Of course we love our kids, and we’ll do anything (and everything) for them. But the fact is we can’t lose sight of our own needs. It’s what helps us feel rejuvenated so we have the strength to nurture and guide our children. After all, isn’t what our kids really need is a genuine, healthy, and energized woman who enjoys not only her family, but also herself? When you find the time to nourish yourself, (whether it be your relationships, soul, body, or mind) your family will be more likely to appreciate the real you: an interesting, evolving, happier woman who not only loves them, but also life.

But a just-released Parenting magazine survey of almost 2000 moms found that most of them are not taking enough time for themselves. The editor of Parenting and I talked about the survey on the Today show. The two pieces of the survey that were “Hang on a minute!” were these:

• 96 percent of moms say we’re far more stressed than moms twenty years ago (that shouldn’t be any big surprise)

• 67 percent of moms also admit those moms of yesterday were also much happier than we are today.

Life is too short, Mom! If we can’t really be happy in the most important role of our lives, then maybe we need to change course a bit and find that balance. Are you with me?

The truth is we’re going ninety miles per hour 24/7. How can we possibly find time for ourselves in the constant treadmill-paced lives we lead? So how are you doing, Mom? Are you taking time for yourself? After all, the best way to take care of your kids is to take care of yourself.

Of course you can’t add more hours to a day to find that balance, so look for simple little minutes—anything—so you can reduce that stress and guilt, and take time for you. Here are seven simple ways moms tell me they use to gain a little more control over their lives so they are better prepared to take care of their families. (Come on, any amount of time is no time at all—even ten minutes a day!)

1. Check out that daily schedule. Are you always going-going-going and feel like your life is one long to-do list? Before you can create more balance in your life you must have an accurate idea of your typical week. So look at that Palm pilot, daytimer or calendar, and see what is really going on each day. Just cutting one thing in your weekly activity can make a tremendous difference in restoring balance. What one thing can you eliminate?

2. Say no and mean it. Write a reminder on an index card not to take on one more new task and tape it to your phone. Your new rule is: “First say no” (or at least you’ll have to call them back after you check your schedule). It can be a great time-saving strategy, because you’ll be less likely to impulsively commit yourself to things you really don’t have time for. I have to personally attest to this one. I was a “yes” person to just about everything, until I realized the things I was saying yes to I really didn’t want to do. So I made a new personal rule: “If the activity didn’t directly involve my kids, I didn’t do it. All of a sudden time opened up and I still had time for my children.

3. Start delegating. Why do all the work yourself? Share those household chores as a family. Besides a less-stressed you, there will be more time for your family and your kids will learn that great virtue called responsibility. Make sure to post a list of chores and the member responsible. Then don’t be so darn picky, Mom! If your kid doesn’t make his bed like a marine, let it go.

My girlfriend does something in her house called the “Five-minute family pick-up brigade” that gets all family members involved and instantly cleans the house. Each member (dad included) is assigned a room or area and given a broom, vacuum or dust rag. Mom sets a buzzer for five minutes and everyone runs off to clean things “spick and span” before the timer goes off. Susie swears it’s the perfect way to quickly put the house back in order before going to bed or if a guest is to arrive. I love that idea!

4. Exercise. If you really want to take better care of yourself, you know it’s essential to do a regular exercise routine. And no more excuses: you can do it alone, with your girlfriend or with your whole family. For instance, put the toddler in a stroller or the baby in a front back and walk each evening. Purchase bicycles for your kids and one for yourself and ride together; join a mother-daughter yoga class; or have your girlfriend come over each day, punch in that “Buns of Steel” tape, and go girl. Find anything that you can tolerate doing with your kids –exercise-wise that is—that gets you moving, then keep doing it.

5. Find time for one new thing. Decide what’s taking a back seat in your family (spirituality, intellectual stimulation, fun, together time, talking) then boost it. For instance, if you want to read more, then do it as a family. Set an evening reading time. Stash books in a basket or spread a blanket on the floor for read-alongs. Sure it’s hard when your kids are toddlers, but for school-aged kids, it can be wonderful. So what do you want to boost?

6. Date your significant other. Get a babysitter once a week (or twice a month)—and leave the kiddies at home. If you think going out sounds selfish, tell yourself you’re doing it for the good for your kids. Don’t put your marriage on the back burner. I mention this one, because the Parenting survey found a great majority of moms said they didn’t spend enough time with their husbands. Find time to date your husband, and tell the kids you’re doing it because you love them! (That’ll get them thinking!)

7. Get a support system. Friends do matter. In addition to everything else they bring to your life, friends can really help in reducing stress and restoring balance. Here are a few suggestions:

• Create your own Mommy and Me group. Find one other mom with kids about the same age as yours and then connect to do outings together like picking blackberries or attending the library read-aloud program. It’s healthy company for you and your kids.

• Start a book club. If you and your kids like to read, why not start a mother-daughter or mother-son book club? Instead of reading apart, you can enjoy each other’s company.

• Set up buddy lists. Why not set up a twenty-minute daily chat with your girlfriends online? You could stay connected without leaving home but also share healthy menus or ideas to tame your toddler’s tantrums.

The simple everyday example of working in the garden, taking that computer class, meditating, writing in your journal, talking with a friend, soaking in the tub, enrolling in an exercise class, dating your husband –teaches our children the importance of finding balance. It’s a lesson they’ll need when they finally leave our nests to live their lives. Let’s just make sure we are teaching the lesson of balance through our own lives. So what is the one thing you are going to do to regain balance in your life? So what’s stopping you? Get going!

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.

You're turned off by the wise-guy tone of your son's best buddy. You're concerned about the aggressive pal your three-year-old adores. You can't stand the come-hither look of your daughter's BFF. Or you fear the absolute worst: drugs, sex, trouble with the law. In a nutshell, you're not happy with your child's choice of friends. At what point should you fear that a pal could influence your own child's behavior and increase his chances of getting into trouble? And how should you intervene? Here are a few parenting secrets to help you navigate one of the tougher issues you might face when it comes to raising kids.

Ask questions and listen. Try to find out just why your child is attracted to this pal. The answer can be very enlightening: Is your child bullied and in need of protection? Has the clique just booted her? Is he lacking friends? Does that kid have video games you don't allow? The right questions -- calmly asked -- can help your child think the matter through and decide if this person is really a good friend. Halt the judgments, and gather the facts.

Make your house kid-friendly. It will help you get to know your child's friend. In addition to feeling more comfortable because you know where your kid is, you'll also be able to keep your ears open to determine if your concerns are really grounded.

Ask other adults. Talk to a parent, teacher or coach who knows the kid. Do they share your same concerns? The school counselor can often offer a different, fresh perspective.

Monitor closely. Stay in contact and know where your child is going at all times. (Kids are most likely to get into trouble between 3 and 6 p.m.) Also, try to get to know the pal's parents. Do they supervise their kids? How do their kids act with their parents?

Keep her busy. The best way to limit the time your child spends with an undesirable friend is to find other things for her to do. It doesn't always work, but arranging activities your child enjoys and filling her social calendar is worth a try.

Watch for red flags.The secret is to look for changes you've noticed since your child began hanging out with this companion. Have you noticed slipping grades, missed curfews, raunchy language, hitting, or a new level of defiance? Those are real red flags that this pal is becoming a negative influence.

Share your concerns. Instead of judging or criticizing your kid's companion (that's guaranteed to end the conversation), describe the changes you see (slipping grades, surly attitude). Then restate (again and again) your family rules and values, as well as consequences for unacceptable behavior.

Step in when serious issues emerge. If the pal is clearly a "bad influence," it's time to draw a halt to the relationship. This may be easier said than done. You might need to consider the extreme: a new school, a summer camp, a month at a relative's home, or even moving. In some cases extreme action may really be the only option to prevent a potential tragedy.

The Parenting Secret: Keep in mind that a kid is rarely "made bad" by another kid, but the friends your kid chooses to hang around with sure can increase the odds that he may--or may not--get into trouble. If this kid could damage your child's character, reputation, or health, it's time to step in.

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.

One of the biggest parenting dilemmas used to be choosing our kids' first names. We'd spend hours leafing through those thick baby books trying to find just the perfect one to fit our little one. These days that "Name Game" is far more complicated: many parents struggle with choosing the first and last name for their child. And that's because of the dramatic change in the concept of family.

More than half of all children will live in a single parent family at some point in their childhood. Many parents will remarry, and those vows often bring new members to the family (translation: your spouse's kids). But there are other family configurations as well: step families, blended families, adoption, same-sex parents, foster parents, single parents, moms using career names; divorced moms reverting to maiden names, and grandparents raising the kids. Those family tree school projects we did back in grade school sure would be a lot more complicated for some kids these days. "The Name Game Dilemma" has become so common, that the Today show asked me to offer parents advice on a recent segment.

If you are in this situation -- or about to be -- here are a few parenting secrets to help you make the best name choice for your child:

Think ahead. Remember, your child will probably carry that name at least until the age of eighteen (at which time he may choose to legally change it). So fast-forward to those school years and and think through any possible complications that might result from your name decision. Then choose what is best for your child both now and later.

Normalize the name difference early. Toddlers usually learn to say their first names around three years of age. That's also the best time to teach your child his last name and yours. Just be matter-of-fact and brief: "Your name is Sally Smith. Mommy's name is Laura Kelly." Then answer questions as they are asked. Young kids don't need lengthy explanations.

Explain your motive. If you choose to change your last name, explain your decision in simple terms your kids can understand. They can paraphrase your explanation to any who might ask why their name differs from yours. A divorced friend told her kids that she was taking back her maiden name because it was her birth name and had special meaning for her. No further explanation was needed: her kids were satisfied.

Visit the school. Whenever you enroll your child in a new school you must show legal documentation, including your child's birth certificate and guardianship papers. Make sure the documentation accurately reflects the name situation. Also, if your child has any special medical needs (i.e., peanut allergies, asthma) or requires prescribed medication, alert the school nurse and provide necessary emergency contact information for her as well.

Talk to the teacher. Teachers will call students by the legal name listed on their roster. If you want your child to be called by a different name, alert the teacher before your child enters her class. Otherwise you may have a distraught kid on your hands, wondering why the teacher is calling her by the "wrong name."

Alert significant caregivers. Any adult responsible for your child's safety (i.e., babysitters, scout leaders, coaches) should know your child's correct name. In case your child needs medical care, that caregiver needs authorized instruction, medical insurance, emergency contact names and, in some cases, proof of your legal guardianship. It might be a good idea for you to carry that information as well.

Travel with legal documentation. If you plan to leave the country with your children, always carry legal proof of guardianship, passports and birth certificates (even for Canada and Mexico). Custom agents will check those documents.

Have conviction. Whatever name route you choose--giving your child a different last name, hyphenating his parents' names, or allowing him to pull his parents' names from a hat (the only way one family could decide!), you should stick with your choice. If you are comfortable with your decision, chances are your child will be as well.

And if you're wondering if the whole issue really bothers kids, I did a little research on my own and interviewed dozens of children to get their perspectives. "Do you know kids whose last names are different from their parents?" I asked. "Sure," they answered. "Lots of them." Then I'd ask: "Do you think a different last name causes kids any problems?" And almost every child would look up with the same puzzled expression. "Why should it?" they'd respond. "What's the big deal?"

What is the big deal? Today's kids are growing up in a rapidly changing world, and seem to be handling the changes quite well. Safety, belonging, and acceptance are what our kids really care about. So keep that perspective, parents. After all, this is really only about a name.

THE PARENTING SECRET: There are really only three questions all children ask of their families: "Am I safe? Am I loved? Do I belong?" Strong families--regardless of size, income, or names -- provide those needs. So put your parenting energies on the things that count most in raising happy, secure and fulfilled kids.

Michele's latest book is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.