Parenting Secrets with Dr. Michele Borba : Blogs at iVillage.com
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Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!
I know it's important for my child to brush his teeth, but it causes the biggest bathroom battle and he makes up the most outrageous excuses: “My toothbrush flew away,” and “There's a hole in the sink.” There has to be some kind of simple solution to get my kid to brush his teeth. Help!
Fifty percent of five and nine-year olds will have a cavity or filling. We know that oral health is important, but despite our best efforts nearly half of parents polled say they experience resistance from their kids to brush their teeth. Here are solutions to curb annoying bathroom battles, teach good oral hygiene habits and even make it fun.
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Get more info from TODAY on iVillage
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
I know it's important for my child to brush his teeth, but it causes the biggest bathroom battle and he makes up the most outrageous excuses: “My toothbrush flew away,” and “There's a hole in the sink.” There has to be some kind of simple solution to get my kid to brush his teeth. Help! Fifty percent of five and nine-year olds will have a cavity or filling. We know that oral health is important, but despite our best efforts nearly half of parents polled say they experience resistance from their kids to brush their teeth. Here are solutions to curb annoying bathroom battles, teach good oral hygiene habits and even make it fun.- Set an example. Kids learn faster if you show the proper way to do a task, so don't overlook taking time to show your child proper oral hygiene habits. Then model good oral hygiene care yourself.
- Let your child choose. Seek floss and colorful, musical toothbrushes with playful designs tailored to your child's mouth size. Some kids are sensitive to tastes and smells so make sure the toothpaste passes his taste bud standards. If he still gags, try a tooth brushing powder.
- Show him how. Teach how to use only a pinky fingernail-size dab of toothpaste (too much makes kids gag). Battery-operated toothbrushes ensure kids brush in circular motions. A young kid can pretend his toothbrush is a train so he slides his brush over the “teeth” tracks while making fun train noises. If he still rushes, use a post-brush rinse product like Listerine Smart Rinse that can provide an extra dose of cavity-fighting fluoride. (It also tints any remaining particles in a child's mouth so that she'll see them when she spits in to the sink and realize she needs to do a better cleaning job the next time).
- Add time-keepers. Most kids don't brush the full dentist-recommended two minutes, so have your kid sing the Birthday Song three times, count backwards from 120 or set a timer for two minutes.
- Create a routine. Predictability helps kids form habits so have your son brush at the same time morning (like right after breakfast) and night (when he puts on his pajamas) so it becomes a ritual. Younger kids love plopping stickers on a chart (or bathroom mirror) each time they brushed.
- Be persistent. Tooth decay is one of the most common chronic infectious diseases among American kids these days, so do insist your kid brushes. Remember, that though bottled water is a great alternative to sodas and fruit drinks, it doesn't have cavity-preventing fluoride like most tap water. And if your child still uses those toothbrush excuses, use the “Ancient Parent Test”: insist he give you a great big breath so you can check to see if he really did brush. If not, send him back to the bathroom.
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Get more info from TODAY on iVillage
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here
on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a
comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!
I have a five-year-old son. Is he old enough to play contact sports?
No! Before I get hit with an avalanche of emails from ticked off fathers, I might add that the American Academy of Pediatrics, hundreds of coaches as well as my buddy, Cal Ripken, Jr. agree as well. Here are the reasons:
Five-year-olds are just too darn young for organized sports. It isn’t until at least age six or seven when most experts agree kids have long enough attention spans to listen to directions and play by the rules as well being able to combine more than one skill (like throwing and catching; tackling and running).
The years between two to five are when kids – particularly boys – are most aggressive. Contact sports teaches kids to kick, punch and “kill” –instead of what most coaches says kids should be learning at those ages: skills, sportsmanship, and getting along as a team. Besides, your child stands the risk of being hurt.
You run the risk in any contact sport—at any age—of pushing competition and “win-win-win.”
Those early ages should focus on enjoyment, fun, and love of the game. We’re seeing over 70% of kids quitting organized sports around the age of 13 these days. Number one reason: “I don’t enjoy it. My parents wanted me to play it.”
If your child really shows an interest in an organized sport—most don’t at this age—think tee ball or soccer and, even then, make sure the coach is encouraging and believes that teaching beginning skills (like throwing, catching, and kicking) and instilling the love of the game is more important than the score.
Each kid is different and develops at his or her own pace. So maybe there is the chance you have a budding Joe Namath on your hands. But even so, the real question always should be: “Where is the push coming from?” Is this your interest or your child’s?
P.S.- If your goal is to hoping to create a future Reggie Bush or Joe Montana by giving your kid a jump-start on the field, chances are your attempt will backfire. The best study of talented kids (those cream of the crop type athletes, artists, musicians, actresses, etc) found their parents deliberately didn’t push the talent in those early years but instead placed them with nurturing teachers and coaches who helped instill in them a love of the game or interest. It was only when the child reached middle school or high school level that a teacher started to gently “push” the child with more rigorous practices. But by then the child loved the game and wanted to work hard.
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
I have a five-year-old son. Is he old enough to play contact sports?
No! Before I get hit with an avalanche of emails from ticked off fathers, I might add that the American Academy of Pediatrics, hundreds of coaches as well as my buddy, Cal Ripken, Jr. agree as well. Here are the reasons: Five-year-olds are just too darn young for organized sports. It isn’t until at least age six or seven when most experts agree kids have long enough attention spans to listen to directions and play by the rules as well being able to combine more than one skill (like throwing and catching; tackling and running).
The years between two to five are when kids – particularly boys – are most aggressive. Contact sports teaches kids to kick, punch and “kill” –instead of what most coaches says kids should be learning at those ages: skills, sportsmanship, and getting along as a team. Besides, your child stands the risk of being hurt.
You run the risk in any contact sport—at any age—of pushing competition and “win-win-win.”
Those early ages should focus on enjoyment, fun, and love of the game. We’re seeing over 70% of kids quitting organized sports around the age of 13 these days. Number one reason: “I don’t enjoy it. My parents wanted me to play it.”
If your child really shows an interest in an organized sport—most don’t at this age—think tee ball or soccer and, even then, make sure the coach is encouraging and believes that teaching beginning skills (like throwing, catching, and kicking) and instilling the love of the game is more important than the score.
Each kid is different and develops at his or her own pace. So maybe there is the chance you have a budding Joe Namath on your hands. But even so, the real question always should be: “Where is the push coming from?” Is this your interest or your child’s?
P.S.- If your goal is to hoping to create a future Reggie Bush or Joe Montana by giving your kid a jump-start on the field, chances are your attempt will backfire. The best study of talented kids (those cream of the crop type athletes, artists, musicians, actresses, etc) found their parents deliberately didn’t push the talent in those early years but instead placed them with nurturing teachers and coaches who helped instill in them a love of the game or interest. It was only when the child reached middle school or high school level that a teacher started to gently “push” the child with more rigorous practices. But by then the child loved the game and wanted to work hard.
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
There’s something about summer that just puts parents into Fear Factor Mode. One part is because we have that “Happy Days” image that the next few months will be just plain wonderful -- a lazy, hazy, glorious kind of summer the kids will remember fondly for the rest of their lives. About two weeks into the summer we get hit with a heavy dose of Reality 101: The kids are still around, they expect to be entertained 24-7, the neighborhood has chosen your house as Grand Central, and the schools don’t open for another two months.
I asked you for your most pressing summer parenting questions, and you delivered!
I have 2 children in grade school. They are so scheduled during the school year that I worry they will go bonkers without all the scheduled activities during the summer. They tend to get very restless and constantly say, "I'm bored!" when there are plenty of things to do at home or around the neighborhood. Any idea of how to keep them occupied and happy without turning myself into a school teacher?
-- Kathy
What about making it your goal to help your kids learn to enjoy unstructured time? What would they do instead? Well, what about looking at the clouds? Experiencing what grass feels like between their toes? Watching a ladybug fly from flower to flower? Face it, their lives are so pressure-packed with laundry lists that emphasize their intellectual development that I fear many don’t know how to do the greatest skill of all—just enjoy life!
My first bit of advice: Ease the guilt. Learning to handle unscheduled time is the one lesson most of our kids are flunking. See this summer as an opportunity to help your kids learn those crucial life skills like creative thinking, resourcefulness and problem-solving that you can’t learn when everything is so programmed and supervised.
My second piece of advice: Reframe how you see your parenting role these next weeks. Your job is not to have to play “social director” all summer long. You can still make this summer fun.
Here are unstructured possibilities that go beyond the usual summertime activities (like camp, soccer practices, sleepovers, scout-a-ramas, art, music, and computer lessons) that may be even more beneficial for our kids.
I asked you for your most pressing summer parenting questions, and you delivered!
Watch the segment from TODAY
One of the biggest problems parents seem to have is the transition from the scheduled school year to the unscheduled summer free-for-all. Here is one question about that from Kathy.
I have 2 children in grade school. They are so scheduled during the school year that I worry they will go bonkers without all the scheduled activities during the summer. They tend to get very restless and constantly say, "I'm bored!" when there are plenty of things to do at home or around the neighborhood. Any idea of how to keep them occupied and happy without turning myself into a school teacher?-- Kathy
What about making it your goal to help your kids learn to enjoy unstructured time? What would they do instead? Well, what about looking at the clouds? Experiencing what grass feels like between their toes? Watching a ladybug fly from flower to flower? Face it, their lives are so pressure-packed with laundry lists that emphasize their intellectual development that I fear many don’t know how to do the greatest skill of all—just enjoy life!
My first bit of advice: Ease the guilt. Learning to handle unscheduled time is the one lesson most of our kids are flunking. See this summer as an opportunity to help your kids learn those crucial life skills like creative thinking, resourcefulness and problem-solving that you can’t learn when everything is so programmed and supervised.
My second piece of advice: Reframe how you see your parenting role these next weeks. Your job is not to have to play “social director” all summer long. You can still make this summer fun.
Here are unstructured possibilities that go beyond the usual summertime activities (like camp, soccer practices, sleepovers, scout-a-ramas, art, music, and computer lessons) that may be even more beneficial for our kids.
Continue reading Q&A: De-scheduling Your Kids For Summer.
Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here
on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a
comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!
I work at a summer camp and I was wondering what age is a good age to enroll my daughter in a camp for the summer?
I’m guessing that you’re experiencing a lot of kids who aren’t necessarily “happy campers” who aren’t ready to be off on their own. The basic rule to sending a kid to any camp is: “Be sure the kid is ready.”
Most experts feel that age eight is when a child is ready for a summer camp. Most parents feel kids are ready for their first overnight by age seven. Even then, there is no magic age when your child is emotionally ready to be away from home. Even she begs to spend a few hours or the night away, she may not be ready.
Here are a few basic questions to help gauge whether your child is ready to venture forth without you for just a sleep-over let alone a away at a camp:
Even with all that advance prep, research shows that things aren’t always “total bliss.” Up to 80% of kids who go to sleep-away camp miss something about home, so don’t be surprised if you get that “Mooommmmm, come pick me up now!” call.
The good news is that the majority of those pangs do ease over the next two or three days. The best way to gauge how well your child is doing is to ask a simple question. “How homesick have you been feeling?” Most parents assume it will worsen the symptoms when, on the contrary, researchers find it actually puts you in a better position to hear where your child is coming from and check-in on his emotional state. Then you can decide if he can make it a bit longer or does need to be rescued.
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
I work at a summer camp and I was wondering what age is a good age to enroll my daughter in a camp for the summer?
I’m guessing that you’re experiencing a lot of kids who aren’t necessarily “happy campers” who aren’t ready to be off on their own. The basic rule to sending a kid to any camp is: “Be sure the kid is ready.”Most experts feel that age eight is when a child is ready for a summer camp. Most parents feel kids are ready for their first overnight by age seven. Even then, there is no magic age when your child is emotionally ready to be away from home. Even she begs to spend a few hours or the night away, she may not be ready.
Here are a few basic questions to help gauge whether your child is ready to venture forth without you for just a sleep-over let alone a away at a camp:
- Is your child sleeping in her own bed through the night or is she climbing in with you at two o’clock in the morning?
- Does she have any problems separating from you when she goes to day care, the baby-sitters or school?
- Does your child get along with this kid (and their parents) well enough to spend a whole night together? Or what would be considered a twelve-hour play date?
- Has she successfully made it through the night at a close friends or relatives?
- Do you think your child is really ready for this experience?
- Is this something my child wants to do or is it what I hope she will do?
Even with all that advance prep, research shows that things aren’t always “total bliss.” Up to 80% of kids who go to sleep-away camp miss something about home, so don’t be surprised if you get that “Mooommmmm, come pick me up now!” call.
The good news is that the majority of those pangs do ease over the next two or three days. The best way to gauge how well your child is doing is to ask a simple question. “How homesick have you been feeling?” Most parents assume it will worsen the symptoms when, on the contrary, researchers find it actually puts you in a better position to hear where your child is coming from and check-in on his emotional state. Then you can decide if he can make it a bit longer or does need to be rescued.
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here
on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a
comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week!
Do you believe in "sensory processing disorder?" My 6 year old is a happy and cooperative kid at home and at school but when he's at violin lessons, he becomes very hyper and uncooperative. I was told he needs occupational therapy because he's "sensory seeking." The OT tested him and agreed. Isn't he just acting up because he doesn't want to be there after a long day at school? This sensory disorder business sounds like a load of hooey to me.
--Judy Barnes
Well, well. I have to start by explaining my background so you know where I’m coming from. I’m a former special education teacher who has taught just about every spectrum disorder there is and had a private counseling center for a while. My doctorate is in educational psychology and counseling and I’ve worked with thousands of parents and their kids. I say all that because I think too often kids these days are “over-labeled” and “over diagnosed.” There are clearly times when children do need labels to help them get the treatment they need so they can survive and thrive. But don't just throw on the label for the label sake. So how do you know when a child does need the label?
I tell parents to use four factors when trying to figure out if a problem is “normal” or too far out and needs some kind of “diagnosis” or “label.” So think about these and your son.
Four Factors To Determine If Your Child Needs a Diagnosis or Label
So add up those factors Mom. None of those four factors are red flags. In fact, you yourself don’t think there’s anything wrong. (I swear the “Mom Gut Instinct Factor “ is the most telling.)
You have a HAPPY kid who is cooperative and from what you say is doing well in other areas of life. Yes? The only thing he isn't happy about is playing the violin--or at least having to play it after a long day of school.
My advice, stick to your instinct. Maybe change instruments? But forego the darn diagnosis. If the problem crops up in other areas and he struggles and changes his cooperative demeanor, then and only then do you worry.
There! Go hug your son. (Sounds like a great kid by the way.)
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
Do you believe in "sensory processing disorder?" My 6 year old is a happy and cooperative kid at home and at school but when he's at violin lessons, he becomes very hyper and uncooperative. I was told he needs occupational therapy because he's "sensory seeking." The OT tested him and agreed. Isn't he just acting up because he doesn't want to be there after a long day at school? This sensory disorder business sounds like a load of hooey to me.--Judy Barnes
Well, well. I have to start by explaining my background so you know where I’m coming from. I’m a former special education teacher who has taught just about every spectrum disorder there is and had a private counseling center for a while. My doctorate is in educational psychology and counseling and I’ve worked with thousands of parents and their kids. I say all that because I think too often kids these days are “over-labeled” and “over diagnosed.” There are clearly times when children do need labels to help them get the treatment they need so they can survive and thrive. But don't just throw on the label for the label sake. So how do you know when a child does need the label?I tell parents to use four factors when trying to figure out if a problem is “normal” or too far out and needs some kind of “diagnosis” or “label.” So think about these and your son.
Four Factors To Determine If Your Child Needs a Diagnosis or Label
- “The Family Factor”: Is your home life compromised and everyone is walking on eggshells because of this family member?
- “The Struggle Factor”: Is your child’s problem getting in the way of his happiness and ability to function in life?
- “The Gut Instinct Factor”: Do you feel deep down that something is not right with your child?
- “The Duration Factor”: The problem has persisted or even increased over a long period of time and every normal child rearing solution hasn’t worked. Despite your efforts, your child is suffering and it’s carrying over to different elements of his life.
So add up those factors Mom. None of those four factors are red flags. In fact, you yourself don’t think there’s anything wrong. (I swear the “Mom Gut Instinct Factor “ is the most telling.)
You have a HAPPY kid who is cooperative and from what you say is doing well in other areas of life. Yes? The only thing he isn't happy about is playing the violin--or at least having to play it after a long day of school.
My advice, stick to your instinct. Maybe change instruments? But forego the darn diagnosis. If the problem crops up in other areas and he struggles and changes his cooperative demeanor, then and only then do you worry.
There! Go hug your son. (Sounds like a great kid by the way.)
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
