50's. It was in a home economics class, with 4 girls to a table. This bully was the same size as me, thin and short, but she kicked me in the shins, under the table. I was very shy girl from the country and attended this big city high school. I looked at the other 2 girls for support they looked away. After a week of her abuse, one of the girls told her to stop it, but she continued. I was such a coward that I did not say a word, just took the pain. I finally told my mother about this. She was an abused wife by my father, so she did not know how to advise me. After this going on for 2 weeks or more. I went to the teacher after class and told her that I wanted to move. She never asked me why, but she knew from my behavior in class, that I would not have asked if I had not a very good reason. I was moved to another table and home ec. bliss after that. I wish that I had stuck up for myself and warned her stop and then kick her back if she didn't, but I did not. Oh, to live that first year over again. I would handle it alot differently.

I was bullied as a freshman girl in high school back in the 50's. It was in a home economics class, with 4 girls to a table. This bully was the same size as me, thin and short, but she kicked me in the shins, under the table. I was very shy girl from the country and attended this big city high school. I looked at the other 2 girls for support they looked away. After a week of her abuse, one of the girls told her to stop it, but she continued. I was such a coward that I did not say a word, just took the pain. I finally told my mother about this. She was an abused wife by my father, so she did not know how to advise me. After this going on for 2 weeks or more. I went to the teacher after class and told her that I wanted to move. She never asked me why, but she knew from my behavior in class, that I would not have asked if I had not a very good reason. I was moved to another table and home ec. bliss after that. I wish that I had stuck up for myself and warned her stop and then kick her back if she didn't, but I did not. Oh, to live that first year over again. I would handle it alot differently.

Look, I am only 12 and tryed being nice and ignoring him, but he won't leave me alone!!! I'm not the kind of girl who would hit a boy taller and smarter than I, but nothing will work! He says all my comebacks are horrible and all this kind of stuff. If he dosn't stop soon I'm gonna blow!!!
*KABOOM*

astrid: Regarding you reply "If there is a risk of predators,..."
(What do you mean IF??!! There is ALWAYS a risk of predators; haven't you ever watched the news?)
"...make sure your children know how to act. My daughter was able to deal with an exhibitionist at the age of five."
(Predators kidnap, rape, and kill children; there is no way to "deal with" being grabbed off the sidewalk in your own neighborhood. Even on our very private cul-de-sac, an adult is ALWAYS outside with the children. There is no substitute for parental supervision.)

"If you set very strict limits to videogames/films your kids will try to get to them on the sly."
(There are no video games in our house, and never will be. We actually DO things, not sit on the couch and get fat. In our house, I have to set limits on how often I can take them skiing, swimming, biking, hiking, to the playground, to the zoo, to museums, etc. My kids know how to occupy their time with real, constructive activities. They are bored with friends's video games. And I don't want to hear about how expensive these activities are; have you price these game systems and the individual games?)

"Shocked said:
Jean Will: I am truly glad that you were not MY parent. Lord help those whose parent you are, because you sound like a vindictive, mean old shrew."
(I'll take that as a compliment from a disgruntled former child and an obviously overly-permissive parent.)

Parents need to get back to the job of PARENTING and stop trying to be a "cool friend" to their children. Limits are learned and accepted early if they are consistently and lovingly applied.

astrid: Regarding you reply "If there is a risk of predators,..."
(What do you mean IF??!! There is ALWAYS a risk of predators; haven't you ever watched the news?)
"...make sure your children know how to act. My daughter was able to deal with an exhibitionist at the age of five."
(Predators kidnap, rape, and kill children; there is no way to "deal with" being grabbed off the sidewalk in your own neighborhood. Even on our very private cul-de-sac, an adult is ALWAYS outside with the children. There is no substitute for parental supervision.)

"If you set very strict limits to videogames/films your kids will try to get to them on the sly."
(There are no video games in our house, and never will be. We actually DO things, not sit on the couch and get fat. In our house, I have to set limits on how often I can take them skiing, swimming, biking, hiking, to the playground, to the zoo, to museums, etc. My kids know how to occupy their time with real, constructive activities. They are bored with friends's video games. And I don't want to hear about how expensive these activities are; have you price these game systems and the individual games?)

"Shocked said:
Jean Will: I am truly glad that you were not MY parent. Lord help those whose parent you are, because you sound like a vindictive, mean old shrew."
(I'll take that as a compliment from a disgruntled former child and an obviously overly-permissive parent.)

Parents need to get back to the job of PARENTING and stop trying to be a "cool friend" to their children. Limits are learned and accepted early if they are consistently and lovingly applied.

You all sound so sure of yourselves. This has to be the most naive and ignorant group of people/ parents I have ever seen. I think we all have different opinions on how to raise kids. Quite frankly, how other people raise their children should be none of your concern. When you swear you have your children on "lock down", you have no idea what they're doing behind your back. You can tell yourself over and over again that your children would never go against your word because of the fact that you have made them so sheltered and clueless about the world around them. They will get tired of feeling like a baby and go check out things in the real world for and by themsleves. Do you honestly think that your children would be more than happy to be train like a dog and do every trick that you want them to do? That I can throw my head back and laugh.

Now unless your children or child is perfect I suggest that we all just calm down and stop bashing others belief in raising their children. You can be a friend and a parent. And doing that....well thats all up to you....^_^

As a child, I was bullied by the gang up the street (they were jocks, I was the smart kid). One day, while in 5th grade, I got into a fight with their "leader" - he was a 9th grader. Held my own for a bit. But, when he got the upper hand and started smashing my head on the ground (he had 50+ lbs on me). Unable to lift him off of me, I played "Tarzan" on his privates. Oh, yeah, he let me go.

For the next five years, I was ridiculed as being gay (I am not) and lost a lot of "friends" who wanted to believe the nasty stuff the gang spread about me. I continued my training in the martial arts and became quite proficient - for what some might say were initially the "wrong" reasons.

When I got to High School, the gang continued their harassment and bullying. One day, I decided to take matters into my own hands - and cornered each of them - one on one - a kicked the living tar out of them (in some cases, literally). By the time I reached the end of my sophomore year, I was able to walk down the hall with the bullies clinging to the outside walls in order to stay out of my striking range. Funny thing, once I finished with the last bully, I never had to take action again. Nobody else in the school feared me - they knew they didn't have to.

After reconciling this issue, I was finally able to earn my black belt - for the "right" reasons.

I generally don't condone violence, but you have to stand your ground against bullies. If that means kicking the %$#* out of them, so be it.

Amen to that!

I was once bullied too. He was a friend of mine, who, for no apparent reason (actually a favourite line of his), would verbally abuse those who were of differing opinions from his own. The thing was, though, that he was also the most arrogant person I have ever had the misfortune to meet. We dragged his parents in, we dragged my parents in, and absolutely NOTHING happened. Talking didn't work (he was "above the rules" of common men), he behaved meekly at the conferences and his parents were very nice people, so I wonder how they could have spawned such vicious pond scum. He eventually grew bored of torturing me and began tormenting the regular-program kids (we were in the school's enriched program) around grade 7. However, our relationship remained frosty until high school, at which point he went to a different school. I couldn't fight back because he was faster and stronger than me, and always had a pack of cronies who backed him up. The surprising thing is, these were the smartest kids in the school. If there is reincarnation, this guy will come back as the dog **** on the bottom of my shoe.