I wish I knew Michele 10 years ago! Parents need your reasssuring manner. After bring told our child was just emotionally incapable of ever learning, our family found the real issue was CAPD and chose to supplement educational assistance for a central auditory processing disorder that really ended up being a two fold socio-eduacational benefit because now our child understands the message. Lindamood Bell Learning Centers brought our child from being a stand-offish, shy c-d student to a confident a-b student through the VISUALIZING & VERBALIZING program. We took a second mortgage out to pay for an intensive summer course, but the actual per hour breakdown is the same as a special ed tutor. Just wanted to share this option with any parent who is searching. thanks!

I just watched your segment on the extended Today show and wanted to cry. It was a DISERVICE to parents of children with "quirks". I watched it a second time on MSN just to see if I missed anything. By talking in generalities and making jokes you all failed at a great chance to really guide parents on the best way to help their troubled kids. As a parent who has tried to secure services you know how confusing and arbitrary everything is. You could have helped others by talking about making an action plan and the kinds of programs that exist in the schools that can help. I have spent the last 4 years trying to help my "quirky" kid and have accomplished very little. He doesn't qualify for the easy fixes and pursuing what he does need has been agony with constant staff turnover and complex rules about qualifying. This is no joke. I would give anything if our only problem was a kid that salsa dances. I feel that the Today show should apologize to it's viewers.

You want to know how to keep your kids from being spoiled? its to keep people like you and everyone else from coming up with their own ideas of how to raise up a child. if you raise them up the right way, Yes, Yes, Yes, the Bible way this world would not be where it is today. Oh no we can't do that, anyway the Bible is so out of date. and it would hurt our little childrens tursh. People got so involved with what others think, Oh no! I can't spank my kids in the store, people might think I'm a bad parent, So what they are the bad parent for not following Gods rule. Screw mans rule, they are made up by a bunch of dumbies that are on a string being guided by Satan. Oh yea the bad man, Yes everyday we get influince by him and his littlier demons. It says in the Bible( in the last days that kids will turn on their parents, and yes even KILL them. Gee I wonder why, You spoiled PARENTS ARE NOTHING BUT A PUPPET ON A STRING. SO IN GODS WORD IN PROVERB. SPOIL A ROD, YOU SPOILED A CHILD, So use your hand, and you save a lad

Wow! Most parents aren't concerned about temper tantrums, as I understand the program presented, it's more that their child doesn't quite fit into the social norm. That can include anxiety, obsesssive behavior, learning difficulties, and failure to make emotional connections or show empathy towards other people. Your suggestion that all of these problems can be solved with a good beating is shameful and ignorant, are you even a parent?

As a parent and Grandparent I am offended by your Rant and misquotes. I have delt extensively with children who have disabilities or are terminal sometimes both. It is true boundaries and rules need to be set beating a child never establishes anything but who is a bigger bully. yes punishments are needed at times each child is different what works for one won't for another. The key to all of it is communicating what is exepected and requiring results as far as displine goes. Every parent I have ever know is in one stage or another of denial about their childs behavior / disability. The parents need help as much as the children in learning how to deal with it all. While humor helps those that know where they are at it does just seem to justify brushing it off to those who don't or won't see help is needed.

well i'm gonna take a different approach and say thank you for this article! my 5 year old daughter and my 3 year old son have both always been a little "off"....not bad, and not in any way that causes problems with any other aspect of life. they just like to skip a little more than the other kids, and when they play house they pretend to be alien mommy and daddy instead of "normal people." some people have told me to get them checked out for some sort of syndrome or disorder, but i always said, they're happy, and they're smart, and the know the difference between their fantasies and reality. it's nice to hear it from someone else as well. and btw- i don't believe in god myself, but i find it difficult to believe that if such an entity does exist he condones beating your child for any deviation from the norm. and last i checked, there were children killing their parents and the apocalypse hasn't happened yet. quit using your religion as a scapegoat for your inability to come up with creative parenting.

Ok, because schools often try to get sped money they often over diagnose kids with minor issues. I should know. I am well I hit the limit on the IQ test they gave me to put it simply in math and got 99.7 (out of 99.9)percentile in writing, of natural ablity, but what I knew was 80th percentile. After a few years I caugth up and was at 95th percnile.(excpet in spelling which was and is 30th percentile but that does not matter in this case) I can't grade skip because I supposedly have Aspbergers. I am social and the real Dignonse reason was that I have the hypersentivieitwe and high Iq parts of it. The socail issues started when I was 10 and around utter idiots in my grades cause I changed schools from a school where gifted was the norm to one meant for average kids.(due to a move to a dif town) Quirkyness is nothing wrong, and the gifted are the most amazing people in the world (sorry but its true we creat amazing things) Its not bad at all, just view it as a gift and help ur kid meet other genuii.

As the parent of a quirky kid I spent many days crying over the simplistic advice to just give him a good beating. trust me that was not the answer. Also I agree, finding the right approaches was not joke and it required a lot of juggling in terms of time and finances. Futher, it affected the dynamics of the whole family - not just the child with the quirks. It helped to understand that my child's quirks were evident on both sides of the family. Help was hard to find. I became my child's advocate and my faith that God does not make mistakes - he had given me a unique child but he had also given me the fortitude to guide that child to a positive place in the universe. My son is 20, a student at a state university.
He graduated from high school on time,he works, has friends and lives independently. Stay encouraged it is possible to survive differences, however labeled.

There are 2 sides to this prob as I see it. One I think is a tendency in over-privileged areas to be anxious about any sort of "difference" in your child, and to worry that there might be some sort of undiagnosed "disability" that you should be dealing with & you're not, and you're missing your window of opportunity, and blah blah blah, spurred on by all sorts of well-meaning comments ("what about Ritalin?") offered by people who know nothing about child development or psychology or, well, anything. Then there are the people whose children have genuine issues who find themselves trivialized by discussions who consider a child who likes salsa dancing different! So you end up with children who are either plagued by being told there's something wrong with them when they're fine, or who really need services that they can't access because people turn a blind eye! Jeez, can't we get ANYTHING right with children in this country?!?

Oh, BTW: I think all people who make more than 2 spelling mistakes in their posts should be beaten with a large rod, preferably a spoiled one, and have any current or future children removed from their homes. Thank you! I'm here 'til Tuesday - try the veal. Wow, they say it takes all kinds, but really - does it? Must we still put up with these knuckle-walkers in civilized society?? In case you were wondering, I just talked to God, and He told me He HATES people who beat their children. So there.

What is the appropriate, proper, correct response (by a typical family) to someone ELSE'S quirky child's behavior when it continually gets out of hand, goes beyond annoying, deeply affects other children (especially younger, average children), and the parents are in denial?

how can i find out about dyslexia?

God also hate liars BTW!

I have two autistic children. Quirkiness? Got it covered! What distresses me the most is the need for the schools to force every child to fit a specific form. If my kids' quirks were allowed to just be, as long as they don't disrupt the class or hurt anyone, then we could focus on TEACHING them the things they need (reading, writing, math, social studies, history, art, music) instead of TRAINING them like dogs. Special ed teachers in this country are saints in my book, but they are underpaid and not given enough resources. Stop training my kids to "act" like everyone else and let them be themselves. Everyone would learn a lot more if this were the norm. We ALL have quirks, down to our marrow. Help our kids learn what's right and wrong, help them to embrace their own, and others, differences, and move on!

One more...As a Bible student, and believer in God, I have to say, take the statements in context, people. God tells the writer of Proverbs to CORRECT the child, and in that day and time it was by beating. A child in error (being willful, destructive, disobedient) needs correction, much like a dog. It does no good to beat a dog, either. It takes will, insistence, and love. When my autistic kids are willfully disobedient, willfully destructive, or just out of control, they get corrected--time outs, no computer or TV shows, no toys. As good as if not better than a beating any day. God loves us, and corrects us when we do wrong, and I personally have felt the slap of conscience. But I prefer the gentle reminder to stay on the straight and narrow, and our kids' best guide comes from example. If we fly off the handle, smack the kid around for being quirky, what does that teach?? I join in the repeated songs, I dance to the Wiggles, I taught them the YMCA song with moves. Join in the quirkiness and be happy!

I just wanted to say i really appreciated the comparison to the flowers. I have one daughter who is so sweet and helpful and easygoing.(definately a sunflower) And I have one that is ultra-sensitive and easily upset. The sensitive one is also terribly creative and imaginative(my african violet)...but that doesnt make it any easier to deal with her on a day to day basis. I had given much thought to what I could possibly be doing "wrong" to make her so difficult. This article helped me see that really shes just her own person. I kinda knew this already but there really is a pressure for kids to conform to a "norm" and a pressure for parents to provide that"norm". Its refreshing to be told for once that 'you know what? Your kid is probably normal?' And I'm not trying to downplay the importance of getting correct diagnosis for children who do need assistance.... but in a world where people tend to dwell on the worst life has to offer its good to be reminded that not everything is a catastrope.

I heartily recommend the advice to listen to your gut in determining if quirkiness is a problem. My 24-y.o. daughter and I were both "peculiar"; both Terra and I are more sensitive,introspective,bookish, and require more "downtime" than our peers.I was often told Terra was an "old soul" because of her wise, unusual insights not common for her age.She complained of boredom in school, and qualified for a gifted class. Among her peers, she stood out for her very pale skin and very blond hair.An A student, Terra's grades in H.S. suddenly dropped. She redid her assignments, her hair, and makeup because they were not "perfect".I knew something was really wrong,even when family said she was lazy.She became so socially phobic and anxious that she and I homeschooled and treated her anxiety. She was able to return to class and graduate with her friends.Later I learned of her early childhood molestation by a neighbor! Now,that's all behind us.Happy,confident,popular and funny, she works in a preschool. Glad I listened!

Good site! Good resources here, All the best!

Wow!
All this energy and concern over quirks. I spend most of my parenting energy trying to get my son over limitations and fears of being different. Some of his quirks include going outside and picking me morning glories every single day, being fascinated by water and setting up endless activities to explore it, nursing when he's 5... I am so thankful he's 'different' and is developing into a thoughtful, sweet kid, even in this tiny town where 'interesting' is an epithet!

I just wanted to add for people's consideration that in addition to a child actually having something going on with them that needs help - the discussion of different types of flowers taps into different types of personalities. Although when you are a child it can be difficult to go through a lot of "tests" one thing that helped me learn more about myself in college was to take a personality test (Myers Briggs). It was very reassuring to figure out some of my natural tendencies (introvert vs. extrovert) since that helps figure out part of what my "problem" is in a given situation. Sometimes, not always. But it may be helpful for parents to keep this in mind. I think our society tends to idolize extroverts. But you don't tend to hear from introverts as much. Or, you really have to tune in and listen harder for the times that they do speak. If your child needs more downtime, it may be that they have more introvert tendencies. That is not a problem always, it may just be part of their natural character.

Parenting Introvert & Extrovert Children Claim no middle ground.

After 25 years at this job and juggling the outside ones too - I firmly believe we as parents take our kids tendencies as personal reflections of ourselves. Well that might just be right: if you're introverted, there's a possibility that your child might be too.

Here are a few things to consider from my recent post: Forcing Them to Change Invites Disaster Encouraging an introverted child to morph into an extrovert can have the same result as trying to fry your bacon in a toaster – eventually it will work, but the cleanup is hell. Instead, find ways to help your child recognize his or her strengths as you help them stretch toward trying extroverted activities (but only once in a while). Don’t expect them to continue using extroverted behavior when they’re on their own, it will purely be an exercise in exposing your child to variety; never a bad thing in moderation.

You can find more at: http://sydneyintrovert.livejournal.com/596.html