Please, post your tips for turning a spoiled kid around! I failed your test!

my gal 7 yrs old. What u mean 4 words thats describr kid spoile "yes" my gal have 4 this words. i certainly got headache . i try to teach her how she behavour and manner but its doesnt works... how ? please help me.

What test? Your article says, "take the test." Then goes on to describe your points. Beyond stating the obvious - how do you turn a spoiled child around carefully without destroying them mentally? Everything in moderation - right? Do you have children? Don't be a Hillary Clinton here please - and yes I am a new democrat - female, married to a man, with two girls. No BS please. I will be your biggest fan - if you actually have solid tips.
Take care,
Jennifer
Midwest Mom

How do you tell a friend that her child is spoiled when she thinks she is doing everything by the book?

You described my step kids to a T. However their father does not see it that way. How do you open a parents eyes to the obvious. What makes it more difficult is this is all happening out of guilt. We could use some solutions to this problem. You description helps but we need more answers.

Thanks

Much like Jennifer, you have described my future step kids to a tee! With their mother having acquired her masters in social work, and employed as such, how do you open a single moms eyes without her feeling like a failure?

Jennifer, are you married to my husband???? Hmm, I suspect he has a secret life! lol You described, as Dennis has, my life to a "t". It's so bad, I'm looking for another place to live & try our marriage that way until the kids graduate high school - if they do. I took a step back as after we gained custody of 3 of the 6 daughters, I was the "natural" one to "raise" them. No problem, in the beginning 1st, 2nd year. We're in our 4th & it's progressively downhill. They've hit their teens (2 of the 3) years & this is a nightmare. It's my huband's fault, not the kids. Kids will take, take, take. It's their nature. Someone needs to invent a vacc. for spouses who have "my kids wouldn't do that!", or "I didn't see them do that", or best yet, "Next time, you'll be punished, you hear me? OK? Don't do it again." After...the 50th time of warnings. *sighs* Talk about mixed signals..to everyone!

I need help, my 3 year old fits all those descriptions and is now acting out since I started night school. I'm thinking its a phase, but I want to act now to curb those outbursts. What can I do to get through the mind of a three year old?

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Anyone as upset with Mondays DANCING WITH THE STARS results as we are???

Go here to sign petition to BRING BACK SABRINA AND MARK

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Here is the link to ABC if anyone wants to help us in leaving a comment to vote Sabrina and Mark back on. This has been done before; we do have the power to get them back on if enough people speak up.

http://abc.go.com/site/contactus.html?lid=ABCCOMGlobalFooter&lpos=CONTACT

ABC inc
500 S Buena Vista Street
Burbank CA 91521-4551
(818) 460-7477

Let’s set this right!!!

I dont know what to do because my son wont stop crying. wonts I go out side he will sit at the door and screm and I cant work with him doing that

It's easy, you say "NO" and leave it at that. Consistency is the key.

Love and Logic has a great product to help with this. The book "From Innocence to Entitlement: A Love and Logic Cure for the Tragedy of Entitlement" by Jim Fay and Dawn Billings provides an in-depth look at entitlement and provides techniques for preventing and curing the problem. You can find it at www.loveandlogic.com.

I think, as parents, we have a hard time saying no. I klnow that a couple years ago we had to re-teach our children because they were spoiled. We make them accept who they are and to concentrate on their assets and work on their faults (we all have them). Our house is happier. A snappple at the store is a treat and watching movies as a family with popcorn and sleeping bags is a night out. My kids are teens too. They have lots of friends and are responsible with cell phones and the only computer we own. My kids get invited everywhere and are well liked. They have impeccable manners (why don't they use them at home?)and show others respect.

If your kids don't hate you, you aren't doing the right thing. They aren't your friends, they will thank you later. I was a spoiled kid and I wish my mom had been tougher, I think I could have achieved more in life if she had.

I agree with Sandy. I too was spoiled as a child and I refuse to allow my son to be that way. My mother doesn't like the fact that I make my son take out the trash and other household chores - he is 6 years old. My husband was raised differently - he had to work for his toys and treats. My son has 2 grandmothers, 1 Papa, 4 great mothers and 1 great-great-grandmother that love him dearly and would give him the moon if he asked for it. That's what grandparents are for....let the grandparents and aunts and uncles spoil them.....it is a lot easier on your wallet as well.

best of luck to all

To make things easier at the store, we have Christmas and birthday lists. When a child sees something they want, we "add" it to their birthday or christmas list. It validates their request, but also teaches them they wont get a toy everytime we go to the store. We also turn tedious tasks into games. Like getting seat belts fastened in the car. It used to be a huge battle with my 5 year old to get him fastened in. As soon as we turned it into the "who can get their seat belt fastened first" race, the problem dissapeared. Its all about putting things into perspective for kids.

I'm a 60 year old working professional with 9 grandchildren. First, an apology for the '60s, which started this whole mess, and particularly for Dr. Spock. Look to the bible for your guidance. Successful kids are loved and respected and expected to show love and respect to others. When that fails, correction is necessary. That correction fits the infraction. A talking-to sometimes, isolation sometimes, and a good spanking appropriately applied when all else fails. Don't let your kids run the house unless they're paying the bills. Grow up, parents. Your job is to raise them, not them tell you what to do and how. Turn off the TV (it's obscene anyway), get rid of most of the games (they're incredibly violent), and have the guts to determine which kids you'll allow your kids to play with and which ones you won't. Give your children work to do. They live there, in case you hadn't noticed, and make most of the messes. They learn responsibility by have responsibility. Show them you can trust them.

AMEN Mary Truman!! Spare the rod, spoil the Child. I strongly agree with that..I was raised by an abusive (and
I mean an abusive mother)..but when I had my own children, I learned to pick which fights to win with my kids. Both my daughter who will turn 19 soon (and still a virgin, doesnt use drugs or drink and is an Honor student in college) and my son (still a virgin, no drugs or drinks and an honor student in middle school) who will turn 12 soon, both know how to respect others and not push me but will get away with little things that just need talking to clear the air. And yes you can be a best friend to your teens but be strict as well. Just be open to them and talk to them about anything!! Keep to your morals, they will eventually come around without you having to change!! Give them responsibilities so that when they are out in the world they will not blame others for their wrongdoings!!

I sympathize with the rest of you who are dealing with step children. I became their step mom when they were 8 and 9 and now their 15 and 16. The biological mother isn't really in the picture and they live with us. Problem is, I am not allowed to discipline. And if I say something, the father corrects me in front of the kids. That's helpful! Last February, the daughter asked to "borrow" my flat iron that she'd given me for Christmas. I still don't have it back and in fact when I changed my hairstyle and needed one, I asked their Dad about getting it back. He said, "But what's Corinna going to do?" I ended up having to go out and buy one! I feel your pain!

We do a lot of Love & Logic stuff. It's amazing! My kids are almost 2 and 4, and I must say that since I've been doing the L&L stuff, they are a great pleasure to be around. We still have our not so great days, but I no longer listen to whining, fussing, begging, shouting, whatever. They can do that stuff all they want. They have quiet time in their room and I go about my stuff. When they can act nice again, they can come out, I give them a big hug, and we go back to having fun. I no longer let it rule my day. If they want to be grumpy buttheads and have no fun, that's fine. They can do it on their own. As long as their bad behavior isn't affecting me or anyone else (as they are in their room), I don't care. They also know that if they don't get something they want at the store, and they throw a fit, they either go to the car for the remainder of the trip (when my husband is with us), or we all come home and when I have time to do the errand again, they will stay home and remain in their rooms.

I have noticed with my (newly) 4 year old daughter, that a WHOLE LOT of the tantrums stem from low blood sugar and tiredness. You can almost gauge the time of day and if she had much to eat or a nap or not. If you head it off and don't ignore her, no prob. She is naturally so sweet and good natured. As a single mother with an only child, many people think she will be spoiled because she gets almost everything. But a lot of it has to do with having Uncles/grandparents and NO other children. She can be a brat, she's 4, but if you explain ahead of time that when we go to the toy store it's for (enter reason) and not her turn, she's okay with it. If she wants candy it has to be a little bit and explain that it will last many days if she doesn't eat it all at once. TALKING to your child in a way they can relate, BEFORE the tantrums begin always helps. They understand, and they know what will make you crazy. Childern know how to push buttons. You have to talk on their level and love them tremendously!

I believe it has to start from when their young. I was spoiled and by the time I was a teen, no ment nothing to me. I did it anyway! I am not afraid to say no to my kids. And I don't feel bad for grounding them or taking something away. It does hurt sometimes but that's why they call it tough love! My kids are not perfect, but they are well behaved. It's always a pleasure to get compliments from other parents, that's validation to me that I'm doing something right!

Mention in the article that its not in the genes whether a kid would be spoiled. I beg to differ, my wife was spoiled by her mom, and now she, my wife, is spoiling our child. It's may not be a genetics, but its definately a learned trait.

Oh my gosh--I AM the spoiled child! By all means, tell me how to get over myself--hahahaha. It happens that I support both Biblical and Love & Logic (which is Biblical) BUT, a warning for you dear Jacqui--I've always received wonderful complements about my children's behavior. Even the police told me what respectful, polite young men I've reared, despite the fact they were arresting them at the time. Parenting is hard. I put one of my own back in jail after I foolishly bailed him out, and we walked through the fire of meth addiction with another. My eldest is a college grad, married, and responsible. Each of our children are individuals and they will make their own mistakes. Pick your battles well. Ask, "Is this the hill I want to die on?" At our house, alcohol and drugs were/are those hills, and I fought for my children, on my knees. BTW, the one I put in jail is now a fine young man. His brother's coming along. 3 down, 1 to go.

Unhappy Stepmom, you could be my twin! I have 3 stepdaughters, and I became their stepmom when they were 6, 7, and 9. They are now 15, 16, and 18. They are the definition of the word "spoiled." I love my husband, but I finally got sick of arguing over how to raise the kids, so I started telling him to do whatever he thinks is best and I stay out of it. He never listened to me anyway! I was raised in a very strict home and I thank God my parents cared enough about my brother and me to be so tough and not only set boundaries for us, but enforce those boundaries. It wasn't always an easy home to live in but I'm much better off for it. My husband is clueless about how to be consistent, and these kids don't know what consequences are because they talk their way out of trouble, manipulate him, and harshly criticize anyone who doesn't meet their every need. All I can do is watch the kind of people they are turning into, and it's no wonder. By getting everything they desire, they've been seriously short-changed.

I'm the stepmother to a boy 6 and a girl 9. When I frist meet their dad. Now they are 13 and 16. The bad times have alway been over their mother. Even those she rec'd Child support, we had the kid most of the time. Until they was being punished then she comes and "saves them". Movies, dinner out and new games for Xbox was the punishment instead.

I think the writer's premise that we don't want to see our kids unhappy is problematic. Good parenting means giving your children the tools they need to function and cope as adults. They will not be able to do that if we cater to their whims as children. Not only will they be unable to deal with disappointment or resolve conflict on their own, they may very well grow up selfish, consumeristic, even overweight -- Keeping 'em happy is connected to a "feed me" menatlity (feed me stuff, food, whatever I want...and now!).

Parents don't do their kids favors by keeping them fed in this way. and happiness that is derived from stuff isn't the same as happiness born out of self respect and sense of accomplishment...

I found the books by Faber and Mazlish to be extremely helpful (How to Talk so your Kids Will Listen and Listen so your Kids Will Talk, and Avoiding Sibling Rivalry, and almost every other book they wrote.)

I had 5 children of my own, and 2 of his. I can empathize with all. With step children, you can't win, they will nearly always resent the "new" parent. Being difficult to step-parents is their way of venting their pain. I solved it by taking mini-vacations whenever it was my husband's visitation weekend or holiday. He got the point.

I could take all of my children to the store without any tantrums or begging. The way? I gave them coupons to shop for items while I shopped, and then they were rewarded at the checkstand and could have $1 or less, depending on my budget to spend however they wished. If they acted up anywhere I just left. I only had to do it once and they learned I meant what I said. Never idly threaten. Once one of them threw a tantrum, I stepped over him and left the room. He followed me and did it again, I stepped over him again and left the area. It never happened again. I "couldn't" hear whining, voices had to be normal "before mothers can hear". You must be consistent and a parent.

Real nice! Good resources here, i found lots of interesting things here. Your web site is helpful. All the best!

so i too, have have a mixture of biological and step children, all of whom are spoiled in some sense of the word. anyone have any suggestions on how to let the father know of some of his childrens behavior with out him freaking out and feeling like i'm "picking" on his kids. the problem here is when my children act up i take action immediatly, so i dont discuss it with him i just do it. but if i try to correct my step children for the same behavior, he gets mad a thinks im being unfair. how can i get all the kids to learn when some of them are allowed because i cant disciplin with out some problem?

Parenting is not a popularity contest.
I have a 13 year old and a 4 year old.
1. Be consistent. If your child cries because he doesn't get what he wants - simply, put him in a safe place alone. They will stop crying. And will love and respect you afterward.
2. Stand United. Mothers,Fathers, Caregivers stand together. If you have a disagreement,discuss it in private.
If you argue in front of the child-the child won. And will manipulate the two of you over and over again.
3. Start early. By the time they are 5 it is too late to lay down the law. They have probably wrote it.
4. It is a desservice to indulge them. Your job as a parent is to raise kids to be independent, productive, contributing memebers of society. Adult life is tough and our job is to prepare them. The greatest gifts you can give your kids is self respect, self confidence, love and a strong sense of compassion. Mom and Dad are not always going to be there to buy stuff.
Indulgence is weakness
"The inmates are not running the asylum"

I can't believe you people who think your kids have to hate you! My 16 year old son is polite, helpful and fun to be around. He loves us and knows he can tell us anything. Here's the trick, pour more love on them, be clear about your expectations for them and be consistent about boundaries. Trust me, having a teenager who loves you is much better then having one who hates you!

How do i tell my 21 year old daughter that her 2y old is a spoiled brat. He runs her life and she lets him. she is 8 mths pregnent and has no time to herself, because he wont let her. But when he is with me he is a perfect angel. but I am not allowed to disiplen him around her. he is even ugly to me and my other 2 kids(his aunt and uncl).

I'm a grandmother raising a VERY spoiled teen. She demands, disobeys, and is extreamely disrespectful. I can't seem to get a handle on changing this behavior. How can I get her to cooperate. I feel so overwhelmed and alone in this struggle.

Apparently my suspicions were correct that my kids are spoiled. I guess it is because my ex-husband is so hard on them all of the time, that my mother and I try to offset that by not being strict disciplinarians. I am rather tired of their increasingly lousy behavior at home, however.

I am a single mom and yes my child is "spoiled". He has a lot of things and usually gets most of what he asks for. The only difference is he understands that the material things he has are privileges. He must earn his priviliges and they can be taken away when he miss behaves in school or does not do his chores. You can teach your children responsibility along with "spoiling" them.

I have a 6 year old step son. In a way I'm lucky I'm mom to him and my husband encourages me to discipiline. I've been in my step sons life since he was 15 months old. My problem is the grand parents since they dont see him all the time when they do they spoil him which normally wouldnt be a problem but when he comes home he behaves horribly. And cant stand to be told no. How do i get it to stop and at the same time let the grandparents be grandparents?

Wow you have described my children perfectly. The sad thing is they are 18,17 and 10. Their dad and I separated over 3 years ago and our financial status and stability has faltered as consequence of the divorce. Since then my children have had such a hard time dealing with the situation and feel the world revolves around them and what they want from a material perspective. My ex-husband and I pretty much gave them every thing they requested whether we could afford it or not. Never did I imagine that I would be causing them so much harm. Advice to you parents that feel you have to or love to give your children everything they request, DON'T! Unless you are certain that your children can overcome the adversity of a divorce or financial hardships, think about that next un-needed purchase...

Things I told my children to prevent the sense of "entitlement":

1. Go to your room to finish crying/kicking and screaming. When you're done, we can talk.

2. (About highly processed cereals) We wear those colors, dear, we don't eat them.

3. You can have any treat you want as long as it's nutritious. Here's a dollar. (Usually reserved for health food stores)

4. You may come into the store with me as long as you keep *your* hand in *my* pocket (to prevent wandering away while they were young -- and to save the cost and embarrassment of those creepy "child harnesses" that were fashionable then)

5. If you don't like tonight's dinner, you can have any other nutritious thing you want, but you have to get it yourself.

6. (When they were teens and began asking for expensive stuff) I would love to buy you a Nintento/skateboard/animation-quality movie camera, but I can't afford it. You can have it as soon as you can afford it.

I wish I had opened my eyes 10-15 years earlier. My 19-year-old son, who is spoiled as described here, left for college. It costs more than we can afford but we are selling our belongings every month to keep paying the tuition. He will not take my calls at school because I only call with bad news - such as your father had a heart-attack, I have breast cancer, or even that the surgeries went well. He doesn't want to hear about it. He asked that I only call if I am going to tell him that the world is perfect and we all live under a rainbow. On holidays he comes home and displays more anger than I ever thought was possible. I may need a restraining order because its that bad. This is making me suicidal.

What can I do now?

I have a son who is 10 and is the oldest of three. He has two younger sisters and the youngest is becoming just as demanding. He is very bossy in the way he talks to his father and myself.I ask him to do something and he'll and say can you. And when i say "no" he says fine "it will stay there" or "i don't care". If we are in a store and he wants something and i say "no" he beggs and will not let the subject go and gets into this miserable mood, like i'm suppose to give it to him. Spelling words are another fight. He sometimes is looking for us to give the anwser.He likes to argue when asked to do something as simple as make your bed. He gets us so frustrated and sometimes i give in because he wears me down and i cave. My husband gets angry and then it becomes a screaming match and punishments are being handed out and everyone is mad. He and my middle child just started seeing thier biological father after 6 year of him abandoning his responsiblity. He sees them every other weekend supervised at my moms. Help us

my son is 15yrs he has alot of clothes and shoes and keep wanting more so many they wont all fit in the closet or dressers so i go out and buy more when there on sale

My seven year is spoiled by your definition except for the "Me" he is very willing to give to others.Help me undo this!!!!!!!!!

kym, i would stop paying for his college tuition and make him get a job, if he's treating you that badly, why should you keep supporting him???

You people are abusive neandrathals. If punishment worked you'd only have to do it once. If your child is fortunate enough to come into my practice,and my staff or myself find out you have hit your child, I will have you arrested!! Educate yourself.

If simply asking your child worked, you'd only have to do it once. If you word it right and teach it consistantly from when they were very young it might work on it's own, but not always. When your child is screaming and won't or can't hear what you are saying to them a little flick on the mouth with just one finger won't hurt, but it will let them know you won't tolerate such behavior. If they are having a temper tantrum, sometimes it works to just laugh at them or imitate them. They'll get really upset (obviously just when they're little) and usually stop. If you have whiney children, ignore them. Tell them you don't listen to whiners or screamers and you'll listen when they talk to you normally. This goes for begging to. By the way, I'm 17, and I've been trying to tell people this for years. I know what works on me, and I've seen it work on other kids.

To PhD....
Learn to spell, idiot. You can't be a doctor of any damn sort if you can't even spell worth a crap....wow. Just open your ears and shut your mouth for once.

I will admit that my children fit some of those qualities, but not all of them. My son is very against giving back to the community, which I am working on trying to find a cause that fits his interests... hopefully that will help.

To the 17 year old girl handing out parental advice... honey, HAVING parents is not even close to BEING a parent and does not qualify you for handing out advice of any kind. I certainly hope your views of discipline change a lot in the (hopefully many) years before you have children. It is the easy way out to resort only to physical means of "correction"... in reality it is simply intimidation, when a child breaks rules. Please just keep in mind that many people who post on here have been parents longer than you have been alive. There is nothing more infuritating than getting "advice" from people who are not raising children themselves, you will get a big taste of this unsolicited advice when you have your own children.

Again to the 17 year old...

I am so sorry that you had (have) to deal with those types of consequences. There are many other, better ways to deal with misbehavior.

I hate to say this, but that's part of human nature. Little kids that are self-absorbed and demanding aren't spoiled. That's just the way they are. Parents just need to stick to their guns and enforce their rules and refusals, even if the kid doesn't like it. Also, as the kids get older, they need to understand that other people have needs as well and that the world doesn't revolve around them. They'll probably learn that on their own a little, but parents can point that out as well. It's bad for a couple of years, but the kids normally get over being "spoiled" by the time they're ready for school, for the most part. If they get to be in middle school and they still react like toddlers, then there's problems.

I am really new to the step child thing...but, it seemsto me that I am already pretty lucky. Its only been about 2 years since I've known my 8 & 10 yr olds but they are really good about considering themselves my children. I still have trouble referring to them as son and daughter but they want me to. Their dad is very supportive of me and appreciates any suggestions or help with the discipline. At times we disagree but its usually about my 15 & 18 yr olds (both girls). He feels that they have been spoiled with good reason because their father passed away 7 years ago. He calls my girls his daughters and has told them that he will never replace their dad but he will be there to guide them and be his eyes. He is very strict, especially about boys and curfews and I know that they appreciate that because even though I spoiled them...he is the one that really makes sense of it all for them. They want a stronger hand because he shows them how much he cares in other ways like coaching my daughters softball team and helping the oldest find a job and plan for the responsibilities of adulthood. I am Blessed!

In response to:

phd said:
You people are abusive neandrathals. If punishment worked you'd only have to do it once. If your child is fortunate enough to come into my practice,and my staff or myself find out you have hit your child, I will have you arrested!! Educate yourself.

**I would say that you should be sued for malpractice except that I'm quite sure (even in the way you've worded your response) that you are far from being a doctor. In fact, I'm thinking maybe a teenager. You must enjoy having no accountability. Makes for a sociopath, so be careful. Also, if there's a punishment that works after only one time, it seems to me that would be something extreme and abusive.

I have seen friends who buy for their children's every whim. No present is exciting on holidays, nothing is earned and nothing is learned. If you constantly give in to your child they will not only act as spoiled brats, they will be mooching off of you for the rest of your lives. So, be prepared to support an adult. If you have them work for what they buy, they will be better little people and better adults. They truly need to work, though. For example, this means not just doing a chore, but doing it correctly (which you can show them).