For nearly a century, child development experts have pondered just how much parents matter in how their kids turn out. This week, fresh new research hit the AP wires and the “nature vs. nurture” debate may finally be put to rest. The findings are profound: Firstborn sons have higher IQs than their younger brothers because of how they are raised. Wow! It seems they finally figured out that parents do make a difference after all!! This morning I talked about the study on Today, and here are some of the most interesting results, and how you can use them with your own children.

(Check out the video from the Today show!)

The study came from Norway lead by a psychologist, Petter Kristensen. Over the past decade Kristensen and a group of researchers meticulously analyzed IQ scores of 250,000 men. All the men took the IQ test when they were 18 or 19 years old and were required to do it as draftees entering the Norwegian army. The results found that the oldest child is smarter than the next oldest sibling by an average of 2.3 points, who in turn beat the third-born brother by 1.1 points. If the eldest child dies, the second sibling becomes the smartest one. That means it’s not just the birth order that’s boosting those IQ points, but the dynamics in the family and how the first born kid is treated. By the way, though no women were involved in the study, the researchers contend that the same results would happen for women.

While 2.3 points may seem measly, in today’s test-crazed society they can be just enough to give a child an academic edge. Those two points could be the difference between earning the grade of a B+ or an A; going to a state school or a university; or entry into a special educational program. Many schools these days require IQ tests and a score of 132 in order for a child to get into their gifted programs. A two-point lower score could mean the cut-off to entry.

So the real question is: How are we parenting our eldest children differently that’s giving them those added IQ points? That’s the best part. The parenting strategies are simple and doable. Here are four take-away tips from this important Norwegian study that you can use with your children.

1. Talk to your child. (And talk and talk and talk). One of the strongest correlations to IQ is a strong verbal ability. The best way to nurture your child’s verbal skills is by just plain talking and talking and talking to them. Researchers say we do that far more with the first child.

2. Focus on your child. Researchers contend that eldest children generally have higher self-esteem. They have stronger confidence and some of that is because they spend more uninterrupted time with us. There isn’t another sibling to compete with.

3. Treat your child as capable. We give our elder kids more responsibilities, and we just plain expect more of them at a younger age. How you are treated does become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Almost all American presidents and the first astronauts were the first born. First born kids are more likely to be leaders.

4. Let your child tutor his younger sibling. The eldest child has another benefit: he has a younger sibling to help. (“Will you show your sister how to turn on the computer?” “Can you help your brother with his reading?”) Teaching someone a skill not only helps the tutored but also helps the tutor. In fact, in many cases, the oldest child gains the most (IQ-wise anyway) from teaching his younger brother.

The bottom line in all this is that parents are their children’s best IQ boosters. So put down those flash cards and unplug those brainy baby tapes. You do make a difference in how your child turns out.

Now if we could just figure out a way to redefine success so we don’t get so crazed thinking it’s all about IQ. In the real world, research shows that IQ doesn’t make much of a difference in achieving success. What does matter: perseverance, confidence and goal-setting.

But what do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts on birth order and your kids!

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.

School is out and the kiddies are home for a few months of “blissful family togetherness.” That’s our dream anyway, until we flash back to last summer: “Mooommmm make Kara stop touching me!” or: “Can’t you put Sara up for adoption?”

Sound a bit more familiar? Well, you’re not alone. Sibling squabbles and tears are the reality in most families. But with just a little planning, night and day Blitzkrieg doesn’t have to be your summer memory. Here are a few summer sanity savers to help curb sibling battles:

• Identify the one issue that causes the most sibling friction and develop a battle plan. If it’s computer use, then set up a schedule and stick it on the screen. If it's sharing a closet, then create dividers. Stay on the offense and one step ahead of the kids.

• Set a “no tattling” rule: “Unless you are telling me something that will keep your brother out of trouble, I don’t want to hear it.” Then be consistent. It does wonders in curbing conflicts.

• Sometimes all that is needed is to acknowledge the hurt sibling’s feelings. Try it: “You’re hurt because your brother didn’t ask you to play.” Remember your kids don’t have to like each other (or even get along), but they do have to respect each other’s feelings.

• If convenient (and affordable), arrange some time apart: a different play date, a separate swim schedule, or a park class. Everyone (even kids!) needs privacy.

• Don’t play negotiator. Instead, teach your kids how to solve their own problems. The next time they come running, take a breath, bite your tongue, and say: “What’s one thing the two of you can do to solve that?” The sooner kids learn how to work out their own conflicts, the better.

These ideas curbed my own sons’ summer squabbles. But what works for you? I’d love to hear your own summer sanity saver ideas. (Meanwhile, do remember that it’s your summer, too!)

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.

Here's your Double Jeopardy question for the day: "What do Donald Trump, Rod Stewart, Kenny Rogers, Michael Douglas, David Letterman, Larry King, Paul McCartney and Kevin Costner all have in common?" (Hint: They share this commonality with a growing number of men. And no, it's not just that they are all male, wealthy and in the entertainment business). Give up? They all fathered children in their 50s, 60s or 70s, and that makes them all part of an interesting new trend in parenting.

Older dads are far more common and mainstream. A number of reasons for the increase are due mostly to society today: delaying marriage and child bearing to jumpstart that career; a high divorce rate, and then older men are marrying younger women. (Hmmmm. I’m not going there). The wonders of science and medical advancements have also increased our life expectancies. Men are simply living longer and many are deciding to start families later in life (think David Letterman). And there are more than a few men who are in a special category called “S.O.D.” (which stands for “Start Over Dads” though I’m sure their first wives might have another name for it), and starting a second family altogether.

The fascinating part is that research suggests that older dads are actually better at fathering. To be fair, this is such a new phenomenon and all the data isn’t complete, but there's enough for us to review and -- believe me -- have some very interesting discussions over. Here are just three of the most titillating findings about older dads:

Older Dads Are More Involved In Child Rearing. No more absentee dads here. These men are visible and want to be actively involved in raising Junior. And that is a huge plus to the kiddies. One of the highest correlations of children who do well in life is that they had actively involved fathers in their lives. Those kids generally have higher self-esteem, more confidence, are more secure, handle stress better, and display more empathy.

Older Dads Are More Nurturing. They are warmer, more generous with affection and more nurturing to their kids. Some of this may be due to a drop in testosterone levels, but regardless, they are mellower, more relaxed and appear to be much calmer in their parenting.

Older Dads Are More Willing To Share Child Responsibility. This one is sure to make mothers cringe (especially their first wives and children), but older dads also tend to share in more of the daily child-rearing tasks. In fact, they are three times more likely to do so than younger dads.

Now there are also disadvantages to fathering at an older age, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t include them. There are milder issues like the embarrassment when you’re introduced as “Grandpa” at those school events or trying to bond with other dads who are 20, 30, (or even 40 years younger). Scientific evidence also warns of more serious risks to the unborn of older fathers, including a rise in birth defects, dwarfism, autism, schizophrenia and pre-term birth. Health concerns with advancing age is also a risk. Many men admit that the possibility dying before their child grows up is their most pressing concern. Interviews with these fathers also point out that, although the “mortality issue” weighed heavily on them, their decision to have children was always a conscious, deliberate choice. (Amen on that one). The researchers concluded that older fathers for the most part are far more reflective about parenting than their younger counterparts.

Most of these older dads admitted that during their “first round of fathering,” they were too caught up in their careers and didn’t spend time with their children. Suddenly the kids were grown and they’d missed out on the most important role of their lives. They vowed not to make the same mistake again.

Whether or not you agree that men should father later in life, research shows that these older dads are taking their parenting role very seriously--and loving every minute of it. For the most part they are also more patient, nurturing, and more involved with their kids than younger fathers or when they were first-time dads themselves. It also appears that with age comes wisdom. I guess the real $64,000 question is: “Why does it take so long to figure out that what really matters most in life is savoring the time with our kids and making every moment count?”

Here are a few tips for older dads:

Be Sure To Introduce Yourself As the Dad. Just a firm, confident, “Hi, I’m the father of this great kid,” will do. Better to introduce yourself correctly than to have to point out that you’re not Grandpa.

Don't Stress The Stuff You Can't Do. Forget camping out in that pup tent with your child on those scouting overnighters. You’ll hate yourself the next morning. Playing those rough, quick games of hoops on the asphalt won’t do much for your knees either. Don’t stress over what you can no longer do with your child.

Focus On Activities You Can Share. Attend those musicals, ballgames, movies, and dinners with your kids. Find and do the things you will enjoy together.

Spend Quality Time Together. Kids really spell love as T.I.M.E. together. Keep doing what you’re already doing with your child. The most effective quality of a good parent is the relationship he has with his child.

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.

So here's your Double Jeopardy question for the day: "What do Donald Trump, Warren Beaty, David Letterman, Larry King, Paul McCartney and Kevin Costner all have in common?" (Hint: They share the commonality with a growing number of men. And no, it's not just that they are all male, wealthy and in the entertainment business).

Give up? They are all fathered children in their 50s, 60s or 70s, and that makes them all part of a new trend in parenting.

There are a number of reasons contributing to the rise of "older fathers" including delaying marriage, a high divorce rate (and remarrying), older men marrying younger women and a longer life-expectancy.

But what is interesting is that new research also finds that older men make better fathers! Here is just a few advantages researchers have uncovered: Older dads are mellower (hmmm), more involved with their kids, partake in more of the day to day child-rearing (this will make every mom with little ones cringe) and are more nurturing than their counterparts (that would be younger dads). But they are also more financially secure, have done all the career-climbing they want to do, and so they are taking their fathering role very seriously. In short, the majority of them also seem to be plain overjoyed to be fathers.

I'll be sharing more advantages and disadvantages of "older fathering" this Wednesday, June 4 at 8:20 am on the Today Show.

So what's your thoughts? What impact do you think an older dad has in fathering a younger child? What about the little issue called "Mortality" and perhaps not living to see your child grow up? Should that be factor into the decision to have a child at an older age? There are lots of things to think about.

I loved reading the research on this topic. I'll share more ideas and findings with you, but meanwhile I hope you tune in tomorrow morning to the Today show.

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.