Mom… I want to come home!
But can’t you pleeease pick me up?
I hate it here! I don’t care how much you paid. Come get me now!

And we wanted our kids to come back so excited from their first time away from home! I’ll never forget sending my son to camp the first time. I’d combed the brochures to find just the perfect camp and purchased the world’s best (or so said the manager) sleeping bag and camp paraphernalia. He lasted forty-eight hours before I finally drove to pick him up. I couldn’t stand hearing the pain in his voice. The next year we tried again (at his suggestion), but I didn’t focus on the sleeping bag. Instead I put my energy into preparing him so he felt more secure. And it was a success! He loved camp, made new friends, and couldn’t wait to go again and again and again. If only I’d read the research on homesickness the first time I sent him, but there wasn’t any back then.

Well, things have changed. The camps are pretty much the same, but finally researchers have discovered (as of January 2007 – this is really current stuff) what we can do to help our kids feel more confident away from home.

Summer is usually the time when we send our kids to stay at Grandma's, with their friends, or off to camp. So if you’re getting ready to send your child away from home sweet home for just the night or for a more extended time here are some parenting secrets to help your child (and you) have a fun time:

* Be sure your kid is ready. Is your child sleeping in her own bed through the night or is she climbing in with you at two o’clock in the morning? Does she have any problems separating from you when she goes to school, the baby-sitter's, or day care? Does your child get along with this kid well enough to spend a whole night together? Does she feel comfortable with the child’s parents? If not, chances are she won’t make it through day one.

* Do a practice. For a reluctant child, have the first sleepover at your home first. Or try having your child spend the night with Grandma and Grandpa or a special cousin.

* Find a buddy. Any buddy!!! Research says kids always feel more secure away from home if they know at least one other child. It could be a child she knows from her hometown (and she doesn’t have to be best friends with the kid), or ask the camp counselor to give you an email address or phone number of a similar-aged child as yours. Maybe they can connect before you drop her off.

* Pack a few “security items.” A few familiar items can make even the most anxious kid more comfortable. For instance: a flashlight if she fears the dark or staying in a strange house; a granola bar or sandwich (in case they “hate” the meal); a sleeping bag with a rubber sheet tucked inside might help a bed wetter feel more comfortable just in case he has an accident; their own pillow or blanket; even a cell phone for reassurance that she can call you anytime if really needed. Think of what might make your child feel safer. Better yet, have your child think up what he needs to feel more at home.

* Meet the counselors or parents. No matter how old your child is, do meet the camp counselors or parents face-to-face. You want to be sure they will be supervising the whole night and that they have your phone number handy. Clarify that if there are any problems you want to be called.

* Show him the activities. Other than finding one buddy to “hang with” the next thing researchers say will alleviate homesickness is involvement in an activity (tennis, crafts, kayaking, swimming, beading…anything). If you can get your child excited about one activity he will be more likely to feel a little more comfortable. And he’ll have something to look forward to doing.

* Have a positive send-off. Be cheerful and optimistic as you pack and get ready to go. Do wait until your child looks settled. Give her a big hug and kiss. Then leave. But researchers stress: “Don’t linger.”

* Breathe when the phone call comes. Homesickness is normal. It is far more prevalent with younger kids and those who have never been away from home. It is also common with college-aged kids. So don’t go thinking your child is not adjusted if you get that “MOM! I hate it here!” call. Instead, listen. Just listen. Telling her to get over it, or it will get better, doesn’t seem to work (says the research again). Don’t promise you’ll call her 50 times a day either. Bad move again, say researchers. You can tell her to call again tomorrow. Listen to the tone in her voice. Talk to the camp counselor (without her knowing). And then make your decision (can she wait it out – or it is better to pick her up?) based on your child.

* Downplay failure. So what if your kid doesn’t make it all through the night? If you want this to work in the long run, emphasize the positive accomplishment: “You stayed there two hours past your bedtime. That was much longer than last time.” Or: “It’s not a big deal. You’ll have lots of opportunities to spend the night at friends’ houses again.” There’s always next year!

What parenting secrets have you used to help your child feel more secure that first time away from home? Or what was your kid’s camping disaster that every parent should be warned about? Send me your parenting secrets!

Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them.