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Summer Sanity Savers:
Curb sibling bickering & halt homefront battles!
School is out and the kiddies are home for a few months of “blissful family togetherness.” That’s our dream anyway, until we flash back to last summer: “Mooommmm make Kara stop touching me!” or: “Can’t you put Sara up for adoption?”
Sound a bit more familiar? Well, you’re not alone. Sibling squabbles and tears are the reality in most families. But with just a little planning, night and day Blitzkrieg doesn’t have to be your summer memory. Here are a few summer sanity savers to help curb sibling battles:
• Identify the one issue that causes the most sibling friction and develop a battle plan. If it’s computer use, then set up a schedule and stick it on the screen. If it's sharing a closet, then create dividers. Stay on the offense and one step ahead of the kids.
• Set a “no tattling” rule: “Unless you are telling me something that will keep your brother out of trouble, I don’t want to hear it.” Then be consistent. It does wonders in curbing conflicts.
• Sometimes all that is needed is to acknowledge the hurt sibling’s feelings. Try it: “You’re hurt because your brother didn’t ask you to play.” Remember your kids don’t have to like each other (or even get along), but they do have to respect each other’s feelings.
• If convenient (and affordable), arrange some time apart: a different play date, a separate swim schedule, or a park class. Everyone (even kids!) needs privacy.
• Don’t play negotiator. Instead, teach your kids how to solve their own problems. The next time they come running, take a breath, bite your tongue, and say: “What’s one thing the two of you can do to solve that?” The sooner kids learn how to work out their own conflicts, the better.
These ideas curbed my own sons’ summer squabbles. But what works for you? I’d love to hear your own summer sanity saver ideas. (Meanwhile, do remember that it’s your summer, too!)
Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.
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My 2 boys used to constantly quarrel. To stop conflict I decided they would choose an activity they both liked for the weekends, if they fought during the week the activity would be cancelled. Thus they had to 'team-up' to do what they wanted. It works most of the time.
My 4 and 6 year olds fight over computer usage, over who gets to pick the TV show, and who gets to use a particuliar toy. To solve this, I bought an egg timer, and when they argue, I tell them to decide who gets the first turn, I set the timer for 30 minutes, and they switch when it goes off. You'd think they'd argue over who gets the first turn, but for some reason they always manage to work that part out okay. If your kids still fight over the first turn, just flip a coin.
A friend was telling me last night she uses the "laugh therapy" When her kids (8 year-olds) fight. They go and sit together on the floor or on her bed and they start laughing in crazy ways. Before long, they're all laughing for real and she's won a few minutes of happy time and getting the kids to stop fighting.
I've promissed myself I'd try this one as soon as my kids start fighting... which is probably when they get back from school this afternoon!
Well my kids have been at what I like to call war since my daughter was born. I call it war because no one wins. Now they are 9 and 11 and I solve all problems with rock paper sissors. It works for me. Actually they came up with it themselves. I also find at their ages that general theroies work too. Like they both know life is in fact not fair and I never said it would be. Treat others as you want to be treated. They get along better now than they ever have but I think that having friends and time apart from each other each day has alot to do with it.
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My stepchildren fights all the time the boy thinks that my husband if giving his sister all she wants and neglects him. I agree with him. And now they are both disrespect to me because i correct them of their wrong. I warned their father and I dont' think he sees past that he said its petty Please advise me what to do
I mean my husband is giving his daughter all she wants and her own way. His children are both disrespectful to be because I am not their mother. The brother does its because his sister does it. She is always angry stumps around the house. And we cannot afford that now. She threatens to commit suicide if she doesn't go to a private school. I think she wants her own way, I don't think the road she is taking is good for her future. Please advise me what to do. I am weary and can't put up with it any longer. This is affecting our marriage. I am no longer happy in the home sometimes I think of leaving but I love my husband and his children. I have one child for him, she talk back to me too because they do. If I tell her she is wrong she says se doesn't love me. Sorry about the mistakes about the first one. I
I have 2 kids and my b/f has one. The 2 oldest are 3 and 4, and the 3yo boy fights with my 4yo girl. The boy comes over on the weekends and it's nothing but trouble, he constantly fights with my daughter and We've tried everything to get him to stop his agressive behavior. We've talked to him, put in in time outs, seperated the 2 and it seems like nothing works. everytime he's bad we tryied to hard to get him to stop beating on my daughter and it seems like he's not getting it through his head that what he's doing is wrong. Please help! It's been going on for a year now and we just don't know what to do anymore