Here’s a scary (or in some cases, happy) news bulletin: If you haven’t looked at your calendar lately, the next school year is rapidly approaching. The question is, has your kid cracked a book or flashed those math facts he was supposed to learn this summer? Hmmm. We always have such plans to boost our kids' academic skills when school is out, but how many of us get around to doing so?

Johns Hopkins University found that teachers spend a good deal of time in the fall re-teaching those skills our kids lose over the summer months. As a former classroom teacher, I agree with the research, but as a mom of three I can also see the other side. After all, isn’t summer all about having a good time?

Well, with a little ingenuity you can find ways to boost your child’s academic skills and still make learning fun. Here, a few parenting secrets to help you:

* Are there a few moms still in town who have kids the same age as yours? If so, why not start a mom-kid book club? The three basic rules are: take turns hosting, always serve refreshments, and find books that your kids love to read. Jim Trelease’s Read Aloud Handbook offers fabulous suggestions. Or check out the reading list NBC Today Show’s Al Roker has for his summer book club for kids.

* Going on a trip soon? Purchase a tour guide of your intended location or print descriptions of the historical spot from the computer and ask your child to read up so he can become your family tour guide.

* Take advantage of car time for learning. Buy an Atlas and purchase an inexpensive compass. Keep them in the car, and then have your child become your navigator. She can learn directions -- and how to read a map.

* Set aside a time each night during which everyone has a book in their hands to read. (And that means everyone.) If everyone consistently reads at the same time each night, it will become a habit. Little ones can “tell” the story, bigger ones can read.

* Got a tween or teen with a required summer reading list from school? (Check your kid’s unopened backpack to see if the list is there). Then check out or purchase two copies of each book -- one for you and one for your child -- and read each simultaneously. This was one of my favorite activities when my kids got older. I loved discussing books such as The Diary of Anne Frank, Beloved, Crime and Punishment, Grapes of Wrath with each son. No arguments – they had to read them and I loved the opportunity to hear their views.

* Visit your public library regularly with your child. Is your child enrolled in one of those great read-aloud programs where they can earn prizes by reading?

* Read the newspaper together. Mark special articles your child may enjoy hearing or reading about. Or purchase magazines designed for your child’s reading level: Highlight, American Girl, Teen People, Sports Illustrated.

* Is your child an avid baseball fan? There’s nothing better than reading the back of those baseball cards to boost reading and math skills (comparing baseball players’ batting averages, on-base percentages, and ratio of homeruns). There are all types of cards with fascinating facts kids can read.

* Does your child need more in-depth drills to learn multiplication facts or vocabulary words? Why not find another friend with similar needs so the two can learn together? Or what about hiring a middle school or high school student as a tutor? It might make learning a bit more fun and take the pressure off you.

I’d love to hear your parenting secrets as well. Pass them on so we can use them. Meanwhile, if you haven’t picked up a copy of Harry Potter for your family to read with the rest of the kids of the world, do so. But don't skip ahead to the end. You’ll ruin the surprise!

Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them.

According to the Travel Industry Association, we usually take eight to ten summer car trips with the kids. Each trek is bound to be a fun family memory, right? Well, not always. Most parents’ car trip recollections consist of antsy kids repeatedly asking, “Aren’t we there yet?” Luckily, with a little preparation, you can reduce the kid squabbles and boost the “family fun factor.” (Check out other road travel sanity-savers here.)

This week the Today show asked me to share ways to stay sane on those kid road trips. So here are a few parenting secrets for the six most likely road trip problems and simple ways to solve them so everyone -- parents included -- can enjoy fun and safe travels.

1. Boredom: “There’s nothing to do!”
Pack the car with things the kids can do to pass the time alone and together:
•Mess-proof toys: cookie sheets with rims for lap desks so they can draw or play with magnetic letters and shapes; reusable sticker-books, etch-a-sketches, and car bingo boards
•Pipe-cleaners, scotch tape, paper, foil: each passenger can take turns making something seen on the trip, while the others must guess what the creation is.
•Books on tape: listen as a family to Charlotte’s Web and Lord of the Rings. Check them out of the library or purchase individual cassette players and earphones
•DVD player and movies: do set a “limit rule” (i.e., you must drive three hours before they can watch, they can only watch a certain number per day, etc.)
•Clutter savers: Have each kid store their own favorite things (including stuffed animals, MP3 players or toys) in personal backpacks. For a great clutter saver, hang shoe pocket organizers from the neck rest for backseat passengers to store toys.

2.Discipline: “Kevin hit me!”
Research finds that 3 to 7 year old siblings squabble about 3.5 times every hour and 2 to 4 year olds squabble about six times per hour -- and that’s in your house! Strap kids into a car next to each other for several hours in heat and the result is T.R.O.U.B.L.E. Your best secret is to stay on the offense and anticipate bickering so you can head off World War III in your car. Here are a few offense parenting secrets:
•Post car rules: “No shouting and hands to self” are critical for both sanity and safety. Review rules before starting your trip. Tape them inside the car.
•Set boundaries: A mini ice chest or box set between two kids creates a boundary in close quarters and makes a great drink holder as well as drawing space.
•Take frequent stops: The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests you stop at least every two hours for about fifteen minutes. Your kids need potty breaks and the opportunity to run off that pent-up energy. Eating at a park (you can pick up meals at a drive through) instead of a restaurant allows kids more outdoor time. They’ll also be more likely to nap once back in the car.
•Keep on sleep schedules: Try to check into a hotel with a pool. Swimming not only cools kids off but also wears them down. They also sleep better at night and well-rested kids make better travelers.
•Use the brakes: If all else fails, pull over to the side of the road (after glancing in the rear-view mirror) and stop. You don’t need to say a thing –when you don’t start the car the kids have to know you mean business when it comes to no shouting or hitting.

3.Family Memories: “But you said we’d have fun!”
Involve the kids before you start the trip so each child can think about the one thing they would like to do or collect on the trip. A few ideas each child could do include:
•Assign expert status: Get out the travel guide and atlas so that each child can mark key places they want to stop along the way. You can also ask an older child to read up on a certain historical site and teach the others about the location when you all arrive.
•A journal: Each day write or draw a favorite memory.
•A disposable camera: Each day take a photo of a favorite spot.
•A scrapbook: Each day add to your collection (feather, wild-flower, post-card).
•A roll of quarters: Each day each child has a set allowance to spend in any way.
•A compass: Give each kid an inexpensive compass and teach them how to read it and plot the course in a small notebook.

4.Antsy: “Aren’t we there yet?”
Long driving stretches are tough on kids and drivers. Your best secret to fight the “aren’t we there yet?” battle cry is to use the scouting motto: “Be Prepared.” Here’s how:
•Sing camp songs: Make a list of songs to sing like “Wheels on the Bus”, “The Ants Go Marching…” or purchase one great CD of camp songs for the whole family to sing.
•Play car games: Research great family car games on the internet. A few oldies but goodies include: Bingo, I Spy, the License Plate Game, 20 Questions. Or get a great book of Knock-Knock jokes.
•Let your teen drive: Teach your teen to drive (if he has a permit) on those long, safe stretches.
•Provide blow-up pillows: Make sure kids are comfortable for needed snoozes.
•Give surprise treats: Give pre-purchased inexpensive treats (such as mini play-doh containers, notepads, colored pencils, stickers, fruit roll ups, gum) at strategic moments. Nothing’s wrong with bribery when sanity (yours) and safety (everyone’s) are at stake.

5.Parental angst! “What was I thinking!##@!?”
Remember that your passengers are children so don’t forget to bring patience and Tylenol (for yourself anyway). Keep your expectations low and then anything above it will be a pleasant bonus. And if all else fails, travel at night or very early in the morning, alternating drivers. Next year the kids will be a year older and things just may be easier. Meanwhile, don’t forget to have fun. You are making a memory!

Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them.

Mom… I want to come home!
But can’t you pleeease pick me up?
I hate it here! I don’t care how much you paid. Come get me now!

And we wanted our kids to come back so excited from their first time away from home! I’ll never forget sending my son to camp the first time. I’d combed the brochures to find just the perfect camp and purchased the world’s best (or so said the manager) sleeping bag and camp paraphernalia. He lasted forty-eight hours before I finally drove to pick him up. I couldn’t stand hearing the pain in his voice. The next year we tried again (at his suggestion), but I didn’t focus on the sleeping bag. Instead I put my energy into preparing him so he felt more secure. And it was a success! He loved camp, made new friends, and couldn’t wait to go again and again and again. If only I’d read the research on homesickness the first time I sent him, but there wasn’t any back then.

Well, things have changed. The camps are pretty much the same, but finally researchers have discovered (as of January 2007 – this is really current stuff) what we can do to help our kids feel more confident away from home.

Summer is usually the time when we send our kids to stay at Grandma's, with their friends, or off to camp. So if you’re getting ready to send your child away from home sweet home for just the night or for a more extended time here are some parenting secrets to help your child (and you) have a fun time:

* Be sure your kid is ready. Is your child sleeping in her own bed through the night or is she climbing in with you at two o’clock in the morning? Does she have any problems separating from you when she goes to school, the baby-sitter's, or day care? Does your child get along with this kid well enough to spend a whole night together? Does she feel comfortable with the child’s parents? If not, chances are she won’t make it through day one.

* Do a practice. For a reluctant child, have the first sleepover at your home first. Or try having your child spend the night with Grandma and Grandpa or a special cousin.

* Find a buddy. Any buddy!!! Research says kids always feel more secure away from home if they know at least one other child. It could be a child she knows from her hometown (and she doesn’t have to be best friends with the kid), or ask the camp counselor to give you an email address or phone number of a similar-aged child as yours. Maybe they can connect before you drop her off.

* Pack a few “security items.” A few familiar items can make even the most anxious kid more comfortable. For instance: a flashlight if she fears the dark or staying in a strange house; a granola bar or sandwich (in case they “hate” the meal); a sleeping bag with a rubber sheet tucked inside might help a bed wetter feel more comfortable just in case he has an accident; their own pillow or blanket; even a cell phone for reassurance that she can call you anytime if really needed. Think of what might make your child feel safer. Better yet, have your child think up what he needs to feel more at home.

* Meet the counselors or parents. No matter how old your child is, do meet the camp counselors or parents face-to-face. You want to be sure they will be supervising the whole night and that they have your phone number handy. Clarify that if there are any problems you want to be called.

* Show him the activities. Other than finding one buddy to “hang with” the next thing researchers say will alleviate homesickness is involvement in an activity (tennis, crafts, kayaking, swimming, beading…anything). If you can get your child excited about one activity he will be more likely to feel a little more comfortable. And he’ll have something to look forward to doing.

* Have a positive send-off. Be cheerful and optimistic as you pack and get ready to go. Do wait until your child looks settled. Give her a big hug and kiss. Then leave. But researchers stress: “Don’t linger.”

* Breathe when the phone call comes. Homesickness is normal. It is far more prevalent with younger kids and those who have never been away from home. It is also common with college-aged kids. So don’t go thinking your child is not adjusted if you get that “MOM! I hate it here!” call. Instead, listen. Just listen. Telling her to get over it, or it will get better, doesn’t seem to work (says the research again). Don’t promise you’ll call her 50 times a day either. Bad move again, say researchers. You can tell her to call again tomorrow. Listen to the tone in her voice. Talk to the camp counselor (without her knowing). And then make your decision (can she wait it out – or it is better to pick her up?) based on your child.

* Downplay failure. So what if your kid doesn’t make it all through the night? If you want this to work in the long run, emphasize the positive accomplishment: “You stayed there two hours past your bedtime. That was much longer than last time.” Or: “It’s not a big deal. You’ll have lots of opportunities to spend the night at friends’ houses again.” There’s always next year!

What parenting secrets have you used to help your child feel more secure that first time away from home? Or what was your kid’s camping disaster that every parent should be warned about? Send me your parenting secrets!

Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them.

Cain and Abel
Paris and Nicky Hilton
Donny and Marie Osmond
Jack and Bobby Kennedy
Venus and Serena Williams
Alec, Daniel, William, and Stephen Baldwin

All are famous, all are well known, and all are siblings. But whether siblings are among the rich and famous, or just part of our own everyday lives, they do influence how we turn out. Ironically research about siblings has largely been ignored in child development. That is until now. (And that’s despite the fact that siblings actually spend more time together than with their parents!)

(Check out the video from the Today show!)

Over the last decade fascinating studies have revealed new insights about sibling relationships that just may be helpful in our parenting. We know that sibling rivalry is indeed normal. (Shouldn’t take rocket science to figure out that one, but at least we can alleviate guilt if our kids aren’t bosom buddies). We also know rivalry can last through adulthood and cloud our childhoods and that our sibs do influence our development. We also now know that those squabbles actually can help our kids learn to handle life better. (Click here for my tips to curb sibling bickering and halt homefront battles.)

Here are nine of the most interesting new research findings about sibling rivalry:

• Expect it! Studies show that one third of adults admit to having a rivalrous relationship with their sibs. Those squabbles and jealousies are normal and healthy to a certain extent. Investigations now show that minor sibling tiffs actually help kids learn to handle conflicts and deal with the outside world better.

• Deep down be more intentional. Researchers videotaped adolescents interacting with their parents. Though moms and dads adamantly denied having a favorite, their kids still named who was “the most loved sibling.” What’s more, when researchers analyzed the tapes, they could identify the favorite kid as well. Just a word to the wise: Tune in to your behavior. As much as we try to not show favoritism, studies reveal that kids do pick up our preferences. A quick quiz is to honestly ask yourself: “Do my eyes light up with the same intensity when you see each of your kids?” Enough said.

• Never compare! Research repeatedly finds that the top reason for sibling rivalry is when parents compare their children. Make this your sacred vow: Avoid comparisons and emphasize each child’s individual strengths instead.

• Don’t be too involved in those squabbles. The less involved you are in those sib tiffs the better. Your kids won’t use you as negotiator, rivalry will decrease (since they won’t accuse you of “taking sides”) and your kids will learn to rely on themselves to solve their own squabbles. While it’s absolutely fine to step in when you hear a blood-curdling cry (take it from a mom of three boys -- it cuts down dramatically on emergency room visits so please do) research also shows that kids see our involvement as “showing favoritism.” So step back.

• Keep up with the research! If you hear, “Toddlers are too young to be jealous!” don’t believe it. Texas Tech University researchers videotaped moms told to lovingly caress a doll. Their seven-month olds turned absolutely green-eyed! Babies are much more jealousy-prone and emotionally savvy than we ever suspected. Watch your coos (when directed towards another baby, anyway).

• Don’t overlook older sibs. Anthropologists discovered that cultures where there is far less sibling jealousy are those in which new babies are taken more in stride. Because our kids are generally raised in smaller households, a newborn becomes a “big deal”, and older sibs are more likely to feel left out. So if you want to reduce “older sibling jealousy,” researchers would tell you to make sure you and your guests don’t overlook your other children.

• Stress conflict resolution. Researchers visited the homes of 90 two-year-olds and watched how they got along with siblings. They revisited them as preschoolers and finally observed them at school. Those kids who practiced conflict-resolution skills at home (because their parents taught them how to solve their own problems!!!) carried those abilities into the classroom. So, teach your kids how to get along, so they can get along.

• Teach kids problem solving skills. Do teach your kids simple ways to solve their problems. Some of the best are “oldie but goodie” techniques that reduce squabbles such as: rock, paper, scissors; drawing straws, tossing a coin, oven timers (“You can use it until the timer goes off, then it’s my turn”), tossing a dice (“Highest number chooses first”). They are great sanity savers for now, but also teach beginning negotiation skills our kids will need for later.

Bottom line: Most siblings experience some degree of jealousy or competition, but it's the parents who play a major role in making children feel secure. Being a little more understanding, giving genuine praise and instilling confidence in children, can lead to a secure sibling relationship. The next time you’re hearing battle cries from your kids, pat yourself on the back. It’s normal! Now take a few deep breaths, and remind yourself to use the opportunity to teach your kids a few “get-along skills.” And do remember to enjoy the summer!

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.

I've been reading the sibling squabble sanity savers you've posted and I have to tell you I just love them! And the best part is that you offer solutions with great oldie-but-goodie ideas: simple, no-cost ideas that every mom can instantly use. Once you teach them to your kids they will use them forever to stop their own squabbles.

Here are the four best parenting secrets moms have passed on to stop their kids annoying sibling battles. (And thank you for sending them. I know other moms will appreciate them as well).

1. Teaching kids rock, paper, scissors to figure out who goes first
2. Purchasing an egg timer or oven timer so each kid gets the same amount of time (to watch the TV show or use the equipment or whatever)
3. Teaming kids up so they have to get along if they want the weekend activity
4. Laugh therapy - sitting on the floor together and laughing it out.

Thanks for passing them on!!! These are great, practical ideas we can all use.

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.

It’s time for the big family reunion or you’re doing the mini-version and spending the night with the kids at the relatives. Sounds like another happy family memory, right? That’s your vision anyway, until you pull into the driveway and your backseat cherubs start in: “When do we get to go home?” or “This is going to be so boring!” So how do you survive the visit with those out-of-town relatives your kids haven’t met? How do you stay overnight in someone else’s home (especially when they have white carpets and china figurines and have never had kids)? Here are a few sanity savers to help you survive family travel and actually have a good time:

Do your homework. Are any special activities planned so your kids can look forward to something (like a fishing trip or horseback riding)? If not, research what’s available --like a community swimming pool or a special art class—that you can take your kids to. And if Grandma has a swimming pool and your kids don’t swim, now is the time to set up those lessons.

Boost manners. Most kids need a “manners-tune up,” so don’t wait until you're pulling into the driveway for your review. Start practicing “please” and “thank you” and table etiquette at least two weeks before the reunion so you don’t die of mortification.

Make advance introductions. Your children will feel more secure if they know someone—anyone—before arriving. Use the electronic world to swap email addresses or digital photos so your kids can meet their long-lost cousins via email and learn their names.

Keep to your routine. Different time zones and new faces are tough for anyone, especially kids. Even if Aunt Mary serves dinner at eight, make sure your kids are fed at their regular time. Do pack snacks so your children don’t starve if escargot is served every night. Anticipate meltdowns if your toddler doesn’t get that nap or bedtime ritual. Stick to what your kids really do need to maintain decorum.

Pack some security. Make sure each child packs “can’t live without” items in their backpack: a favorite pillow, used nightlight, stuffed animal. A new flashlight to tuck under a child’s pillow can be reassuring when you sleep away from home.

Bring activities. You never know what’s available for your kids to occupy their day. So pack a duffle bag of things they can use to entertain themselves such as books, a new coloring book or drawing pad and crayons, a sticker book, or a basketball. Maybe you can introduce a hobby to your child as well as their cousins such as crocheting, beading, rock, bug, flower, or coin-collecting. Or bring along a welcome gift that everyone can do together like a Monopoly game, volleyball set, croquet, archery, or even horseshoes (so Grandpa can play with the kids).

Give advance warnings. Suppose you have a slow-to-warm-up kid who has a meltdown if approached too quickly, a “spirited” child who really needs to adhere to a strict bedtime schedule or a middle kid who is overly self-conscious about his new braces? If you do, give the relatives advance warning. Let them know about the best ways to help your child feel secure.

And if you have sanity savers that have worked for your family, please pass them on! I’m sure there are other moms who would appreciate your wisdom.

Happy and safe travels!!!

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.

Aren’t we there yet?
Why do we have to go on this dumb trip?
Mom, Kelly’s touching me!
Of course we want to take our kids on road trip adventures they’ll remember all their lives -- but then comes reality. Closed quarters with kids in a car for a long period of time is bound to spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Here are a few “sanity savers” to help you make your car trips a bit more pleasant for the kids as well as you.

1. Pack rations. Bring along non-messy snacks (watch the sugar content) and a small ice chest filled with bottle waters or boxed drinks.

2. Do lookouts. Challenge the kids to “look and find” something different every hour (or half-hour or every ten minutes) to pass the time away: a license plate from a different state; a different mammal, a church with a steeple, a tractor.

3. Bring a joke book. Appoint one child to be the “Comedian” who teaches the rest of the carload a different joke every fifteen minutes.

4. Hold a scavenger hunt. Ask your kids to brainstorm the one thing they want to collect each day. The item must be no-cost and something they must find. For example: a bird feather, a wild flower, or a pebble. Give each child a small box or folder to store the mementos.

5. Listen to books on tape. You can also download audiotapes into portable MP3 players so each child can listen to his own favorite story. Of course, music is always helpful as well.

6. Learn geography. Hang a map on the inside of the car. Your kids can mark their route with a marking pen and learn map skills tool.

7. Make frequent stops. Plan for little breaks and fun little outings. A quick game of Frisbee or a relay race can revitalize those kids.

8. Set car rules. “No hitting or yelling," "We'll rotate seats every day,” (or whatever rules you need to maintain sanity and safety in the car). Just lay down rules before starting off on that trip. For a severe infraction, pull over (after checking your rear-view mirror) and turn off the engine. Once your kids know you mean business, they usually resolve their problems. (Bring a good book just in case).

9. Designate packing. Give each child a small backpack to hold everything (besides clothes and medicine) they want to bring (teddy bear, small pillow, book, etch-a-sketch, MP3 player, sticker book). It should be able to fit at their feet in the car or be instantly accessible.

10. Make each child a photographer. Provide each child with an inexpensive camera to take a photo of the best daily memory. Give each a small scrapbook for their trip.

11. When all else fails, consider traveling at night or when your kids are napping. After all, it's your trip too!

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.

I always get a bit nostalgic around the Fourth of July because my husband, three sons and I always drove to a big family reunion on that holiday. I don’t know which was more memorable — the actual reunion or our eight-hour car trip to get there. But those hours stuck in the car together served as our time to reconnect. We’d sing those silly nonsense songs like “One hundred bottles of beer on the wall...” and “The ants go marching one-by-one…” until we couldn’t stand the lyrics. Then we’d play the license plate game and try to spot one from each state and beat our previous year’s number. We’d keep each year’s record on a ragged envelope stored in the glove compartment for the following year. About four hours into the drive, our middle son Adam would entertain us with knock-knock jokes. On one trip, he went two hours straight without repetition. How he stored that much trivia in his brain is still a mystery. When the kids got really bored, they’d start “mooing” at the cows along the road hoping to entice just one cow to look up and “moo” back. That was our summer road trip. Just doing silly fun stuff that became our family rituals.

Now don’t get me wrong -- our rides weren’t always smooth. The youngest usually got carsick mid-way, the other two inevitably broke into some kind of squabble, and about an hour from our arrival I’d switch seats to physically place myself between them to fend off World War III. But yesterday, when my neighbor described how she planned to survive her upcoming family road trip, I suddenly longed for those good ‘ol days.

The mom of three told me that she planned to survive the nine-hour car trip by purchasing a car DVD player and a stack of her kids’ favorite movies. She figured she’d pull into Grandma’s about the time her children finished the final movie. And she had a backup: each child also had an MP3 player and cell phone to chat with friends.

I know family road trips aren’t easy, but come on! Are our kids so used to being electronically entertained that they can’t spend a few hours just plugging into one another? What are your thoughts?

Later this week I promise to pass on Road Trip Sanity Savers to make your car trips a bit less hectic. Meanwhile, I’d love to hear from you. What Parenting Secrets keep your kids happy and content in the car?

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.