Parenting Secrets with Dr. Michele Borba : Blogs at iVillage.com
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These are tough times for us all, but they can be especially hard if you have kids. After all, a big part of parenting is about wanting our children to be happy and shielding them from the more painful parts of life. So when our child’s face crumbles because we can’t afford their birthday party, it’s hard. When our kids tear up because we have to say "no" to the sports gear, instrument or shoes they wanted, it’s tough. But when you lose your job, car, home, savings, or your child’s college education, it’s heart breaking because you know that your kids’ lives will change, too.
This financial crisis will affect each family a bit differently, but the key concern is: How will these tough times affect our kids? And for that we need to look at research:
Rond Conger, a psychology professor at the University of California, Davis and others conducted a 20 year study of 450[i] families with school-age kids hit hard by the severe Farm Belt Recession in 1980. They found that the emotional affects of financial woes on children can be considerable triggering depression, anxiety, adjustment problems and poorer peer relationships in the kids. But the researchers also found one critical nugget:
The parents’ constant conflicts, irritability and hostile exchanges over money matters was what greatly increased the likelihood of their children's emotional and behavior problems.[ii] The parents’ constant stress over their money matters also reduced their parenting abilities so the kids’ problems remained with them through adulthood.
There is an important parenting secret here: Recognize that how you act and what you say these next days, weeks or even months can affect your children’s emotional well-being not only now but long-term. While you may not be able to save your job or house, there are ways to help your family get through these tough times.
Here are my 10 Secrets to help your children handle this financial crisis:
This financial crisis will affect each family a bit differently, but the key concern is: How will these tough times affect our kids? And for that we need to look at research:
Rond Conger, a psychology professor at the University of California, Davis and others conducted a 20 year study of 450[i] families with school-age kids hit hard by the severe Farm Belt Recession in 1980. They found that the emotional affects of financial woes on children can be considerable triggering depression, anxiety, adjustment problems and poorer peer relationships in the kids. But the researchers also found one critical nugget:
The parents’ constant conflicts, irritability and hostile exchanges over money matters was what greatly increased the likelihood of their children's emotional and behavior problems.[ii] The parents’ constant stress over their money matters also reduced their parenting abilities so the kids’ problems remained with them through adulthood.
There is an important parenting secret here: Recognize that how you act and what you say these next days, weeks or even months can affect your children’s emotional well-being not only now but long-term. While you may not be able to save your job or house, there are ways to help your family get through these tough times.
Here are my 10 Secrets to help your children handle this financial crisis:
Continue reading 10 Secrets to Help Your Children Handle This Financial Crisis.
Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here
on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a
comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!
My daughter is almost three and has an incredible ear for music. She sings beautifully and recognizes songs after hearing them just once. She can also identify the same singer of different songs when she listens to the radio. We try to expose her to all kinds of music, and it makes sense to try to get as many instruments into our home, so we're working on that too. My questions: how best to develop this gift? And how to utilize her love of music to enhance her life in other ways too? --Anne
You have yourself a budding Mozart, eh? The best thing here is that you have identified your child's musical passion and gift. And because you have you can guide but not push her interest. That gift must be gently "drawn out." Luckily there is wonderful research by Benjamin Bloom who followed over 120 highly talented kids (music, art, science, athletics, etc) to find out what if anything helped nurture those talents. Some of those kids went on to win Pulitzer prizes, and even Olympic gold medals. Here are the key findings you might use:
1. Identify the child's NATURAL talent. Not one you hope she has, but one she actually does
2. Find fun, natural ways to nurture the talent. No skill and drill stuff. No flash cards. Fun experiences. A trip to the museum, instruments to make and play, listening to classical music, watching and reading about composers.
3. Find a "connecting" teacher. The first teacher or mentor always nurtured, not pushed, the talent. She instilled a love of the talent so the child was motivated to want to pursue the talent on her own
4. Go with your child's lead. Challenge, accelerate and guide only as you see that interest.
Only later (middle school on) was a stricter coach or more regimented teacher hired. But by then the child was so in love with the talent the parent couldn't stop the kid if she wanted to. (Think of some of those stories about Olympic athletes in Beijing. Michael Phelp's mom exemplified Bloom's research to the T.)
While a child may have the talent, research clearly show the right support of a parent is what helps him or her soar (or fail).
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Related Content:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
My daughter is almost three and has an incredible ear for music. She sings beautifully and recognizes songs after hearing them just once. She can also identify the same singer of different songs when she listens to the radio. We try to expose her to all kinds of music, and it makes sense to try to get as many instruments into our home, so we're working on that too. My questions: how best to develop this gift? And how to utilize her love of music to enhance her life in other ways too? --AnneYou have yourself a budding Mozart, eh? The best thing here is that you have identified your child's musical passion and gift. And because you have you can guide but not push her interest. That gift must be gently "drawn out." Luckily there is wonderful research by Benjamin Bloom who followed over 120 highly talented kids (music, art, science, athletics, etc) to find out what if anything helped nurture those talents. Some of those kids went on to win Pulitzer prizes, and even Olympic gold medals. Here are the key findings you might use:1. Identify the child's NATURAL talent. Not one you hope she has, but one she actually does
2. Find fun, natural ways to nurture the talent. No skill and drill stuff. No flash cards. Fun experiences. A trip to the museum, instruments to make and play, listening to classical music, watching and reading about composers.
3. Find a "connecting" teacher. The first teacher or mentor always nurtured, not pushed, the talent. She instilled a love of the talent so the child was motivated to want to pursue the talent on her own
4. Go with your child's lead. Challenge, accelerate and guide only as you see that interest.
Only later (middle school on) was a stricter coach or more regimented teacher hired. But by then the child was so in love with the talent the parent couldn't stop the kid if she wanted to. (Think of some of those stories about Olympic athletes in Beijing. Michael Phelp's mom exemplified Bloom's research to the T.)
While a child may have the talent, research clearly show the right support of a parent is what helps him or her soar (or fail).
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Related Content:
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
What exactly makes a “gifted” child? The definition of gifted continues to be hotly debated. To date, there is no single agreed-upon definition. What is agreed is that high intelligence exists and it may be expressed in many different ways. Gifted children include persons from all ethnic groups and lifestyles and not merely “privileged environments.”
Watch the segment from TODAY
Parents are usually the first to recognize a child’s giftedness quite early. Truly gifted kids are different. Their driving force is their brain—and it is fundamental to everything about them.
Typically, to be identified as “gifted” by a school district, the child must be given an individual IQ test by a certified psychologist. The child may be gifted in only certain areas (language or verbal abilities or music), or exceptional in math but not in language.
Typically, to be identified as “gifted” by a school district, the child must be given an individual IQ test by a certified psychologist. The child may be gifted in only certain areas (language or verbal abilities or music), or exceptional in math but not in language.
IQ tests generally have the following criteria:
- An IQ test measures potential broadly and some ability areas specifically
- An achievement test that measures what the child expresses he has learned so far
- An IQ score of 130 is usually used as a cut-off score for gifted. A gifted child typically has mental abilities in the upper 2.5 to 3 percent of the population
- Gifted philosophy. The staff understands gifted children and their needs, is regularly trained in gifted education and has a clear plan to help each child reach his potential.
- Acceleration & enrichment. A challenging curriculum that stretches the child’s mind (and is still based on realistic expectations).
- Multiple options & flexibility. The curriculum should be flexible to fit the child’s academic needs and provide the opportunity for the child to study a topic in depth.
- Sound identification process. How does the school identify gifted children? Ideally the process should not be based on just one test score but also take into consideration teacher recommendations and clearly talented and exceptional children.
- Matches your child’s needs. Can you see your child in this setting? Would he be comfortable and get along with the other kids and this teacher? Is there a guidance component to help your child “fit” in or handle his perfectionist tendencies and highly sensitive traits?
Continue reading Is My Child Gifted?.
The topic of "gifted children" sure hit a cord with many of you. My email box is loaded with questions. I'll try to answer as many of your questions as possible here on my blog. Read through some of these questions, and feel free to leave one of your own for the future.
Both my husband and I were in gifted programs in school and our 2 year old is already showing signs of being gifted as well. She can spell her first name, count to 10, identify colors and shapes and sort by multiple criteria such as "Show me the three yellow stars" or "8 red circles". We don't push her but we don't want her to waste this gift either. How do we know when to back off and when to proceed? --Erika
Both my husband and I were in gifted programs in school and our 2 year old is already showing signs of being gifted as well. She can spell her first name, count to 10, identify colors and shapes and sort by multiple criteria such as "Show me the three yellow stars" or "8 red circles". We don't push her but we don't want her to waste this gift either. How do we know when to back off and when to proceed? --Erika
Continue reading Gifted Children: Are we pushing too hard?.
The topic of "gifted children"
sure hit a cord with many of you. My email box is loaded with
questions. I'll try to answer as many of your questions as possible
here on my blog. Read through some of these questions, and feel free to
leave one of your own for the future.
My child attends a Montessori school (3yrs old) and I know that she is gifted. They just started a primary school and asked that I keep her in the program instead of going to public school and I am wondering which do you think would help her. Socially she is doing great, but she is a little sensitive. I just want her to be in the best place to encourage her to learn. --Dana
My child attends a Montessori school (3yrs old) and I know that she is gifted. They just started a primary school and asked that I keep her in the program instead of going to public school and I am wondering which do you think would help her. Socially she is doing great, but she is a little sensitive. I just want her to be in the best place to encourage her to learn. --Dana
Continue reading Gifted Children: Public or private school?.
